Zero Punctuation: FIFA 13

Dark Knifer

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DugMachine said:
If it's not Dishonored next week I'm going to be shocked. It seems right up his alley
Give him two weeks, I believe that's how long it takes to play the game and write the review and dishonored only just came out. Literally, today is the release date of dishonored in Australia, where Yahtzee is based.
 

Padwolf

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Sep 2, 2010
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I enjoyed that very much, made me laugh hard! Summed up my feelings on Fifa 13 quite perfectly. Would have been hilarious if he really reviewed Fifa 13 though. Was an interesting video though as I was very interested in the game Anna. I'm glad he mentioned it as now I know it's certainly not what I thought and I know not to buy it.
 

-[Badger]-

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Jul 9, 2010
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RE:Anna
Yahtzee's school of adventure games?
1. Think of a problem that the player has to get around
2. Think of how a sensible person would solve the problem with the objects close at hand
3. Seal your head in a half full vat of boiling Chlorine for about 20 min
4. Write down another way you'd solve the problem that at that point makes perfect sense to your possiblly fatally poisoned mind
5. Repeat until you have found the most circuitous possible solution
 

Buizel91

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Aug 25, 2008
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I came on the Internet after a night at work and though "hmmmm wonder what Yahtzee reviewed, well nothing special has come out lately, probably Transformers Fall Of Cybertron"

And when i saw Fifa 13, i giggled like a little kid and thought he is going to completely destroy this game. Funniest video for a while, nice one Yahtzee xD
 

Calvin

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Sep 26, 2012
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Thanks God it wasn't what the titel predicted! I started with a chilly bad feeling and ended with 2 funny ideas what to do with the next 3 days of my emty life :D
 

Latenz1134

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Feb 23, 2012
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Hitchmeister said:
Football is never boring: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VF_uOgyBK1c
This is the greatest video about football I have ever seen, and I thank you for that! :D
 

likalaruku

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Nov 29, 2008
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You find two halves of a mirror.
Stick them on a wall.
Slap a pinecone on it.
Set it on fire.
The door unlocks.

Sounds like Kings Quest 5 for some reason.
 

ThunderCavalier

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Nov 21, 2009
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Rainboq said:
Definitely one of his better reviews, had me laughing from intro to outro, well done!

Also, I wouldn't call Fifa 2013 a game, more a full priced update.
The reason why I don't play sports games.
 

Lokithrsourcerer

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Nov 24, 2008
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yep, perfect review of Fifa 13 the only other option would be "this time it has a 13 on the end and the npcs have either got different faces or the devs have developed their characters by giving them a different coloured shirt!" :p
 

Lokithrsourcerer

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Nov 24, 2008
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Helmholtz Watson said:
Why does he called it football? Its called soccer.

;D
no no no no no.... i hate the game but it IS football "american football" is a load of adverts with some big men in armor in between they don't even use there feet for god's sake

(i'm assuming your winky smiley says you really know what i mean :D ;p)
 

Lokithrsourcerer

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Nov 24, 2008
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I.Muir said:
You poke around in cataclysm but not in mist of pandaria
Don't let the kung-fu panda part fool you, it's the better expansion
Not that Id blame you for never going back to an mmo again
Still since Ive played both, GW2 was probably better than the cataclysm expansion but objectively Wow is still the better game and for more reasons than just 'it's making the most money' and that doesn't happen for no reason
..... i was going to post a reply about how much i disagree about MoP but then i decided no, enough is enough blizzard have enough of my soul already i need to save a little bit so supermarket doors will still open when i approach.
 

Roman Monaghan

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Nov 20, 2010
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Darth_Payn said:
If it's not Dishonored next week I'm going to be shocked. It seems right up his alley
Yes, review a game literally the week after it comes out. When there's also XCOM and RE 6 to get through. In fact he literally said at the end of the video that next week will be RE 6.

I'd give it at least two weeks and at most a month until Dishonored comes up.
 

Helmholtz Watson

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Nov 7, 2011
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Lokithrsourcerer said:
(i'm assuming your winky smiley says you really know what i mean :D ;p)
Yep, there are quite a few Europeans and Australians on here and I know I would be chewed out if I was serious. hahaha
 

MrHide-Patten

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Jun 10, 2009
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gardian06 said:
before video: who let Yahtzee have a sports game.

during video: Indi-wank ahead

after video: but how did you feel about the mechanics of getting that round leather sphere into the net?
He felt positively, weren't you listening?!
 

Mydnyght

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Feb 17, 2010
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Lokithrsourcerer said:
yep, perfect review of Fifa 13 the only other option would be "this time it has a 13 on the end and the npcs have either got different faces or the devs have developed their characters by giving them a different coloured shirt!" :p
Especially for the Wii version, which is just FIFA 12. LITERALLY.
http://www.wired.com/gamelife/2012/10/fifa-13-wii/

Anyway, I feel stupid for thinking Yahtzee was really going to do a full-on review of a sports game. Instead what do I see?

"FIFA 13 is a game where.... And here's Mark of the Ninja..."
"FIFA 13 is a game.... just like Anna..."
"I'm supposed to review FIFA 13... Tokyo Jungle..."

Only one of the greatest eps of ZP I'll ever see. Well done, Mr. Croshaw. Well done.
 

AnotherAvatar

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Sep 18, 2011
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To be honest I was thoroughly disappointed by this review, I mean sure, indie titles or whatever, and it's still funny, but when I saw the title I was rather looking forward to Yahtzee exposing all the massive problems with sports games in a hilarious rant.

Oh well, I guess there is no use beating a dead horse really.


Speaking of dead horses, when are people going to understand that he does his reviews a week in advance and doesn't get advanced copies of the games like the mainstream reviewers?

I mean, damn. If for five years you've been seeing a pattern of him reviewing titles the week after they come out (at least the big ones he cares about) then surely it must be extremely obvious, plus I think he's stated it in ExP before.