Women Troubles

[CowboyfromHell666]

Man I'm sorry to hear about this. If it makes you feel any better, I was sort of like this when I was younger. In elementary/middle/some of high school(I'm a senior in high school), I was basically the odd one out. I had maybe one of two friends up until middle school, then I met my best buds around 7th grade. But when it came to girls, yeah...being the weird kid obsessed with Star Wars didn't earn points back then. And it didn't help I gained a lot of unnecessary weight to be the butt of all jokes.

Nowadays, however, I don't know what happened, maybe my weight loss, maybe people got mature, but I've had better relationships with girls now(I'm no looker either imo, but I have self confidence issues due to the insults growing up). I talk to them more, they talk to me, and I'm just myself to them. Now that doesn't mean I'm hunting for a girl to call my own, but they don't see me as some weird ass loner. I don't know about you, but since I am only in high school, I could give zero fucks about having a girlfriend. I've got my whole life to worry about that.

But back to your situation, a few people have mentioned look up anime conventions in your local area, and that sounds like a great way to start. If you can find a girl that shares common interests with you, then it can lead to something meaningful. I'm not the love doctor or anything, so my advice in such matters is just up-in-the-air suggestions. But all I can really say is find common interests, be yourself, etc. I know that's almost "well no shit" advice, but it's the truth.

And hey, you got a nice community of people on here that are willing to help you out, so keep your head high and smile man

 

[Shadow5]

Firstly try and make some female friends, don't let yourself try and date them, just be friends.
Then you can try for the rest of it.

Coming out of an all boys school into uni was rough, I couldn't think of girls as anything other than potential interests. Luckily I woke up to myself before I did something embarrassing.
After I made some female friends and learned the difference between a girl being friendly and coming on to me things got a lot easier.
I was so obsessed with the idea of a relationship I actually missed times girls were coming on to me and nearly ruined some good friendships.

Lots of good advice on here esp. lumenadducere

 

[JackandTom]

And in a way, its hard not agree. Where I live and the places I could live all are pretty bad in terms of population of females my age, the things I like and like to do aren't popular with women, and I'm not very good at social interactions with women. Nor am I swimming in money or have other things. Pretty much on the short end of the socially acceptable relationship scale - the only way I could probably go lower is if I was sick or a criminal.

So there, thats my rant/tirade. Congrats, you made it through.

Don't worry. You're in the right place.

http://pokerfraudalert.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=1636&d=1339186093

 

[GoddyofAus]

My only advice to the OP: You'll find the membership papers for this club over by the window.

 

[Mr. GameBrain]

My only advice to the OP: You'll find the membership papers for this club over by the window.

Its next to the jar of tears, and infront of the severed head of Kubla Khan right?

 

[Silverfox99]

First, as a member of the human race you are supposed to want to be in a relationship(s). Its what our bodies are programmed to do. So the fact you feel this way is not bad.

Next, Embrace who you are don't be scared and fearful that you should be different or are different. We all are different. We all have good and bad about us. Not everyone is for everyone and that's a good thing. There are women out there that will want to date you.

The main thing when looking for a relationship is to stand out by being who you are (if you try to act like someone else it only adds difficulty and problems). Can you text women and do decent in the conversation? That little bit of space and time to think might get you comfortable enough to progress to face to face talking with someone. If that is the case then use that to your advantage. Be upfront and honest about your shyness. To sum it up use who you are to your advantage.

Lastly, don't I repeat don't assume you know how someone is reacting to you. So you felt like a fool because you got nervous and did something silly or not James Bond cool. Don't think that that person never wants to talk with you again. Let the other person make their choice. Don't take away their choice. If you take away their choice before they make it of course you never will have a relationship. You have to allow relationships to happen and from reading the OP I get the feeling that you could have been in a relationship before this but that you stopped it before it ever began by thinking you had to act or be a specific way to be in one, so when the chance came up you shut it down instead or opening it up.

 

[SpectacularWebHead]

I see your problem:
those animes suck total arse.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Eh, if you're having problems with seeing women as being terribly different from people and talking to them with the potential of them being better than a cat, and for sex...yeah, come to a gaming forum, lots of great advice to be found there.

There was a thread about contraception, a while back, and 22% (when I looked) of people voting in the poll said they hadn't had sex. You need to get over the "I'm the only virgin in the world and it's so unfair" mentality.

