When you look through the window of Chas' tower and see the two Dersites,you have a moment of panic.Dickish behavior or not,he is STILL a friend,and you don't him to die.
The moment quickly passes when the rational part of you points out that you don't see any weapons on them and all they seem to be doing is shaking/slapping the hell out of his dreamself.Part of you is tempted to join them,but then rationality returns and points out that that is a bad idea.
You win this round Rationality.
You hover through the window,thankful that flying doesn't make any noise,and slowly lower yourself to the ground at the foot of the window,feeling ground under your feet and being thankful that there is carpet and not wood.You contemplate how to go about this when you remember how the hero in one of your stories confronted a group of bandits once.You compose yourself then fold your arms across your chest,start tapping your foot on the ground,and put on your best stern-yet-still-kind look.You clear your throat to get their attention.Is there anything I can help you gentlemen with?
>Xavier: Platonically pity the mechanic
Aw. You really don't want to fight him, let alone kill him. His little heart is broken and you don't want to break him any further. You decided to resolve this peaceful.
"Sir, I hope we might calmly and peacefully talk this out!
>Greg: As you speak up, the Dersites freeze in place, standing motionless around Chas' bed. After a few seconds of awkward silence, they shoot you a couple quick glances, before huddling together and holding a whispered conversation. After they finish their deliberations, they each give a quick nod, before spinning around and dramatically pointing at you.
"Aha! A trespasser!"
"A trespasser!"
As they strike their pose, you get your first good look at the Dersites. On your right, standing at about you height, is a INSOUCIANT DELINQUENT, wearing a rather ostentatious set of brightly colored clothes. Slung across his shoulders is a backpack with various odds and ends poking out of its various openings. On your left, clothed in a similar fashion to her taller compatriot stands a MINARET HIJACKER, bearing her own backpack as well.
"Trespassing's against the law, you know. I've got half a mind to report you to the guards."
"He's got half a mind to report you to the guards!"
Despite the somewhat threatening content of their words, the two Dersite's tones don't seem to correlate. Instead of sounding intimidating or reproachful, their voices can only be described as incredibly chipper and cheerful.
Before giving you a chance to react, they simultaneously switch their poses, going from pointing at you to thoughtfully stroking their chins. Or, whatever part of their carapace that would correspond to a chin.
"Of course... if you could do us a favor, we might be willing to forget we saw you here."
"We might forget you if you do us a favor."
>Xavier: Talk it out in a peaceful and calm manner. You get the feeling that that's not going to happen as GS stares at you with a new comprehension, a trickle of blood flowing from his forehead.
"You want to talk, here, now? Why would you want to talk, when you could be taking it all apart, bit by bit, piece by piece, breaking it down until there's nothing left but its most basic components? How can talking ever compare to the thrill of careful destruction, the ecstasy of precise and deliberate dismantling? All the stories in the Incinsphere, whether happy or sad, comedic or tragic, couldn't possibly be measured against that most intimate moment of finding that thing that keeps going tick, tick, tick, and then tearing it into a pile of springs and screws?"
With one last clang of metal, GS slams his wrench into the ground, leaving a massive dent in the floor.
"If I can't break them, then I guess you'll do. Hold still now."
>Chas: Well, that's quite the attack title. A lot of words, that all come down to pretty much one thing: After a few minutes of mind-blowingly awesome combat, of acts of strife and battle that can only be properly expressed in the tongues of yore, you and Rich are standing in the middle of a field of flowers, the OGRES and BASILISKS have long since turned to Grist, and the CENTAUR currently has a large hole through its torso.
You never really counted ADVENT CHILDREN as anime, more just a video game tie-in with very impressive visuals. But you suppose you wielding a BUSTER-ESQUE SWORD was all but inevitable. You just wish such a large sword weren't so predictably heavy. It'll be a while before you wield this fucker like Cloud can. Still, if you can get an advantage, you'll TAKE it.
You activate your HASTE and SLOW abilities to give yourself the necessary speed bonuses. Then, you break out the big guns. You activate your *INSERT THAT ONE TIME POWER THAT GAVE YOU THE DOZENS OF CLONES*. Uncounted Dirks fill the room in every nook and cranny, glaring down at the DRAGON with their own copy of its own personal kryptonite in their hands.
With one resounding yell, they leap from every angle and commence the ASSFUCKERY.
>Greg:Be unsure about the two strangers infront of you
On one hand,they are two strangers who were smacking the hell out of one of your friend's dreamself,an act that you would partially like to join in on.On the other...they are a bit silly.
You do have to give a bit of a chuckle,first at the thought of two DERSITES calling the PROPSITIAN guards on you for trespassing when you're pretty sure its they who are trespassing,and second at their silly antics.
