The R Word

[SonicKoala]

Snipped for Space

Is simply not using the word "rape" unless discussing an actual rape really "walking on egg shells"? Furthermore, you are asking a lot by saying that a person who has undergone such a brutally traumatic event should be forthcoming with this information if someone says something they find emotionally jarring. Such an event is not something one would want to share, as this article emphasises.

Making jokes about "rape" is ridiculously insensitive - it's in incredibly poor taste, and whoever makes such a joke should be punched in the face. Using the term rape in a gaming setting is also very unnecessary - the gamer lexicon is chocked full of terms which mean the same thing, so why can't we just stick to those? I, too, am a supporter of free speech, but I hardly see anything inherently valuable being lost if people stopped using this word in such wildly inappropriate ways.

 

[Ryokai]

Amazing article. I will definitely keep in mind to be careful when using words I never gave a second thought about before.

 

[darji]

People

I suppose I gain the ability to freely express myself regardless of how other people might feel about it.

I'm sorry, but if you need to use the word rape to express yourself you have some serious problems.

I am sorry but people use this term since ages in video games. ITs just trashtalking. Grow up. Its the same when I say "I am gonna kill you" Someones whos parents were killed and he had to watch it would also be as hard as someone who was raped and hears these words.

These kind of events are tragic and every victim has my sympahty but thats how far it goes. If you cant stand this than dont play this game. If you dont like the music people are hearing because you think its offensive than dont listen to it.

What if someone was almost killed by a dog as kid and now has a huge trauma about dogs. Do you want people to stop saying the word dog via internet? If you cant take such a thing dont get involved in it. ITs as simple as that. If a friend says something like that, than state your opinion about this topic maybe confess if its a really good friend and they will understand.

But trying to tell people its bad to use the word rape or any other offensive word during trashtalking in games because your opponent may or may not be a victim of such an criminal act is just too much.

 

[agiganticpanda]

We should start to use the word pillage in the gaming community instead. It means the same thing without nearly as much horrible flashbackness and makes you think of pirates.

 

[Mr Companion]

Thanks for saying what needed to be said, and thanks for saying it even though its so difficult.

 

[putowtin]

As someone who can relate, thank you, a million times thank you.

 

[itsthesheppy]

People

I suppose I gain the ability to freely express myself regardless of how other people might feel about it.

I'm sorry, but if you need to use the word rape to express yourself you have some serious problems.

I am sorry but people use this term since ages in video games. ITs just trashtalking. Grow up. Its the same when I say "I am gonna kill you" Someones whos parents were killed and he had to watch it would also be as hard as someone who was raped and hears these words.

These kind of events are tragic and every victim has my sympahty but thats how far it goes. If you cant stand this than dont play this game. If you dont like the music people are hearing because you think its offensive than dont listen to it.

What if someone was almost killed by a dog as kid and now has a huge trauma about dogs. Do you want people to stop saying the word dog via internet? If you cant take such a thing dont get involved in it. ITs as simple as that. If a friend says something like that, than state your opinion about this topic maybe confess if its a really good friend and they will understand.

But trying to tell people its bad to use the word rape or any other offensive word during trashtalking in games because your opponent may or may not be a victim of such an criminal act is just too much.

Just because it's been used for a "long time" (something I would dispute, to be honest) doesn't make it an okay word to use. Also, your invocation of the 'slippery slope' is a fallacy. Nobody is suggesting that.

What is being suggested is that using the word 'rape' is insensitive because there are a LOT of rape survivors (or victims, as some would rather be identified) out there in the world and rape has a particularly special place in the trauma hierarchy; not only for the brutality of the crime but the frequency of it. Vastly more people are sexually assaulted in their lives than are attacked by vicious dogs.

It's true that you never know whose trigger words are what, and it's a sad fact of life that the spectrum of human experience is so wide that it's very possible that benign words may set people off, and oftentimes we only know that after we hurt somebody. It can't really be avoided in many cases, but we are responsible for that hurt nonetheless, and its on us to lessen that as much as possible. If you have a friend or a gamer pal who you know has had traumatic experiences with dogs, you're less likely to bring them up. Telling them to quit being a wuss only paints you as an insensitive jerk.

