What would you have done in my situation?

[Red Right Hand]

Thats a dick move man. He's got cancer you wank, and you're complaining about some petty shit that happened to you?

Fucking grow up and stop being so embittered.

That's half the fucking reason I have grown to hate this place. Because it's becoming full to the brim of fucking shite people.

He's a teenager for Christ sakes, of course he's an asshole, almost every teenager is by any objective adult measurement.

Honestly, by saying you won't support his fight against cancer because he's a prick you have far eclipsed him an any way you can measure it. Bear in mind that if you complain that people don't like you then odds on it's because you come across as a total prick, if you've ever sat down and worried about people not liking you or ever pissed a lot of people off at once then you were probably being a prick.

But you'd still expect people to support you right? I mean that stupid shit you do isn't like cancer, that shit is serious, forget all the stupid school stuff. Can you imagine if someone told you that someone had been told about your illness, about a charity drive and laughed it off?

Protip: If you have to come onto here and ask if something you did was wrong...it was. That's why you want reassurance.

I'm gonna break this down really quick.

1) I'd like to point out that I'm callous, but that's completely different from being an all-round prick, like he is.

2) I don't talk much. I don't worry about what people think of me. Blah, blah. I'm quiet. I didn't deserve shitty treatment, he decided to piss me off anyway. Shrug, callous.

3) I'd expect him to do the exact same as always, think about himself and only himself. That's what he always did, and he was incapable of viewing it from someone else's perspective. I can understand why he might deserve my assistance, but honestly? Fuck him. I don't give a flying shit about him, and he wouldn't give a flying shit about me. I'm not gonna jump on the bandwagon and pretend he was a great guy.

As for your "protip". I didn't want reassurance. I was just wondering how other people viewed the situation

Yep, then you're a wank, in so much as the way you handled the situation. As if you sorta enjoyed the fact that a person who was a dick to you got it in the end. Fucking hell man.

By the way, saying you're callous doesn't make you any less of an arsehole.

 

[Superhyperactiveman]

It's easy to do the right thing when we're helping people we like. It's harder when we're helping people who are assholes. That doesn't change the fact that it's the right thing to do.

Honestly. would it be that huge a sacrifice to just pitch in? The guy's in trouble. He needs help. At the end of the day, the way you treat other people is what matters, not how they treat you. I say do what you can, but I'm obviously not in a position to force anything, this being the internet.

I agree with your opening and how its more important how you treat others, but where do you draw the line? I mean, a lot of people are in trouble, and a lot of people need help. The good causes are currently draining my bankaccount. Causes I support. I don't (and can't) support them all.

Had people not had the conventional thought to organize something, would people have cared? Why not do something extra nice for someone you actually know, or, I suppose: like?

Honestly, would you pitch in?

Yes. Like I said. Doesn't matter if the guy's a dick. Pitching in is still the right thing to do. You ask where you draw the line. You don't. If someone's in trouble, it doesn't matter who they are, the right thing to do is help out. I honestly doubt that going to this fund-raiser thing would be a huge pain in the ass for you.

 

[Byere]

So, you're not going to a charity event for a guy with cancer... because you don't like him? Ever heard of being the better man?

You wouldn't go to a murderer's funeral just because "s/he may have said they're sorry for it all".

Good on you OP. It might sound nasty to some, but if someone is going to be an offensive prick towards you for no reason, they deserve no sympathy from you.

 

[Kroxile]

A girl I went to Highschool with died in a car accident shortly after we graduated. I never got along with this girl or her petty little friends. When she died I didn't give no fuck, and i even told people as much, but I still went to the funeral because it was the right thing to do.

I know its hard to put aside your lesser emotions but FFS you are a human being, if you can't find the compassion at least have some fucking respect.

If nothing else you can always remind the guy what you did for him if he comes back being a dick later on down the road.

