Do you believe in love?
- Thread starter Jacco
- Start date
Recommended Videos
When people first get in lust with each other, the brain bombs you with dopamine...the chemical that gives you a sense of reward. This makes you say irrational statements such as " I will love you forever" or " I will never hurt you" or "You are my soul mate". This dopamine bombing goes on for an average of three years....an evolutionary tactic to keep a couple bonded for the amount of time it would take for them to give birth to and wean a child. This dopamine bombing can be akin to insanity and involve obsession, stalking, extreme jealousy, ect...all irrational tactics meant to do all sorts of things like keep other guys away from your girl or girls away from your guy or just plain psycho for no reason at all. After this three year average...and considering that a couple got together for reasons other than pure physical attraction.....the couple's "love" can maintain if each person has a healthy release of Oxytocin...the affection chemical...which women get bombed with when they first give birth, in order for them to bond with their offspring. It is also released during breastfeeding. That said...people get oxytocin releases around friends or siblings...not just babies and lovers.
Additionally, the well known psychologist CG Jung showed in one of his books that there is evidence that few people have any relationship to their inner workings of the mind and this is seen in the way people meet and fall in love, projecting an ideal or "soul image" on someone who in later days, months or years fantastically fails to fill the mold of this idealized box of doll parts.
That our feelings and experiences of falling in love might be dictated by evolution or brain chemicals does not take away from how people individually experience reality. Most people are way too subtle and nuanced and full of organized chaos to say that our feelings are just releases of chemicals urging us to procreate.
Additionally, the well known psychologist CG Jung showed in one of his books that there is evidence that few people have any relationship to their inner workings of the mind and this is seen in the way people meet and fall in love, projecting an ideal or "soul image" on someone who in later days, months or years fantastically fails to fill the mold of this idealized box of doll parts.
That our feelings and experiences of falling in love might be dictated by evolution or brain chemicals does not take away from how people individually experience reality. Most people are way too subtle and nuanced and full of organized chaos to say that our feelings are just releases of chemicals urging us to procreate.
It's corny and it's cliche, but it's true: you will know when you are truly in love, and until then, you don't really know what it is. It's a different thing for each person. For me, it was an intense romantic connection with an even deeper platonic one underlying it; it was the inability to be angry at them, even though I am a bit short-tempered at times and they did things that would make me angry or upset were it someone else; it was a complete devotion and dedication of body and mind; it was an all-consuming warmth.
Love is much, much more than a strong crush. It really is something deeper and longer lasting. Even after my first girlfriend and I broke up--the one from whom I learned the true meaning of the word "love"--it was about six months of her turning a cold shoulder to me and, for the last three or so months of that, having been in a committed/serious relationship with someone else before my feelings for her started to subside, and it was probably another two or three before they had faded to almost nothing.
There's no way to make this sound not corny and not cliche and not a bit arrogant, but love--real love--is something almost ineffable and different for every person. But, you know it when it's there, beyond question. It's the strongest emotion I've ever felt. And it's different for each person and for each time it crops up; love is a unique emotion every time it occurs.
Love is much, much more than a strong crush. It really is something deeper and longer lasting. Even after my first girlfriend and I broke up--the one from whom I learned the true meaning of the word "love"--it was about six months of her turning a cold shoulder to me and, for the last three or so months of that, having been in a committed/serious relationship with someone else before my feelings for her started to subside, and it was probably another two or three before they had faded to almost nothing.
There's no way to make this sound not corny and not cliche and not a bit arrogant, but love--real love--is something almost ineffable and different for every person. But, you know it when it's there, beyond question. It's the strongest emotion I've ever felt. And it's different for each person and for each time it crops up; love is a unique emotion every time it occurs.
Of course you are entitled to your opinion, and I hope I wasn't giving off the impression you weren't. I just wanted to make sure that you were saying those things based on a broad range of experience and perspective. So many "love cynics" on forums like these are just jaded teenagers who have decided that the world is a black, loveless pit filled with only despair and broken hearts just because that cute girl in Jr. High spurned them for the star quarterback.boosh-boosh said:
So I'm not saying people shouldn't be entitled to their opinions. I'm just saying that unless the romantic thing truly isn't your thing, and you know that as a fact about yourself, you shouldn't be so quick to close yourself off from love. Personality traits are one thing, but avoiding something you actually do need out of the fear of rejection is another thing entirely.
<insert whiny comment about how others around her find "love", but she can't find a decent person to save her life>
Anywhoo. No, I don't. Maybe for other people /emo.
Honestly. Just one of those things I just don't see really happening, but it's true it's different for each person. Person A might experience what they consider love, but that experience for person B could just be a little infatuation/lust. *shrugs*
Anywhoo. No, I don't. Maybe for other people /emo.
Honestly. Just one of those things I just don't see really happening, but it's true it's different for each person. Person A might experience what they consider love, but that experience for person B could just be a little infatuation/lust. *shrugs*
Yes, I do believe in love.
I believe that two people can feel so strongly for one another that they want to spend their lives together.
I believe in it because, simply put, believing in a world where something like this exists makes continuing to live slightly less difficult.
I believe that two people can feel so strongly for one another that they want to spend their lives together.
I believe in it because, simply put, believing in a world where something like this exists makes continuing to live slightly less difficult.
I don't really believe in the idea of love. Especially the whole "the one" BS. With almost 7 billion people in the world, even if you meet, say 100,000 people in a lifetime, your chance of meeting your "one" is only slightly higher than your chance to win the lottery. And lets be honest, I think 100,000 is a pretty damn high estimate.