 

[SpectacularWebHead]

Wrong meme? Well fuck.

Star Trekkin' across the universe...

As I can't really do two irrelevant posts OP, I'm just gonna say this. I have never actually been in a relationship, but that is largely because I only leave the house for comiccon. Essentially, get outside and socialise.

 

[trollnystan]

SNIP SNIP

OH COOKIE! =D nomnomnomnom...

Spoiler: Some anecdotal ramblings

You sound a bit like me back in the day. Although I never complained about it - except to myself - because being single has been mostly my own choice. I mean, I could probably rustle up a fellah to be my boyfriend/fuck-buddy somewhere, but the very few guys I've actually felt attracted to physically and/or emotionally these past few years have not reciprocated and I made a promise to myself after my one and only sexual encounter that I'll bloody well wait until Mr Right (Now) comes along.

Not to mention I'm not terribly attractive myself physically or personality-wise. I'm too like my father AFTER he got the crazies.

So I'm 29 and single. And it's not half bad. I have my cats for company at home, I have my family, friends and co-workers to socialise with otherwise, and I'm finally working my way out of my had-since-childhood depression.

Sex, kisses, and cuddles WOULD be nice, but otherwise my friends and family fill my affection-need bar quite satisfactorily. Personally there are a lot of things I feel I need to change with myself - raise my self-esteem, get a proper job so I can support myself, etc. - before I'm really ready for a relationship. I can't expect someone else to fill up the void in my life. That whole "2 halves make a whole" shlock is bullshit.

It sounds to me like maybe you need to do something similar. Work with yourself more. To use a trite self-help phrase, learn to LOVE yourself.

If you really are that gun-ho about having a girlfriend now now NOW, then ask yourself WHY you don't have one. Are your standards too high - e.g. looks, smarts, money-wise? Are you attracted to the "wrong" type of woman? Is there a facet of your personality that you need to work on? Maybe work on being more outgoing? (that will not only help you in romance arena, but also in life in general like work and making friends.)

Add remember what Phasmal said:

Women are just people.

And dude, according to your profile you're 23 years old. You're not even half-way to 50 yet. You have PLENTY of time to find someone to spend those 60+ years with. RELAX.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

I just moved to a new city and found that Meetup.com is amazing. I know that there are anime meetups even though I personally haven't attended any. It can bring people together for just about any interest and quite a few of them are single and of the feminine variety. And even though I am not particularly suave or handsome, I have managed to successfully get some action this way .

Big thank you. I'm definitely looking into that. I found an atheist group near me that might be fun. (But they're probably smug a-holes.)

To the OP: Go on tumblr and search anime stuff. Reblog it like crazy and follow a bunch of different blogs. You'll find that most of the shit on there is reblogged and circulated by girls. And you can message a lot of these girls, too. This is a really strained and highly difficult way to try and meet people with similar interests, but it's a way.

 

[Kasawd]

You want to attract a woman, eh?

Remember that you're also capable of being a sex object, too. Just because you're a male doesn't mean you don't have charm. Head off to a bar with Karaoke and sing like a honey badger and then ignore the women, entirely, until they come and talk to you. If you don't seem interested, you become interesting.

Sit at the bar and chew the fat with the tender.

That and relax, man, women are just people.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

Also worth mentioning - and I don't know whether or not it's entirely applicable to you and your group(s) of people you hang out with - I can't count just how many times I've said or done something stupid around girls, and they're still kind to me and invite me to parties and stuff. And they're not even close friends.

So I wouldn't worry too much about slipping up, since it's not the worst thing in the world. In fact, I think I might put that into practice whenever one of my aforementioned female acquaintances arranges a party, and I'll try not to use drink as a crutch either.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

Try and be comfortable in yourself, if you come off as desperate, women will notice. We can smell it from a mile off.
So what if you haven't had a girlfriend? Try and be a bit more comfortable with it.

Ha ha. Easier said than done. Being a male virgin in this world is a lot more difficult than you can imagine. If you want to have sex and can't, you're going to be desperate. Simple fact. Also, a reasonably attractive woman old enough to go to a bar can pretty much have sex whenever she wants to. That is not the case with men. Imagine missing out on a huge part of life and walking around with the knowledge that the one group of people you care about more than anything in the world has not wanted anything to do with you in your entire existence.

