As you walk over to the Pinkiepie sprite, you see dad is Dawwing the fuck out of the room. God, you hate MLP so much! Anyways, you show it your permission slip.
>Chas: You made the DEATH OF A SALESMAN! A suit and fedora as dark as a black-iron fork forged in the depths of the abyss, during a moonless midnight. You look snazzy and insanely dangerous at the same time! -40 Shale, -40 Tar.
>Greg: You open the door to your MOTHER'S room, and discover... exactly what you'd expect. She's got a bunch of ninja gear neatly stacked on racks and shelves, black clothing folded in the closet, and a pretty simple sleeping mat.
She's also got quite a few pictures of you lying around. You and her meditating together, a 10 year old version of you chasing Perrywinkle around, the day she gave you your KNIGHT'S SWORD. There are a lot of old memories here.
In addition, you also notice a strange package in the corner. About two and a half feet tall, half a foot wide, and leaned up against the wall.
>Dirk: Any and all foes that dare to step in your path are utterly destroyed. Your glorious ascension is accompanied by the destruction of a hundred IMPS and a dozen OGRES. When it seems that you are about to be overwhelmed by the sheer number of opponents, KAMINASPRITE swoops in, wiping out huge swaths of enemies with his HANDS OFF MY LITTLE BROTHER GIGA DRILL BREAKER.
Although you would never know it, this battle would go down as one of the worst defeats in the history of Derse. For as long as the Medium lasted, it would be filled with tales of your legendary victory.
Finally, you reach the First Gate.
You are now a level 14 Awesome Kid. You have 1,000,000 Boondollars. You pick up 1,500 Build Grist, 986 Shale Grist, 874 Chalk Grist, 812 Amber Grist, 682 Rust Grist, and 367 Tar Grist.
>Connor: As you show your CRUXTRITE SIGNED PERMISSION SLIP to PINKIEPIESPRITE, she giggles and touches it. It begins to glow and CLIMATIC FLASH OF LIGHT!
Regaining your sight allows you to look out the window. You see that your house seems to be located on an island in the middle of an ocean.
[01:22] -- backroomSix [BS] began pestering lionizedAnon [LA] at 13:22 --
[01:22] BS: I did it!
[01:22] BS: I'm in the mother fucking medium!
[01:22] LA: Did what?
[01:22] LA: Awesome!!!1
[01:23] BS: Now I'm not gonna die
[01:23] LA: Well...
[01:23] LA: That's good I guess...
[01:23] LA: What's in your world?
[01:23] BS: Anyways guy who I am putting my hatred temproarly aside for
[01:23] LA: Hm?
[01:23] BS: Hows your life going?
[01:24] LA: I made a fuzzy jumpsauit
[01:24] LA: And a chainsaw knife
[01:24] BS: Sounds cool
[01:24] LA: It is
[01:24] BS: I played postal 2 for about 30 minuets
[01:24] LA: I also maid a pimp squiddlke
[01:24] BS: Cool
[01:24] LA: Really?
[01:24] LA: You play a game in a game?
[01:24] BS: Yeah, I had like, 2 hours left
[01:25] BS: when the timer came on
[01:25] LA: Oh.
[01:25] BS: I made it in the last 5 minuets
[01:25] LA: Wow.
[01:25] LA: Congrats.
[01:25] BS: Thanks
[01:25] LA: I still hate you.
[01:25] BS: Now to find something not MLP related to protype this thing with
[01:25] LA: I'm just putting that to the sid for a sec.
[01:25] BS: OH SHIT
[01:25] LA: What
[01:26] BS: My dad, he's dancing with Pinkie Pie sprite...
[01:26] LA: you
[01:26] LA: Have
[01:26] LA: A
[01:26] LA: Pinkie
[01:26] LA: Pie
[01:26] LA: Sprite?
[01:26] BS: yes
[01:26] LA: ....
