So my mom tried to get me to come 'out of the closet...'

[Leg End]

Umm... not exactly the worst I can remember but one of the most memorable.

Let's just say it's like coming out of the closet, just not the gay closet. Some refer to it as coming out of the toybox.

It basically went with her freaking the fuck out, saying to "get away from me you sick pervert" and her basically saying she was going to disown me(probably joking on the latter of course).

Even though the hints were fucking EVERYWHERE and my sister actually knew for a while before I even told her. My mom is now just using it as a four-word insult now to annoy the hell out of me. Not a fun time. She is actually still in denial about it too.

If you do not know what I am talking about, look at my other posts if you don't get the whole "coming out of the toybox" thing. Particularly since I am pretty sure I will not be seeing any sympathy from any of my fellow Escapees. Your reactions may be similar.

[sub][sub][sub][sub]I'm a nice guy... I don't hurt anyone...[/sub][/sub][/sub][/sub]

 

[FernandoV]

Well I had a fairly uncomfortable one, although nowadays it's just humorous.

Anyways a little back-story:
So it was when I was in 7th or 8th grade I believe, around 15 years old. We had a week when you went spent a week working at a real job, to feel what it's like or something. Anyways, I was at a restaurant which was like an half hour bus ride away. Not too bad, but I had a friend that lived just next to it, he was maybe 21 at the time, living in his own place.

So I tried to argue (that is nag, nag and nag) to stay at his place cause it would be easier and I could sleep longer, but they would have none of it "school day's aren't sleepover days", they pretty much just said no on principle.

So I don't stay there and that week I fall asleep with my computer on, and MSN messenger running. So my friend sometimes has a special kind of humour, I'm woken up by my father who is pointing at the screen and asking: "What the fuck is that?" My friend had written to me: "If you don't watch out, I'll break up with your dad!"

So this isn't too harsh, but my dad has noo reservation for gay jokes at all. He instantly believes that this guy is 100% super gay and has corrupted me and that my nagging to sleep at his place was for whole other reasons that to just be close to work. So I'm forbidden from ever seeing him again, asks me how you can even say something like that etc. etc. I try to explain to him that it's his kind of humour and that it's just a joke, but dad can't fathom it.

But after a couple of weeks it has cooled down a bit and I'm going up to him to play some D&D, something we did once or twice every couple of weeks. Anyways, I'm standing at the station waiting for the train to go up there and my dad calls me and says: (and this is the real price winning conversation)

Dad - "So, I'm not sure I want to let you go up there!"
Me - "Dad, I've told you a million times! It was a joke okay?"
Dad - "Ok, but if I find out in a couple of years that you've had some kind of fucking gay club up there, I'm removing you from my will. Ok?"
#Click#

Suffice to say my only thought was "WHAT?"

Dude, anyone who protests that much has a reason to. Your dad may have had a gay experience (or thought) in his past.

Yea...bigotry has nothing to do with it....

My mom told in great detail about seeing my dad's penis and I am getting a head pain recalling the conversation >___> ughhh...

 

[jboking]

The most awkward conversation I've had so far is when my parents found it necessary to talk to me about having sex with my girlfriend. They knew I was and just started asking questions...very very awkward.

...interested in carpentry and masonry work...

WHOA WHOA WHOA


when did carpentry become gay?




EDIT: Now that I think of it, Im always alone when doing it. Am I... Hiding?

EDIT EDIT: Oh, wait, you mean carpentry makes you butch? And I'm a guy...

EDIT EDIT EDIT: Phew.

You just made me laugh so hard I was out of breath there for a minute. Thank you.

 

[BelmontClan]

Someone needs to make a giant book of awkward conversations, turn it into something to put on the coffee table and they can use this thread as a starter.

I'm sure I've had awkward moments, but nothing like anything I've read here!

 

[Connor Lonske]

Parents smelling my room and getting sick due to strong smelling lube. Lube is used on self, I am a virgin.

 

[Ricky 49]

yeah my dad has asked me on many occasions if i'm gay. can't really blame him i don't have a girlfriend and i work in a gay bar

 

[Declaro]

My dad and I were having a conversation about drugs, especially pot, because a lot of his friends smoke it. We both agreed that most people know someone who can buy/sell them pot.

Dad: "I think know people who can get cocaine, but I don't know anyone who sells heroin, or does it for that matter."
Me: "Oh, one of my ex-classmates. I could probably buy cocaine from him."
Dad: "...Whaaa?"
Me: "I never told you? He was a drug dealer."

Awkward, but hilarious.


