Aversion to Children

[IceForce]

if some of these posts had been made about an ethnic group, or a gender, then the warnings wouldn't be coming fast enough.

The difference being, no one under 13 is supposed to be accessing this site.

So, since no children are members of this forum, then they're open to being insulted. (Isn't that how it works?)

 

[SinisterGehe]

.-:-.

How about if you stop trying to do psychological analysis of me without knowing my full history or me personally. Or even what country and culture I am from.

 

[JoJo]

if some of these posts had been made about an ethnic group, or a gender, then the warnings wouldn't be coming fast enough.

The difference being, no one under 13 is supposed to be accessing this site.

So, since no children are members of this forum, then they're open to being insulted. (Isn't that how it works?)

That's correct, I actually checked with the mods about it a couple of years back and that's the reasoning. 13 year olds are arguably still children however and so you could argue for some warnings on those grounds, not likely to happen though.

 

[lacktheknack]

.-:-.

How about if you stop trying to do psychological analysis of me without knowing my full history or me personally. Or even what country and culture I am from.

Why? It's something to do, and you're giving us plenty to work with, country and culture be damned.

 

[Zack84]

What is with all you people? Yeah, I often find little kids incredibly annoying/obnoxious. Sometimes when I'm in a bad mood and some little snot does something particularly irritating, my heart begins to race just fantasizing about riverdancing on their little face.

All THAT said, c'mon. Kids can be incredibly cute, funny, intelligent, and surprisingly observational. Sometimes a kid will say something that is from such a less filtered and jaded perspective from that of adults that you can't help but be moved by it. It is a joy to teach an engaged kid about something, and it is a joy to realize what you stand to learn FROM children.

I can be as bitter and cynical as the next guy, but some of you need to lighten the fuck up. Children do not have a monopoly on obnoxiousness; plenty of adults are awful, and plenty of kids are delightful. Open your minds.

 

[Zack84]

I think the whole "You were a child argument..." is horribly stupid. It is like saying a recovering alcoholic "You can't hate booze, you used to drink".

The process of ending and recovering from addiction is about breaking free of crippling physical and mental dependencies that only destroy good things, your own life and everyone around you. If you're that cynical to believe that growing up is nature's "process" of maturing people beyond something terrible, harmful and corrupting, that's pretty terrible itself. Either you had a really bad childhood or haven't been around good children, or spent enough time with them to understand them on more than a narrow, if not superficial level.

I used to hate children for most parts till around the age of 13-14+ when you could talk to them and receive a semi-coherent answer.

This raises all sorts of questions about your own childhood and life that only a psychologist could ask. Children a fraction of that age are coherent and intelligent enough to talk to an adult. Do you have schools where you live? And how could you "hate" children too young to have even developed the intelligence to hold a mature conversation? That flies in the face of your rebuke of "you were a child once". Do you hate yourself that you once couldn't talk to people?

So much of this thread is wrong, yet so much explains the modern culture of single people, childless couples and pro-abortion society. These self-centered attitudes will get society no where but down.

I agree up until you imply there's something wrong with people being single, childless, and/or pro-choice. My issue is with blanket hatred of children.

 

[Zack84]

Thought I'd add a father's perspective in here. I have 2 kids. I have always disliked handling other people's kids, even nieces and nephews. Wouldn't hold them, wouldn't interact, nothing. Then I had my first kid myself and it was a LOT different from what I was expecting. Sure, he pooped himself and was kinda demanding when he was so small that he literally couldn't do anything for himself (the nerve, right?), but as soon as he got old enough to walk and talk, it was a whole new ball game. Now he waits for me on the steps of our garage when I get home from work and then runs out to me to give me a hug and tell me about his day. After a long day at work, it's the greatest thing in the world.
Now, I still don't really care for other kids, particularly when their parents are content to let them run around and scream and cry and push and pass it off with "Oh, they're kids. What can you do?" I do my very best to teach my kids manners and respect, and if my kids ever started to cause a scene in a public place like a restaurant, I was quick to remove them until they calmed down because I didn't want them disturbing everyone else. If everyone did that, then maybe so many people wouldn't dislike kids. These days, my kids are very well behaved in public. It took some work to get them there sure, but it was worth it.
As far as the body deformation that occurs to the mother, my wife has always been able to exercise away all of that baby weight and she looks just as good now as she always has.

TLDR:
I don't care for the kids of other people so much, but I love mine and wouldn't trade them for anything.

Thank you for your story and perspective. You definitely sound like a great dad.

 

[Eamar]

So much of this thread is wrong, yet so much explains the modern culture of single people, childless couples and pro-abortion society. These self-centered attitudes will get society no where but down.