You tip your dream glasses and peer at them,a smile on your face before replying Not to be rude,but as a Prince of Prospit I have a hard time believing that I would get in trouble for being here,in one of my friend's towers.
You give a chuckle then fold your arms up and say But despite that,I have no intentions of getting you two into trouble.Unless that's what you are looking for....
You clear your throat again,more to clear the air then anything else,then give your best, friendliest smile then say Now with that said I have nothing against the People of Derse and I'm perfectly willing to help you,assuming it isn't anything evil.What is it that you need me to do?
Rank: Civilian Affiliation: Derse Loyalty: Hell if we know. Skills: Persuasion: Exceptional. Thievery: Good. Disguise: Good. Stealth: Varies heavily. Combat (All forms): Untrained. Luck: Above exceptional. Equipment: Whatever tools they decide to carry with them. Varies heavily depending on location and situation. Description: Brash, friendly, either incredibly brilliant or moronically idiotic. Despite being from Derse, they have expressed no relationship to any army, philosophy, or organization of any kind. They have, however, been known to form nearly unbreakable bonds with certain individuals, normally on friendly terms.
All that is known for certain is that they enjoy stealing seemingly mundane objects, often rationalizing their targets using clearly flawed logic. Though they have often been surrounded by guards from both Prospit and Derse, they have never been captured; they manage to turn their potential captors into allies. Threat level: Minimal at best. Should only react with caution if they appear to be targeting an item of value. In this case, try and distract them (Shiny objects work remarkably well. We?re not sure why.). Affiliates: Never seen without each other. Have been known to socialize with PI, VS, GM, and various other agents. Once had an audience with WQ.
Rank: Agent Affiliation: Derse Loyalty: Derse, LR Skills: Repair: Exceptional. Sabotage: Exceptional. Combat (Close range): Exceptional. Combat (Medium range): Good. Combat (Long range): Untrained. Equipment: Large monkey wrench, various tools (Mostly screwdrivers and smaller wrenches). Description: Probably insane. Experiences huge mood swings, ranging between incredibly cheerful and amazingly depressed. Obsessed with taking things apart (Sometimes putting them back together). Typically used as a mechanic/saboteur.
Possesses several odd speech styles, portraying himself as either a narrator or character in some story. Due to some unknown prior incident, essentially worships LR. Threat level: Medium to large, depending on mood. If forced to engage, attempt to use long range combat against him. Approach with caution. Affiliates: LR, HB.
>Dirk: While you're correct in thinking that Advent Children is not an anime, do you know what is an anime? Berserk [http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111209210949/berserk/images/thumb/a/ab/Berserk_guts_bottom.jpg/303px-Berserk_guts_bottom.jpg]
That said, the Buster Sword comparison is an apt one. As you perform the LEITMOTIF OF THE AGES, you and your various future incarnations wield your COMICALLY OVERSIZED SWORDS as one, surrounding the DRAGON on all sides. As your picture so perfectly illustrated, ASSFUCKERY commences.
A few minutes later, you've leveled up, acquired a large amount of scrap metal, and continue along your journey through the Labyrinth. Which shall be described in more detail shortly.
>Greg: Upon hearing that you're a Prince of Prospit, ID and MH gasp dramatically, looking at you as though you're some kind of monster.
However, they calm right back down after hearing that you have no intents of getting them in trouble.
As you continue speaking, they nod thoughtfully, as though considering each and every one of your words, treating them with the utmost care and analysis. When you offer to help them out, a pair of mischievous smiles creep across their faces, as they cheerfully wink at each other.
Clearing his throat, ID steps forward, attempting to look disinterested as he begins speaking. "So, you say you're a Prince of Prospit, eh? A likely story!" He says, at he suddenly spins in place and points at you, a clearly played-up glare of accusation pointing at you. "A likely story!"
Assuming a normal stance once again, ID begins talking again, "Assuming, however, that you are a Prince, then you might be exactly who we're looking for.
"You see, MH and I are planning the heist of the year, no, the century, No, THE MILLENNIUM!"
"It's going to be the biggest heist ever!"
As he steps closer to you, ID chuckles. "Well, I wouldn't go quite that far, but yes, this is going to be the biggest moment of our careers! You see..." The Dersite suddenly stops speaking, looking around the room suspiciously, as though looking for eavesdroppers. Lowering his voice to a whisper, he finishes his statement, "We're going to steal the future."
>Greg:Inquire as to how they plan on stealing the future
You just stand and blink as you try to process this new information.They want to steal the future?Is that even possible?Can such a thing be done?