Really? I'm sorry but where's the fucking respect part in all of this? In fact, it's kinda hypocrite really when you actually hate someone, says so publicly then show to his funeral. It's right up there with pissing on his grave. People probably saw you and think that you were just there to laugh one last time over her death body, and coming from someone that generally doesn't give a shit for other peoples, I find it extremely cold.

Its not like I got up on a podium and announced my distaste for this person meaning only a few people knew I felt that way.

Seriously, rage more guy.

 

[MaxwellEdison]

You should have gone. If you're so much less of a dick than he is, prove it.

 

[Bodo_Fraggins]

Maybe you could have just said "i'll donate something for the cause but im not interested in going" which i think would show that you do care about people who suffer from cancer but not this person specifically.

 

[MaxwellEdison]

You talk about him being a total ass-hat, but do you really think yourself better than him? You're being a total asshole about this. I understand your stance and might even agree with you to an extent, but come on man. The guy could very well die. It's called respect. You don't like the guy, I get that. Be the bigger man and at least be respectful. Don't just laugh this off 'cause he was a bit "mean" to you.

I'm gonna break this down really quick.

1) I'd like to point out that I'm callous, but that's completely different from being an all-round prick, like he is.

2) I don't talk much. I don't worry about what people think of me. Blah, blah. I'm quiet. I didn't deserve shitty treatment, he decided to piss me off anyway. Shrug, callous.

3) I'd expect him to do the exact same as always, think about himself and only himself. That's what he always did, and he was incapable of viewing it from someone else's perspective. I can understand why he might deserve my assistance, but honestly? Fuck him. I don't give a flying shit about him, and he wouldn't give a flying shit about me. I'm not gonna jump on the bandwagon and pretend he was a great guy.

As for your "protip". I didn't want reassurance. I was just wondering how other people viewed the situation

No, you're an asshole. Laughing at someone who is dieing of cancer makes you a massive asshole.

And you say he only thinks of himself, that he can't look at things through other people's perspective. Look at this situation through his. He. Is. Dieing.

You are a hypocrite, guy. What could this guy have done to make you hate him so damn much? You use the words "pissed me off". Was that all? Fuck him? Fuck you, buddy.

This, basically.

 

[-Drifter-]

So, you're not going to a charity event for a guy with cancer... because you don't like him? Ever heard of being the better man?

You wouldn't go to a murderer's funeral just because "s/he may have said they're sorry for it all".

Thanks for that extreme example there, but we aren't talking about a murderer, are we?

 

[Tarlane]

I am going to speak on this from a different perspective since I spent most of last year going through chemotherapy due to cancer.

With that said, having a disease or having to face danger doesn't mean people have to like you more. If he's been a jerk to you there is no reason for you to be friends with him or even send him well wishes or show that sort of emotional support. You and him aren't friends and there is no need to fake it, that doesn't actually mean anything. I'm sure he knows you don't like him and isn't going to think you suddenly do. That isn't to say that if he does pull through this he might be rather changed, you sort out at lot of things in your head at those times and you might find him less of a jerk in the future.

On the other hand, and this is the part where I disagree with your actions, you can be indifferent to him as a 'friend' but its not right to let someone truly suffer through your indifference even if you don't like him. Cancer treatments are absurdly expensive. Like you wouldn't believe how much. My treatment really sapped me even with insurance, without I would have owed well over a million dollars over the course of last year. Obviously there is a difference between allowing bad things to happen because you don't care and allowing them to happen because you can't help, its not possible to help everyone or give to all charities and the like, but when this is a local thing that is only getting assistance from those close by its important to do what you can since you are among the few who can help and however much of a jerk he is he doesn't deserve to either lose his life or have his remaining life wrecked because of the medical debt sustained in the treatments.

