Smacking Your Child.

[Andy Shandy]

Misread this as smoking your child. Now my imagination has gone in ways not relevant to the thread at hand...singing too loudly in the car?

420BLAZETHEBABY

...

Uh, anyway, no I wouldn't smack my hypothetical child.

Besides the parent venting their frustration I can't think of any benefit, and if your best way of venting is hitting your own flesh and blood then I think there may be other issues at play.

 

[Worgen]

Really all hitting a kid does is make you feel better. Because who doesn't want to hit a kid?

 

[Redryhno]

Really all hitting a kid does is make you feel better. Because who doesn't want to hit a kid?

I've always been in the "shoot 'em or run the fuck away" camp myself. Absolutely terrified of kids, to the point I start thinking about looking for a new place to shop when I see one.

I could've been a REALLY fucking annoying kid, but you learn when you're held down for an hour that you probably shouldn't be acting that way, gets in the way of your own fun. So yeah, I'm all for smacking a kid, I'm all for smacking an adult when they're being pricks as well. Gets 'em ready for when the schoolyard comes into play too(which it will, for everyone at some point there was that one asshole that wouldn't leave you alone).

I mean, what is the alternative, constantly negotiate with a screaming brat? Letting them get their way every time? Allow them to cry themselves out? Sorry, but if they're going to cry, I'm either going to help them cut peppers without gloves and not tell them to rinse their hands, or do something for them to realize that doing that for no good reason is a detriment to them in some form. Whether that's pulling their ears, hitting their butts with a light cutting board, or just tying them to their beds and telling them they'd better get acquainted with their imaginations, because I'm not going to be talking to them while I sit in the corner for an hour with earplugs in.

Edit: reading this again, it wasn't clear that I was joking on most of this, but my basic feelings I think are plain.

 

[Elvis Starburst]

I wouldn't say it's the best deterrent. I got spanked when I was a kid at times, and sometimes had a bar of soap ran over my tongue. Not the most fun. It wasn't often, but when I was being an absolute shit, it happened. Like some have mentioned though, it's how these punishments came across. My dad would be red faced most of the time. He wasn't an angry man. I was just a pain in the ass sometimes. It did deter me a little, but not enough. And when I got into trouble, all it did was make me feel terrified about going to my parents with anything. It's why I went to my mother more often than my father. She took things a bit more calmly. Needless to say, it made me a little scared of my father until I was maybe 14-15 or so.

I have a memory of one time I back talked my father once, cause I was mad, and so was he. He yelled at me to sit down, and I started getting upset. My mom was there too. She saw him grabbing a belt from his closet. She grasped onto him, crying and pleading not to take it that far. That memory isn't going away any time soon. That really cemented my fear of going to him for anything bad I did. I sometimes pleaded dearly, crying and panicking to my mother not to tell him what I did wrong.

It wasn't a good thing for me. I do have a few social issues as well via a minor disability, so it didn't help me in understanding the punishment. It just made me scared. I turned out good in the end though, and me and my dad are really, really close. I know he didn't do it to hurt me. I just sometimes wish it was handled a little more calmly, so I didn't have to sit in my room scared bout him learning anything bad I did. Love him to hell and back, though.

 

[Iwata]

I got smacked once in my entire life by my mother, and I totally had it coming.

I have never smacked my daughter and never came across a situation where I figured it'd be needed.

There's plenty of ways to educate your child that don't involve physical violence. If it gets to that point, it means that you failed as a parent somewhere along the way.

 

[Worgen]

Really all hitting a kid does is make you feel better. Because who doesn't want to hit a kid?

I've always been in the "shoot 'em or run the fuck away" camp myself. Absolutely terrified of kids, to the point I start thinking about looking for a new place to shop when I see one.

I could've been a REALLY fucking annoying kid, but you learn when you're held down for an hour that you probably shouldn't be acting that way, gets in the way of your own fun. So yeah, I'm all for smacking a kid, I'm all for smacking an adult when they're being pricks as well. Gets 'em ready for when the schoolyard comes into play too(which it will, for everyone at some point there was that one asshole that wouldn't leave you alone).

I mean, what is the alternative, constantly negotiate with a screaming brat? Letting them get their way every time? Allow them to cry themselves out? Sorry, but if they're going to cry, I'm either going to help them cut peppers without gloves and not tell them to rinse their hands, or do something for them to realize that doing that for no good reason is a detriment to them in some form. Whether that's pulling their ears, hitting their butts with a light cutting board, or just tying them to their beds and telling them they'd better get acquainted with their imaginations, because I'm not going to be talking to them while I sit in the corner for an hour with earplugs in.