The reason the word 'rape' is being given special treatment here is manyfold. The prevalence of the crime, the brutality of it, the lasting effects of the trauma and so forth are only the beginning. None of us need the term in our lexicon for reasons other than describing an actual sexual assault. I don't use the word when describing a particularly hard loss in a game. It's completely unnecessary; there are a multitude of ways to express such a thing, many of which are more creative and colorful while at the same time being less potentially hurtful.

So yes, if you say "Wow, we beat them bad" and there is someone in your midst who suffered beatings as a kid and now suddenly feels bad, that's a rough spot. You didn't know, now you do, and maybe you should think of different words to use; but that will be very uncommon and to be honest, it's highly unlikely that multi-purpose words like 'beat' or 'kill' (you can kill and app, or kill at a comedy show, etc) will be tied to specific trauma. Rape is highly more specific. The repurposing of the word is an almost entirely gamer-oriented invention and it needs to go away; the trauma it calls to mind is too brutal and too widespread.

 

[itsthesheppy]

This and similar recent topics on rape on this forum are proof: you're victims because of rape, while physical violence is just a normal part of life. Your wife and kids were murdered? Tough break champ, as long as its not sexual assault YOU'RE FINE.

Absolutely nobody that I am aware of is suggesting that. In fact in the reply I posted above your post here, I make a point to say that everyone's trigger words are to be respected; however, some words, like 'kill' are so general and multi-purpose in our language that it is less likely to cause severe offense than the much-more-specific word of 'rape'.

I mean if I use the word "We beat them", the word 'beat' is very general. It's less likely to trigger someone, though if it did, I would certainly owe them an apology and be mindful around them in the future. The word 'rape' however is not multi-purpose. It means sexual assault. It's a much more specific word that calls to a specific trauma, and moreover, it's unnecessary to everyday gamer parlance. It can be omitted without losing anything of value, and doing so make the community that little bit safer and more inclusive.

nobody is saying the word should be illegal to use. All that's being said is that using it causes hurt; you're welcome to ignore that hurt, as I am welcome to consider you to be an insensitive person, and I reserve the right to make it clear that insensitive people are not welcome.

 

[wizzy555]

For all the accusations of fallacy there's a reluctance to address the core issue here. That's the disagreement of moral worth attached to emotional harm and that attached to free expression and evolution of "culture" and language.

 

[darji]

Trash talk is trash talk. I don't understand why you people consider rape to be bad, but murder and physical violence is perfectly fine.

Sure rape is traumatic. So is getting beaten to death, or getting beaten beyond recognition. Getting stabbed repeatedly must hurt, or being burned alive. You'd rather be disfigured and crippled than raped? Why are you trying to downplay other forms of suffering while claiming your own is the worst suffering that exists?

Honestly this whole issue is pretty messed up, and only serves to prove what the media says: gamers have become desensitized to violence. This and similar recent topics on rape on this forum are proof: you're victims because of rape, while physical violence is just a normal part of life. Your wife and kids were murdered? Tough break champ, as long as its not sexual assault YOU'RE FINE.

Exactly Every. such an act is terrible and Rape is not special in this case.


The whole Tomb Raider controvery which stirred these kind of article up is beyond stupid. Where were these people when Heavy Rain had a much more intense and violent scene than the harmless tomb Raider one? What makes this compared to Heavy Rain harmless scene so special.


Also its totally wrong to make such topics a taboo in media which also includes Games. Making something a taboo topic does not help at all. It will even have the oposite effect you want to archieve.

And another thing as hard as it is but keeping it all by yourself is not the right way to face such things. Beeing open about it shows you that you can move on. It shows that you can fight it. And if a friend uses such a term infront of you tell him what happend to you and he will certainly understand. If no one knows what happend to you people will not care.