I think a much better way to go, aside from showing a little tact(at least in my experience those close to me took my diagnosis much harder than I did and mocking it to some third party is just crap), would have been to simply decline going to the benefit and offered some sort of donation to the cause. Doesn't have to be anything much, depending on what you can afford but anything helps in that situation. You can avoid showing that friendly display but still do what you can to effectively safe a life or at least make what remains of that life more comfortable, not to mention keep his parents, who are really innocent in this, from having their life fall apart from debt.

After being all serious with the above talk, I think I should finish this up with what amounts to my favorite joke from when I was sick "I hear about how brave people are in this fight against cancer. They can't lose that fight though, if they die the cancer dies too. At worst its a draw."

 

[Feralcentaur]

le snipped because I've taken enough room on this thread up already

Well perhaps if there was a shortage of good people who are starving/ dieing in any other horrible manner you'd have a good point, but isn't it better to help the nicest people before the jerks? Tell me, in a hypothetical situation if you had 10$ and you got a choice between giving it to the kind man dieing of (insert curable illness here) who volunteers at a homeless shelter and that one dick who keeps pushing your buttons who is dieing of the same illness, what would you do? I'm assuming you would probably choose to split the money between the two, but still, do you really think that it would ten make sense for you to call out the person who gave it all to the kind man instead and call him a horrible person for not giving some to the jerk? Although admitedly this argument of mine only works if the Original poster of this forum occasionally donates to charity or does something of the sort of that.

 

[hurfdurp]

Regardless of their character, if it wasn't someone I was personally invested in, then it is unlikely I would take any steps to support them other than politely skirting around the issue.

 

[William Ossiss]

i had this very problem with a guy on a chatango chat for an anime viewing site. this guy was mean, rude, and a down right asshole. he was dying from cancer as well. and when he died, i was very vocal about not caring, and how he was always rude to everyone. i was subsequently banned. i am, obviously, an uncaring dick because i voiced an opinion about the guy personally. to me, he seemed like he was angry with everything because he was "going to die:... well, with THAT mentality... it was obvious it was going to kill him. see, im under the FIRM belief that cancer is a battle of will... but that's just me.

but i get shut down for saying my opinion about a person that was an utter and spite filled asshole that had died. humans consider death and the like as 'taboo' and probably like to believe that jeffery dahmer went to heaven. (if you dont know who that is, look him up. big serial killer from chicago.)

 

[Nickompoop]

I would have countered the whole "HE'S SO BRAVE!!!!!!!!!!" shit with, "It's not like he has a choice. You have to fight through cancer or die. And few people want to die. Bravery implies that he's doing something most people wouldn't do, which is utter bullshit."

And if he's a prick, that just seals the deal right there. "Will you raise money for this asshole with cancer?" "No."

 

[Spartan448]

If I were you, I would've donated.

One of the things that make Humans so different from Anamalia, is that we have the ability to overlook what one has done in the past, and do something for the greater good. This guy may have been arrogant before, but maybe this whole thing has changed him a bit. Not donating money that could save his life could make people think you were no better than he. Good people do good things to help others, even if their previous actions may not make it look like they deserve it. But one of the best things about being human is that we can always give people a second chance.

 

[Doctor Glocktor]

If the cancer guy is seriously so much of an asshole, then even with cancer, he has people hating him, then he seriously needs to look back and see just how much of a fucking douchebag he was.

Seriously OP, don't feel bad. If he's an asshole, then fuck him and forget about it.

 

[PurplePlatypus]

Just be mindful of how you phrase thing, don?t come off like a complete dick. He?s already got enough going on, cancer and its treatments are far from a walk in the park. I don?t care how much of a dick he was, him, his family and anyone else around him during such a time are currently going through some severe shit.

And bravery, I don?t know about bravery as such but it takes something to deal with it. Not everyone does you know. It?s pretty close to hell, especially when your prospects are grim.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

Right, so, some background information!

Earlier this school year, someone in my year at school was diagnosed with a pretty rare cancer. So he hasn't been in school since the beginning of the year. Now, I'd like to point out that this guy was always a total prick. I mean, I never had a conversation with him that didn't involve him being an utter asshat towards me for no reason. I'd also like to point out that a lot of other people never used to like him either.