Edit: reading this again, it wasn't clear that I was joking on most of this, but my basic feelings I think are plain.

Hitting will have an effect once or twice, maybe. But more than that and your just showing the kid the limit and teaching them that its not only alright to hit those smaller than them, but feels good too. Still though, even "having" to do it once means somethings gone wrong, you've already fucked something up.

 

[kitsunefather]

I don't smack my son, but I do occasionally playfully swat him in the back of the head, and he does to me.

My parents were on the spank train, and all it really got them was me being better at lying to them to avoid spankings, or me learning to sell the reaction better so they'd think they got their point across. The most effective discipline I've found is a quiet, stern talk. This will likely change, however, when he hits 10+.

 

[lacktheknack]

You know your kid better than anyone else, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

If you put a bit of brainpower into it, you KNOW what discipline works and what doesn't on your kid, specifically.

It's not popular, but you know what discipline worked better on me than anything else? A spanking. It made me listen and I tried to do better next time. This never happened if a toy was taken from me or I was lectured at.

I don't understand why the world acts like it's full of parents like the ones from Trainspotters. Parents love their kid in a deeper and more powerful way than you will EVER get (until you have one of your own, anyways). It's not about how it makes you feel as the spanker. It's not about making the kid fear you. It's about administering a proportional discipline to fit the crime. Anyone who loses sight of that is a bad parent, end of.

A good parent who knows their kid and can administer a swat that causes pain without injury is free to do so as they see fit. The end.

 

[infohippie]

I think it depends on your definitions a lot. Obviously full-on beating your child is completely unacceptable, and I don't think an old-fashioned spanking is effective, either. However I firmly believe there are times that a light swat across the hand or butt gets the point across more effectively than anything else.

 

[White Lightning]

I've never believed that time outs and groundings or taking your kids stuff ever worked. The only kids it works on are dumb ones, plain and simple. I'd go as far to say that if your kid can't find a way around those forms of punishment you raised a moron.

When I was told I couldn't play games after school I followed it for a day, then figured out a way around it. I just told my parents I had to stay late after school, then I just went to a friends house and played with them for a bit before going home. I don't know about your situation but my parents had to work a lot so they couldn't always keep track of my shenanigans. That's just one example, I've got tons more.

Fact of the matter is the only time I ever listened was when I knew I was gonna smacked for not listening.

 

[Redryhno]

Hitting will have an effect once or twice, maybe. But more than that and your just showing the kid the limit and teaching them that its not only alright to hit those smaller than them, but feels good too. Still though, even "having" to do it once means somethings gone wrong, you've already fucked something up.

Debatable, it really depends on the kid. Me, I was stubborn, but knew how to act to avoid the punishment, and then just sorta mellowed out. My girlfriend though? Uh-uh, she liked being a troublemaker(possibly because she was the baby by like ten years in her family until we were like 15 and her brother was another surprise for them, I think...I never asked her parents), so she got a few kid's shares of spankings.

Some kids respond better to pain, some to "wasting" time stuck in their room without any power cords to anything or ways to distract themselves that aren't connected to them, some with physical labor or chores. Parents know their kids more than most anyone else, but as a general rule, I support a smack now and then when a kid screws up hard or throws a fit on purpose, and I like the option being open.

I'd like to say I don't support much more than a cutting board with holes drilled in it for the scary noise, and certainly not a closed hand or anything other than the butt or ears hit really. Painful, but not damaging, like a thistle that gets stuck between your toes.

 

[Clive Howlitzer]

Sometimes the best way to get a point across is the 'ol five across the eyes! I was only ever hit once by my parents, and it was when my mom slapped me for dropping the F-bomb in front of her in a very casual way. I just recall that it sticks out very vividly to me because they didn't do that kind of stuff and it immediately set me straight.

If you know how to utilize many different discipline techniques and how to apply them to your children, that is how you will get the best result. Every child is different and every situation is different. There is no blanket answer.

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

When research is agreeing there's no benefit to it in parenting I think it's pretty settled. Hopefully as time goes on newer parents will accept this and those irrationally stuck on tradition will simply fade out.

Really it fails to teach any rational lesson. It simply teaches that force is a valid method to get what you want. I prefer to consider it a last resort when it is *necessary*. Necessary like breaking up a fight, not because parenting skills failed and no other option comes to mind.

Really I dislike the principle of the thing. It says "Listen to me because I can hurt you". Sometimes you do have to just get a kid to listen when they're deaf to reason, due to age or emotional state at the time, but other punishments can be used. And in that case it doesn't show that conflict resolution should immediately jump to violence.

