Dialog was strong and well delivered. Very, very quotable. Agree w/ the Red Dwarfesque comments. To me, web series are a lot like sketch comedy, "Buy the Premise. Buy the bit. And throw out everything that isn't that." The episode was 3:52 and the before establishing the premise, the protagonist's love life is established and then dropped. If the show has only got 4 minutes and she's not going to be in them, then save that info for later episodes. On the event front, he only thematic development was the "rebels" not shooting at the protagonists. Which was a great "show, don't tell" moment that got stepped on by heavy-handed explanation. Off-the-top-of-my-head, better to have:
Throws down mop, big sigh, two finger "look at me" gesture. "A little eye contact would kill you? We're important, you know! Got access to the giant laser...and the hyper drive." (voice trails off at the end, which flows nicely back into the snarky comment about urinal cakes.)
But really anything that juxtaposes the character's impotence with actual desire would work. It shows promise, and I will definitely look forward to future episodes. Normally, it feels unfair to complain about a small webisode but if they're gonna put up a 20 second back-out shot demonstrating the technical cost and production value of the show (I assume to give the audience an overt sense of perspective of the characters vs. their world....btw a small piece of fairy cake off to the side would have been genius). I'm going to nitpick on dropping the ball with the story. Anyway, an excellent concept, good dialog, and solid acting is gonna make a lot of people (including me) watch and there's lots of reason to expect this group will only get better.