Welcome to Sburb! (Dead and Over)

[Pappytech]

>Team Aldirk: After that adorable TACKLEGREET, you approach the pedestal.

Upon it, there lies a small POCKET WATCH. It looks a lot like the one Dirk currently has, but is brand new, in pristine condition.

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>Xavier: DI awaits a response.

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>Connor: The GM isn't sure what you're talking about when it comes to making music in the thread. You're welcome to do so.

As you ascend another staircase, you feel yourself level up!

Level 9 TEE-BALL KID. +32,000 Boondollars.

On the next level, you're faced by two OGRES.

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>Greg: As you walk through the VILLAGE streets, a few SALAMANDERS poke their heads out to look at you. When they notice that the army of underlings has apparently left, they leave their homes and begin spreading the word around town.

After a few moments, the VILLAGE is bustling, full of SALAMANDERS going about their daily business. Whatever it is SALAMANDERS do, I guess.

 

[CJ1145]

>Dirk: Could it be?

Are you...

 

[Pappytech]

>Dirk: You got the NEW POCKET WATCH!

 

[ArcNitemare]

>Greg:Explore Village

Hard to do that when you are already doing that.And to your surprise the VILLAGE is still empty.

You keep looking for anything that might tell you where everyone is.

 

[Pappytech]

>Greg: As you walk through the VILLAGE streets, a few SALAMANDERS poke their heads out to look at you. When they notice that the army of underlings has apparently left, they leave their homes and begin spreading the word around town.

After a few moments, the VILLAGE is bustling, full of SALAMANDERS going about their daily business. Whatever it is SALAMANDERS do, I guess.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

>Xavier: Respond already
Huh. Oh yeah!

You forcibly FISTBUMP DI in a saccharine disposition. You think its awesome!

 

[ArcNitemare]

>Greg:Avoid getting trampled by Salamanders

Well considering there aren't THAT many SALAMANDERS and they seem to be trying to avoid running into you,most of them anyway,that shouldn't be a problem.

Well,it looks like this place is safe...for now anyway.You can't help but breath a sigh of relief.

Welp,you aren't going to get anything done standing here so you might as well ask someone if there is anything you can do to help around here.Preferably something that won't get you killed...or nearly killed...again.

 

[Connor Lonske]

>Connor: The fuck?!

Oh cool level up an-...

Level 9 TEE-BALL KID. +32,000 Boondollars
Level 9 TEE-BALL KID.
TEE-BALL KID.
KID

KID
[HEADING=2]KID[/HEADING]
[HEADING=1]KID[/HEADING]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

YOU'RE NO LONGER A GUY, YOU'RE LIFE HAS NO MORE MEANING!!!

>Connor: Flip the flying fuck out!

You flip the fuck out into the room with the ogres.

 

[Pappytech]

>Xavier: DI reluctantly leads you to a hidden cave behind his HUT. Inside is an IMPRACTICAL FLYING MACHINE. It looks like it can get you around, but looks incredibly difficult to pilot.

After showing you the device, he stalks off.

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>Chas: As you begin to head toward the exit, the chamber around you begins to shake in an ominous manner. Dust and small rocks begin to fall from the ceiling.

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>Greg: In the VILLAGE SQUARE, you see a few SALAMANDERS standing around. One is wearing a BLACK SCARF, one is holding a BOXING GLOVE, one is playing with an IRON D20, and one seems to be covered in BANDAGES.

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>Connor: The OGRES are not put off by your display of FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT, and proceed to take turns beating you up.

-22 HIT POINTS.

 

[Connor Lonske]

>Connor: OW OW OW

This is what it's come too, just being beaten up by some fat guys. This isn't how it ends, NO IF LIFE GIVES YOU COCONUTS, YOU DON'T BREAK IT OPEN FOR IT'S MILK, YOU BEAT LIFE UP, WITH THE COCONUTS!

>Connor: GET MAD! MAKE THEM REGRET MESSING WITH YOU, COOL GUY OF MIND WHO IS ALSO A BARD!

You change your WEAPON TAG(Strife Specibi) to "Melee_Nuts" and YOU BEAT THE OGRES SO HARD THEY HEADS WILL CAVE IN AND THEIR MANGLED BODIES WILL BE SMASHED OVER AND OVER AND THEIR BLOOD WILL COMBINED WITH THE FRESH MILK OF YOUR NUTS!

 

[ArcNitemare]

>Greg:Look upon Salamanders

You can't help but wonder where these SALAMANDERS keep finding these items.The black scarf your guess is something from your MOTHER,which makes you worried abit.The D20 your guessing is from Dirk's SIS.And while your memory is a bit hazy,you wouldn't be surprised if the other items is from your other friend's family members.

Great...more questions....you are starting to dislike them....

A fleeting thought flows through your head...something one of the SALAMANDERS in the previous VILLAGE told you about....you ask the SALAMANDERS if they know anything about a"big, orange, shiny, floaty thing".

 

[Pappytech]

>Connor: ...STRIFE SPECIBI don't work that way...

The COCONUT proves to be an extremely ineffective weapon, dealing bruises but no damage to the OGRES, who continue to BEAT YOUR FACE IN.

-30 HIT POINTS.

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>Chas: You must gather your party before venturing forth.

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>Greg: One of the SALAMANDERS tells you that there's a big orange shiny floaty thing in the area, but you're going to have to do a job for him before he'll tell you. The same applies to any of the other SALAMANDERS in the area.

 

[Connor Lonske]

>Connor: KEEP GOING!

Shit, THIS IS INCREDIBLY SILLY. Despite how badass that Portal 2 reference was, your never going to kill any one with nuts. And your health is kinda low and stuff. Guess your kinda fucked. Better get the fuck out of there.

>Connor: Don't give up you pussy.

He's right, you can't give up! Your gonna died a badass or win a badass. You reequip your Agency Bat and attempt to beat the shit out of the more fatter ogre...RIGHT IN THE BALLS!

 

[Pappytech]

>Connor: Ah, that was a Portal 2 reference. Got it.

You realize that it's unlikely for OGRES, or enemies in general, to have genitalia. That said, getting smacked with the AGENCY BAT is going to hurt. The OGRE suffers quite a bit of damage, but is still standing.

 

[Connor Lonske]

>Connor: KEEP GOING!

You keep smacking up the bastard, as the other one tries to smash you again jump up it's arm and try to climb up to it's head and bash it in.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

>Xavier: Ride impractical flying machine like a mechanical bull
This is incredibly stupid!