Escape to the Movies: G.I. Joe - The Rise of Cobra

happysock

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theultimateend said:
happysock said:
I don't normally listen to this guys reviews, after him having slated transformers and star trek and finding them to be pretty bearable, but i wasn;t sure i wanted to go and see this but now I think I will
I'll agree that Star Trek was good...but seriously. Transformers was little more than a CGI orgy. They could have taken out every last piece of dialogue and ever person and what they had would have been no less enjoyable.

I would love to see a Transformers movie made by people who actually liked transformers. Michael Baye is a douche bag. Star Trek was good because it was made by people who fapped to Star Trek as kids. I respect that kind of directing. I want people who idolize a franchise to try and redo it because they will sweat and freak over the minor details.

Baye turned transformers into a joke...and that's even taking into context the old cartoon and marketing and putting it into modern day America. If you took ANY OF THAT it would be less ridiculous than the bullshit he did.

But yeah, harping on star trek is a pretty difficult thing for me to see justifiable. I mean...it had Nimoy :).
What he did wasn't rediculous, transformers was a great action film and i don't care what anyone says to me about it, sure it doesn't have much plot to it, neither did 300 and that was pretty decent, and sure it didn't stick to the old cartoons and comics, but seriously i couldn't care less, I grew up watching transformers and I still enjoyed it.
 

theultimateend

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happysock said:
theultimateend said:
happysock said:
I don't normally listen to this guys reviews, after him having slated transformers and star trek and finding them to be pretty bearable, but i wasn;t sure i wanted to go and see this but now I think I will
I'll agree that Star Trek was good...but seriously. Transformers was little more than a CGI orgy. They could have taken out every last piece of dialogue and ever person and what they had would have been no less enjoyable.

I would love to see a Transformers movie made by people who actually liked transformers. Michael Baye is a douche bag. Star Trek was good because it was made by people who fapped to Star Trek as kids. I respect that kind of directing. I want people who idolize a franchise to try and redo it because they will sweat and freak over the minor details.

Baye turned transformers into a joke...and that's even taking into context the old cartoon and marketing and putting it into modern day America. If you took ANY OF THAT it would be less ridiculous than the bullshit he did.

But yeah, harping on star trek is a pretty difficult thing for me to see justifiable. I mean...it had Nimoy :).
What he did wasn't rediculous, transformers was a great action film and i don't care what anyone says to me about it, sure it doesn't have much plot to it, neither did 300 and that was pretty decent, and sure it didn't stick to the old cartoons and comics, but seriously i couldn't care less, I grew up watching transformers and I still enjoyed it.
I didn't say you couldn't enjoy it. I just said that if you stripped out every last communication and person from the film it would be no less entertaining. He sold people on the lowest common level. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing but its not hard either. Anyone could have made that movie 'that' good.
 

cutekittenkyti

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scarab7 said:
Very nice review, and I was almost sure they would butcher G.I. Joe. Only thing that gets me is Movie Bob saying G.I. Joe is better than the last 12 James Bond Movies. I really liked Casino Royale, I did like Quantum of Solace, but I'll admit the story and Bonds change in motivation was a bit complicated for people to take a liking to.

Anyways, for be it from be to argue with Movie Bob, but what movie will he review next? I'm hoping for District 9 and then Inglorious Bastards. Those to movies have hyped me enough that I'm either going to research it more or actually see it.
I went to see quantum of solace. I had not gone online and seen any of the plot or anything. So I thought the main villain was the #1 yesman of the main villain. I did not understand what on earth the plot was with the movie. And when it ended, I thought it was only halfway through. Thats how confused I was. I had to ask someone else what on earth had just happened. I sort of got the love interest plot. But I was expecting a Bond movie to be more. No Mr. Bond I expect you to die! clear evil villain with a cat.

I guess they were trying to be more mature or something. But mature doesn't always mean better.

like this movie. if it tried to be mature and serious, it would have failed epicly.
 

