What would you have done in my situation?

[noble cookie]

Im sorry, it doesn't work like "Oh i have cancer now like me"

I guess you could have put it a bit better, but you shouldnt have to pretend to like him if he's been an asshole.

 

[Laser Priest]

The dying need no special treatment. Just because he has a disease doesn't make him a better person. Maybe donate a bit if you're feeling merciful, but really, if you genuinely don't like this man, and you can't do anything to fully cure him, then I don't see any way in which you are obligated to help him.

It may not be the nicest thing, but being nice to assholes for the sake of being nice isn't all it's cracked up to be. Still, there may have been a nicer way to phrase your response (example: "No").

 

[WanderingFool]

Told them no, repeat what kind of an asshole he was, and explain that having cancer doesnt wash the slate clean. And as someone how had cancer (it was a mild type of leukemia, serious, but it was not as serious as the "you need a bone morrow transplant, or you will be dead within the year!"), and can say it isnt having the cancer that makes you brave, its dealing with it and not letting it run your life. If he is milking it for all its worth in sympathy, he deserves it (and I mean the cancer.)

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

Same as you, except use my silver tongue to persuade them round to my point of view.
I hate social etiquette like this.

This. Eventually people would see it my way. They may not end up doing the same thing as me but they will see it from my point of view. What comes around goes around.

 

[DEAD34345]

-Snip-

Yeah. I dont want him to die, but I wont go support him. If I want to support him not having cancer, I'll donate to cancer research, or to the family, but I wont support him. I know it will look bad, but its better then saying, "nah, I'm not going to go". At least when you have a reason, people would be more likely to understand.

And I never said I supported his cancer, or that its good he has it. Just I woundlt go. The kid has cancer. That sucks. The Kid's a bad person (to the OP at least). That also sucks. But I'm not going to feel pity for someone who's never given me a reason to. If he had ever shown me at least ONE TINY human element in him when I interacted with him,t hen my opinions would be different.

Ok, I understand not supporting him. I don't agree, but i get your view. What i don't get, is that you think people would be more likely to understand if you explain that the person is a prick. Don't you think that this would be the worst possible time you could ever start insulting someone, intentionally or not?

Honestly, i think you would be much better off not explaining your reason, and just saying "No, sorry." or something along those lines. Even if you are completely sincere, and not trying to intentionally insult someone at all, don't you think that explaining why you don't like someone, to the people trying to get support to help him with his cancer, is an extremely untactful move?

Essentially people are going to think you're just taking the opportunity to score a low blow on a teenager with cancer, even if that's really not what you were trying to put across.

 

[Jonabob87]

All in all not going to this charity thing is your own decision and no one should feel any differently about you for choosing not to.

The bad part is that instead of saying "Nah" or "No, I doubt he'd want me there anyway" (assuming he doesn't like you either) you laugh sarcastically and act as if it's a completely ridiculous notion.

 

[No_Remainders]

3) [h4]I'd expect him to do the exact same as always, think about himself and only himself. That's what he always did, and he was incapable of viewing it from someone else's perspective.[/h4] I can understand why he might deserve my assistance, but honestly? Fuck him. I don't give a flying shit about him, and he wouldn't give a flying shit about me. I'm not gonna jump on the bandwagon and pretend he was a great guy.

Someone else has probably already pointed this out, but I've put your hypocrisy in bold and separated it.

It's hardly hypocrisy, considering I've acknowledged that I can see things from his perspective, I just don't like him.

 

[UnmotivatedSlacker]

dying doesn't suddenly make someone a nice person, but still, I would at least donate SOMETHING.
an asshole's an asshole, but a human being's still a human being.
I wouldn't jump on the "HE'S SO BRAVE" wagon, but I'd at least feel a little bad for him...
No, cancer doesn't make him a hero, but... well... IT'S CANCER. if the guy's in school, that means he's at most in his mid-upper twenties. that's not even half of the average life expectancy (I'm goin by US numbers here, so around 75-80 something years old I think). Imagine that, your life isn't even half over, and boom, you're told you're going to die. Unless this guy was literally Adolf Hitler, I'd show a little bit of compassion. do you have to praise him? no. do you have to like him if he pulls through? no. would he do the same for you? who knows. but I atleast know that I'd feel good helping someone in need, asshat or not.

This is closest to my reaction. It doesn't matter if he's a jerk, it's still cancer, and being an ass to a guy with cancer makes you just as much of a jerk. You don't have to like him, but you do need to respect him.

Why? Why does he have to respect someone who has been nothing but a dick to him? Because he got cancer? No, fuck that shit. OP has no obligation to help someone he doesn't like. If I got cancer, I would not expect anyone I had been a complete dick to to suddenly help me out.

 

[The Apothecarry]

I don't understand how you can call someone fighting cancer "brave." It's not like someone asked them to fight cancer or anything.

I had something like that happen to me in middle school. This kid I despised for making fun of me in elementary school died of leukemia. Did I feel bad that he died of leukemia? Yes. It's not exactly the best way to go, especially for an 11-year-old. That did not change my opinion of him being a complete and utter bully.

When my parents asked me if I knew him, I just said: "No."

 

[Averant]

He's a teenager for Christ sakes, of course he's an asshole, almost every teenager is by any objective adult measurement.

Honestly, by saying you won't support his fight against cancer because he's a prick you have far eclipsed him an any way you can measure it. Bear in mind that if you complain that people don't like you then odds on it's because you come across as a total prick, if you've ever sat down and worried about people not liking you or ever pissed a lot of people off at once then you were probably being a prick.

But you'd still expect people to support you right? I mean that stupid shit you do isn't like cancer, that shit is serious, forget all the stupid school stuff. Can you imagine if someone told you that someone had been told about your illness, about a charity drive and laughed it off?

Protip: If you have to come onto here and ask if something you did was wrong...it was. That's why you want reassurance.

I'm gonna break this down really quick.

1) I'd like to point out that I'm callous, but that's completely different from being an all-round prick, like he is.

2) I don't talk much. I don't worry about what people think of me. Blah, blah. I'm quiet. I didn't deserve shitty treatment, he decided to piss me off anyway. Shrug, callous.

3) [h4]I'd expect him to do the exact same as always, think about himself and only himself. That's what he always did, and he was incapable of viewing it from someone else's perspective.[/h4] I can understand why he might deserve my assistance, but honestly? Fuck him. I don't give a flying shit about him, and he wouldn't give a flying shit about me. I'm not gonna jump on the bandwagon and pretend he was a great guy.

As for your "protip". I didn't want reassurance. I was just wondering how other people viewed the situation

Someone else has probably already pointed this out, but I've put your hypocrisy in bold and separated it.

'Generic Gamer' got a hole in one.

I don't think that's hypocrisy so much as Irony. Hypocrisy would be talking to your friends about how much you hate the guy, and then turning around and saying "oh, of course I'll go support that brave soul for his fight against cancer."

Dude's not brave, he's a dick. And a dick gets what a dick deals. The Irony is that the OP IS seeing the other point of view, the other point of view just happens to be narrow.

Kudos to you, OP. Probably would have been a bit more tactful than your good self, but we're all different.

On a side note, with all the pressure and forced sympathy put upon cancer, doing anything BUT accepting makes you look like a prick. So I think I'd prefer to be a prick, and just be who I am. If I'm going to hell, then hey. I'll meet cancer guy down there.

EDIT: Half-ninja'd on the no hypocrisy by... No Remainders? *looks up* I'm confused. By No Remainders, yes. Confusion vanished.

 

[Vault boy Eddie]

Having kids doesn't make you a good parent, wearing a Police/military/etc. uniform doesn't automatically make you a self sacrificing hero, dying doesn't make you a good person, you're just some dude that got ***** slapped by karma.

 

[RoBi3.0]

Right, so, some background information!

Earlier this school year, someone in my year at school was diagnosed with a pretty rare cancer. So he hasn't been in school since the beginning of the year. Now, I'd like to point out that this guy was always a total prick. I mean, I never had a conversation with him that didn't involve him being an utter asshat towards me for no reason. I'd also like to point out that a lot of other people never used to like him either.

So, there's a charity event on this weekend, and upon being asked if I was going to go, I replied with a very firm no, by which I said "Haha, not a chance."

So, why won't I support my year mate, I was asked, as "HE'S SO BRAVE TO FIGHT THROUGH THIS!"... Apparently.

I won't support him because he's the most arrogant tool I've ever talked to in my life, and apparently everyone else in my year totally forgot this when he got diagnosed. Really? I mean, it's like when Michael Jackson died, I seemed to be the only person I know who actually remembered the fact that he was a bad person (y'know, the whole, holding his child over the railings of a balcony quite high up, and the sleeping with children [I never implied he had sex with them, shut up before you flame me]).

So, yeah, question's simple, what would you have done?

First, in general the assumption that someone is brave for fighting cancer or any potentially fatal illness, has always pissed me off. When give basically a choice between die or fight for your life choosing to live in more often an act of desperation.

If being presented with your situation I would more then likely say No, then when asked why I would say it was because I didn't like him., end of story. Then again I am kind of an asshole. The noble thing to do would be to suck it up and put your feeling behind you, and go.

 

[aenimau5]

now I've tried to work out what its like from your perspective by imagining a dick from my school getting cancer. Dance on his grave my friend, dance on his grave.

 

[TheIronRuler]

Good choice.
A terminal illness doe not make one a saint, it can only rid the world of an asshole.
Though if it was a saint to begin with then I would have accompanied him to his demise.
He isn't brave if he suddenly gets ill. This is not something he chose - he can either fight or die. Why does wanting to stay alive is "being brave"? That nonsense makes my blood boil.
Again, kudos for not giving up to peer pressure.

 

[Jaded Scribe]

Wow, you're an absolute douche.

Extending kindness to someone who is likely to die is basic human compassion.

I feel shocked at the number of people who agree with you, and would have done the same. It's absolutely disgusting. If you haven't dealt with cancer, you have no idea how much of a fight it really is, so why don't you just let go of "calling cancer patients brave is bullshit" crap.

OP: Ok, so you didn't like the guy and didn't want to go to his fundraiser. Fine. Instead of acting like at least (imo more) of an asshole as he was to you (making me think you probably deserved everything you got), why not just say "No, I'm not going. I have another commitment that night I can't get out of." ?

 

[Thimblefoot]

I would just have said no, if asked why, I would simply say I didn't like them, but hope they end up alright. If he ended up dying, I would think "that's a pity" and then move on.

It depends on how much of an asshole they are to be honest. The more of an asshole they are, the less of a shit I would give.

 

[razor343]

Feel free to call me out on this...But I don't give two shits about cancer. (Karma activated.)
If/whenever I do donate to charity, it's always the RSPCA or WWF.

 

[Kurokami]

Right, so, some background information!

Earlier this school year, someone in my year at school was diagnosed with a pretty rare cancer. So he hasn't been in school since the beginning of the year. Now, I'd like to point out that this guy was always a total prick. I mean, I never had a conversation with him that didn't involve him being an utter asshat towards me for no reason. I'd also like to point out that a lot of other people never used to like him either.

So, there's a charity event on this weekend, and upon being asked if I was going to go, I replied with a very firm no, by which I said "Haha, not a chance."

So, why won't I support my year mate, I was asked, as "HE'S SO BRAVE TO FIGHT THROUGH THIS!"... Apparently.

I won't support him because he's the most arrogant tool I've ever talked to in my life, and apparently everyone else in my year totally forgot this when he got diagnosed. Really? I mean, it's like when Michael Jackson died, I seemed to be the only person I know who actually remembered the fact that he was a bad person (y'know, the whole, holding his child over the railings of a balcony quite high up, and the sleeping with children [I never implied he had sex with them, shut up before you flame me]).

So, yeah, question's simple, what would you have done?

Girl in my year suicided and all of a sudden she was some sort of saint. The girl was a massive *****, she was in one of those groups that in America would be deemed the 'popular' people, here we don't really have that sort of hierarchy in schools but she played the snobby ***** to the letter, my point however was, even in that group of friends most of them hated her.

Before killing herself she of course calls one of her friends to tell him, which was one of those whole "best friend loves best friend" deal, so he rushes over and sees her hanging herself. (There was also something about them managing to revive her then dying anyway somehow, didn't quite get how that worked but it did))

When people heard that story they seemed to be all "Oh, poor XX", all I could think was "Fucking selfish *****, think of her friend".

Anyway, case in point. Dead people aren't always saints, you're perfectly in the right.

 

[warrcry13]

I would have stripped naked and painted he was a douche on my chest and ran screaming down the hallways.