Zero Punctuation: Aliens: Colonial Marines

[MB202]

Watching this video, I have to wonder... Does Yantzee watch any of Jim Sterling's stuff? Like, he's been going on about the Alien franchise and this game in particular for a few weeks now, so I find it weird that Yantzee would not only not mention this in his video, but called out all Alien fans by saying everything after Aliens was crap.

 

[TheOrb]

"Colonial Marines, eh?"

*Puts on goggles in preparation for shitstorm*

 

[Zombie Sodomy]

I bet it would've really sucked to have been the guy who kept getting revived only to get smacked back down again. Must've thought he was in hell or something.

I assume it went something like this:

 

[Canadamus Prime]

I bet it would've really sucked to have been the guy who kept getting revived only to get smacked back down again. Must've thought he was in hell or something.

I assume it went something like this:

Only instead of a cyclops it was a giant xenomorph and instead of Jesus it was a doofus with combat armour and an assault rifle, but yeah probably something like that.

 

[exobook]

I'm actually watching aliens for the fisrt time while I watch this, and I have to say, this is supposed to be scary? I'm having too much fun laughing at all the things I've seen before.

 

[Dooly95]

Don't forget to blame SEGA, they're the biggest bastards in this entire story. They LET Gearbox jerk them around for 6 years, and then when they were handed this piece of shit to put to market, they actually put it to market to screw us over instead of canceling its release and figuring out what the hell Gearbox had been doing with all that time and money they asked for.

Fuck you, SEGA. If anyone company gets crushed and goes out of business because of this, I hope it's SEGA. As much as I hate the likes of EA or Capcom, they wouldn't be stupid enough to let this game get so far out of hand. It would have been canned long before we all wasted our $50 or $60 on it.

Hell, makes me wonder how many of those games that suddenly get canceled end up getting canceled because of shit like this.

SEGA were going to lose the Aliens license if they didn't put something out. Too bad it turned out to be shit.

Not to say SEGA's all innocent in releasing crap games... I mean, Sonic '06.

 

[mike1921]

Don't forget to blame SEGA, they're the biggest bastards in this entire story. They LET Gearbox jerk them around for 6 years, and then when they were handed this piece of shit to put to market, they actually put it to market to screw us over instead of canceling its release and figuring out what the hell Gearbox had been doing with all that time and money they asked for.

Fuck you, SEGA. If anyone company gets crushed and goes out of business because of this, I hope it's SEGA. As much as I hate the likes of EA or Capcom, they wouldn't be stupid enough to let this game get so far out of hand. It would have been canned long before we all wasted our $50 or $60 on it.

Hell, makes me wonder how many of those games that suddenly get canceled end up getting canceled because of shit like this.

That's not being bastards that's being idiots. Of course they put it to market, it's a game that is obviously going to make money that probably had preordered on it. They put up the money for the game of course they're going to get whatever money out of it they can.

Yes I'm pretty sure EA would release this game.

Gearbox are still the assholes.

1. I hope this crushes Gearbox, they have no integrity.

The following is a massive amount of sarcasm:

Ya lets just make a whole bunch of people lose their jobs because of decisions made that are way above them! Who cares if they need the job to feed their families, their bosses lied to us!

Businesses should fall and rise with their products. Otherwise the consumer always gets fucked. If a business is untrustworthy and does shitty things like BLATENTLY FALSE ADVERTISEMENT in the form of a demo than it should cripple them.

 

[AlexanderPeregrine]

All I took away from this is that we need a Blues Brothers game.

Not only is there already a Blues Brothers game, it also came from the same developer that gifted us with such critical darlings as Dick Tracy, the Prehistorik duology, and the all-time classic, the game everybody must play at least once in their lives lest their tombstone be engraved with "wasted life": Superman on the N64.

 

[Brainwreck]

AvP 2 was an awesome game. AvP 2 multiplayer? Double awesome.
Everything else... well, yeah. I guess it all sucked.

 

[ResonanceSD]

I thought he'd do an inversion and talk about the good things in the game this week, given that everyone else on the internet shat on it. Ah well, still a great video.

1. I hope this crushes Gearbox, they have no integrity.
2. I hope this ends people preordering games, it just encourages assholes like Gearbox to make cash grab games.
3. I hope Yahtzee starts to review good games, constantly reviewing bad games is cute and funny but its like shooting fish in a barrel.

1) Borderlands 2
2) I completely agree 3) That's why he's funny, he's a critic. He badmouths games he finds GOOD as well as the ones he finds bad.

 

[Shadow-Phoenix]

I say give Rebellion another shot at making another Aliens or AV game seeing as how AVP 2010 plays and looks better than the trash that is ACM.

And also Sega sue Gearbox into the ground.