[01:26] BS: I
[01:26] BS: Do
[01:26] BS: don't
[01:26] LA: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!1
[01:26] LA: OH GOD.
[01:26] LA: YES!!!1
[01:26] LA: YES!!!1
[01:26] LA: YES!!!1
[01:27] BS: At least I don't fucking hug dolls all day, not like I would even want to know what else you do with them
[01:27] LA: ...
[01:27] LA: You saw that?
[01:27] BS: You really did hug your dolls?!
[01:27] BS: HAH HAAHAHAHHAAHHAHA
[01:27] LA: Dammit
[01:27] LA: That was a one time thing!!!1
[01:27] BS: I was just kidding!
[01:27] LA: You have to keep your sprite!!!1
[01:27] LA: HA!!!1
[01:28] BS: Not when I protype it with comadnder shepard
[01:28] LA: Or Rainbow Dash.
[01:28] BS: Fuck you
[01:28] LA: No, sir, I don't go that way.
[01:28] BS: ...
[01:28] BS: I put my hatred back onto you now
[01:29] BS: bbe
[01:29] -- backroomSix [BS] ceased pestering lionizedAnon [LA] at 13:29 --
> Xavier: Alchemize more stuff!
I alchemize my COMPUTER and and GLASSES.
You did it. You are so badass that you are absolutely certain that nothing CHAS will ever do can top what you just did. But that doesn't apply to you. You are going to top yourself over and over again as this game goes on, just you wait DERSE. You walk up to the GATE and admire it. This is pretty damn sweet right here. You offer KAMINASPRITE a CONGRATULATORY HIGH FIVE as thanks for his assistance before stepping through the portal. You grip your HARUHARA BLADE tightly in preparation for whatever is on the other side.
Oh, wait. You loosen your grip. Nothing on the other side of that GATE is prepared for the BADASS about to step through.
>Chas: Your FLASH creates an incredibly bright light. While you remain unaffected, all the IMPS in a large radius are stunned. Other enemies, like OGRES and a few others that you haven't yet encountered, are blinded, but begin lumbering in your direction.
You are currently facing an army of about 50 IMPS, 8 OGRES, 3 BASALIKS, and a GICLOPS. You are by yourself. This may not have been a good idea.
>Xavier: After doing the required WEIRD PUZZLE BULLSHIT, you create the DESKTOP GLASSES! It's a computer shaped like a pair of glasses. It looks incredibly difficult to use. -50 Build Grist, -30 Chalk.
Maybe it'll work better if you combine the glasses with a portable device.
As far as you can see, ancient and crumbling ruins stretch across the horizon. Ranging from enormous towers to modest hovels, they all seem to be composed of the same type of tan stone, and seem to be hundreds of years old.
Most, if not all, of the structures are covered with carvings. You can make out some hieroglyphs here and there, but most of the carvings seem to be in some strange script.
Directly behind you, you see a massive pillar. At least 200 yards in diameter, and with enormous capstones, it appears that your house is located on the very top.
A few feet away from your present location, you see an enormous crater. Looks like this is wear SIS landed. Considering that you don't see her body splattered against the ground, you're going to assume that she landed alright, and is off adventuring. You're sure you'll run into her at some point in the future.
You soon realize that you're not alone. In addition to the many IMPS vandalizing the ruins, you see a few reptile-like creatures, some of whom appear to be studying the ruins, and others who are being attacked by the IMPS.
For no reason in particular, you glance at the RUSTED POCKET WATCH. It appears to still be working, continuously ticking forward. At the present, it looks old and rusted, but otherwise undamaged.
Holy shit. You appear to be in some kind of WONDERFUL TOMB RAIDER WORLD COME ALIVE. You wish KAMINASPRITE were here to see it. You really hate your STUPID WATCH right now, and decide to ask your AWESOME GUIDE about it later. Maybe he will know what to do with it. But first, you see a group of WEIRD LIZARD THINGS being harassed by IMPS, and decide to leap to their rescue. You equip your HARUHARA BLADE and swing into action. And by swing, you mean swing the blade through some skulls.