I was a virgin until 25 and it sucked. It drove me half crazy, and I went the other half crazy when I finally did have sex. It's just how it is. Maybe if I had had a real relationship with a smart, kind, and dedicated girl, it wouldn't have driven me nuts and I could "get over it." However, those type of people are generally already in stable relationships.

 

[Deviluk]

Haha I love sekerei too, but the manga I've only read

I think you just have to work on your own self-esteem, thats 80% of the battle right there. You say you don't want to bore people with stuff you like, believe me, passion in anything is inspiring and contagious. People don't grow up liking stuff, they have to get into it, usually by people being so excited by it they have to try it too. Just learn to talk about whatever you want, ANYTHING YOU WANT! If they don't want to listen, or are bored, its not you're fault, its theirs! Move on and you'll find someone who IS interested!

There are so many books that helped me with talking to people, not just women. I live in a foreign country now so I find I'm the one who can't say anything to anyone, and it hurt because I knew normally I'm much more active. I hate the feeling of someone not following my line of conversation, or not laughing at the joke I tried to make, but you just gotta move on and think 'its their problem'.

Anyway, my 2 cents. We all have our personal goals, and we can achieve them without sacrificing who we are.

 

[Phasmal]

Ha ha. Easier said than done. Being a male virgin in this world is a lot more difficult than you can imagine. If you want to have sex and can't, you're going to be desperate. Simple fact. Also, a reasonably attractive woman old enough to go to a bar can pretty much have sex whenever she wants to. That is not the case with men.

Sure, if the lady just wants sex no matter who it is with. That's rarely the case. Besides, this is about girlfriends, not bar-pickups.

Imagine missing out on a huge part of life and walking around with the knowledge that the one group of people you care about more than anything in the world has not wanted anything to do with you in your entire existence.

I'm sorry, what?
Are you saying that you care about girls more than anything in the world?
Cause thats... creepy.

I was a virgin until 25 and it sucked. It drove me half crazy, and I went the other half crazy when I finally did have sex. It's just how it is. Maybe if I had had a real relationship with a smart, kind, and dedicated girl, it wouldn't have driven me nuts and I could "get over it." However, those type of people are generally already in stable relationships.

All the good ones are usually taken, same with dudes. (Or they are gay).

Right, but then it just becomes a nasty circle. Desperate cause you cant get laid.
Can't get laid because you're desperate.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

Sure, if the lady just wants sex no matter who it is with. That's rarely the case. Besides, this is about girlfriends, not bar-pickups.

Yes, I realize such a prospect is unappealing, even if you're a man. But for the most part, guys don't even have that option. I mean, at least a girl knows she can get laid if she really wants to get laid. Men, not so much. As much as this guy says he wants a relationship and girlfriend, I'm betting he also wants to have sex. When you're still a virgin, it's like a 60/40 desire on sex versus gf, I'd wager. I'm just thinking out loud.

I'm sorry, what?
Are you saying that you care about girls more than anything in the world?
Cause thats... creepy.

But true... I'm not saying "anything" like air, water, or my family. I should have said "anyone." Drop a man into a room with 15 people, one of whom is a woman. Guess which person he is most interested in talking to.

All the good ones are usually taken, same with dudes. (Or they are gay).

Right, but then it just becomes a nasty circle. Desperate cause you cant get laid.
Can't get laid because you're desperate.

This. Right on the money. You can't stop feeling shitty about yourself until more people come along. People will stay away from the creepy guy who feels shitty about himself. I've said this before and I'll say it again, but Taxi Driver is a fascinating film regarding this exact subject. You can't find yourself from within. It comes from the outside world. No one is an island and you can't really build off of nothing because it just ends up all weird and twisted. You lose all context of the real world.

 

[Phasmal]

I'm sorry, what?
Are you saying that you care about girls more than anything in the world?
Cause thats... creepy.

But true... I'm not saying "anything" like air, water, or my family. I should have said "anyone." Drop a man into a room with 15 people, one of whom is a woman. Guess which person he is most interested in talking to.

Depends entirely on the dude.
And... why? Cause you could possibly have sex with them?
What if they are not attractive?

All the good ones are usually taken, same with dudes. (Or they are gay).

