Violent women.

[similar.squirrel]

Their woefully underdeveloped musculature poses no serious risk to myself, so I tend to placate them with cosmetics and shoes until the fit of rage has passed and they're in a culinary frame of mind once again.

Seriously, though. I'm not overly taken with hot-headed people of any gender, because I'm not a confrontational person. That said, given the choice of being around a girl with no opinions or firmly-held convictions and a more passionate one, I will take the latter. But that's the case for men as well. I tend not to differentiate. A good middle-ground between being able to think for oneself and not spreading your opinions hither and yon is optimal.

Physically? I've been slapped by a friend of a friend who was drunk and decided to see how far she could push the awkward guy. I didn't like it, so I guess violent women are annoying. Unless the violence is justified.

 

[Ferrious]

Perhaps it does reek of "all men think x", but I didnt mean it in such a way, just as I'm sure you didnt mean to imply that a man cannot be like this while also enjoying video games. I was just looking for insight, of which I got a lot.

Yeah, I was trying to play it for laughs, it obviously didn't work.

To be honest, what you describe doesn't sound too far from a 'normal' relationship. Boyfriend comes home and you choke-slam him into a table before he gets his coat off? Uncool. Boyfriend playfully hits you in the arm and you grapple him to the floor with a "That wasn't such a good idea, was it?" while both are laughing? Not many object to that. That's just being playful.

You are, of course, right. Some men want a mother, some want their way and expect you to do what you're told. To be honest, I think a woman like you would do them good. I just don't think you could stomach it!

 

[subfield]

iris,

you ask what do i prefer a women to be like? i prefer women to be themselves. pretense is ugly and boring and stale. are women who are hot-headed "scary"? hardly.

why do men seem to need and expect passive women? probably for various reasons - maybe they don't want to be eclipsed by a strong woman. expectation - i think the culture encourages it with ads, cinema, books, etc. more to the point, i don't understand why "why" matters to you. if it is the case that a man needs a passive woman and you are not such a one, why does it matter? if it's a problem for you or him, that's the end of that. if it's not, so much the better.

 

[IrisEver]

Perhaps it does reek of "all men think x", but I didnt mean it in such a way, just as I'm sure you didnt mean to imply that a man cannot be like this while also enjoying video games. I was just looking for insight, of which I got a lot.

Yeah, I was trying to play it for laughs, it obviously didn't work.

To be honest, what you describe doesn't sound too far from a 'normal' relationship. Boyfriend comes home and you choke-slam him into a table before he gets his coat off? Uncool. Boyfriend playfully hits you in the arm and you grapple him to the floor with a "That wasn't such a good idea, was it?" while both are laughing? Not many object to that. That's just being playful.

You are, of course, right. Some men want a mother, some want their way and expect you to do what you're told. To be honest, I think a woman like you would do them good. I just don't think you could stomach it!

I suppose my way is a little more violent than you describe.

But I'm not sure it matters. I think I'll just have to accept my fate. What upsets me more is a man taking one look at me and thinking I'm weak -- especially if it's the sort of man I could have a relationship with who wants a more hotly tempered character, but he rejects me based on something far from reality. I'm quite short and feminine looking. It stings when it's assume you're not who you are, and even get rejection from it.

 

[Navvan]

I would much prefer a woman capable of taking and giving actual criticism and argue than one I have to walk on eggshells to get along with.

 

[intheweeds]

I've been using these forums for a while, but have changed my SN to break away from the people who don't share the same values. Start afresh, if you will.

I'm going to be straight with you guys. I'm not a calm, well-behaved lady. I can be quite fiery, quite aggressive, and you know what? I'm happy with that and who I am.

What I've found is, though, that people are not happy when women show even one ounce of strength or conviction in who they are. Even less so when they're aggressive rather than a pacifist. It's like men, in particular (if we're talking romantically) are looking for a relationship in which they are mothered. I'm not that sort of person, and don't want to be with someone who needs mothering. I've tried it once, it ended in disaster and I deviated so far from who I was, I just wasnt happy and neither was he. The relationship became monotone because I was so stifled by having to portray the 'expected' version of me.