On the subject of the title...
I've never had the "come out of the closet" talk because I did that as soon as I knew. (My dad's best friend is a lesbian, so I knew they'd be okay.)
Instead I constantly get "So, are you all-gay now or what?" due to my bisexuality.

 

[ultrachicken]

Probably when I learned that I was an accident. That was pretty disturbing.

 

[Shadowkire]

I await the day when asking someone to come out of the closet is seen as the same kind of mistake as assuming a woman with a swollen belly is pregnant.

[edit]
OT: A long conversation involving my parents giving me an ultimatum and the use of the words "military school"

 

[InnerRebellion]

Awkward moments eh?

Well, you see, I'm... insecure. The words "breasts" "boobs" "tits" "vagina" and "sex" set me off into a state of... utter silence, inability to breathe normally and I turn very, very red. So one day I'm eating Cap'N Crunch. It's an ongoing thing in my house for a random family member to spot me and shout, "BOOBIES!" just to get me to react. Well, I was enjoying my cereal, so when my dad tried, I didn't react.

He took it to the next level. He sits down and says, "Hey Chris. Imagine this: Cap'N Crunch covered boobies. Milk and cereal! And it's fun!" Cue me turning redder than the frigging sun and just getting up and walking away. Now, my parents will just say "Cap'N Crunch" and get that reaction.

On New Year's eve, they did it at a party... and had to explain to all the other adults. Since my two friends hadn't arrived yet, I was stuck with the adults as they mocked me for hours on end.

 

[Mudze]

They started a big discussion with me as to how being gay is okay. It got tangential and my dad ended up saying bisexual males don't exist.


I'm a bisexual male.

 

[Virgilthepagan]

most awkward conversation? My best friend started dating my ex behind my back. Chatting with him about that was about the most awkward thing I've ever had to deal with...

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

On a side note, a friend of mine in highschool had the best 'coming out story' ever.

*Sitting on the sofa watching V for Vendetta- The scene about the director and her letter in the jail cell*

Friend- "You guys know I'm gay, right?"
His parents- "Oh, yeah..."
*Continued watching the movie*

Note: This is exactly the right level of stress we should put on people coming out.

 

[Bernzz]

Never ever had that type of conversation with my parents.

What was awkward was the conversation when they asked me if I was having sex with my girlfriend. They're not that okay with it. At least, not as okay with it as her parents are.

My girlfriend's mum didn't seem to mind when she found out.

 

[kouriichi]

Me?
I think it was the time i was at a party and i forgot to zip my pants up.
Sadly, i was also going commando.

Dont get me wrong, many of the women were very impressed, but explaining it to my friends parents was EXTREAMLY akward.

 

[Darkeagle6]

Well, my stories aren't anything out of the ordinary, but why not

Two with my mother, both regarding porn, which I watched a lot when I was younger:

1. One night, as I was explaining something to her about the Internet, she suddenly and completely out of the blue told me that she wished I didn't watch pornography, because it isn't a healthy and realistic depiction of human sexuality. (Not exactly in those words, and in French, but close enough). Then we both stood there for a moment. I can't remember which one of us stood up and left afterwards.

I was fairly young (around 14-15, I think), but thanks to a surprisingly comprehensive sex education from school, I was actually aware of that, I just liked the, well... visual stimulation? :/

2. She came home early, I was watching some again, and, as she often does, just went up to the computer room to say hi. I barely had time to make everything look normal, both on and off the screen, but I'd accidentally minimised the video instead of closing it. While she's not good enough with computers to notice the tabs, there was a little bit of sound comming out of the speakers. Quiet, but still audible, moans. I don't know if she figured out what they were (or even heard them), but it was a *very* long 5 minutes.

As for my dad, well, the only time it really felt awkward was when he asked me if I had a girlfriend, then enquired about why not, said I'd be perfectly allowed to bring one over (my parents are separated) "Or a guy if you're into guys, you know I'm perfectly alright with that, right?" and spent quite a while trying to make sure I knew that he would be entirely accepting of my potential homosexuality. I'm not gay, I was just a really shy teen, and when I told him that I wasn't gay, he tried to get me talking about what I liked in girls, which was, to my secretive and shy self, excruciatingly embarrassing.

