Zero Punctuation: Alpha Protocol

[Ulicus]

Anyway, this review annoyed me. You rip on games like Red Dead Redemption, complaining about stuff that you clearly didn't even know you could get around. But you were generous to such an awful game like Alpha Protocol.

It's almost like all the people who reviewed this game, complained about the difficulty of the mini-games (which are usually meant to be stupid-hard unless you invest in the right skills, anyway), but forgot to mention that you can skip *every single one* with the right equipment. Crazy.

Alpha Protocol is certainly flawed and it definitely lacks polish... but it's not an *awful* game by any stretch. It's just not a straight shooter.

I appreciate that Yahtzee was one of the few people to review the game as what it is: an RPG.

I can't comment on RDR but -- having played AP several (well, three) times -- I thought this review was fair. I didn't agree with all of it, sure, but I could see where he was coming from.

I was pleased to see the Deus Ex comparison, too. Because, imperfect as it is, the title does -- in many respects -- feel like something of a spiritual successor.

Which only proves that he agrees that, no matter your sexuality, you would hit that

Ack! Speak for yourself. Barrowman's one of the few bad things about the Who revival.

 

[Apophenia Overload]

Meh Yahtzee . I was hoping that you would really beat the shit out of this miserable game. Poor SI, poor gameplay, ugly graphics and bugs deserve that.

The game is very well a successor to action games with RPG elements such as Deus Ex, Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines, System Shock 2, etc. Even if it failed with many unpolished elements, it gets point for trying to be a whole lot deeper than most action games of the modern day. Yahtzee gets that, being the big DX fan he is.

 

[Kermi]

Interesting, the review came across as rather positive but still hostile. If he hadn't said it was "weak and poorly balanced" near the end I might have thought he enjoyed it.

 

[geldonyetich]

Yahtzee made it sound like it has some things in common with Deus Ex... so all of a sudden, I'm very interested in playing it. RPG/FPS is a good hybrid genre, in my experience. I'll probably wait until I find it for under $25, though. Besides, by then they should have most of the bugs patched out.

 

[sln333]

I was confused when he started off seemingly liking the game everyone else trashed. Then we got to a dog in a hat and it went downhill.

 

[happy_turtle]

Finally Yahtzee back to his best, I've played all his reviewed games over tha past few weeks and disagreed with his reviews; I'd started to believe he'd been making up game bugs to score quick jokes.

Alpha protocol is exactly as he describes a painful Deus ex clone with a worn-out plot and weird structure. Although I know it's a issue of personal preference, I love the fact that if you pump all your points into stealth you'll eventually be screwed. If I were a stealth assassin, I'd be fully expecting that eventually I'd be attacked by a grizzly bear/ cyborg nanny or killer bee swarm where stealth is pointless.

Please please Yahtzee keep this newer, more truthful review style up

 

[TraumaHound]

Wait...why is Kevin "Batman" Conroy on the ponce-meter? Even at it's lowest setting I don't see how Conroy's a "ponce", he's the fucking voice of Batman!

 

[Yossarian1507]

As a leader of the Cult of Alpha Protocol Fans, I thank you Yahtzee for making more favorable review than usually.

Maybe now someone who was shouting 'Shite!' without any real experience with it will shut up, or maybe even try it to see for himself it isn't that bad.

 

[J-Alfred]

I was kinda hoping for...
[img height= 200 width= 300]http://cdn.themis-media.com/media/global/images/castfire/mini/ebb98f8371c4a49b0b18be6f58c39f8c.jpg[/img]

Great review anyway. I think that the reason that the games industry makes PMC secretly evil is because in real life they actually ARE!

E3 is still going on right now... Do you think Yahtzee has a time machine?

And Yahtzee, why was Kevin Conroy on the list as the dickest of the dicks? Did he do something to offend you? Is it not enough that he created the ultimate Batman voice that made the character my favorite super hero ever? Fuck you!

Anyways, I actually totally called this review. Most of the other reviews have beaten the "broken AI" and stuff like that to death, so I fully expected Yahtzee to focus more on the story, as is his wont. And I too hope for another E3 takedown. With special focus on the PS3 Move shit. Tell me, Sony, if I don't want to play Wii on the Wii, why do you think I'll want to play Wii on the PS3???

 

[imaloony]

One of the better reviews as of late! The "I literally fucked her brains out!" Bit had me in stitches.

 

[Apophenia Overload]

Yahtzee is a contrarian. He tears down sacred cows and he raises up pariahs. Alpha Protocol does have a lot of issues, but it also had ambition and creativity and tried to be different from most Splinter Cell/MGS-derived stealth/action games, and from paint-the-numbers Bioware RPGs. So he's giving it recognition where its due.

And clone? wtf. How can it be a DX clone when they're not in the same perspective? DX is FPS, yo. The plot is kinda trite but what weird structure? And yeah I definitely agree that a crippling flaw of AP is that if you have the wrong skills build you're screwed.

Interesting, the review came across as rather positive but still hostile. If he hadn't said it was "weak and poorly balanced" near the end I might have thought he enjoyed it.

He probably did enjoy it to some extent, he just wouldn't say it.

 

[Crazy_Bird]

I am surprised about the John Barrowman joke at the end. But then again Yahtzee proofed to be a Dr. Who fan so I guess I should not be that startled.

 

[Swifteye]

Yazhtee liked the game for the most. Turns out alpha protocal wasn't a complete failure. All the other reviewers really knobbed it for not having good action but yatzhee seemed more interested in the part where all the work went into.

 

[repeating integers]

Having never paid attention to any ads at all (ever), I had never heard of this game either. I was surprised at the start, because he seemed to be praising it all over the place. Then we got to the bad points, but it still seems as if he didn't think it was all that bad.

Mind you, with Yahtzee, it's always hard to tell.

 

[moosek]

Ponce isn't a very fun word.

 

[poiuppx]

Nice review. Think I might try this game... confusing plot elements and dialogue trees aside- botch the conversation and I'm sure you can just load a prior save to give it another go -this sounds fun.

 

[Macacan]

Ponce is English slang for an effeminate man.

Yeah, I joined just to say that.

 

[Fat Hippo]

whats a ponce?

The same thing as a tosser...I think. Damn Brits and their mumbo-jumbo slang.

 

[LorChan]

heh. John Barrowman was mentioned in the credits.

Still not gay, Yahtzee?

 

[Azhrarn-101]

He seemed rather generous to a game that other reviewers have eaten and crapped out.

Calumon: Sure he could turn invisible, but I can fly!

My guess is that the other reviews were so horrible because they were essentially thinking it was Mass Effect 2: James Bond/Bourne edition.
It, however, is not; the combat mechanics are this game's big glowing weak spot.
The story, while convoluted is told rather well, the dialogue options complex enough to account for almost anything you do and overall very compelling and immersive.
It is a rather nice game, providing you're able to look past the weaknesses in certain areas. And you can essentially compensate for them by specialising in assault rifles, useful in any and all situations it can handle almost anything. Couple it to a massive stealth skill and your opposition won't stand much of a chance (including that bossfight Yahtzee mentioned).