So I come to you. What do YOU think about women with a more violent and hot-headed nature than the norm? Do you prefer women to be subtle? Mother you? Why do you prefer this? I'm supposing a lot of you play video games with particually 'strong' minded (and bodied) women, so when it comes to real life.. why do you want me down on my knees? (Hey, careful, I dont mean in that sense).

I'm not saying that I would go shank someone in the street or be completely irrational. I have a head on my shoulders. But I like violence (as play in a relationship, or as a happy relationship dynamic). I get a rise from it. And I'm fine with who I am.

Is it really so scary to men? I'm not looking for advice here, even though I do despair at the lack of relationship prospects for me. I can handle myself. I want insight into why so many men seem to need and expect passive women.

From a woman: I don't think violence and assertiveness and hot-headedness are even close to the same thing.

Be as assertive as you want, there are always partners out there of either sex who will not only think its fine, will love you for it.

Hot-headed? Nothing deal-breakingly wrong in itself, but know that you may have problems in your work life as well as at home if you can't keep from freaking out when you don't get your own way or someone does something you don't like.

Violence though, is not okay for either sex. Especially in a relationship. Regardless of your gender, if you feel the need to strike your lover in anger, then you have a problem. For me there is no grey area here.

Edit: violence in sex is like anything in sex: it's all context. If you are playing and its consensual, then go nuts in my opinion. I think you'll find a lot of people really like that in a woman.

 

[Heathrow]

I suppose my way is a little more violent than you describe.

But I'm not sure it matters. I think I'll just have to accept my fate. What upsets me more is a man taking one look at me and thinking I'm weak -- especially if it's the sort of man I could have a relationship with who wants a more hotly tempered character, but he rejects me based on something far from reality. I'm quite short and feminine looking. It stings when it's assume you're not who you are, and even get rejection from it.

You know being provocative is only fun if you respond, ah well.

You seem awfully down on yourself in these posts, I must say I'm familiar with the feeling. Get your heart trod on enough times and it's easy to lose hope. I don't know what you want to take away from this thread but remember this: there are lots of people in this world and you never know when you might find the right one for you. Whatever else life is, it's always surprising.

 

[Balvale]

I'm pretty non-violent and don't have any masochistic tendencies, so I'd say no to the violent woman thing.

 

[Vault101]

Is it really so scary to men? I'm not looking for advice here, even though I do despair at the lack of relationship prospects for me. I can handle myself. I want insight into why so many men seem to need and expect passive women.

you know I have noticed that its not really acceptible for girls to have disagreements "physically" (or not taken seriously..."cat fight" and such) but for guys its "more or less" considered ok

not that Id want to get into a fight...Id get my ass kicked, but I have of coarse day dreamed about smashing certian peoples heads in....

uhhhh ignore that part

 

[Womplord]

I think you are just being childish, OP. Who would want to be with a violent person? I think you are in denial about how innocent you are and need to grow up.

...In retrespect I might be just exaggerating... it's hard to differentiate an abusive personality from a kind of 'aggressive' personality (which there is nothing wrong with and may simply require a different mindset from the man) without knowing you well and without even reading the whole thread...

 

[Jeralt2100]

Speaking as a guy in his early 30's I'd have to say that I much prefer a woman who is more....animated. As intheweeds said, actual violence outside of the bedroom is not really ok, especially in the US since in most cases a woman can assault a man however she wants but if he strikes her one time he's going to jail. 'Playful' violence, as in foreplay or just a good back and forth can be great though. There's a lot of great sexual tension to build up in those arguments and making up is always fun.

Overall though, reading your posts leads me to believe that you're just a very outspoken, passionate woman, and there's /nothing/ wrong with that. A lot of guys, myself included, would rather date a woman like you than a timid and demure girl.

 

[IrisEver]

I suppose my way is a little more violent than you describe.

But I'm not sure it matters. I think I'll just have to accept my fate. What upsets me more is a man taking one look at me and thinking I'm weak -- especially if it's the sort of man I could have a relationship with who wants a more hotly tempered character, but he rejects me based on something far from reality. I'm quite short and feminine looking. It stings when it's assume you're not who you are, and even get rejection from it.