And trying to do this over a COD or Halo or other game is just absurd. But crying and saying Its insensitive against such victims will not accomplish anything at all. If you dont like it block it move on or dont play such games.

 

[MyNameIsNowNotMyName]

*Claps* Good article, my man.
I hope writing this article wasn't any harder than what you wrote, but I truly have no idea....

 

[darji]

This and similar recent topics on rape on this forum are proof: you're victims because of rape, while physical violence is just a normal part of life. Your wife and kids were murdered? Tough break champ, as long as its not sexual assault YOU'RE FINE.

Absolutely nobody that I am aware of is suggesting that. In fact in the reply I posted above your post here, I make a point to say that everyone's trigger words are to be respected; however, some words, like 'kill' are so general and multi-purpose in our language that it is less likely to cause severe offense than the much-more-specific word of 'rape'.

I mean if I use the word "We beat them", the word 'beat' is very general. It's less likely to trigger someone, though if it did, I would certainly owe them an apology and be mindful around them in the future. The word 'rape' however is not multi-purpose. It means sexual assault. It's a much more specific word that calls to a specific trauma, and moreover, it's unnecessary to everyday gamer parlance. It can be omitted without losing anything of value, and doing so make the community that little bit safer and more inclusive.

nobody is saying the word should be illegal to use. All that's being said is that using it causes hurt; you're welcome to ignore that hurt, as I am welcome to consider you to be an insensitive person, and I reserve the right to make it clear that insensitive people are not welcome.

So and I am gonna kill you is not as specific as I am gonna rape you? There are more people who saw someone getting killed than someone beeing raped. So why is rape so special? A criminal and violent act is still the same and the victim will again be as much traumatized as someone who was beeing raped.

 

[itsthesheppy]

This and similar recent topics on rape on this forum are proof: you're victims because of rape, while physical violence is just a normal part of life. Your wife and kids were murdered? Tough break champ, as long as its not sexual assault YOU'RE FINE.

Absolutely nobody that I am aware of is suggesting that. In fact in the reply I posted above your post here, I make a point to say that everyone's trigger words are to be respected; however, some words, like 'kill' are so general and multi-purpose in our language that it is less likely to cause severe offense than the much-more-specific word of 'rape'.

I mean if I use the word "We beat them", the word 'beat' is very general. It's less likely to trigger someone, though if it did, I would certainly owe them an apology and be mindful around them in the future. The word 'rape' however is not multi-purpose. It means sexual assault. It's a much more specific word that calls to a specific trauma, and moreover, it's unnecessary to everyday gamer parlance. It can be omitted without losing anything of value, and doing so make the community that little bit safer and more inclusive.

nobody is saying the word should be illegal to use. All that's being said is that using it causes hurt; you're welcome to ignore that hurt, as I am welcome to consider you to be an insensitive person, and I reserve the right to make it clear that insensitive people are not welcome.

So and I am gonna kill you is not as specific as I am gonna rape you? There are more people who saw someone getting killed than someone beeing raped. So why is rape so special? A criminal and violent act is still the same and the victim will again be as much traumatized as someone who was beeing raped.

I'm sorry, I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to communicate to me. If English is not your first language, I apologize. But from what it sounds, you are bringing up an objection I've addressed before, and I suggest reading through the thread. This has been covered.

 

[darji]

This and similar recent topics on rape on this forum are proof: you're victims because of rape, while physical violence is just a normal part of life. Your wife and kids were murdered? Tough break champ, as long as its not sexual assault YOU'RE FINE.

Absolutely nobody that I am aware of is suggesting that. In fact in the reply I posted above your post here, I make a point to say that everyone's trigger words are to be respected; however, some words, like 'kill' are so general and multi-purpose in our language that it is less likely to cause severe offense than the much-more-specific word of 'rape'.