Why would you do tha-Hey, someone is pestering you!
-- unopressedAgitator [UA] began pestering backroomSix [BS] -- UA: woAh dudE BS: Hey guy UA: whERE did you GEt A musclEbEAst spRitE BS: How do you know I have a fucking shitty MLP sprite? UA: i cAN sEE it RiGht hERE UA: fuckiNG AwEsomE RiGht thERE mAN BS: Uh, thanks? BS: Ignore my dad and his happy dancing UA: wAy AhEAd of you BS: Anyways, hows stuff Mr. Troll guy? BS: You are a troll, right? UA: uhu BS: K UA: still stuck oN A Rock BS: That sucks BS: How can you see what I'm doin'? UA: i hold commANd of youR ENtiRE timEliNE BS: Ah BS: OK BS: that's cool UA: sEE whERE you ARE iN thE futuRE ANd pAst ANd tAlk to you BS: OK UA: so fEEl fuckiN' hoNoREd okAy? BS: So you know if i die or not? BS: Yes, I'm honored UA: i kNow yEAh BS: You don't know ALL of my time line, do you? UA: All of it BS: OK, then pretend what I do on saturday nights doesn't happen UA: whAt BS: You know what, you probly don't care anyways UA: ... -- unopressedAgitator [UA] ceased pestering backroomSix [BS] --
You're starting to like that guy.
>Connor: Go bring cool stuff to the roof of your building to craft and stuff.
You look in your PIP-ventory
Currently holding:
2 game disk: WH=1
Level 5 Clothing: WH=7
Laptop: WH=5
1 Red Rocket Softball bat: WH= 7
1 Alloy bat: WH=5
Half Eaten Nachos: WH=.5
You finish eating the nachos, removing them from your PIP-ventory entirely. You put the game disk on your table and stuff. Your not gonna need it now. You pick up your 'item to sanex card' converter, and your copies of Crackdown and Mass Effect, plus the first volume of Adventure Time DVD set.
Currently holding:
Level 5 Clothing: WH=7
Laptop: WH=5
Red Rocket Softball Bat: WH=7
Alloy Baseball Bat: WH=5
Mass Effect: WH=.5
Crackdown: WH=.5
Adventure Time DVD box set Vol. 1: WH=2
Item To Card Converter:WH=1
You head up to the roof as Pinkie Pie Sprite follows you. You can't make out any of what the horrible thing is saying due to it only laughing in what some people wound find very cute, however you find very fucking annoying!
You make it too the roof. Now to start making shit!
Why would need to do that?It was exactly as you expected,well minus the pictures.As you look at the pictures,you can't help but get a feeling of loss.There are a lot of old memories here.And you doubt you will be able to live that kind of life again.You shake your head to clear the memories.Now is not the time.
You walk up to one of the suits of NINJA CLOTHING and add it to your INVENTORY...or you would if your INVENTORY wasn't full.After a moment you decide to drop the BUSINESS-CASUAL TEE and pick up the NINJA CLOTHING.You doubt you will need the TEE.And you can use the NINJA CLOTHING to ALCHEMIZE armor possibly.
As you continue searching the room,finding no button or switch beyond the one controlling the light,you spot a package being standing in the corner of the room.It seems to be about two and a half feet tall and half a foot wide.Its leaning up against the wall.Now what could this be?Your curiosity gets the better of you and you try to open it.
Yeah, it's about time to do that, but with what faggie hispeter? You have a obscure TV show and game, but you don't want to waste those on your sprite. You could use Crackdown, but having the Agency directory as your guide doesn't sound wise.
Oh wait, you could just do some WEIRD PUZZLE SHIT to make a back up copy of all your games. Nice though cool guy!
First you covert all your items except the item to card converter to cards and commence with the WEIRD PUZZLE SHIT.