You close your eyes and put on your best thinking face.On one hand you're not sure how they plan on pulling this off.Granted,you aren't the Time Guy.That's Dirk's thing.You're the Spacey Dude.You do Spacey stuff.
Having said that however,you have to admit to yourself that it sounds like quite an interesting idea.It will be no doubt hard,but if it could be done...just think of what this could mean!
That,or it just livens up the old story lover in you.You think you will go with that.
After you have decided what you are going to do,you walk over to the two Dersites,give a big smile then put one arm around both of them and say Well,I will admit that you two have me intrigued and I'm curious to see what you have in mind.As the Knight of Space,I will help you in anyway I can. You then give them a good look,but still smiling, before adding Just so long as you two understand that I want NO ONE to come to harm for this.Understand?
You may be intrigued,but you aren't going to let someone get hurt over this.
You CAPTCHALOGUE that grotesquely large sword. You think that whatever it is, it might be useful at some point in the future. You keep a close eye on your surroundings as you head deeper into this dungeon. Any lore you can find to help you would be vital.
>Xavier: Begrudgedly strife
Aw man, this guy is adamant! He can't calm the hell down! Maybe if you just knock him and use your your LIFEY POWERS and heal him of mental afflictions, he could...
Well, you don't he can do, but you want have to kill him!
>Xavier: Deequip knives
You won't need them. Your GRIZZLY CLAWS will suffice (claws being your FISTS)!
>Greg: As you state your conditions, ID and MH begin chuckling and giggling, respectively. "No need to worry my fine fellow; out little caper isn't going to hurt anyone. We're nothing if not careful.
"For example: MH!"
"Yeah ID?"
"How many jobs have we pulled the past year?"
"Exactly 87!"
"And out of those 87, how many times did we ever put anyone in any danger whatsoever?"
"Only 87 times!
Cue awkward silence.
"...My point exactly! It's still less than 100!"
Somehow, you find yourself less than reassured. Nevertheless, you allow ID to guide you over to Chas' window. Once at the portal, the Dersite points towards the brightness of Skaia, floating high overhead.
"Now, we've been working on this particularly job for quite some time now. We've been... less than successful so far."
"We tried stealing all the clocks and watches in the Incinsphere, borrowing that green guy's stick thing, and asking Time really nicely to please stop. It didn't listen..."
"But that's all in the past now! We've heard from a very reliable source that, if you watch them at the proper time, then you can see the future in the clouds way up there."
"So obviously we figured out that the clouds must have their own supply of the future!"
"Exactly! Now, all we need to do is figure out how to get up there, and we'll be able to steal the cloud's future! It's so brilliantly easy!"
"That's where you come in!"
"Right! A while ago, we spotted this young lad," ID says as he points at Chas' slumbering form, "flying through the air like some kind of bird! We saw him come in here, so we thought we'd climb up here and ask him to give us a hand."
"But, he won't wake up! So, we've been waiting here for a while now, trying to get him up. But now that you're here, you can help us out, right?"
The two Dersites smile at you, eagerly waiting for your response.
This conversation makes two things canon now: One, I am a plagiarizing bastard. Two, Lord English is now the final final boss.
>Rich and Chas: The two of you find yourselves standing at the end of a painfully long ATM line, waiting behind various Underlings and Consorts. They stare at you in surprise as you warp out of nowhere, but don't particularly do anything else of interest.
As you wait for everyone ahead of you to finish up, the two of you wonder why you decided to put this location in the loop.
>Dirk:As the Builder guided, so also did he study and learn. Arcane lore and long-forgotten knowledge became his tools, as he delved deep into his studies and experiments. Some of his achievements were great and mighty, changing the face of the Land with their utilities. Some were mundane and uninteresting, and were forgotten almost as soon as they were discovered. Some were failures and disappointments, opportunities for learning that could never be ignored.
One day, a thousand years ago, he completed his latest project: He found the secret of flight.
As you continue to traverse the twisting passages and dead-ends, you begin to feel the temperature steadily increase; after a few minutes of walking, you feel like you're in a sauna, sweat pouring from every pore of your body as you wearily tread through the stone paths.
Eventually, you come to an area where several passages branch off from your current one. Peering down one, you can spot the sheen of water emitting from a birdbath-esque pedestal. Down another, you can see a nearly stationary form; though you can't quite make out what it is, you can see that it possesses a large pair of wings. Down the final path, you hear some loud stomping.
>Xavier: You hurt your hand punching into his carapace.
GS responds by swinging at your head with his wrench.
So, thanks to Benndak for making me learn this, but I think duel-logs really are the best way to handle Agent fights like this one. Are you going to be on pesterchum anytime this afternoon? If not, we could handle it post by post; would probably get kind of long though.