I mean if I use the word "We beat them", the word 'beat' is very general. It's less likely to trigger someone, though if it did, I would certainly owe them an apology and be mindful around them in the future. The word 'rape' however is not multi-purpose. It means sexual assault. It's a much more specific word that calls to a specific trauma, and moreover, it's unnecessary to everyday gamer parlance. It can be omitted without losing anything of value, and doing so make the community that little bit safer and more inclusive.

nobody is saying the word should be illegal to use. All that's being said is that using it causes hurt; you're welcome to ignore that hurt, as I am welcome to consider you to be an insensitive person, and I reserve the right to make it clear that insensitive people are not welcome.

So and I am gonna kill you is not as specific as I am gonna rape you? There are more people who saw someone getting killed than someone beeing raped. So why is rape so special? A criminal and violent act is still the same and the victim will again be as much traumatized as someone who was beeing raped.

I'm sorry, I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to communicate to me. If English is not your first language, I apologize. But from what it sounds, you are bringing up an objection I've addressed before, and I suggest reading through the thread. This has been covered.

Yeah English is not my native language and I am sorry if you dont get my point.

I am just saying that you can hurt alot more people by saying "I am gonna beat you" than by saying "I am gonna rape you" Tons of people where abused as a kid so that they are now traumtized. why is it ok to say that while the change to hurt someone with "I am gonna Rape you" is much much lower than the "I am gonna kill you" or the I am gonna beat you" talk?

Rape should not be handled as something special. You should openly talk about it, you should be able to show it in any form of media and you should also stirr controversy about this topic so people are getting more aware of this. Trying to keep it a special and very delicate will not help anyone. Not even the victim itself.

 

[itsthesheppy]

This and similar recent topics on rape on this forum are proof: you're victims because of rape, while physical violence is just a normal part of life. Your wife and kids were murdered? Tough break champ, as long as its not sexual assault YOU'RE FINE.

Absolutely nobody that I am aware of is suggesting that. In fact in the reply I posted above your post here, I make a point to say that everyone's trigger words are to be respected; however, some words, like 'kill' are so general and multi-purpose in our language that it is less likely to cause severe offense than the much-more-specific word of 'rape'.

I mean if I use the word "We beat them", the word 'beat' is very general. It's less likely to trigger someone, though if it did, I would certainly owe them an apology and be mindful around them in the future. The word 'rape' however is not multi-purpose. It means sexual assault. It's a much more specific word that calls to a specific trauma, and moreover, it's unnecessary to everyday gamer parlance. It can be omitted without losing anything of value, and doing so make the community that little bit safer and more inclusive.

nobody is saying the word should be illegal to use. All that's being said is that using it causes hurt; you're welcome to ignore that hurt, as I am welcome to consider you to be an insensitive person, and I reserve the right to make it clear that insensitive people are not welcome.

So and I am gonna kill you is not as specific as I am gonna rape you? There are more people who saw someone getting killed than someone beeing raped. So why is rape so special? A criminal and violent act is still the same and the victim will again be as much traumatized as someone who was beeing raped.

I'm sorry, I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to communicate to me. If English is not your first language, I apologize. But from what it sounds, you are bringing up an objection I've addressed before, and I suggest reading through the thread. This has been covered.

Yeah English is not my native language and I am sorry if you dont get my point.

I am just saying that you can hurt alot more people by saying "I am gonna beat you" than by saying "I am gonna rape you" Tons of people where abused as a kid so that they are now traumtized. why is it ok to say that while the change to hurt someone with "I am gonna Rape you" is much much lower than the "I am gonna kill you" or the I am gonna beat you" talk?

Rape should not be handled as something special. You should openly talk about it, you should be able to show it in any form of media and you should also stirr controversy about this topic so people are getting more aware of this. Trying to keep it a special and very delicate will not help anyone. Not even the victim itself.

Well, I'm going to have to disagree with you on the grounds that the author of the article is telling you otherwise. So your assertion is challenged even before I can get to it. It's not a question of whether or not you should respect that request; there's no question of that at all. As a member of this community I demand that you do.