So, there's a charity event on this weekend, and upon being asked if I was going to go, I replied with a very firm no, by which I said "Haha, not a chance."

So, why won't I support my year mate, I was asked, as "HE'S SO BRAVE TO FIGHT THROUGH THIS!"... Apparently.

I won't support him because he's the most arrogant tool I've ever talked to in my life, and apparently everyone else in my year totally forgot this when he got diagnosed. Really? I mean, it's like when Michael Jackson died, I seemed to be the only person I know who actually remembered the fact that he was a bad person (y'know, the whole, holding his child over the railings of a balcony quite high up, and the sleeping with children [I never implied he had sex with them, shut up before you flame me]).

So, yeah, question's simple, what would you have done?

If my mom hadn't recently passed away from cancer, I probably would have had a reaction very similar to yours.

Having been with her from when she was diagnosed to her passing just a few weeks ago, I've seen what a horrible disease it is. I've seen what it does to your body and seen some of the effects it has on the mind. I wouldn't wish that horrible disease on anyone, no matter how bad of a person they might be. No one deserves to die like that. Even if he does get treatment and does go into remission, there's always a risk that he'll get it again. Even with treatment, he's going to have to face the very real fact that it may very well kill him one day.

 

[Socks and Shoes]

I think OP is begin more of a prick than the guy with cancer could have possibly been. Even if you don't like the guy show a little respect for him.

Thats a dick move man. He's got cancer you wank, and you're complaining about some petty shit that happened to you?

Fucking grow up and stop being so embittered.

I like you.

 

[Kurokami]

Wow, you're an absolute douche.

Extending kindness to someone who is likely to die is basic human compassion.

I feel shocked at the number of people who agree with you, and would have done the same. It's absolutely disgusting. If you haven't dealt with cancer, you have no idea how much of a fight it really is, so why don't you just let go of "calling cancer patients brave is bullshit" crap.

OP: Ok, so you didn't like the guy and didn't want to go to his fundraiser. Fine. Instead of acting like at least (imo more) of an asshole as he was to you (making me think you probably deserved everything you got), why not just say "No, I'm not going. I have another commitment that night I can't get out of." ?

I had a flu a few days ago, it made me feel REAL brave.

Some cancer patients are incredible when dealing with the news, I know a few myself, one who over came it and another who was quite an incredible person, even while dealing with his cancer, and he ended up dying (I never liked this guy, but he was a decent person with a shitload of potential so it did mean something). It's not fair, but that certainly doesn't make any asshat with the disease 'brave'. You might be right about him making an excuse instead of what he said, but don't pretend that all cancer patients are to be immediately put on a pedestal, it's called a bad hand and some get dealt worse than others.

They are dealing with something most of us can't even comprehend. And for a teenager to go through it, to never have the chance at college, or marriage, or family, or a career. It's terrible. And while they don't need to be put on a pedestal, they are deserving of basic human compassion, of which the OP clearly has none.

Kind of an ironic username, I only noticed it now.

Compassion can be outweighed by many other factors, one of which is hate. The afore-mentioned person meant nothing to me when he died, other than I thought it was a shame that he did. I didn't feel compassion or sympathy (except for maybe his family, especially the sister since... Actually that's straying way off of point) for him, I just felt it was a waste of an incredibly productive life, we never really spoke so his death meant about as much as his life to me. It was just a horrible waste of potential. (I suppose death is different than dying however)

Basic human compassion is reserved for people you care for or are close to, you seem to be preaching compassion for the advanced.

If this guy is an asshole and got cancer, maybe it's a good thing (statistically, of course, which is actually pointless) that he got it instead of someone else that's worth while. (of course that is all a point of opinion, I'm sure he had family and friends as well who'll miss him)