The R Word

[darji]

Trash talk is trash talk. I don't understand why you people consider rape to be bad, but murder and physical violence is perfectly fine.

Sure rape is traumatic. So is getting beaten to death, or getting beaten beyond recognition. Getting stabbed repeatedly must hurt, or being burned alive. You'd rather be disfigured and crippled than raped? Why are you trying to downplay other forms of suffering while claiming your own is the worst suffering that exists?

Honestly this whole issue is pretty messed up, and only serves to prove what the media says: gamers have become desensitized to violence. This and similar recent topics on rape on this forum are proof: you're victims because of rape, while physical violence is just a normal part of life. Your wife and kids were murdered? Tough break champ, as long as its not sexual assault YOU'RE FINE.

Exactly Every. such an act is terrible and Rape is not special in this case.


The whole Tomb Raider controvery which stirred these kind of article up is beyond stupid. Where were these people when Heavy Rain had a much more intense and violent scene than the harmless tomb Raider one? What makes this compared to Heavy Rain harmless scene so special.


Also its totally wrong to make such topics a taboo in media which also includes Games. Making something a taboo topic does not help at all. It will even have the oposite effect you want to archieve.

And another thing as hard as it is but keeping it all by yourself is not the right way to face such things. Beeing open about it shows you that you can move on. It shows that you can fight it. And if a friend uses such a term infront of you tell him what happend to you and he will certainly understand. If no one knows what happend to you people will not care.

And trying to do this over a COD or Halo or other game is just absurd. But crying and saying Its insensitive against such victims will not accomplish anything at all. If you dont like it block it move on or dont play such games.

 

[MyNameIsNowNotMyName]

*Claps* Good article, my man.
I hope writing this article wasn't any harder than what you wrote, but I truly have no idea....

 

[darji]

This and similar recent topics on rape on this forum are proof: you're victims because of rape, while physical violence is just a normal part of life. Your wife and kids were murdered? Tough break champ, as long as its not sexual assault YOU'RE FINE.

Absolutely nobody that I am aware of is suggesting that. In fact in the reply I posted above your post here, I make a point to say that everyone's trigger words are to be respected; however, some words, like 'kill' are so general and multi-purpose in our language that it is less likely to cause severe offense than the much-more-specific word of 'rape'.

I mean if I use the word "We beat them", the word 'beat' is very general. It's less likely to trigger someone, though if it did, I would certainly owe them an apology and be mindful around them in the future. The word 'rape' however is not multi-purpose. It means sexual assault. It's a much more specific word that calls to a specific trauma, and moreover, it's unnecessary to everyday gamer parlance. It can be omitted without losing anything of value, and doing so make the community that little bit safer and more inclusive.

nobody is saying the word should be illegal to use. All that's being said is that using it causes hurt; you're welcome to ignore that hurt, as I am welcome to consider you to be an insensitive person, and I reserve the right to make it clear that insensitive people are not welcome.

So and I am gonna kill you is not as specific as I am gonna rape you? There are more people who saw someone getting killed than someone beeing raped. So why is rape so special? A criminal and violent act is still the same and the victim will again be as much traumatized as someone who was beeing raped.

 

[itsthesheppy]

This and similar recent topics on rape on this forum are proof: you're victims because of rape, while physical violence is just a normal part of life. Your wife and kids were murdered? Tough break champ, as long as its not sexual assault YOU'RE FINE.

Absolutely nobody that I am aware of is suggesting that. In fact in the reply I posted above your post here, I make a point to say that everyone's trigger words are to be respected; however, some words, like 'kill' are so general and multi-purpose in our language that it is less likely to cause severe offense than the much-more-specific word of 'rape'.