 

[Terminate421]

Hey Yahtzee, here is my favorite glitch:

Apparently I swapped my weapons when I first started up the game to the shotgun and used that first before pulling out the assault rifle. Well somehow when I fired the shotgun, the sound glitched and everytime I used the shotgun, it made an alien hiss WHENEVER it fired. Even when there were no Aliens around.

 

[Terminate421]

I say give Rebellion another shot at making another Aliens or AV game seeing as how AVP 2010 plays and looks better than the trash that is ACM.

And also Sega sue Gearbox into the ground.

Here is what they had to do to make this game good:

Take AvP 2010, remove the Predators all together AND change the title
Give the Marines Iron Sights
And there you go, you have a solid Aliens game.

 

[hermes]

Thank you for the MASSIVE Spoiler-warning in the middle of the review about Hicks. Oh, wait. THERE WAS NONE!

You are welcome.
Unless you actually paid for this thing, in which case... You had it coming.

Sorry but here, I am peed off out of princible. If Yathzee reveals such a huge part of the plot (and pretty big twist in the canon), then yes, I expect a freaking spoiler warning. It doesn't matter how good or bad the game is - it is still wrong to do.

You do realize this game is not part of the cannon, right? FOX distanciate themselves as far as they could of this turd (who can blame them?) even before it was revealed to be that bad. In fact, it is exactly the point Yatzhee makes: that by bringing back a character that was established to be dead in Alien 3, they reduced the story of A:CM to the level of fan fiction, where they can retell the cannon to include the characters they like...

One bad game ?
Have you allready forgotten THE DUKE ?

Hardly their game - they just did about 10% of it as the game when they got it was more or less finished. You can't blame them for that.

Which is exactly what they are doing to justify this game. Blame TimeGate and Sega about the status of the game...

Do you see a pattern there? Because it makes me doubt the excuses they give to Duke Nukem. It seems the blame game is the best game Pitchford knows how to play...

 

[Bindal]

Thank you for the MASSIVE Spoiler-warning in the middle of the review about Hicks. Oh, wait. THERE WAS NONE!

You are welcome.
Unless you actually paid for this thing, in which case... You had it coming.

Sorry but here, I am peed off out of princible. If Yathzee reveals such a huge part of the plot (and pretty big twist in the canon), then yes, I expect a freaking spoiler warning. It doesn't matter how good or bad the game is - it is still wrong to do.

You do realize this game is not part of the cannon, right? FOX distanciate themselves as far as they could of this turd (who can blame them?) even before it was revealed to be that bad. In fact, it is exactly the point Yatzhee makes: that by bringing back a character that was established to be dead in Alien 3, they reduced the story of A:CM to the level of fan fiction, where they can retell the cannon to include the characters they like...

One bad game ?
Have you allready forgotten THE DUKE ?

Hardly their game - they just did about 10% of it as the game when they got it was more or less finished. You can't blame them for that.

Which is exactly what they are doing to justify this game. Blame TimeGate and Sega about the status of the game...

Do you see a pattern there? Because it makes me doubt the excuses they give to Duke Nukem. It seems the blame game is the best game Pitchford knows how to play...

1 - No, it is canon. Deal with it. Was stated a billion times and was even a selling point.
2 - No, DNF was an entirely different. They were never even related to it until they decided to purchase what was done (a game about 90%) so it could finally get released after 14 years of waiting and it about to die.

 

[Grahav]

Well, at least there were Blue Brothers in his review...

I hope you can play a good game next time Yahtzee.

 

[serious biscuit]

All I took away from this is that we need a Blues Brothers game.

Not only is there already a Blues Brothers game, it also came from the same developer that gifted us with such critical darlings as Dick Tracy, the Prehistorik duology, and the all-time classic, the game everybody must play at least once in their lives lest their tombstone be engraved with "wasted life": Superman on the N64.

Well those were all before my time, but this game looks like fun, or should I say would look like fun if not based on the Blues Brothers with the only resemblance being the outfits and records. Maybe its time for a reboot? XD

 

[Goldhawk777]

Noo Yahtzee, don't give the chicken the assault rifle! Give him the grenade launcher. Okay, I thought we just had an Alien vs Predator game to come out and fail? I think it was Aliens vs Predator vs Humans, and that game failed terribly.

 

[sushkis2]

Am I the only one who thinks, that the bar in video game industry is now so low, that we allow such atrocities to be released? The worst thing about it is, that such disasters gain more media attention, that it distracts everyone from things that actually are good, thereby these publishers/developers get a free ride, and still cash in on the dross they put out in the market by the way of preorders. They must be punished.

There is one way to punish.

DO......NOT.... PARTICIPATE!

Totalbiscuit has a great video up on Youtube explaining this:

<youtube=mf5Uj4XIT1Y>

Yeah, exactly that video put me in this mind set in the first place. Thanks for putting this out,the people must know!

 

[scorptatious]

From what I've seen in gameplay footage, this is probably my favorite glitch. Which I believe you described in the video Yahtzee:


Followed by this:

And this: