What would you have done in my situation?

[GudangGaram]

There is this thing called human compassion, but it is true not everyone has it.

I was puzzled by this. It's off-topic, but a lot of expressions and terms are used as if they are inherent to human nature. These words are also used a lot when describing someone that lacks this nature (for example, when people discuss a recent event using words like 'inhuman' and 'what a monstrous act')

I don't think I would have gone to anything like this. If I considered the person a friend I would, but not if didn't really know them or they were assholes. I would have said it in a good way though.

I would have done this, specificly: well spoken but without being dishonest and not being overly politically correct.

Without even taking who was being an arse to whom more, and how much the two parties seemed to dislike one another, I think it's hypocritical to suddenly start caring for someone if something happens to them. Just because you attended the same class or in the same year, doesn't mean you should care. If he was a year your senior, or if he attended but you never met, (how) would it be different?

If your neighbor had cancer, but you've never met, would you go to the charity event? As far as being the better man: if my neighbor always had his music way too loud and I always complained to him about it on a weekly basis, then I would definetaly try and help him out.

Maybe it's more the significance than the terms of the relationship that matters (to me). Being on bad terms means more to me (probably in a negative way) than having passed eachother on the stairway a few times.

 

[rokkolpo]

soooo he deserves the cancer?
Clearly you have no idea what cancer is! Or does?
It's fucking horrible and I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy.
High school is shit. No denying and ppl are assholes.
But when you grow up a bit you will prob be able to talk to these ppl later in life and surprise they are no longer assholes. Kids lack social skills.
He doesnt deserve it tho and be grateful it's not you or a member of your family.
Lucky for you he will prob die pretty young so GG.

I hate people who put words in someone else's mouth.

He said he won't go to his charity thing and doesn't like him.
Not that he deserves cancer.

Not caring and thinking someone should die are two things.
Black-white, there is also grey.

 

[Kenami]

Good job OP.

I think if I were asked the same question in your place I'd simply reply "meh" and not give an explanation. Some of the posts I see here about compassion are interesting because I could've sworn it was a two way street. What does the OP owe someone who was being a dick to him? It's not like he's holding the cure for cancer away from the guy he's simply being indifferent towards the guys existence. Isn't that how people we dislike should be treated?

I haven't read any bullying or immaturity in the OP's postings, just a kid confused why he should care about someone who seems...like an asshole.

 

[Del-Toro]

I'd have made some excuse. If they didn't buy it, I'd just tell them what you did. Try the politest version first, if it doesn't work, fuck 'em.

 

[Diligent]

So, yeah, question's simple, what would you have done?

Well sir, I have been (sort of) in your situation, and I pretty much did the same thing. Luckily the majority of my good friends shared the point of view, so we could talk openly amongst ourselves about how much of a dick the guy was, but everybody else still thought we were heartless bastards.
Essentially, this guy was at a grad party for another high school (his girlfriend or something) and he mouthed off 4 guys from an Asian gang who wanted into the party. Not wanting to leave well enough alone, he proceeded to yell racial slurs at them as they were ejected from the party, and followed them down the street with a little posse threatening them.

After the party, he was beaten to death with a baseball bat.

Horrible thing to happen, don't get me wrong...but somehow this erased peoples memory of how much of a mouthy fucker this guy was, and how many people he beat the crap out of (I myself had been slammed against a locker by him for hanging out with "a goth kid", but nothing too serious), or the times he would take all of the smallest kids clothing in gym class, leaving them stranded in just their underwear in the locker-room.
Nope, this guy was remembered as a "hero", full of "school spirit" for being on the football team, and a shining example to other students of how to be, as well as an example of how tragedy can strike when you least expect it.
If anybody who was less of an overbearing prick was in his situation at the party, they'd most certainly be alive today.

 

[Naturality]

I'd have gone to the aand not cared whether or not people thought I like him.

He may be a tool, but he almost certainly doesn't deserve cancer.

 

[Kroxile]

A girl I went to Highschool with died in a car accident shortly after we graduated. I never got along with this girl or her petty little friends. When she died I didn't give no fuck, and i even told people as much, but I still went to the funeral because it was the right thing to do.

I know its hard to put aside your lesser emotions but FFS you are a human being, if you can't find the compassion at least have some fucking respect.

If nothing else you can always remind the guy what you did for him if he comes back being a dick later on down the road.

 

[Akalistos]

So, there's a charity event on this weekend, and upon being asked if I was going to go, I replied with a very firm no, by which I said "Haha, not a chance."

So, why won't I support my year mate, I was asked, as "HE'S SO BRAVE TO FIGHT THROUGH THIS!"... Apparently.

It's make me laugh to hear that kind of thing. "He's brave to face this!" Seriously!?! First off, I'll reply something like:
"Really? I'm flabbergasted to hear that he infect himself just to fact that and not actually developed it like normal. Also, I'm surprise to hear that fighting for his life when you want to live is considered brave in any shape. You want to live, then you do something. It's far from being a trick question. Lastly, Being a dick to other because you are dying sound more like a plea to be left to his own device. I wouldn't be able to face myself in a mirror if I didn't respect a dying man's wish?"

 

[coolkirb]

hmmm while he may be a jerk you should be able to suck it up use some tact and put on a good front, you dont have to go to the fundraiser but dont go around telling people he was a jerk

 

[Arehexes]

I would have said no, I don't excuse death as a reason to want to reach out for people. Mostly when people have death on their plate they try to feel at peace by being nice to those they weren't. It isn't for your sake more so for his own.

 

[darkman80723]

Remind them that the only two guarantees in life are bullshit and death and if you are a religious person then you cannot complain since your god thing dictates that whatever is going to happen is going to happen. And if you aren't religious then you just have to realize that shit happens.

 

[fulano]

You are well within your rights, but it would do you well to remember that death does tend to put things into perspective. Your not liking him is well beyond importance, now, all things considered.

But, yeah, I do agree with you. If I were you I'd just keep my distance from the whole thing. Being sick doesn't immediately make you likeable, and the guy must know this, and so he must feel pretty shitty about it.

 

[Akalistos]

A girl I went to Highschool with died in a car accident shortly after we graduated. I never got along with this girl or her petty little friends. When she died I didn't give no fuck, and i even told people as much, but I still went to the funeral because it was the right thing to do.

I know its hard to put aside your lesser emotions but FFS you are a human being, if you can't find the compassion at least have some fucking respect.

If nothing else you can always remind the guy what you did for him if he comes back being a dick later on down the road.

Really? I'm sorry but where's the fucking respect part in all of this? In fact, it's kinda hypocrite really when you actually hate someone, says so publicly then show to his funeral. It's right up there with pissing on his grave. People probably saw you and think that you were just there to laugh one last time over her death body, and coming from someone that generally doesn't give a shit for other peoples, I find it extremely cold.

 

[Terrik]

I would have said no, but I wouldn't laugh about it at all.

 

[SenseOfTumour]

Way I see it, there's gotta have been people who liked him, even if it was only a few, and most people thought he was a dick.

The best way to deal with it, is just to say no, and make an excuse about why. Revelling in it just makes you look bad and doesn't achieve anything, you know he's getting out of your life and his own personally, you're just going have to be satisfied without people joining in the party.

I only say that because you're only in the end damaging yourself and other's view of you by being bitter.

I'm also surprised that no-one has linked this song, it being rather apt, if highly offensive to almost everyone

I warned ya!

 

[Mr Shrike]

I would'a (and have) done the same thing as you, OP.

There was a guy who went to my secondary school and was a complete knob to everyone. Long story short, he failed school and enlisted. Now, he trod on a mine and died out in Afghanistan.

Suddenly, he was a massive hero... I don't get that. I mean, to me, he was a dick in life and a dick in death. I'm not saying that I wish death upon him, but it would be nice if we could remember people for who they actually are.

 

[Feralcentaur]

I probably would've just ****ied out and given him 50c or something but I wouldn't say that you're a bad person for not wanting to give away your money to save the life of someone who you may not even want to live when you could instead spend on your self, your friends, you family or donating to the needy (perhaps even a different person who is ill/ dieing from cancer. Though if someones going to ask you to you should probably just politely decline rather than laughing because the person collecting the money probably doesn't have a very good idea of how your relationship with this person was. As for the Micheal Jackson comment, I mostly just miss him because he wrote some good music and now that hes gone there's now Justin Bieber.

 

[Superhyperactiveman]

It's easy to do the right thing when we're helping people we like. It's harder when we're helping people who are assholes. That doesn't change the fact that it's the right thing to do.

Honestly. would it be that huge a sacrifice to just pitch in? The guy's in trouble. He needs help. At the end of the day, the way you treat other people is what matters, not how they treat you. I say do what you can, but I'm obviously not in a position to force anything, this being the internet.

 

[RanD00M]

I would have reacted the same way as you but would have probably been more crass. I would have probably gone " Fuck no, I hated that ****." rather than just "No."

 

[orangebandguy]

Maybe not using "haha" in that statement would've been a bit more tactful.

I can sympathize with your arguement though. If any of my old bullies/people who just treat me like crap ended up getting cancer I'd find it really hard to show compassion. That's what happens if you don't be nice to people, when you actually need them for something they turn around and say no, which I understand.

I suppose if you just gave money to a cancer charity instead you could feel better about giving it away. If your personal hate or indifference for him stops you from contributing to him directly at least try and do something positive anyway.