I mean if I use the word "We beat them", the word 'beat' is very general. It's less likely to trigger someone, though if it did, I would certainly owe them an apology and be mindful around them in the future. The word 'rape' however is not multi-purpose. It means sexual assault. It's a much more specific word that calls to a specific trauma, and moreover, it's unnecessary to everyday gamer parlance. It can be omitted without losing anything of value, and doing so make the community that little bit safer and more inclusive.

nobody is saying the word should be illegal to use. All that's being said is that using it causes hurt; you're welcome to ignore that hurt, as I am welcome to consider you to be an insensitive person, and I reserve the right to make it clear that insensitive people are not welcome.

So and I am gonna kill you is not as specific as I am gonna rape you? There are more people who saw someone getting killed than someone beeing raped. So why is rape so special? A criminal and violent act is still the same and the victim will again be as much traumatized as someone who was beeing raped.

I'm sorry, I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to communicate to me. If English is not your first language, I apologize. But from what it sounds, you are bringing up an objection I've addressed before, and I suggest reading through the thread. This has been covered.

 

[darji]

This and similar recent topics on rape on this forum are proof: you're victims because of rape, while physical violence is just a normal part of life. Your wife and kids were murdered? Tough break champ, as long as its not sexual assault YOU'RE FINE.

Absolutely nobody that I am aware of is suggesting that. In fact in the reply I posted above your post here, I make a point to say that everyone's trigger words are to be respected; however, some words, like 'kill' are so general and multi-purpose in our language that it is less likely to cause severe offense than the much-more-specific word of 'rape'.

I mean if I use the word "We beat them", the word 'beat' is very general. It's less likely to trigger someone, though if it did, I would certainly owe them an apology and be mindful around them in the future. The word 'rape' however is not multi-purpose. It means sexual assault. It's a much more specific word that calls to a specific trauma, and moreover, it's unnecessary to everyday gamer parlance. It can be omitted without losing anything of value, and doing so make the community that little bit safer and more inclusive.

nobody is saying the word should be illegal to use. All that's being said is that using it causes hurt; you're welcome to ignore that hurt, as I am welcome to consider you to be an insensitive person, and I reserve the right to make it clear that insensitive people are not welcome.

So and I am gonna kill you is not as specific as I am gonna rape you? There are more people who saw someone getting killed than someone beeing raped. So why is rape so special? A criminal and violent act is still the same and the victim will again be as much traumatized as someone who was beeing raped.

I'm sorry, I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to communicate to me. If English is not your first language, I apologize. But from what it sounds, you are bringing up an objection I've addressed before, and I suggest reading through the thread. This has been covered.

Yeah English is not my native language and I am sorry if you dont get my point.

I am just saying that you can hurt alot more people by saying "I am gonna beat you" than by saying "I am gonna rape you" Tons of people where abused as a kid so that they are now traumtized. why is it ok to say that while the change to hurt someone with "I am gonna Rape you" is much much lower than the "I am gonna kill you" or the I am gonna beat you" talk?

Rape should not be handled as something special. You should openly talk about it, you should be able to show it in any form of media and you should also stirr controversy about this topic so people are getting more aware of this. Trying to keep it a special and very delicate will not help anyone. Not even the victim itself.

 

[itsthesheppy]

This and similar recent topics on rape on this forum are proof: you're victims because of rape, while physical violence is just a normal part of life. Your wife and kids were murdered? Tough break champ, as long as its not sexual assault YOU'RE FINE.

Absolutely nobody that I am aware of is suggesting that. In fact in the reply I posted above your post here, I make a point to say that everyone's trigger words are to be respected; however, some words, like 'kill' are so general and multi-purpose in our language that it is less likely to cause severe offense than the much-more-specific word of 'rape'.

I mean if I use the word "We beat them", the word 'beat' is very general. It's less likely to trigger someone, though if it did, I would certainly owe them an apology and be mindful around them in the future. The word 'rape' however is not multi-purpose. It means sexual assault. It's a much more specific word that calls to a specific trauma, and moreover, it's unnecessary to everyday gamer parlance. It can be omitted without losing anything of value, and doing so make the community that little bit safer and more inclusive.

nobody is saying the word should be illegal to use. All that's being said is that using it causes hurt; you're welcome to ignore that hurt, as I am welcome to consider you to be an insensitive person, and I reserve the right to make it clear that insensitive people are not welcome.