 

[JoJo]

Totally unnecessary in my eyes. It isn't legal here to smack an adult, or even a pet dog, so why should it be legal to do so to a small child? What people need to remember is that absence of smacking doesn't have to be an absence of discipline, taking away privileges is just as effective a deterrent and doesn't teach a child that it's okay to be violent towards a small being dependent on you. Social studies are always contentious of course but the evidence seems to suggest that even after controlling for confounding factors such as natural aggression and socio-economic background, smacked children are more likely to become aggressive as they grow older than those disciplined in other ways. [footnote]http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1983895,00.html[/footnote]

The problem is that the examples you give aren't really effective. More often then not the kids will whine and complain and cry and the parents will give in, which just lets the kids know that they can do whatever they want and there parents won't do anything. Now obviously this isn't true for everyone but its something that i have seen a lot. Physical punishment doesn't necessarily work any better, and I'm completely against actually beating your kid, however spanking is, in all honestly, really really minor; unless of course you go overboard, which is also happens. They key issue here is what the role of a parent is and what tools they have to accomplish those goals. Now i believe everyone will agree that the parents role is to bring up there children to be functional members of society. When people break rules in society they get punished (hopefully) because we can't let people think that they can do whatever they want, whenever they want; there would be anarchy and life would be even worse then it is now (probably). In the same manner the family unit functions in the same manner as a nation; the parents make rules [hopefully[ geared towards protecting there children, promoting peace and happiness in the family, etc., and when those children act out against those rules, there needs to be consequences; ones that actually have the children learn a lesson. If there is a children continually acting out, disobeying and not responding to having his phone taken away, or being grounded, then the parents should have the right be able to shift to a different form of punishment. Not torture or whipping or breaking the kids bones or other awful things like that, but there needs to be different avenues of approach that parents can have to discipline their children so that they do become functional, productive members of society. and frankly children are tougher then we give them credit for, i mean we are fine with children playing rough sports and hurting themselves playing them but we claim child abuse over a little spanking? The bottom line for me is, how far is to far for a parent to go in fulling their duty as a parent, and considering that, I don't think spanking is too far or other mild, no long lasting or permanent physical effects, physical punishment.

Yes, other methods are effective, I can vouch for them since I have worked with children in the past and trust me, I would have been fired in an instant if I ever smacked a child. The key is consistency and sticking by your word, if you don't give in then the child will learn you mean what you say when you threaten to take away X.

 

[Johnny Impact]

I got swatted a few times, and I do mean just a few. I don't think it hurt me in the long term at all. Because it was one quick smack, and happened so seldom, I tend to think it was simply a wake-up call.

There's a bit of a difference between getting one quick swat maybe half a dozen times throughout your entire childhood and being regularly tied down and belted until Daddy was too tired to lift his arm. I wonder if any of those studies that prove spanking is harmful take into account the frequency and severity of corporal punishment, rather than the mere fact of its use? Of course abuse creates dysfunctional people, that's fairly obvious. However, it does NOT follow that every hand raised to a child, ever, was raised out of laziness or for sheer sadistic pleasure, nor does it mean the only possible outcome is irreparable harm to the child's fragile psyche. Just as a couple of beers a week does not make one an alcoholic, a light sprinkle of physical consequence doesn't scar the child for life.

That being said, parents need to be very careful. A grown man who works with his hands can easily grab his kid with enough force to grind bones together. It takes as much care and restraint to properly administer a spank as it does to sit the kid down for a lecture.

EDIT: I see a number of people posting that "spanking teaches kids to lie to avoid punishment." This is utter hogwash. *ALL* children learn to lie by the age of three. *ALL* children who experience consequence in any form try lying to escape that consequence. Do you seriously think no kid ever lied to avoid being grounded? To avoid having his Nintendo taken away? Becoming aware of deception and its possible uses, ethical or otherwise, is a normal part of development. Do not hang the blame on corporal punishment.

 

[FalloutJack]

Okay, so my personal knowledge comes to you via my own observations and the psychology courses I took in college I do not approve of smacking, because I feel that while it can disrupt whatever behavior the child is doing, they might not get the point or interpret it right or even really get the gist even when you tell them because they're like six and all they're thinking about is that you hurt them. It could work Pavlovian in that they see not the reason or the wisdom of the smack, but see that you hurt people for things. That could lead to resentment and other problems later.

Now then, I have additional knowledge that comes to you via my sister's role as a social worker with experience in daycare environments. She does not hit children. That would actually be a firable offense. Putting that aside, she doesn't approve of that either, not when there are better ways. It's better to embarass the child into realizing that bad behavior can make them look stupid, which frankly nobody likes, not even stupid people. A much better psychological motivator, pride instead of pain avoidance.

