Your Best Conversation Killer?

[emeraldrafael]

Its not one I said, but one a friend had said to get out of a converstaion. He started telling a story and said "then I had this drink with a worm in it, and I blacked out, and when I came to I was just skull fucking this baby" and mimicked the action, and that pretty much ended the entire converstaion.

I'll usually just go with a weird fact, like the last time I said that the average mail box key is enough to leave a person mentally handicapped and goes in with little effort in the most conversational voice with the straightest face.

 

[Irony's Acolyte]

"So I've got this funny story, it ends with me getting an extremely contagious disease, but you've got to hear it..."

Messily shitting your pants is probably also a good way to kill a conversation, but you might need new pants.

 

[MASTACHIEFPWN]

"I want to have your babies."

 

[CM156_v1legacy]

Talk normal, then pull my hair, bend over, and shout "GET OUT OF MAH HEAD!"

Works every time.

 

[Sgt. Cow]

Act like you have Tourette's syndrome

 

[ChildofGallifrey]

OH GOD I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD AGAIN THERE TELLING ME TO DO AWFUL THINGS.

Actually, I think quoting your avatar would do nicely.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

"So, want to go have sex with my spouse and I?"

Either the answer is no, followed by an awkward silence.

Or the answer is yes, and the conversation is still over. ^^

I wouldn't say "over" so much as, "Shifted to a series of grunts and other such noises." I think that you'll find that they agree with you quite vocally. XD

OT: I find that any joke about rape typically screaches most conversations to a halt. I've killed plenty of conversations in other ways, but that works just about every time. XD

 

[yanipheonu]

 

[Lord Mountbatten Reborn]

Heh, technically not a conversation, but some friends of mine were getting quite, comfortable, with each other. One asked the other about the people around, whereupon they responded with "Let them watch."

I pulled a creepy face, staring at them while grinning, and said, "Don't mind me."

That put them off.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

"So, want to go have sex with my spouse and I?"
Either the answer is no, followed by an awkward silence.
Or the answer is yes, and the conversation is still over. ^^

I wouldn't say "over" so much as, "Shifted to a series of grunts and other such noises." I think that you'll find that they agree with you quite vocally. XD

I don't think that really counts as a conversation at that point. Most of those noises aren't really attempts to communicate with anyone.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

I don't think that really counts as a conversation at that point. Most of those noises aren't really attempts to communicate with anyone.

I don't know. I think that men, at least, can understand grunts and other such noises. Of course, the higher the pitch and/or louder the volume, the more we know we're doing a good job. XD

 

[sir.rutthed]

"And that's why God votes (insert archaic or current political party with no relevance to convo)"


Never fails.

 

[Dfskelleton]

When nobody has talked for a while or if a conversation is getting a little too drab/sickening/dark/etc., I will always say "So, how about that cactus?"
Usually there is no answer.

 

[Asuka Soryu]

"I wanna have sex with you"

That should work... but then there's the part where they might take you up on that.


Hhmm... "Hey, cool! I didn't know you had a fireplace" (only works if they don't have a fireplace)

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Add 'And that's where babies come from' to the end of whatever the other person is saying, or better yet just blurt it out.

 

[Wylade]

Identify your target, and hit them with a super-effective attack. Example: Target is a feminist of the raging variety, so you hit her with everything 4chan has ever posted about Women. Actually, 4chan itself stops most conversations cold...

 

[Asuka Soryu]

This should kill the conversation:

"I just let it rip."

 

[deserteagleeye]

Grab the nearest person's hand and guide to your crotch. Then whisper into their "You feel that? ........I peed."

 

[The Seldom Seen Kid]

"Ya okay."

 

[General_Potatoes]

I usually wait til someone else kills the convsersation, then I say something random like:
"So who else likes sandwich making robots?"
Or I blurt out a racist joke. Whatever works.