So and I am gonna kill you is not as specific as I am gonna rape you? There are more people who saw someone getting killed than someone beeing raped. So why is rape so special? A criminal and violent act is still the same and the victim will again be as much traumatized as someone who was beeing raped.

I'm sorry, I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to communicate to me. If English is not your first language, I apologize. But from what it sounds, you are bringing up an objection I've addressed before, and I suggest reading through the thread. This has been covered.

Yeah English is not my native language and I am sorry if you dont get my point.

I am just saying that you can hurt alot more people by saying "I am gonna beat you" than by saying "I am gonna rape you" Tons of people where abused as a kid so that they are now traumtized. why is it ok to say that while the change to hurt someone with "I am gonna Rape you" is much much lower than the "I am gonna kill you" or the I am gonna beat you" talk?

Rape should not be handled as something special. You should openly talk about it, you should be able to show it in any form of media and you should also stirr controversy about this topic so people are getting more aware of this. Trying to keep it a special and very delicate will not help anyone. Not even the victim itself.

Well, I'm going to have to disagree with you on the grounds that the author of the article is telling you otherwise. So your assertion is challenged even before I can get to it. It's not a question of whether or not you should respect that request; there's no question of that at all. As a member of this community I demand that you do.

As I've covered before, words like 'kill' and 'beat' are more general than rape. Kill is a multi-purpose word and has been for years. The same thing with 'beat'. Now, if you said "I'm going to beat you like I came home drunk from a bad day at work", that's a reference to a very specific sort of trauma and yes, I would say that its insensitive and shouldn't be said in mixed company, if at all.

The word 'rape' refers to a very specific trauma, and one that tends to cripple people in extreme ways. I am not a victim of rape, nor domestic abuse of any kind, so I cannot comment on which is 'worse'... I don't think such a thing can be quantified. I will say that speaking generally about killing and beating is less likely to trigger than the word 'rape'.

If you're still shaky on the concept of trigger language, I suggest to take some time to read up on it. There are a plethora of blogs about the subject. I would suggest Shakesville, though you really should start a thread maybe asking for some references; I'm sure there are some better read than I who could help you.

 

[anthony87]

As a member of this community I demand that you do.

I'm sorry but who the hell are you to demand anything of anyone?

 

[Ledan]

O_O
If I had your adress I would send you a cake, so I owe you a cake sir. That was an amazing read, and though I don't use that word it has furthered my understanding of the issue. If I can, I'll spread this along to other people.
May you still have a good life.

Off-topic: This makes me angrier at such criminals though. And makes organizations that hide them unforgivable (such as some church scandals).

 

[Terratina.]

WTF? 11 pages in, and there's already a 'heated debate'.

Captcha: spruce-up

I agree, this thread needs to a clean up in some areas. Thank you, dear anonymous author. I don't know if sharing this stuff and letting it out will help you, but I hope it does.

 

[itsthesheppy]

As a member of this community I demand that you do.

I'm sorry but who the hell are you to demand anything of anyone?

Someone who is willing to stand up for the values he wants to see in the community he participates in. If you are a bigot, or a racist, or a sexist; if you use language that offends and hurts people, if you belittle others and make this a community that is toxic to certain individuals for the pure purpose of elevating yourself, I will oppose you.

I take responsibility for my community. In the 'real' world, out in the streets, I demand that you do not kill me, or hit me, or steal from me. I also demand that you do not do these things to other people; we all have the right to make these demands of each other. They are not polite requests. They are outright declarations. Thou shalt not.

In the gaming community that I participate in, thou shalt not use language that hurts other people and display callous disregard for their feelings. I make that demand as someone who is willing to call you or anyone else out for such things. I am not in the business of squirming in my place and wringing my hands and saying 'oh, please, guys, can we not, please, just stop, maybe?' No. I am willing and eager to take a stand, draw a line on the ground and say 'No. This will not be tolerated.'