The Bandit

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Oh, God. The "letting the kids play with action figures and recording everything they come up" bit was hilarious. I've heard nothing but good praise for this film... But, I absolutely refuse to believe that it's any good. Nope. Maybe I'll see it when it comes out on DVD, and I MIGHT change my mind. But, until then, I'm going to stick my fingers in my ears in sing.
 

cutekittenkyti

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JustaGigolo said:
Ok usually Movie Bob is a good reviewer, but now he just lost all credibility that he had and ever will. I'm sorry if I sound like a stupid troll, but how could of call the WORST movie of 2009 better than the last twelve James Bond films. I don't even like James Bond that much, but I understand how they are good films (Besides casino royal that sucked, the original was so much better). Anyone who goes to see The GI Joe movie because of your review are doomed to sit through a piece of crap movie, and their blood will be on your hands Movie Bob I hope you can live with that.
read movie bobs addendum

which basically said, the last 12 james bond movies dont have that travel all over the world, evil villain stroking a cat, underwater lair stuff. this movie does.

He does say casino royal was better than this movie. even though I hated QoS I liked royal. The poker scene had me on the edge of my seat the entire time :3 And im not a poker fan
 

cutekittenkyti

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fasteddie_felson said:
Movie Bob, God bless him and his really poor taste in movies: 1. that it's better then the last 12 Bond Flicks? Not even the worst Roger Moore Bond like Moonraker. We've recently had Casino Royale, and in the 90's Golden Eye. 2. That it's not a flaccid movie cash in. Yes, yes it is a crappy movie cash in.

If I was 8 I'd like it, but even a 12 year old after seeing their dad's collection of great action flicks can recognize how thin G.I. Joe is. what a piece of crap. I listened to Bob's review, and said well he said it's "Fun" so I went to see it. This is the last time I'll ever take Bob's advice. He was dead wrong on Star Trek, and damn sure wrong on this movie.

read some of the other comments. he adds an addendum. and im tired of paraphrasing it.
 

cutekittenkyti

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thimblyjoe said:
The last two James Bond movies were masterpieces, showing us that we can have both good action AND good plot in the same movie despite what was previously believed. If you think a shitty action film with no plot can beat those films you are sadly mistaken. I'm not saying it's not good, but I can tell you without having seen GI Joe, that they aren't even shooting for the level of awesome that was achieved by the last two bond films.
please see my comment about QoS
one of the top five most confusing films i've ever seen. And the only one where I was startled by the movie ending, because I still was waiting for it to explain everything. And I had remembered the key points of the Vesper Bond from Casino Royal

Casino Royale was good though. In one of his later comments Bob says that CR is better that GI Joe.
 

BeAuMaN

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Hah, nice to come back and see I was right (post 78, second negative review after seeing the film).

Might be a rental, but it was not enjoyable. Not worth the $10.50 they charge for tickets here.
 

lagmanyoda

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I saw it, I lol'd at the puns in regards to the original action figures I played with as a kid, I enjoyed it as the brain at the door eplode-a-bad guy movie that it was, well crafted for that niche.

Also FYI "GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra" earned around $100 million These kind of numbers are apparently good enough for Paramount to start thinking of expanding the franchise. The studio's vice chairman, Rob Moore, confirmed that a sequel will soon go into development."

(Ty Worstpreviews.com)

Nice review Bob :D
 

Wolcik

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So it suppose to be awesome, but it still stupid action movie, right? I know what to expect and I'll be happy with that, but will I be suprised?
 

Milanezi

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I'm amazed how many people enjoyed this movie! Personaly I felt like my childhood was being tortured to hell and back... No, I never expected a good plot and yes I expected a lot of action, nice I got those two. However, there are somethings you don't expect to EVER change, Scarlet was supposed to be Snake Eye's girl, and Snake Eyes was supposed to be MUTE (silence oath?! come on!!!). But worse than anything, where the heck did those suits come from?! The coolest thing about GIJoe was that the good guys were so "normal", instead the movie introcued us to a couple of "Master Chiefs" ¬¬ Commander Cobra was also a very weak version to the famous villain of my childhood... Transformers was MUCH better, it kept the essence of the cartoons and comic books...
About the review; what in heaven's name was that comparison to 007?! They're totaly diferent types of action movies!!! ¬¬
 

Therumancer

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Milanezi said:
I'm amazed how many people enjoyed this movie! Personaly I felt like my childhood was being tortured to hell and back... No, I never expected a good plot and yes I expected a lot of action, nice I got those two. However, there are somethings you don't expect to EVER change, Scarlet was supposed to be Snake Eye's girl, and Snake Eyes was supposed to be MUTE (silence oath?! come on!!!). But worse than anything, where the heck did those suits come from?! The coolest thing about GIJoe was that the good guys were so "normal", instead the movie introcued us to a couple of "Master Chiefs" ¬¬ Commander Cobra was also a very weak version to the famous villain of my childhood... Transformers was MUCH better, it kept the essence of the cartoons and comic books...
About the review; what in heaven's name was that comparison to 007?! They're totaly diferent types of action movies!!! ¬¬
Umm, well I think it depends on which James Bond you grew up with. He's been around long enough where the style has changed.

For example, I think the current Bond is absolute garbage and while he churns out a decent action flick, he's too much of a thug to be James Bond, and on top of it I think they have overplayed the whole "at odds with M" thing which grated on me back when they did it with Brosnan, and it's just getting worse.

But I digress, during the Roger Moore/Late Shaun Connery era of James Bond you had villains stealing spacecraft while they were in orbit to start wars (using a giant spaceship of their own), and operating out of their own underwater bases and giant Volcano Doom Fortresses (indeed I believe James Bond invented that whole stereotype). The idea being that we are supposed to take for granted that the bad guys can put together armies of dudes with star wars weaponry, and develop elaborate constructions in unusual locations with nobody noticing. The logistics making absolutly no sense, even if it makes for a cool movie.

GI Joe is in that spirit. How does ANYONE assemble a military force of this size, and then construct a base under a polar icecap patrolled by a combination of heavily armed subs and ROBOTIC SHARKS... and then catch anyone by surprise. It's very similar in portrayal to a classic Bond movie.

One thing I DO disagree with Movie Bob about though is that I think they would have done better to keep something closer to the original origin of Cobra. As I remember things (and it's been ages), the root of Cobra was with Cobra Commander being the last scion of a long dead race of hyper-advanced serpent people who lived underground. When he came out of stasis he had this hidden infrastructure and technology that was sitting in mothball. He came out and slowly recruited his people starting as a snake cult and expanding from there. The world was caught by surprise by his armies and such because Cobra pretty much went from being a wierd arse international cult, to an army with super-science weaponry capable of decimating the regular military more or less overnight.

That's probably wrong on a lot of levels, but that's how I remember the basics (from wherever).

The movie instead took the James Bond route of not even trying to justify how even a private military contractor gets this kind of stuff. Or rather they stop half way through the movie. To begin with there was some comments about "Destro" running a scam to get the world goverments to fund his development of those weapons, and discussing funding with "Cobra Commander" briefly. Of course this quickly fell apart when you started seeing the scope of the aquatic doom fortress with the polar ice elevator, and robotic sharks. I mean honestly, as cool as the movie was I almost let out a teedle of glee at the idea of robot sharks (it doesn't get any more cheezball than that), sadly they didn't seem to do much in the final battle.
 

Therumancer

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Cousin_IT said:
Im surprised. I was expecting a stuck up its own ass Team America without the parody, satire & humour. Now, who do I know that I can convince to see a film about action figures? hmmm...

Hmmm, well actually if it was the movie you describe I probably would have liked it better to be honest (and I already thought it was fairly decent). It seems to be "wrong" to be patriotic or nationalistic about America, even when other nations do the same thing.

I was personally a bit miffed about GI Joe being turned from an ultra-patriotic power fantasy (AMERICA will save the world!) into some kind of international organization. Okay replace "miffed" with the fact that I am still somewhat mortified about it. One of the big reasons being that G.I. Joe basically means "General Issue American" which in of itself is a somewhat intentionally arrogant name. If they are an international unit WTF would they call themselves that? Heck why would they even use the term "Joe" which is a referance to what a lot of foreigners have generically referred to Americans as (or at least that is how I learned it).