Ok, I'll bite: what's wrong with single people or childless couples? (Not going to touch abortion since that's a whole other debate. Please don't go there.)

 

[Snydeclyde]

I'm with OP on this,
Not that i don't particularly like kids, but i feel uncomfortable round them.
I have no idea how to interact with them ,and being brought up in such a 'PC' culture, i'm genuinely concerned that any interaction could be seen as 'weird' or to go the extreme, the P word.
Add onto that i have to watch what i say around children means it's usually better i don't say anything, and i just don't
enjoy being near them.

I also hate the uncomfortable 'he/she's so cute isn't he/she?' non question, since if i replied that i infact don't find them cute i'd be cast out from whatever social/family gathering i was at.
I'd like to think that my opinion would change if it were my own child, but atm the thought of kids and parenthood scares me.

 

[Riff Moonraker]

if some of these posts had been made about an ethnic group, or a gender, then the warnings wouldn't be coming fast enough.

The difference being, no one under 13 is supposed to be accessing this site.

So, since no children are members of this forum, then they're open to being insulted. (Isn't that how it works?)

Hardly. There are those of us here with children that find several of these comments highly offensive.

 

[Byzantinium]

Children are mostly terrible, and the few moments where they're funny or cute don't make up for it.

 

[Silverbeard]

And... what if it comes out missing an eye? Or a leg? Or part of its brain?

Just the thought of caring for such a creature fills me with dread.

Words can't adequately convey how offended this statement makes me.

You're missing the point.
Consider it this way: If I'm making a sculpture and I make a mistake, I can throw it out and start again. That attitude doesn't work for a child that I have a hand in creating. What if it turns out disabled in some way? Was it my fault? Or was it the other half? And what happens to the little chap? Is it supposed to live out its years blind because its eyes didn't form properly? Or because it doesn't have a leg? It's life will never be 'normal' in any sense of the word and it'll be my fault.
The very thought of forcing such a horrible life on someone- anyone; my child or someone else's- terrifies me. And I avoid it for that reason.
I hope it makes more sense now, mate.

 

[Pink Gregory]

I'd prefer the company of children to many of ths supposed adults that I come across on the internet and in real life.

 

[Riff Moonraker]

And... what if it comes out missing an eye? Or a leg? Or part of its brain?

Just the thought of caring for such a creature fills me with dread.

Words can't adequately convey how offended this statement makes me.

You're missing the point.
Consider it this way: If I'm making a sculpture and I make a mistake, I can throw it out and start again. That attitude doesn't work for a child that I have a hand in creating. What if it turns out disabled in some way? Was it my fault? Or was it the other half? And what happens to the little chap? Is it supposed to live out its years blind because its eyes didn't form properly? Or because it doesn't have a leg? It's life will never be 'normal' in any sense of the word and it'll be my fault.
The very thought of forcing such a horrible life on someone- anyone; my child or someone else's- terrifies me. And I avoid it for that reason.
I hope it makes more sense now, mate.

A valid concern, truly. Trust me, it was a prevalent thought in my head during both pregnancies with my kids. IF that were to have happened, and thank god it didnt, I would have done my duty as a father, and spared no expense, nor attempt at making my childs life the best it could possibly be. Then again, thats no different than what I am doing now, it just would have been alot more difficult if that had happened. From what I understand, there is considerable more difficulty for the parents in that case, than the child, in most cases, as we humans tend to be pretty adaptable things. Most children born with an impairment, tend to find a way to work around it pretty quickly.

But again, I do understand that train of thought, as I have gone through the same thoughts twice. For me, personally, I made up my mind that I was going to love my child irregardless of what happened, and decided it was worth trying, so I took the plunge. Two boys later, and I now know that it is the greatest achievement in my life, and I wouldnt change it for anything in the world.

Its a huge, huge, scary step to take in ones life. But man... is it worth it.

 

[Silverbeard]

You're missing the point.
Consider it this way: If I'm making a sculpture and I make a mistake, I can throw it out and start again. That attitude doesn't work for a child that I have a hand in creating. What if it turns out disabled in some way? Was it my fault? Or was it the other half? And what happens to the little chap? Is it supposed to live out its years blind because its eyes didn't form properly? Or because it doesn't have a leg? It's life will never be 'normal' in any sense of the word and it'll be my fault.
The very thought of forcing such a horrible life on someone- anyone; my child or someone else's- terrifies me. And I avoid it for that reason.
I hope it makes more sense now, mate.

A valid concern, truly. Trust me, it was a prevalent thought in my head during both pregnancies with my kids. IF that were to have happened, and thank god it didnt, I would have done my duty as a father, and spared no expense, nor attempt at making my childs life the best it could possibly be. Then again, thats no different than what I am doing now, it just would have been alot more difficult if that had happened. From what I understand, there is considerable more difficulty for the parents in that case, than the child, in most cases, as we humans tend to be pretty adaptable things. Most children born with an impairment, tend to find a way to work around it pretty quickly.

But again, I do understand that train of thought, as I have gone through the same thoughts twice. For me, personally, I made up my mind that I was going to love my child irregardless of what happened, and decided it was worth trying, so I took the plunge. Two boys later, and I now know that it is the greatest achievement in my life, and I wouldnt change it for anything in the world.

Its a huge, huge, scary step to take in ones life. But man... is it worth it.

Oh sure, I could do my duty as well. I don't know the first thing about raising a child but I'd figure it out along the way, like everyone else does.

But what happens after thirty years, when my bones start to rot? Is the little guy going to resent me for creating him the way he is? Is he going to look through the window at society with its 'normal people' and ask: 'Why wasn't I made that way?'
I just can't force that kind of life on anyone- certainly not on someone who holds half my chromosomes. And I don't care what the probabilities say about it all; I'm not staking a life on a dice roll.

 

[Luminous_Umbra]

I don't think it's weird to hate kids, I just think the hate is misplaced. More often than not, at least in my experience, the parents have caused the kid to turn out that way, at least with the really young kids.

 

[DementedSheep]

Don't like babies, don't like toddles, some kids are ok. Not all are noisy brats, some are good natured and curious and it can be nice to teach one of them. Hate most preteens. I find childhood development interesting and I get why kids are "annoying" but I don't want to actually deal with them.

I'm a women and have no intention of having kids. Pregnancy is nightmarish to me. I hate being told "oh you'll grow out of it". Well I'm 22 and still have no desire to have kids. Then there is the classic "it's selfish". WHY? Is society going to collapse if don't do my "womanly duty"? Barring a major pandemic or world war there are enough people already that we don't need to be pushing people to make more to keep things running or expand.

 

[AngloDoom]

Eh, I think kids are fantastic in some ways. Sure, they're selfish, messy and can be outstandingly annoying but they're still only just learning proper social skills. However, they can be so bright and cheery over the tiniest things, they develop so fast and they have an incredible knack for just focusing on a task and mastering it in leaps and bounds. In a lot of ways I'm incredibly envious of children.

Do I want a child, though? Hell no. I haven't got the patience and I'd be far too obsessed over the health and future prospects of my child to actually make a decent father. Plus there's a million-and-one things I want to do now which starting a family would only delay further.

EDIT - Actually, come to think of it, the thing that really makes me see red is terrible parenting. I almost blacked out when I heard a woman in a toy shop say she didn't want to buy her child Lego because she didn't want her child "to be a boff" (a 'nerd' or derogatory term for someone intelligent, for non-UK types)

 

[Eamar]

Then there is the classic "it's selfish". WHY? Is society going to collapse if don't do my "womanly duty"?

Thank you. I'd seriously like to see a justification for this argument.

Having a child you don't really want because you want to fit in is selfish. Pressuring your children to reproduce because you want grandkids is selfish. Believing you can judge people for not sharing your reproductive choices is selfish.

If not having kids because that's what you want (for whatever reason) is selfish, then having them because that's what you want (for whatever reason) must be selfish too, surely?

 

[DementedSheep]

Then there is the classic "it's selfish". WHY? Is society going to collapse if don't do my "womanly duty"?

Thank you. I'd seriously like to see a justification for this argument.

Having a child you don't really want because you want to fit in is selfish. Pressuring your children to reproduce because you want grandkids is selfish. Believing you can judge people for not sharing your reproductive choices is selfish.

If not having kids because that's what you want (for whatever reason) is selfish, then having them because that's what you want (for whatever reason) must be selfish too, surely?

Exactly. It would be selfish if I refused to look after one of my friends kids for a few hours/days when they are in a bind due to my dislike of kids because then I'm refusing to help someone who really needs it when I am capable of it. Me choosing to not have kids myself however doesn't harm anyone. The only one who even gets any benefit out of me having kids at all is my grandmother because she wants to be a great-grandmother but really...wants great-grandkids to visit and coddle on occasion vs me having to actually find a partner I want to spend the rest or at least a large chunk of my life with (not particularly motivated to do that), put my body and health on the line, sacrifice my lifestyle and put my studies, career and aspirations to travel on hold for a kid I don't want and likely won't have time to look after properly. Wouldn't that be harmful to the kids I had? Isn't it better for kids to be looked after by those who really want them anyway?


If you want kids that's fine. Clearly you do get some benefit out of it, its just not material but I don't. Living the life you want is not selfish unless you are harming others to do it.