so....Not having children=Selfish?

[somonels]

The only problem I see is the OP taking this seriously enough to think about, I usually WANT to forget retarded and meritless statements... huh, what?

 

[Scarim Coral]

Err no? Who are these people who think it is selfish to not have a children?

Anyway I don't think it's selfish at all seeing how if you are not full prepare for having a child (how to raise and have the finance) than you are messing up that child life. Sure you can do that after it is born but if you have no intention to give that child the love and care than you should never have a child in the first place.
I don't see how it is selfish when the child never came to be at all since it never existed.

 

[Vault101]

snip

snip

Thsnip.

good on you

and youre right it feels like such a weird cycle at times...like "teh children are our future!" then they get old enough...."you must have kids..teh children are our future!" (and your not important anymore)

when does "our future" start and finish?

as for the baby shower thing.....damn I think I would take evil pleasure with an opertunity like that

give a slasher smile like the Joker....tell them I dont like kids..tell them all the horrbile things they have to look forward too....make a wholw bunch of tasteless dead baby jokes

give an evil laugh and say that children arnt even real people...just to watch the horror grown on their faces...hehehehehehe...

.....what? the whole "motherhood" thing shits me to no end

 

[Phisi]

I think those that say that not having children is selfish must also be conservative/nationalistic and is brought upon be the idea that the country or area they live in is unique and should be preserved in its current state. They are opposed to and can not cope with change. The population of the world is rising as a whole so if extra people are needed to maintain the economy and what not then they should be more open to immigration but they're not. Some point down the line they have decided that 'they' and their children are better then others. The worlds population I think needs to decrease in growth, not necessarily in size to be akin to something like the black death and cause the cost of labour to rise as will as food per person. We have reached a stage when lots of farming can be mechanised as to not require the extra people. Such a thing would result in economic downturn but is the economy more important then the populace? I think those that say that not having children is selfish are either ignorant or selfish themselves. Now I am going to stop waving my red flag and leave before I get into a comment war.

 

[Vault101]

snip.

snip?

1. if I did want and could have kids (which is a possability because what we want changes) then I would consider adoption, however as I said for vaild reasons I wont go into I dont think I could adopt, which is sad, I may not be able to do anyhting about it (aside form giving to charity)..I may not "care" in a way that matters..but Im still not comfortable with using derogatory terms such as "damaged goods" to describe children...Im just weird like that

2. thats not what Im saying at all...I understand why people would choose their own, while I think adoption is a very noble goal I dont think the process should be as frustrating as it is (also the "issues" thing depends entirly on how old they are and what they have been through..and if your adopting than you should understand and be able to deal with this)

3. alright..I didnt word that well..its an added bonus...there you go

4. you refered to people who would walk into an adoption agency like it was going to a petshop..those kind of people should not be adopting

 

[Sleipnir]

It's not selfish, just ask the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement (whom I accidentally found and laughed at when doing an essay on Evolution and biodiversity and looking up 'extinction')

On a serious note:
1. It's not really selfish unless you're in a fully commited relationship with someone who REALLY REALLY wants kids, but then, they're being selfish too. It only really harms the survival of your genes.

2. Having kids of your own as opposed to adoption is pretty selfish too, and just because it didn't shoot out from between your legs doesn't mean it's not "your own", it's like if a kid lives with their mum and a step-parent, they will be more likely to consider that step-parent THEIRS than the absentee father who either wasn't informed or chose not to be a part of that child's life, and that kid is just as much the step-parents (not legally though) as it is the absentee's.

3. You're not exactly putting the child out, since it doesn't exist. There's nothing wrong with wanting your own life, it's better to have your own life and maybe change your mind in the future than to be an unprepared parent who doesn't want that lifestyle.

I've never really had this stuff directed at me, though admittedly having children is looked on as an entirely selfless act, because you're throwing away everything else you want in favour of raising some child and possibly telling them to do the same thing when they're older.

What's the point? Everyone needs to be miserable by 30 or else?

 

[Andaxay]

snip

snip

Thsnip.

Oh, the snipping!

Damn, I really missed an opportunity there, didn't it? There was a little boy there though, I might have scared him into nightmares for a lifetime, XD.

Good on the people who want to raise children. And I know so many people with kids feel fulfilled and changed and it makes them so happy. It's just something I don't want to do, I don't feel up to the task, I don't interact well with children, I feel uncomfortable around them and I'm not willing to throw my potential away for the sake of boosting the already high population. Instead, I'm going to go and use my brain to further science and maybe even change something for the better for the future generation of kids that other people will have.

 

[Vault101]

snip.

1. I find it a little offensive is all...but your free to say what you want i supose

2. yeah..that does come up..and the parents deal with it, id wager a bet that hardly anything in child rearing is perfect and without problems, but people manage, what i ment was adoptive parents should know that that quesiton is going to come up at some point (if the kid finds out) and try and be prepared for it

its better than the practice of adoption not existing at all

3.well I'm not saying that, but that doesnt mean its not worht considered for people who are serious about it

 

[BOOM headshot65]

If people call you selfish for not having children, ask them if they're an organ donor. Then call them selfish for not killing themselves already.

For the sake of argument, lets say I do think it is selfish to not want children (I dont) and I AM An organ donor (I am).