You nod to yourself as you listen to the duo explain what they have up their sleeves,or whatever the Dersite equivalent is.You admit that you are little dubious at their mention of their previous jobs,but you decide to stay quiet on that.Hopefully with you around they will keep out of trouble,a fact that you have little belief in.
You close your eyes and continue to nod to yourself as the duo finish telling you their plan.You give it a moment of thought,then decide to give them your two cents on the matter.
I would like to point out that you really can't steal the future from the clouds.If you want an idea as to where all that you see in them come from,then I would suggest you start looking there. You walk over to the window and point up to Skaia. Though I would like to point out that one of my friends happens to be the Mentor of Time.And while I am quite curious to see what you two could pull off,I don't think he would be happy if I let you two run around stealing futures.However,I am curious about one thing... You clap the both of them on the shoulders and give a thoughtful look What do you think of the Black Queen?And how would you like to have a hand in helping bring her down?
You may be a plagiarizing bastard,but considering you choose Isaac and Miria to use I won't complain
Even though you kind of feel like you might come to regret this, a chance to throw down with a GIANT BIRD DEMON is too amazing for your inner ACTION-HERO WANNABE to pass up. You select your HYPERION GUNBLADE for the showdown, along with your JETPACK. You'll need to forgo your conventional tactics, if they can be called conventional, if you want to beat this kind of foe.
>Rich: Wait a really long time. Eventually reach ATM. Make transaction.
STRIFE!
http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/elevatorstuck
It tells you to swipe your card. You swipe your card. It tells you to swipe your card again. You swipe your card again. It tells you to try turning the card around. You do so and swipe your card again. It asks whether you would like to speak with a representative. You press "yes". It asks you to please wait. You do so. No representative arrives. It tells you to swipe your card. You punch in the card number manually instead. You accidentally type a 9 instead of a 6. You start over. It tells you to swipe your card. You hear the people behind you complaining. You swipe your card again. It asks you how much you would like to withdraw. You type in "1000". You realize you meant to type "100". You don't even have $1000 in your account. It tells you that you don't have $1000 in your account. It tells you to swipe your card.
Sorry about the slow response time; I had to cram for one more project before break. Now that I'm actually off school for the next week, expect some much more rapid updates.
>Greg: As you tell ID and MH that they can't really steal the future, or clouds for that matter, the two thieves let out a simultaneous "Awwwwwwwwww."
As you continue talking however, and ask them about the Black Queen, their sad looks turn to ones of confusion and indecision. Clearing his throat, ID begins to speak first. "Well, about her... Um, well, she's a, uh... We think that she's... She's a..."
"She's a person!"
"Yes, yes, she's certainly a person! Just, not necessarily a nice one."
"She's kind of scary though."
"Yes, I suppose there's no denying that; she can be quite intimidating at times. But once you get to know her, she's rather"
"Mean?"
"Well, yes, but..."
"And a little evil."
"Well... Yeah, I guess you could say we don't really like her that much. Or at all really."
>Dirk: Well, you're right and wrong about a couple things. You're right about the fact that your conventional tactics won't work here, but wrong about the idea that you're facing a GIANT BIRD DEMON. No, instead you find yourself facing a BORED-LOOKING SPHINX, who stares at you with heavy-lidded feline eyes as you charge at her with your weapons drawn.
"Come now, put those away. There's no need for such childish toys here; at least not yet. Come, sit down, rest a while."
>Rich: After your long and fruitless battle, you graciously concede defeat to your foe. The ATM soars up its echeladder, reaching its highest rungs in a matter of instants.
Level 99 Scourge of the States!
The sheer number of boonbucks it earns far exceeds the size of its porkhollow, and some of the ATM's earnings spill out at your feet. +100 Boonbucks!
You and Chas again find yourselves drawn into the mysterious MONTAGE PORTAL. Where would you two like to go next?
You CAPTCHALOGUE your items and stow them away. You're not really certain why, but you trust this creature enough to give it the benefit of the doubt.
You sit down on the opposite side of the room from it. You don't trust it THAT much.
"Thanks, I think I will. Gotta say, it'd be nice to have a chance to really sit down and rest in this place with all the fire tiring me out. So, you're a Sphinx, right? If you're not somebody I just fight, I take it this is some kind of intellectual puzzle?"
You think that would be a nicely dramatic return to the WILD! Then perhaps you can follow it up with scenes of DECAY and/or TORMENT, finishing it up with a scene of EPIC SCALE, a MONUMENT TO A CIVILIZATION'S ACHIEVEMENTS AND/OR SINS!
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