> ===>
OK, back ups off all your stuff in crafty block thingies, check. You also made new copies of these items, and put them back into your PIP-ventory You now can safely throw in Mass Effect to prototype the Pinkie Pie Sprite.
>Connor: Do it ******!
Jezz, it's like your really being controlled by a /b/asterd. Anyways, you throw in the copy of Mass Effect
>Xavier: You create the CELLULAR GLASSES! -15 Build Grist, -15 Shale.
You are suddenly approached by TEDDYSPRITE.
-- teddySprite [TS] began pestering lionizedAnon [LA] at 17:53 -- TS: Grrrrrrrrrrrr COUGH COUGH. LA: You ok? TS: Gah, sorry, had a bit of a sore throat for a while there. LA: ... LA: You can talk? TS: Yes. LA: Why didn't you before!!!1? TS: Sorry, wasn't talking much earlier due to said sore throat. TS: That is totally the reason. LA: ... LA: Whatever. TS: Not because some kind of GodMonster screwed up. TS: That's just silly. LA: You know about the GodMonster!!!1? LA: I knew he was real!!!1 TS: What GodMonster? LA: ... LA: Never mind. TS: Alright. LA: So, tell me about this game. LA: What's the objective? TS: Ah, Sburb. Right. TS: Well, I'm supposed to make it sound all flowery and stuff. TS: But I'm a bear. I don't really go for that. LA: OK. TS: Here's the deal: You need to kill a bunch of guys, solve some puzzles, and create a universe. TS: That's about it. LA: ... LA: Wanna specify? LA: Like... LA: EVERYTHING!!!1? TS: Ok, fine. TS: So, you kill stuff like imps and ogres, and a few other types of enemies you haven't found yet. LA: Damn. TS: As you probably figured out, they give you Grist, which you can use to build stuff. LA: Right. TS: Let me put it this way. TS: You're making a universe. LA: Well, fuck. TS: You gonna need a hell of a lot of Grist. TS: Oh, don't freak out. LA: I'm trying not to. TS: There are a few eneimes that drop massive Grist hordes. TS: Beat them and you should be fine. LA: Ok... TS: Anything else you want specified? LA: Tell me about the 'Black King' TS: Oh, him. TS: Right, so as your probably figured, there's a Black King and a White King. LA: Like chess. TS: Exactly like chess. LA: I knew it!!!1 TS: Chess is a perfect metaphor. LA: I told Chas!!!1 TS: Anyway, they've been fighting for one reason or another for eternity. LA: Wow. TS: Yep. TS: And then you guys showed up. TS: Each time one of you prototypes something, the Kings and their armies get stronger. LA: Or weaker. TS: Not really, but sure. LA: Just sayin' LA: Half Oprah. LA: Half Teddy bear. TS: ... TS: Really? LA: Not really a powerhouse. TS: You're going to insult your Guide? LA: Dear GodMoster, I'm sorry. LA: Please forgive. TS: Kid, I'm a bear. TS: Forgivness isn't really my thing. LA: Dammit. TS: I'll hold off on eating you for a while though. LA: Thank you. LA: I guess. TS: Your welcome. LA: So... TS: So what? LA: The Chess things? TS: Right, back to the metaphor. LA: Please. TS: Well, now that you kids showed up, the Black King got stronger than the White King. LA: Oh. LA: Is that good or bad? TS: Bad. TS: Very, very bad. LA: Oh shit. TS: Right now, the Kings are fighting on a planet called the Battlefield. LA: Sounds awesome. TS: You know that universe I was talking about? You kind of need the Battlefield to make it. LA: How/ TS: You'll find out later. LA: So many questions. TS: Anyway, once the Black King wins, he's going to start the Reckoning. LA: And that's bad? TS: The Reckoning is basically a meteor storm that will destroy the Battlefield. Yes, it's bad. TS: Luckily, the Battlefield has its defenses. LA: Do tell. TS: It can use a limited number of portals to send the meteors somewhere