OT: I dont exactly think it is selfish to not want children, but I will want some of my own. I dont think you should have children of your own (biological or otherwise) unless you are sure you are ready for it.

 

[KingsGambit_v1legacy]

can you explain why not having kids is somhow selfish/non-selfish? and what do you think about it in general?

I think you're misunderstanding here is not from the statement but from the meaning of the word selfish (I mean no disrespect, I'm making a particular point). You are taking it to mean that you're behaviour is "wrong" or "harmful" to others. That is not what it really means. The dictionary definition is here [http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/selfish]. The first defintion is: devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

Post puberty we are biologically programmed to want sex and to bear children. Both are at odds with modern society which teaches us that sex has to be special, meaningful, emotional, not before marriage, STDs, birth control, underage pregnancy, slutiness and all the other garbage that surrounds it. Child bearing is complicated by our protracted educations, womens' roles/equal rights (not knocking this by any means), finances, careers, families, religion and more.

All said and done, marriage, relationships, sex and having kids are all very different than they were in even our parents and grandparents ages. Divorce rates in the US for example are approximately 70%...meaning when you get engaged there, you are already more likely to face a divorce in the future than not.

How this relates to selfishness and having kids? Selfishness we defined as caring only for ourselves...you want a better education, a better career, better finances, none of the burdens of parenthood, freedom to travel, play the field, party all night, whatever. That is selfish. This is not an insult or using the word in a pejorative sense. It *is* dictionary definition selfish and it's absolutely true that many, many more people are now much more selfish. I have a few friends who can't/couldn't wait to have babies and settle down and alarmingly an almost equal number who "never want to have kids" because they value what they have now more than the perceived/actual joys/burdens of parenthood, childbirth, etc.

Saying everyone who doesn't want kids is selfish is incorrect. Many might never want them because they hate kids, have a medical/psychological reason for lack of libido/desire for children, were from a bad home and don't want to make the same mistakes themselves, etc. But anyone who uses finances (which is bull***t) or freedom (or any variation thereof) as a reason for not wanting kids, is selfish.

 

[Vault101]

snip.

sooooo its selfish...buuutt...not is an "insulting" way, as you described

I think?

the reason it bothers me so much is I'm told its somthing Im suposed to want, somthing that should be one of my priorities

and Ive always thourght...


[http://s1205.photobucket.com/albums/bb437/Vault10191/?action=view&current=Untitled.jpg]

 

[D Moness]

But anyone who uses finances (which is bull***t) or freedom (or any variation thereof) as a reason for not wanting kids, is selfish.

So if i do not want kids because i can hardly afford to keep myself alive then i am selfish. It would be selfish to have kids while you can not afford it.
Like that story a while ago about a women on welfare was pregnant with her 10th kid.

 

[razer17]

I only skimmed your post, but it's selfish because you are jeopardizing the economy and stability of your country by refusing to have children. Every couple must produce at least two children on average to sustain your population, but since there are factors such as early death, sterility, homosexuality inhibiting us, couple must produce above 2 children or the population will dwindle over the years. Then of course there's the fact that the ratio of boys to girls is not equal, so even more children need to be produced.

Considering the huge problem of overcrowding and dwindling natural resources, you could also claim that the opposite is true; that having 2 kids each is selfish. Having a child when you don't want one harms you, the child and possibly society as a whole if you don't raise it properly due to not wanting it.

And then there is the problem of the math. If every couple has 2 kids each, it isn't going to keep a stable rate of population, it will mean that the population steadily rises. Considering medical advances, the chance of becoming a great grandparent is increasing, and following the 2 kids rule, that makes 14 direct descendants alive at the same time.

 

[KingsGambit_v1legacy]

sooooo its selfish...buuutt...not is an "insulting" way, as you described

I think?

the reason it bothers me so much is I'm told its somthing Im suposed to want, somthing that should be one of my priorities

Modern society, religion and whathave you all teach us that marriage, kids and nuclear families are the way to go, you're right. 70% divorce rates and extra marital affairs all over the place suggests otherwise. I mean selfish in the actual meaning of the word "caring only/mostly about oneself and one's welfare" as above. I can understand that it's picked up a pejorative connotation for mostly being used negatively, but I'm making an emotionless, objective point.

So if i do not want kids because i can hardly afford to keep myself alive then i am selfish. It would be selfish to have kids while you can not afford it.
Like that story a while ago about a women on welfare was pregnant with her 10th kid.

If she is on welfare and expecting her 10th child she is clearly an able parent and able to cope. This point if anything, proves mine. Money is irrelevant. I'm not talking homeless, peniless pauper who for lack of so much as a penny would love to have children. Choosing then to save those few coppers to just survive is vastly different. In modern society, we have sales tax, fuel prices, weekly shopping etc. "Oh I couldn't afford a baby then!" with so many expenses...that's nonsense and an excuse. Anyone who wanted a child could and WOULD make it work.

Noone is ever ready for parenthood. It happens, you make mistakes but learn to cope, taking advice and what rest you can. Noone can ever "afford" to get married or have children (beyond the wealthy) because we like having disposable income. The fact is, money is not a valid excuse in western society (short of the extreme) as your lady in the above example clearly demonstrates.