IrisEver said:
I've been using these forums for a while, but (1) have changed my SN to break away from the people who don't share the same values. Start afresh, if you will.
I'm going to be straight with you guys. (2)I'm not a calm, well-behaved lady. I can be quite fiery, quite aggressive, and you know what? I'm happy with that and who I am.
What I've found is, though, (3)that people are not happy when women show even one ounce of strength or conviction in who they are. Even less so when they're aggressive rather than a pacifist. It's like (5)men, in particular (if we're talking romantically) are looking for a relationship in which they are mothered. I'm not that sort of person, and don't want to be with someone who needs mothering. I've tried it once, it ended in disaster and (6)I deviated so far from who I was, I just wasnt happy and neither was he. The relationship became monotone because I was so stifled by having to portray the 'expected' version of me.
So I come to you. (7)What do YOU think about women with a more violent and hot-headed nature than the norm? (8)Do you prefer women to be subtle? Mother you? Why do you prefer this? I'm supposing a lot of you play video games with particually 'strong' minded (and bodied) women, so when it comes to real life.. (9)why do you want me down on my knees? (Hey, careful, I dont mean in that sense).
I'm not saying that I would go shank someone in the street or be completely irrational. I have a head on my shoulders. (10)But I like violence (as play in a relationship, or as a happy relationship dynamic). I get a rise from it. And I'm fine with who I am.
Is it really so scary to men? I'm not looking for advice here, even though I do despair at the lack of relationship prospects for me. I can handle myself. (11)I want insight into why so many men seem to need and expect passive women.
The trouble with binaries is, they always privilege one over the other.
(1) I wonder why you would have to change your screen name? It sounds as though you no longer wanted to be associated with people who named you as a friend on here, in which case my first reaction is "relax, it's just the internet." And why so afraid of those who don't share all of your values? Do you not think that you have something to learn from them?
(2) This actually sounds sexy. Not
trolling you or
hitting on you sexy, but actually, metaphysically, mentally sexy. Until I considered the title of the thread.
Do you really think that hitting someone, or injuring someone, or breaking their shit, is a sign of strength, or anything you described therein? Does it not point to unresolved personal issues and nothing more?
(4) Well,
Escapists are generally not happy when women state that they still don't have all the same rights as men. Actually, the majority of Escapists don't seem all that bothered by the plight of women anywhere. This perception is probably an exaggeration of the truth, but I'm sure you've been in a thread about women before - it's a playground of misogyny. My question is: why do you think you can't be an aggressive person AND a pacifist? Or do you mean pushy and violent when you say aggressive? And why do you equate standing up for what you believe in to beating the shit out of someone?
(5) Men are like that until we grow up some and realize that we should be taking care of our own domestic/hygeine needs (hooray for my spelling). If you're bitching because they want someone to listen to them, you should stop paying attention to verbal gender role propaganda and take the same advice that everyone always gives us guys: listen more, and you'll get more out of her. So listen more, and you'll get more out of him.
(6) Again, what do you mean? You deviated from who you are by BEING with someone? Or by being affectionate and attentive (which is pretty close to the dictionary condition of a lover)? Would you rather spend out your days in an institution or self-sequesterment, writing about how much better you are than all the lovey-dovies that you don't need anywho? Clarity, please.
(7) Answer: women who aren't afraid to stand their ground, women who stand up for their selves and for what they believe in, are unbelievably hot. Women who tear shit up and act crazy may be hot for about a weekend - long enough to screw them and then change the locks. You asked.
(8) "Subtlety." Again with the binaries. Sanity is underrated. A well-grounded, fully-formed-on-their-own person is underrated.
(9) Would you think me rude if I asked you to kindly come down from your cross? Binaries are bullshit, they are two-dimensional thinking, they are a trick your mind plays on itself to keep from doing any actual hard work. And it's always a nice touch to add a bit of self-appointed martyrdom. Why be cold and unfeeling or rageful, scary and violent toward others, but be sad and pitying towards yourself? That's not an insult, it's an honest question.
(10) I take it you don't mean wrasslin'. In which case it's probably time to consider why you get a rise out of it, and why you excuse it as a game. You need help, not enablers.
(11) This is a sorry excuse hiding within a very real issue that cannot help you confront what's keeping you from having the sort of relationships you describe. The answer must begin and end with honesty with yourself. Or something. Either way, violence from anyone is a sign of a weaker mind and you should think better of yourself.