You know being provocative is only fun if you respond, ah well.

You seem awfully down on yourself in these posts, I must say I'm familiar with the feeling. Get your heart trod on enough times and it's easy to lose hope. I don't know what you want to take away from this thread but remember this: there are lots of people in this world and you never know when you might find the right one for you. Whatever else life is, it's always surprising.

I'm not down on myself, as such. I'm simply frustrated that theres seemingly very few prospects for a relationship considering my values. I'm okay being single, but I wont lie about wanting to meet someone eventually.

 

[StANDY1338]

I think you are just being childish, OP. Who would want to be with a violent person? I think you are in denial about how innocent you are and need to grow up.

No actualy I pretty much think you called it.

 

[LilithSlave]

I think that submissive women are boring.

I think that aggressive women are super sexy.

Though it does depend on what the aggression is about.

 

[Samurai Silhouette]

Marry me. That's what I think.

 

[IrisEver]

I think you are just being childish, OP. Who would want to be with a violent person? I think you are in denial about how innocent you are and need to grow up.

No actualy I pretty much think you called it.

It's a woman, so it must be innocent. If it's not, it's certainly being childish.

No.

 

[GestaltEsper]

Seeing how you're not so much "violent" as much "assertive," and how some guys posted that they like your type, I really don't have a definite answer. I myself am actually more attracted to girls like you but I know some people who like more passive girls. I'll ask them.

 

[The_Emperor]

Playfighting is cool, trying to beat the shit out of your boyfriend or whatever isn't cool cos he can't hit you back.

The whole battle of the sexes thing annoys me sometimes, yeah there are mild biological differences but were all just monkeys with shoes. one has a dick the other doesn't, the hormones are a bit different, one has a brain structure that tends toward spacial perception the other toward social behaviour and language, but otherwise exactly the same.

I don't have any expectations of women, I have expectations of people. I find the way the mild biological differences culminate in different behaviours fascinating, but most of those behaviours are expressed by both sexes, hence camp gay guys, and butch gay women. Gender is flexible. Gender doesn't change who you are if you are a bad person you are a bad person, gender has nothing to do with it except it might change the way you express said bad behaviour. Same with race, same with culture.

 

[Heathrow]

I'm not down on myself, as such. I'm simply frustrated that theres seemingly very few prospects for a relationship considering my values. I'm okay being single, but I wont lie about wanting to meet someone eventually.

Well you only need to meet one prospect, right?

I didn't mean to say you sounded depressed or anything. I guess it would be more accurate to say you seem fed up which would make sense if you feel like eventually isn't happening quite fast enough. Have you been single for a while?

 

[ChaoticKraus]

So I come to you. What do YOU think about women with a more violent and hot-headed nature than the norm? Do you prefer women to be subtle? Mother you? Why do you prefer this?

Is it really so scary to men? I'm not looking for advice here, even though I do despair at the lack of relationship prospects for me. I can handle myself. I want insight into why so many men seem to need and expect passive women.

Really it differs from man to man, as with everything else in life. But i guess the reason why many guys fear aggressive is because they are naturally inclined/socially expected to be dominant. When they meet a guy who is more dominant than them they're like: Ok that dude's an alpha, i wont mess with him. If they meet a woman who are more dominant than them they get insecure and weirded out.

Personally i can't stand the thought of having a passive girlfriend. And the thought of someone else than my mother mothering me.... Euwch. Believe me i'd like to find an aggressive girl, but she's sure as fuck not going to push me around.

I'm a friendly, easygoing person with a sense of humor but i'm also stubborn, (over)confident and have a venomous rage if i'm messed with (bipolar tendencies HOOOOO!). I'm looking for a "Unstoppable Force meets Unmovable Object" kind of relationship. Y'know, where you can mutually swear at each other without anybody feeling hurt. If that kind of a girl is a ***** then i guess i just like bitches.

There is (probably) more guys that think this way. I wouldn't give up hope.