Mind you, for some time I wondered if I was bisexual (by now, I'm pretty sure I'm not). around that time, I got really, really drunk for the first time, and my drunk self seemed to think that declaring that I was bisexual to everyone (including a bunch of people I didn't know so much) was a great idea. My slightly homophobic but not really actually best friend (it's complicated) was there next to me, and I think it troubled him a little bit. He laughs about it now, though, and loves to tell everyone about it. The worst part was finding out I'd said that two days after the party, since I'd drunk so much I didn't remember. Oh, and I apparently said to a girl there that I'd sleep with her, which got her annoyed with me for a while (though apparently, according to another friend, I didn't and everyone else was drunk and misunderstood). The ironic thing was that 1. I wasn't really attracted to her and 2. she became my first girlfriend 2 years later, and the first girl I had sex with 0_0

Oh, and there was that increasingly awkward discussion with a seemingly nice teacher who randomly said "You know, we're being too tolerant these days. I mean, hell, people think it's okay to be bisexual!" Yeah, I didn't know what to answer to that. I guess when I consider that, I'm pretty grateful that my parents are open-minded and well-intentionned people...


Wow, I had a lot to say, didn't I? I guess I get embarassed really strongly, so the feeling of those times really stick out in my head...

 

[CombiBlood]

Some Guy was asking me where my Jew Gold was and I told him I am not Jewish
hew did this five more time till I yell at him I am not a Jew
now some people(like 3 or 4) think I hate the Jewish religion

 

[Josdeb]

I think my most awkward conversation was with my mother.
I'd been talking to one of the bisexual guys from my school who'd recently come out, because I was thinking about doing the same (Except I would come out as gay)
Aaaaaand my mother, being the invader-of-privacy she is, went into my room when I was "brb"-ing it to the fridge and read our conversation.
She then sat me down and talked to me about my homosexuality and asked me repeatedly "how do you know you're gay? Have you given girls a try?"
-_-
Yes Mum, I have. Remember? I dated that girl a while back? It was weird. I like boys.

I came out to my dad about 6 months later (seperated parents) while in the car on the way to a date with my at-the-time boyfriend. He was surprisingly nonchalant about it.

Which I thought was backwards, because my mum is the "arty" hippie-type parent with all lesbian friends, and my dad is into military stuff and I don't think he knows any gay people (apart from me and mum's friends)
I blame myself for following a "parent" stereotype.

Oh, and best of all, whenever I mention staying over at a male friends house:
Dad: "Okay, text me when you'll be home"
Mum: "..... [Josdeb], is this friend of yours gay? I've always thought they were gay. Are you dating? What do you even do when you date at your age?"
(I think she's scared of me having gay sex? I have no idea... I'll just never speak of my love life with her... It's for the best)

 

[ajemas]

Umm... not exactly the worst I can remember but one of the most memorable.

Let's just say it's like coming out of the closet, just not the gay closet. Some refer to it as coming out of the toybox.

It basically went with her freaking the fuck out, saying to "get away from me you sick pervert" and her basically saying she was going to disown me(probably joking on the latter of course).

Even though the hints were fucking EVERYWHERE and my sister actually knew for a while before I even told her. My mom is now just using it as a four-word insult now to annoy the hell out of me. Not a fun time. She is actually still in denial about it too.

If you do not know what I am talking about, look at my other posts if you don't get the whole "coming out of the toybox" thing. Particularly since I am pretty sure I will not be seeing any sympathy from any of my fellow Escapees. Your reactions may be similar.

[sub][sub][sub][sub]I'm a nice guy... I don't hurt anyone...[/sub][/sub][/sub][/sub]

As long as you don't act on your actions, then I suppose that it is OK. I find the actual act of your particular obsession to be one of the worst things on the planet, but I guess that as long as you aren't acting on your urges, then there isn't a problem. However, possession of any... materials depicting things that you might enjoy is still very illegal, and so is engaging in any kind of action.
My advice is to get some kind of help or treatment. I'm not saying that you should go to one of those crackpot people who try and change your sexuality; that's impossible. Just go to see a regular therapist. You might want to do some research, but I'm pretty sure that they have to keep your information confidential. (Again, please double-check.) Just being able to talk to someone about it could really help you out.
By the way, I would try and keep mum about this. Browsing through your posts, like you instructed, I've seen numerous references to your you-know-what. Why would you tell everyone about that? Why would you flaunt anything related to sex and sexuality, especially with your particular subset? And, with your attraction, people are going to think far less of you, including me. I'm sorry, but that's just how it goes.

 

[Scde2]

A few years ago in my first year in high school I was secretly dating one of my guy friends. One night I got a little bold and invited him over because my mom was supposed to work overtime.

Well long story short I got the night where my mom was supposed to work all night mixed up...
She came home early to find out that I had a guy over. She was pissed, but thankfully not because I just had gay sex...I think.

The worst part was the next day when she gave me a lecture on how to have safe sex. T_T