As I've covered before, words like 'kill' and 'beat' are more general than rape. Kill is a multi-purpose word and has been for years. The same thing with 'beat'. Now, if you said "I'm going to beat you like I came home drunk from a bad day at work", that's a reference to a very specific sort of trauma and yes, I would say that its insensitive and shouldn't be said in mixed company, if at all.

The word 'rape' refers to a very specific trauma, and one that tends to cripple people in extreme ways. I am not a victim of rape, nor domestic abuse of any kind, so I cannot comment on which is 'worse'... I don't think such a thing can be quantified. I will say that speaking generally about killing and beating is less likely to trigger than the word 'rape'.

If you're still shaky on the concept of trigger language, I suggest to take some time to read up on it. There are a plethora of blogs about the subject. I would suggest Shakesville, though you really should start a thread maybe asking for some references; I'm sure there are some better read than I who could help you.

 

[anthony87]

As a member of this community I demand that you do.

I'm sorry but who the hell are you to demand anything of anyone?

 

[Ledan]

O_O
If I had your adress I would send you a cake, so I owe you a cake sir. That was an amazing read, and though I don't use that word it has furthered my understanding of the issue. If I can, I'll spread this along to other people.
May you still have a good life.

Off-topic: This makes me angrier at such criminals though. And makes organizations that hide them unforgivable (such as some church scandals).

 

[Terratina.]

WTF? 11 pages in, and there's already a 'heated debate'.

Captcha: spruce-up

I agree, this thread needs to a clean up in some areas. Thank you, dear anonymous author. I don't know if sharing this stuff and letting it out will help you, but I hope it does.

 

[itsthesheppy]

As a member of this community I demand that you do.

I'm sorry but who the hell are you to demand anything of anyone?

Someone who is willing to stand up for the values he wants to see in the community he participates in. If you are a bigot, or a racist, or a sexist; if you use language that offends and hurts people, if you belittle others and make this a community that is toxic to certain individuals for the pure purpose of elevating yourself, I will oppose you.

I take responsibility for my community. In the 'real' world, out in the streets, I demand that you do not kill me, or hit me, or steal from me. I also demand that you do not do these things to other people; we all have the right to make these demands of each other. They are not polite requests. They are outright declarations. Thou shalt not.

In the gaming community that I participate in, thou shalt not use language that hurts other people and display callous disregard for their feelings. I make that demand as someone who is willing to call you or anyone else out for such things. I am not in the business of squirming in my place and wringing my hands and saying 'oh, please, guys, can we not, please, just stop, maybe?' No. I am willing and eager to take a stand, draw a line on the ground and say 'No. This will not be tolerated.'

Everyone should make those demands. Everyone should take a personal responsibility for the community they participate in, because we all have equal stake. You ask 'who am I' as if there was someone I could be that I'm not; you and I are equals, and I make the demand of you, one equal to the next.

 

[PessimistOwl]

Very well written indeed, this article really does give an inside glimpse to many people what the reality is like for people who have actually been raped.

I, unfortunately, cannot say that I have never used the word out of context online in the entirety of my gaming career. However, in my defense, it's never repeated and the word is only really used against npc's (example, ganging up on a single creeper in minecraft) and very rarely used against other people.

That being said, being a gay man, I have already started changing my view on using certain words. Before growing older, I was just a troll; I honestly would do anything and everything to make things either annoying for other people or to flat out ruin their times playing a game with me because it brought me a sort of joy. Not going to lie.

However, after coming to terms with my own homosexuality, I have also started to have a personal connection with some of these words. Hell, I won't even let my boyfriend use the word "fag" because for some inexplicable reason, it offends me personally or just makes me stop having immediate fun and just go "hm".

for me, it's different because it's on a sub-conscious level, I can only imagine how hard it is for you. So, in light of that, I have decided to continue my effort of being forever civil whilst on the internet.

Thank you good sir and I hope that some time in the future that you will be able to piece everything together and be able to cope with the horrible things that have happened in your life.