Right, but then it just becomes a nasty circle. Desperate cause you cant get laid.
Can't get laid because you're desperate.

This. Right on the money. You can't stop feeling shitty about yourself until more people come along. People will stay away from the creepy guy who feels shitty about himself. I've said this before and I'll say it again, but Taxi Driver is a fascinating film regarding this exact subject. You can't find yourself from within. It comes from the outside world. No one is an island and you can't really build off of nothing because it just ends up all weird and twisted. You lose all context of the real world.

Eh, sometimes its a case of fake-it-til-you-make-it.
I'm not good with people but I'm aware of it and I try and be aware of what I do and say when I'm out. Then weird out at home.

 

[3quency]

Look, this is literally THE most generic advice you can get but...
Start liking yourself. Seriously.

If you like yourself and feel confident about who you are, people will notice, and it makes you seem more likeable. Work on your self esteem and you never know, right?

Seriously, bitches love self esteem.

 

[Palademon]

I'm slightly unhelpful, and also young, so I'll just join the venting. Maybe it'll be helpful.

If I don't find a woman I'm interested within a month of going to university, I will be on dating sites too. Even though unviersities have societies of similar interest, my brother's experience has told me that there are very few women, and the ones there are, are usually taken. I will also start spending the ENTIRE WEEKEND that an anime convetion lasts, at it.

I feel I may share a problem your friends may have suggested. I certainly never look at an anime girl and say "That's the one for me", but my problem seems to be a two parter. I VERY VERY rarely find girls I'm interested in, and NONE are interested in me. Although I later discover that the ones I found I was probably hopelessly attaching to out of desperation. At least it made some sense. I was attracted to the only girl that had an interest in video games and anime, but I discovered I didn't like other parts of her personality, and it's a moot point since she discovered she's a lesbian.

I also find it hard to find reaosns why a girl would want me. I think all my likable parts cannot easily be described, and if they are, only if the generic way of "Oh, he's smart, and funny". If they showed interest quickly I'd probably jokingly ask them if they're insane, and then question whether they misunderstood my personality in some way, because I'd like people to like me for me, not what they think they know from quickly meeting me. This creates a reverse problem for me to. I will not be interested in anyone until I know them well, and until I'm there friend. That means if I were to try to get a relationship it'd probably always run the risk of ruining a rare friendship.

Also, my social interaction was probably went stunted with women in secondary school because since I was a nerd, people just naturally assumed I couldn't talk to them, which turned into a massive suprise for them that I made quite a few female friends at college, and thought I must've suddenly channeled my inner pimp. I actually met a quite a few gamers and anime fans. The main trouble was, even when they share interest, there is still divide in that interest. The girls I met tended to play nothing but RPGs and found anything more action-y "too frantic". One of them had never played Zelda, so I let them play Ocarina of Time 3D. After five minutes of accidentally auto-jumping off ledges, they practically ragequit, claiming the game was "too technical".

Btw, if anybody would ask me why I wnat a partner it's simple. Throughout my life I have been bullied for no adequate reason, and have low self confidence. I have also never been in a relationship so I feel I'm missing out on a normal and happy part of life. I want someone. Someone who understands me, whilst others don't. I want to be someone's favourite for once. I want to question the sanity of this person, and I want them to be able to explain logically, why out of all the people she's ever met, I'm the best. And I want to be needed, to be able to provide that same service to this person. I want to be with a person and have fantasies about us being king and queen of the world, and that if we decided to aim for world domination we would remain with eachother through the inevitable evil that would ensue, and I'm...probably getting too emotional about this. Oh yeah, kids. Kids would be nice. I'd like to show the world I have accomplished passing on my DNA.

I like weirdly funny anime too. Have you tried "Kore wa Zombie desu ka?"?
Yes, that first question mark is part of the title.

On a side note:

Not to generalize anime, but would it kill them to make most girls with normal-sized knockers?

They do, but when they do that the outsiders claim that they're sexualising child-like figures. Because since anime girls are "cute" apparently when you don't oversexualise them, everyone assumes they're five. And then that brings up the excuse that they're somehow making characters that look like little girls, then saying they're legal age, so the outsiders assume the creators are trying to cater to pedophiles.
There is literally no winning with the people looking for any reason to avoid anime.