else. LA: Like Earth? TS: Yeah, probably Earth. TS: This will hold off its imminent destruction for a while. TS: Before the portals run out, you need to defeat the Black King. LA: Sounds easy enough. TS: You can stop the Reckoning, and save the Battlefield. TS: And trust me on this, it's not gonna be easy. LA: Well, shit. TS: Yep. LA: OK. LA: Now, what about the machines? TS: What about them? TS: It looks like you've pretty much figured them out. LA: Oh. LA: So, I'm good then. TS: Even without my help. Nice job. TS: Yeah, pretty much. LA: Thank you. TS: Sure. Not like I've got anything better to do. LA: Do you anything about trolls? TS: Who? LA: Internet trolls. LA: I assumed they were designed by the game as little pixie spries TS: You mean like on Youtube or 4Chan? LA: How do you know about- LA: Not important LA: Never mind. TS: Look, I can tell you this: TS: If you're encountering trolls, then they're not a Sburb-construct. LA: Huh. TS: Yep. LA: Well, that's even more questions. TS: Great. LA: And one last thing. TS: Yeah? LA: This cloudly, feathery place. LA: What's it about? TS: It's your Land. TS: Your planet, your world. LA: ... TS: You get to explore it. Have fun. LA: It's a whole world/ TS: Pretty much. LA: Awesome!!!1 TS: Eh. Whatever. LA: I like it. TS: Good for you. I don't care. LA: Your a grumpy bear, aren't you? TS: Yes. LA: Sorry for making you that way. TS: You made me half-Oprah. LA: And? TS: I don't like being half-Oprah. LA: I don't like you being half-Oprah either. LA: Sorry. TS: Well, there's something we can agree on. TS: It's fine, I guess. LA: You've been more than helpful, thank you again. TS: Yeah, sure. Kind of my job. TS: Oh, kid? LA: Hm? TS: Don't die out there. LA: I wouldn't dream on it. TS: Dream. Heh. I see what you did there. LA: Hm? TS: See ya. -- teddySprite [TS] ceased pestering lionizedAnon [LA] at 18:18 --
>Greg: You open the PACKAGE, and find a STEEL KATANA. Examining the hilt and blade, you can see that the sword has been engraved with carvings depicting the rise of a boy to KNIGHTHOOD. It appears to have been made for you.
As you open the PACKAGE you are kind of surprised at what you fine.Inside the PACKAGE is a STEEL KATANA.You reach in and grab the KATANA,giving it a once over.You must admit,the weapon is very well made as it feels very light and yet still very durable.As you examine the weapon you notice strange markings covering the hilt and blade.
As you turn it over to examine it,you realize that the markings are infact carvings.You spend a few minutes examining the cravings closely when it dawns on you that it seems to be telling a story.You follow the pattern the carvings take and crack a smile when it occurs to you that it is a story depicting the rise of a boy to KNIGHTHOOD.
You give the weapon a few swings to get a feel for it then place it into your STRIFE SPECIBUS.
You continue searching the room,now with a bit of a cheer to your step.
You stand TALL AND MIGHTY over the little IGUANA people, looking your most heroic as you explain to them that you saw their PLIGHT and came to SAVE THEM. You ask them who they are, and what this place is.
>Chas: As you scan the surrounding area, you notice a point of light on top of a hill. Closer examination reveals that it looks a lot like the First Gate.
There are a lot less enemies between you and this Gate. You should be able to manage.
>Greg: You search the rest of your MOTHER'S room, but are unable to find anything to disable the SECURITY SYSTEM. And at your current level, it seems unlikely that you'll be able to move any of the doors or windows.
