Glass Joe the Champ said:
Hey guys, just asked a lady friend out today, and I got the whole "You a really nice guy, but..." speech about "not wanting to ruin our friendship" that inevitably ended with "...but I still want to stay friends." [small](Except she's going to avoid me like the plague from now on, so it's not like we're really going to stay friends)[/small] Story of my life...
[/useless whining]
Anyway, is anyone else here a "nice guy" in other people's eyes? By "nice guy" I mean someone who tries to be courteous and polite to everyone, but comes off as having no confidence or masculinity. Someone who has a lot of friends that are girls, but no girlfriend. Someone who when they like a girl, makes the mistake of becoming their close platonic friend because they're too timid to ask them out. Someone who lets other people walk all over them in an attempt to please everyone. Ect, ect...
[small](In some circles, this is also known as being a "huge, spineless pussy".)[/small]
I've been trying to get rid of the "nice guy" persona for some time now and be more confident and assertive, but I keep falling back into old habits. Does anyone else have this problem? And to the .01% of this site that are women, what exactly is bad or unattractive about "nice guys" anyway?
Oh, and sorry if this topic's been done to death. I couldn't find anything on the search bar, but I have a feeling it's been done before.
Shall we go over this point by point? I think we shall
Anyway, is anyone else here a "nice guy" in other people's eyes? By "nice guy" I mean someone who tries to be courteous and polite to everyone-
Yes. A little politeness never hurt anybody.
but comes off as having no confidence or masculinity
I'm a very patient person, so some may see me as having low confidence. But if you piss me off, and I mean really piss me off, I WILL call you out on it. As far as masculinity goes, I don't really care about that. I personally go for more of an androgynous look when possible. Looks better on me.
Someone who has a lot of friends that are girls, but no girlfriend.
Not currently having a girlfriend is not a really good criteria for judging things. Even the men who have been in the most relationships have dry spells here and there, or take breaks. As far as friends who are girls, yes, I do have a lot of them. It does pay off though- They try to introduce me to other girls. I'm perfectly fine with having female friends, but that's just it- you have to be
friends. You can't just let them use you as a stepping stool, like most "nice guys" like to do.
Someone who when they like a girl, makes the mistake of becoming their close platonic friend because they're too timid to ask them out.
I'll admit, I've fallen victim to this one once, although not this exact scenario. Technically, I did ask her out. Technically, she did say yes. Then for the next several months, she acted like we were in a "platonic relationship". That being a platonic friendship, but telling anyone who asked we were in a relationship, basically. Being as patient as I am (could be seen as timidity, I guess), it took several months before I called her out on this BS (trust me, there was some serious BS going on here. Too much to mention here though). The only problem was that I waited too long and let all the small crap build up. Things quickly deteriorated afterward. Since then, I've stopped putting off talking about problems until that point. (What's easier- saying "return my calls, would you kindly?" now, or going over a detailed list of 519 unreturned calls a year down the road? Yeah, thought so.)
Can't deny that I sometimes still want to just say "Oh, I'll ask tomorrow... or the next day... or whenever..." though. I just choose not to. It's far better in the long run.
Someone who lets other people walk all over them in an attempt to please everyone. Ect, ect...
Nope. The only time anything close to that has happened to me is in the above scenario, and I wouldn't describe that as walking all over me so much as ignoring me. When people actively try to walk over me, I call them out on it. Always.
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In short, being nice has probably done me more good than not. It can be a big plus in a lot of cases. You just have to have the backbone to call people out when they try to bullshit you, and you have to know when to say enough. Get that down, and everything should work out for you.