Everyone should make those demands. Everyone should take a personal responsibility for the community they participate in, because we all have equal stake. You ask 'who am I' as if there was someone I could be that I'm not; you and I are equals, and I make the demand of you, one equal to the next.

 

[PessimistOwl]

Very well written indeed, this article really does give an inside glimpse to many people what the reality is like for people who have actually been raped.

I, unfortunately, cannot say that I have never used the word out of context online in the entirety of my gaming career. However, in my defense, it's never repeated and the word is only really used against npc's (example, ganging up on a single creeper in minecraft) and very rarely used against other people.

That being said, being a gay man, I have already started changing my view on using certain words. Before growing older, I was just a troll; I honestly would do anything and everything to make things either annoying for other people or to flat out ruin their times playing a game with me because it brought me a sort of joy. Not going to lie.

However, after coming to terms with my own homosexuality, I have also started to have a personal connection with some of these words. Hell, I won't even let my boyfriend use the word "fag" because for some inexplicable reason, it offends me personally or just makes me stop having immediate fun and just go "hm".

for me, it's different because it's on a sub-conscious level, I can only imagine how hard it is for you. So, in light of that, I have decided to continue my effort of being forever civil whilst on the internet.

Thank you good sir and I hope that some time in the future that you will be able to piece everything together and be able to cope with the horrible things that have happened in your life.

 

[anthony87]

As a member of this community I demand that you do.

I'm sorry but who the hell are you to demand anything of anyone?

Someone who is willing to stand up for the values he wants to see in the community he participates in. If you are a bigot, or a racist, or a sexist; if you use language that offends and hurts people, if you belittle others and make this a community that is toxic to certain individuals for the pure purpose of elevating yourself, I will oppose you.

I take responsibility for my community. In the 'real' world, out in the streets, I demand that you do not kill me, or hit me, or steal from me. I also demand that you do not do these things to other people; we all have the right to make these demands of each other. They are not polite requests. They are outright declarations. Thou shalt not.

In the gaming community that I participate in, thou shalt not use language that hurts other people and display callous disregard for their feelings. I make that demand as someone who is willing to call you or anyone else out for such things. I am not in the business of squirming in my place and wringing my hands and saying 'oh, please, guys, can we not, please, just stop, maybe?' No. I am willing and eager to take a stand, draw a line on the ground and say 'No. This will not be tolerated.'

Everyone should make those demands. Everyone should take a personal responsibility for the community they participate in, because we all have equal stake. You ask 'who am I' as if there was someone I could be that I'm not; you and I are equals, and I make the demand of you, one equal to the next.

Yeah.....no. I shalt use whatever the hell language I like. I'm not gonna restrain myself on the off chance that somebody, somewhere might get offended but at the same time I'm not trying to cause offense. The idea of pissing someone off is so far in the back of my mind that it doesn't even occur to me. If they do get offended by something I say and let me know that I've offended them then I'll apologise and refrain from using that particular phrase for as long as they're around so as not to cause further offense.

I'm not gonna walk on eggshells all my life for people or issues that I'm not aware exist and I certainly wouldn't ask anyone else to do the same for me.

 

[Thraxen]

Wait, the author suffered a broken arm (most likely a jont break) at age 7 and the hospital didn't even come close to checking for signs of abuse? You had a borken arm, probably needing your parents help to change your clothes, and they noticed nothing either?

Granted, I hardly ever take anything on the internet to be a true story anyway, but this just seems all kinds of fishy.

 

[itsthesheppy]

As a member of this community I demand that you do.

I'm sorry but who the hell are you to demand anything of anyone?

Someone who is willing to stand up for the values he wants to see in the community he participates in. If you are a bigot, or a racist, or a sexist; if you use language that offends and hurts people, if you belittle others and make this a community that is toxic to certain individuals for the pure purpose of elevating yourself, I will oppose you.

I take responsibility for my community. In the 'real' world, out in the streets, I demand that you do not kill me, or hit me, or steal from me. I also demand that you do not do these things to other people; we all have the right to make these demands of each other. They are not polite requests. They are outright declarations. Thou shalt not.

In the gaming community that I participate in, thou shalt not use language that hurts other people and display callous disregard for their feelings. I make that demand as someone who is willing to call you or anyone else out for such things. I am not in the business of squirming in my place and wringing my hands and saying 'oh, please, guys, can we not, please, just stop, maybe?' No. I am willing and eager to take a stand, draw a line on the ground and say 'No. This will not be tolerated.'

Everyone should make those demands. Everyone should take a personal responsibility for the community they participate in, because we all have equal stake. You ask 'who am I' as if there was someone I could be that I'm not; you and I are equals, and I make the demand of you, one equal to the next.

Yeah.....no. I shalt use whatever the hell language I like. I'm not gonna restrain myself on the off chance that somebody, somewhere might get offended but at the same time I'm not trying to cause offense. The idea of pissing someone off is so far in the back of my mind that it doesn't even occur to me. If they do get offended by something I say and let me know that I've offended them then I'll apologise and refrain from using that particular phrase for as long as they're around so as not to cause further offense.

I'm not gonna walk on eggshells all my life for people or issues that I'm not aware exist and I certainly wouldn't ask anyone else to do the same for me.

You're aware that something like 1 in 5 women are the targets of sexual abuse in their lifetimes [http://www.feminist.com/antiviolence/facts.html], right? If you weren't before, you are now. So 'walking on eggshells' becomes very relevant where one in every fifth step is going to be treading on an eggshell, except in this case the eggshells are people, and you have the power not to crush them, and you can make the adult choice to care, or not care.

And if you don't care, that's your choice. Just as it is my choice to work tirelessly to make this community one that has no room for careless people who give no thoughts to the sensibilities of others. And then your choice won't be just to be careless about people's feelings or not. Then it will be whether or not you'd like to be a social pariah. Up to you which one you'd prefer.

Checking your own language is easy. It's very, very simple to eliminate even one word from your lexicon. The word 'rape' isn't necessary to use in casual gaming parlance. If you are really fighting tooth and nail to hang onto it, it leads me to believe there is something motivating you beyond just the knee-jerk pushback people employ when they're being told that maybe their behavior isn't acceptable. That maybe you're fond of the word in ways that I would find worthy of intellectual investigation.

 

[axlryder]

Yeah, I fail to see how this is any different than a victim of torture or one who had witnessed the murder of someone dear to them at a young age. All of these things are emotionally traumatic on a deep level and will likely fuck you up for the rest of your life. Rape isn't special in that regard. At least, not so special that I'm suddenly going to treat it with some kind of new-found "respect". I never used the word rape colloquially anyway, but this doesn't really change my perspective on anything.

 

[darji]

As a member of this community I demand that you do.

I'm sorry but who the hell are you to demand anything of anyone?

Someone who is willing to stand up for the values he wants to see in the community he participates in. If you are a bigot, or a racist, or a sexist; if you use language that offends and hurts people, if you belittle others and make this a community that is toxic to certain individuals for the pure purpose of elevating yourself, I will oppose you.

I take responsibility for my community. In the 'real' world, out in the streets, I demand that you do not kill me, or hit me, or steal from me. I also demand that you do not do these things to other people; we all have the right to make these demands of each other. They are not polite requests. They are outright declarations. Thou shalt not.

In the gaming community that I participate in, thou shalt not use language that hurts other people and display callous disregard for their feelings. I make that demand as someone who is willing to call you or anyone else out for such things. I am not in the business of squirming in my place and wringing my hands and saying 'oh, please, guys, can we not, please, just stop, maybe?' No. I am willing and eager to take a stand, draw a line on the ground and say 'No. This will not be tolerated.'

Everyone should make those demands. Everyone should take a personal responsibility for the community they participate in, because we all have equal stake. You ask 'who am I' as if there was someone I could be that I'm not; you and I are equals, and I make the demand of you, one equal to the next.

you really should watch this. despite the language its very wise words you should listen to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43V6wA4Y75Q

 

[Eppy (Bored)]

Writing that took guts. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Entenzahn]

Well, I'm going to have to disagree with you on the grounds that the author of the article is telling you otherwise. So your assertion is challenged even before I can get to it. It's not a question of whether or not you should respect that request; there's no question of that at all. As a member of this community I demand that you do.

As I've covered before, words like 'kill' and 'beat' are more general than rape. Kill is a multi-purpose word and has been for years. The same thing with 'beat'. Now, if you said "I'm going to beat you like I came home drunk from a bad day at work", that's a reference to a very specific sort of trauma and yes, I would say that its insensitive and shouldn't be said in mixed company, if at all.

The word 'rape' refers to a very specific trauma, and one that tends to cripple people in extreme ways. I am not a victim of rape, nor domestic abuse of any kind, so I cannot comment on which is 'worse'... I don't think such a thing can be quantified. I will say that speaking generally about killing and beating is less likely to trigger than the word 'rape'.

If you're still shaky on the concept of trigger language, I suggest to take some time to read up on it. There are a plethora of blogs about the subject. I would suggest Shakesville, though you really should start a thread maybe asking for some references; I'm sure there are some better read than I who could help you.

Honestly you come off as a little self-righteous.

First of all, you don't get to make demands.

Secondly, who are you to make the call on which "trigger words" are more "specific" or "common" (i.e. more important)? What is it about "rape" that makes it top your list, as opposed to "torture", "murder", "castrate"? "Kill" is not specific? I think it is pretty obvious what "kill" refers to. (Hint: Killing)

The word "beat" is another good example. You think "beating somebody" always had the double meaning of physical violence and figuratively beating somebody in a competitive scenario? Or is not more likely that the term used to be limited to the meaning of literally beating somebody until it became slang and was used more figuratively? You know, kind of the transformation that "rape" is going through right now.

Look, if you want to spend your life walkling on eggshells and apologizing for every minor offense you cause through the use of everyday vocabulary (and slang in the making) then be my guest. But to hold other people to that same standard or else consider them insensitive and unwelcome just makes you a prick in my book. There's a slight difference between pissing somebody off on purpose and not and if you can't tell that difference you're socially inept.

Personally, my use of the word will not change. Simply because it always starts with "this one word that you don't need." In fact right now there seem to be a lot of "one words that you don't need." I'm pretty sure "rape" isn't the first "R-Word" either.

 

[Entenzahn]

Got this double post after going through the "I AGREE" forum guidelines message

 

[wizzy555]

As a member of this community I demand that you do.

I'm sorry but who the hell are you to demand anything of anyone?

Someone who is willing to stand up for the values he wants to see in the community he participates in. If you are a bigot, or a racist, or a sexist; if you use language that offends and hurts people, if you belittle others and make this a community that is toxic to certain individuals for the pure purpose of elevating yourself, I will oppose you.

I take responsibility for my community. In the 'real' world, out in the streets, I demand that you do not kill me, or hit me, or steal from me. I also demand that you do not do these things to other people; we all have the right to make these demands of each other. They are not polite requests. They are outright declarations. Thou shalt not.

In the gaming community that I participate in, thou shalt not use language that hurts other people and display callous disregard for their feelings. I make that demand as someone who is willing to call you or anyone else out for such things. I am not in the business of squirming in my place and wringing my hands and saying 'oh, please, guys, can we not, please, just stop, maybe?' No. I am willing and eager to take a stand, draw a line on the ground and say 'No. This will not be tolerated.'

Everyone should make those demands. Everyone should take a personal responsibility for the community they participate in, because we all have equal stake. You ask 'who am I' as if there was someone I could be that I'm not; you and I are equals, and I make the demand of you, one equal to the next.

This only works if people have similar notions about what is immoral, which they don't. For instance you equate disregard for feelings as equivalent to theft or murder which would be controversial to say the least.