-- iguanaConsort [IC] began pestering stabsSalesman [SS] at 20:54 -- IC: Thank you for saving us, young lad! SS: =]=> My pleasure little lizard man looks like you've got an imp infestation here IC: Those underlings were greatly harassing my friends and I! IC: Yes, there are quite a few underlings running around. IC: But, not to worry! IC: A great Hero has come to save us! SS: =]=> Really SS: =]=> And who would that be IC: It was amazing! IC: She lept down from the highest pillar, and single-handedly defeated hundreds of the underlings! SS: =]=> Oh damn it SS: =]=> You mean my sister IC: Your what? SS: =]=> Oh damn it not another one who doesn't know what a sister is SS: =]=> OK do you know what a mother and a father are IC: Yes. SS: =]=> OK now imagine your mother and father had you SS: =]=> BUT SS: =]=> They also had another iguana who was a girl SS: =]=> That would be your sister IC: Ah. Okay, I understand. IC: So, you are the younger broodmate of the great Hero? SS: =]=> Fuck I don't know if she's a hero then I guess I am SS: =]=> She took the easy path though IC: Are you as great and powerful as she is? SS: =]=> I'm not sure we haven't really fought today SS: =]=> Yesterday hell no she was better than me by leagues IC: .... IC: I see. SS: =]=> But today I have leveled up so fucking high I am wiping the floor with imps and ogres by the dozens IC: Oooooh. IC: There may be hope for you yet then! SS: =]=> Should've seen the path I had to take to get here IC: Maybe you can be a hero someday too! IC: What path? You just popped out of that spinny thing. SS: =]=> Yeah well see that giant super pillar up there where my sister dropped down from SS: =]=> I was up there too SS: =]=> But she took the easy path and jumped down IC: That doesn't sound very easy. SS: =]=> I took the stairs up to the big gate and sliced down a whole damn army of inky bastards SS: =]=> Well of course it's not easy but she didn't have to fight to get down here SS: =]=> So it is by comparison IC: It sounds to me like your path was easier. SS: =]=> What no it wasn't all my sis had to fight was gravity I had an army in my path SS: =]=> And killed them all with my sword that shoots bullets and my other sword that plays music IC: Swords can't play music! IC: Don't be so ridiculous. SS: =]=> Well it seems like your awesome lizard minds have been blown enough times today so I'll let you keep that delusion IC: Okay! SS: =]=> So anyway what is this place IC: This is the Land of Legends and Ruins! IC: Right now my friends and I are making copies of these ancient writings. SS: =]=> Well what do they say IC: We have absolutly no idea! IC: Our elder's have studied the writings for generations, and have come no closer to unraveling their mysteries. IC: But, now that the Hero is here, I'm sure all that will change! SS: =]=> Elders huh SS: =]=> How many of you are there IC: Uh, well let me see... IC: There's me, my friend, my other friend, my other other friend, my other other other friend, my other other other other friend... SS: =]=> OK on second thought is there someone a little more mathematically inclined I could talk to SS: =]=> A leader or something IC: You mean like a guy with charts? SS: =]=> If I didn't know better I'd say Chas had rolled through here SS: =]=> Yeah a guy with charts IC: No, we don't have anyone like that. No chart-guys here. IC: But, you can talk to our elders. IC: They might be able to tell you how many of us there are. SS: =]=> OK so where can I find your elders IC: Back at the camp! IC: Let us finish copying these writings, and we can take you there. IC: It'll be nice to have someone to drive off those underlings while we work. SS: =]=> All right then I can handle that IC: Yay! IC: Alright, just give us a few minutes. -- iguanaConsort [IC] ceased pestering stabsSalesman [SS] at 21:10 --
Oh, got some good news. The question of what to do with Beth has been resolved. You'll see what's going to happen in a few days.
Well You search the room top to bottom but can't seem to find anything to disable the SECURITY SYSTEM and you doubt you have the strength to be able to force open the doors or windows.
Looks like you will need Rich's help maybe.As he is not on right now you will just have to wait patiently.While you do so,It may be wise to check for more IMPS.You wonder how they have gotten in when all the DOORS and WINDOWS are locked.
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