Real? Yes. Tangible? No. Why are you trying to touch feelings anyways? 
In any case, love isn't easy. Love isn't pretty. You'll still get in fights. It'll fade if it's not cared for. It'll fall apart if there's any problem that occurs that you won't talk about, or if you believe some actions are irredeemable.
In the end, love is about all the hard days you come home and find comfort in your lover's arms. It's about working out your problems before you go to sleep, even if it takes all night. It's about listening, and knowing when a flower, or a nice romp is called for (generally the latter is when you want one). It's about being able to talk about things. Anything. Everything. Especially the things you don't normally talk about with other people. Even the things you don't normally think about, and trust me, that's the hardest part. It's about opening yourself up to be hurt like you've never done for anyone else, and having someone else open up like that to you. It's about knowing when your lover is honestly and truly sorry, or when they've given up on you.
In a way, I think it was easier to create lasting marriages when arranged marriages were the norm, because nobody thought "Hey, I'm really attracted to this person, I really like hanging around them, it's always going to be this way." They thought "Hey, if I don't marry this person, our families will suffer, and if I don't stick it out, our children will suffer, so I'd better try really hard to make this as pleasant as possible for the two of us, and maybe we'll grow to really care for each other in the end."
Love is high-stakes, long-term emotional gambling, but you can stack the deck in your favor.
In any case, love isn't easy. Love isn't pretty. You'll still get in fights. It'll fade if it's not cared for. It'll fall apart if there's any problem that occurs that you won't talk about, or if you believe some actions are irredeemable.
In the end, love is about all the hard days you come home and find comfort in your lover's arms. It's about working out your problems before you go to sleep, even if it takes all night. It's about listening, and knowing when a flower, or a nice romp is called for (generally the latter is when you want one
). It's about being able to talk about things. Anything. Everything. Especially the things you don't normally talk about with other people. Even the things you don't normally think about, and trust me, that's the hardest part. It's about opening yourself up to be hurt like you've never done for anyone else, and having someone else open up like that to you. It's about knowing when your lover is honestly and truly sorry, or when they've given up on you.In a way, I think it was easier to create lasting marriages when arranged marriages were the norm, because nobody thought "Hey, I'm really attracted to this person, I really like hanging around them, it's always going to be this way." They thought "Hey, if I don't marry this person, our families will suffer, and if I don't stick it out, our children will suffer, so I'd better try really hard to make this as pleasant as possible for the two of us, and maybe we'll grow to really care for each other in the end."
Love is high-stakes, long-term emotional gambling, but you can stack the deck in your favor.
I believe in love in this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love
I wish was not too tired to discuss this, but alas that is not the case so I will settle with throwing in more info for discussion. Apologies if this has been already brought up.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love
I wish was not too tired to discuss this, but alas that is not the case so I will settle with throwing in more info for discussion. Apologies if this has been already brought up.
Yeah but love comes in many forms, I think it's probalby more common to believe it won't happen to you rather than the idea/feeling itself.
Love is one of the hardest games out there. Extremely satisfying with no proper tutorial and no quick saves. Once you play it once you'll come back for more.
One of my favorite coop games. And you don't have to update your hardware every few years.
One of my favorite coop games. And you don't have to update your hardware every few years.
I absolutely believe in love. I'm also strongly aware of it's power to absolutely destroy a person, or heal them.
I'm a total romantic rofl so yeah I do.
My friend said that if I have a baby it will be the most loved thing on the planet.
But then I'm always pretty intense about any emotion.
My brain chemicals must be a bit messed up.
Recently my Grandma has been in hospital, she is 90 and I fear she won't make it. I love her and she is really important to me whereas I couldn't care less when my grandad died (he was a bit of a git to be fair) So it can't just be familial attachment. There must be an actual feeling of love there.
My friend said that if I have a baby it will be the most loved thing on the planet.
But then I'm always pretty intense about any emotion.
My brain chemicals must be a bit messed up.
Recently my Grandma has been in hospital, she is 90 and I fear she won't make it. I love her and she is really important to me whereas I couldn't care less when my grandad died (he was a bit of a git to be fair) So it can't just be familial attachment. There must be an actual feeling of love there.
I tasted love before. Never again will that vile, accursed venom surge through what's left of my tattered heart.
It's a bit odd that we've managed to reach seven pages without asking the single most important question for any thread like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_U6mWu1XQA
But yes, it does exist. Not the silly fairy tale kind with nonsense like soulmates, love at first sight, of course, but in the realistic version that requires blood, sweat and tears. That being sad, some of the pro-love crowd in this thread are being painfully condescending. Someone not agreeing with you does not mean they're an angsty thirteen year old who was just turned down by some cute girl, and telling people that they don't know what happiness is unless they've been in love is one of the most ignorant and insulting things I've seen (which is saying something, considering how much time I spend on the internet).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_U6mWu1XQA
But yes, it does exist. Not the silly fairy tale kind with nonsense like soulmates, love at first sight, of course, but in the realistic version that requires blood, sweat and tears. That being sad, some of the pro-love crowd in this thread are being painfully condescending. Someone not agreeing with you does not mean they're an angsty thirteen year old who was just turned down by some cute girl, and telling people that they don't know what happiness is unless they've been in love is one of the most ignorant and insulting things I've seen (which is saying something, considering how much time I spend on the internet).