 

[WarpedMind]

You know your kid better than anyone else, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

If you put a bit of brainpower into it, you KNOW what discipline works and what doesn't on your kid, specifically.

It's not popular, but you know what discipline worked better on me than anything else? A spanking. It made me listen and I tried to do better next time. This never happened if a toy was taken from me or I was lectured at.

I don't understand why the world acts like it's full of parents like the ones from Trainspotters. Parents love their kid in a deeper and more powerful way than you will EVER get (until you have one of your own, anyways). It's not about how it makes you feel as the spanker. It's not about making the kid fear you. It's about administering a proportional discipline to fit the crime. Anyone who loses sight of that is a bad parent, end of.

A good parent who knows their kid and can administer a swat that causes pain without injury is free to do so as they see fit. The end.

I'm sorry mate, I'm gonna have to give you a D- for that post.

Emotionally charged anecdotes of your own childhood, which anyone which a brain in their head knows you would never be able to analyze objectively, does not constitute proof or even an argument at all.

Your post is nothing but unsupported conjecture and appeals to the good old "This is how things have always been done so I don't see why we should start doing them differently" mentality

The effects of spanking have been extensively studied and only negative effects have been found.

Spanking doesn't work and no, parents should not be free to use violence against "their" kid.

The. End.

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

You know your kid better than anyone else, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

If you put a bit of brainpower into it, you KNOW what discipline works and what doesn't on your kid, specifically.

It's not popular, but you know what discipline worked better on me than anything else? A spanking. It made me listen and I tried to do better next time. This never happened if a toy was taken from me or I was lectured at.

I don't understand why the world acts like it's full of parents like the ones from Trainspotters. Parents love their kid in a deeper and more powerful way than you will EVER get (until you have one of your own, anyways). It's not about how it makes you feel as the spanker. It's not about making the kid fear you. It's about administering a proportional discipline to fit the crime. Anyone who loses sight of that is a bad parent, end of.

A good parent who knows their kid and can administer a swat that causes pain without injury is free to do so as they see fit. The end.

I'm sorry mate, I'm gonna have to give you a D- for that post.

Emotionally charged anecdotes of your own childhood, which anyone which a brain in their head knows you would never be able to analyze objectively, does not constitute proof or even an argument at all.

Your post is nothing but unsupported conjecture and appeals to the good old "This is how things have always been done so I don't see why we should start doing them differently" mentality

The effects of spanking have been extensively studied and only negative effects have been found.

Spanking doesn't work and no, parents should not be free to use violence against "their" kid.

The. End.

It does always bother me when people toss out their anecdotes. They're essentially playing what-if with events they remember as a kid that they're so close too its kind of impossible to not see how there will be personal bias. Like how do they know that no other discipline would have worked? Did they experience the entire gamut of potential discipline? Nope. Just irksome when people don't at least try to take a step back and see what conclusions actual research had come to.

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

I've never believed that time outs and groundings or taking your kids stuff ever worked. The only kids it works on are dumb ones, plain and simple. I'd go as far to say that if your kid can't find a way around those forms of punishment you raised a moron.

When I was told I couldn't play games after school I followed it for a day, then figured out a way around it. I just told my parents I had to stay late after school, then I just went to a friends house and played with them for a bit before going home. I don't know about your situation but my parents had to work a lot so they couldn't always keep track of my shenanigans. That's just one example, I've got tons more.

Fact of the matter is the only time I ever listened was when I knew I was gonna smacked for not listening.

So you never got the idea to lie about the things they would potentially smack you about?

That's merely about the enforceability of a punishment anyways. I don't know why you'd think only smacking people is enforceable. Maybe your parents never tried much or were around about none of the time.

 

[Adeptus Aspartem]

Read the first few posts and only saw the usual black/white scenario, where either you never hit your child or you slap it at every occasion or whenever you're stressed out.

In the best case scenario it shouldn't be neccessary to hit your child. But most children have probably recieved 1 slap in their life. I did too and it was because i wanted to see how far i can go with my parents - a thing every child will do at a certain time.
Same with my sister, she recieved 1 slap when she really went out of line and every arguing, reasoning etc. wouldn't help.

Also even if you have to resort to that (as a last ditch effort), you should excuse yourself as a parent afterwards and reflect on the situation together with your child - after things have cooled off ofcourse.

tl;dr:
Hitting your child is the last option you have and you should always always try to solve problems beforehand.