No, granted, what I am saying is not mature, nor is it "enlightened" by modern liberal standards. But then again I was sort of hoping we'd see something that would get back to 80s-esque American Pride. None of this "international anti-terrorist force" BS. GI Joe is basically supposed to fart Red White and Blue, and head out to save the rest of the world because only AMERICA can successfully police the globe. Occasionally they might make some diplomatic gesture about the sovreingty of another nation, before just going in to do what they need to do for everyone's good anyway irregardless of popularity. By jove that is the healthy American attitude! (or power fantasy if you prefer to think of it that way).
 

MovieBob

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Therumancer said:
One thing I DO disagree with Movie Bob about though is that I think they would have done better to keep something closer to the original origin of Cobra. As I remember things (and it's been ages), the root of Cobra was with Cobra Commander being the last scion of a long dead race of hyper-advanced serpent people who lived underground. When he came out of stasis he had this hidden infrastructure and technology that was sitting in mothball. He came out and slowly recruited his people starting as a snake cult and expanding from there. The world was caught by surprise by his armies and such because Cobra pretty much went from being a wierd arse international cult, to an army with super-science weaponry capable of decimating the regular military more or less overnight.
It depends which version of continuity your working from, really.

When they first started the 80s run of GI Joe figures, Hasbro didn't really have much planned out in terms of a "story" beyond "these are the good guys, these are the bad guys." Marvel comics scored a big license to produce the tie-in comic series, the writing of which they turned over to a "new" talent named Larry Hama who saw it as a vehicle that'd allow him to use a lot of material and ideas from a rejected Nick Fury retooling he'd pitched ahwile back. Hama pretty-much created ALL of the GI Joe backstories, relationships and personas we know today, but he (and Hasbro) went about keeping Cobra Commander's identity and origin "unknown" for awhile at first. In the comics, Cobra is less "public" an organization, and is based mainly within (and underneath) a typical all-American suburb called Springfield who residents, business and infrastructure are ALL a Cobra front.

Concurrently with the big toy sales and what turned out to be the HUGE success of the comic, Hasbro seperately licensed an animated series which borrowed/mirrored a good deal of Hama's early background for foundation but quickly went off in it's own direction (the show was a bit more "bound" to go wherever Hasbro's toy-line went than the comic) but initially kept CC similarly un-identified. In this version there's no Springfield - Cobra is public and likes to build giant snake-decorated bases everywhere. The only consistency i.e. Cobra is that in both versions it's hinted that CC is basically a guy who came out of nowhere with a gift for co-opting various terrorist/paramilitary entities (like the ones run by Destro, Zartan, Baroness, etc) into a single unit under himself. Not even Destro knows who he actually is.

The cartoon spawned a feature-length movie (later split up for TV) that revolved around introducing a new Lovecraftian/biotech-inspired enemy that was part of Hasbro's next wave of figures. This became "Cobra-La," an ancient antediluvian race of snake/bug people that Cobra Commander was revealed to have been a (failed) advance-attacker for. This is probably the origin you remember. Neither the movie storyline or the Cobra-La figures went over very big with fans, and the events of the movie were mostly undone and never mentioned again in subsequent seasons of the show.

Over in the comics, Hama (who had a military background and served in Vietnam) had been trying to keep his storyline mostly grounded in a mix of Marvel-type scifi and real(ish) military action/drama; he HATED the "Cobra-La" concept and other dictums Hasbro was sending (kill-off Cobra Commander, at one point) and didn't use it. He had his own (previously set in motion) origin for Cobra Commander that's... actually waaaay to complicated to repeat; but suffice it to say he was a regular American guy (used car salesman at one point!) who through a series of bad decisions, criminal dealings and hard times eventually transformed himself into a domestic (and then international) terrorist. Really.
 

Milanezi

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Therumancer said:
Umm, well I think it depends on which James Bond you grew up with. He's been around long enough where the style has changed.

One thing I DO disagree with Movie Bob about though is that I think they would have done better to keep something closer to the original origin of Cobra. As I remember things (and it's been ages), the root of Cobra was with Cobra Commander being the last scion of a long dead race of hyper-advanced serpent people who lived underground. When he came out of stasis he had this hidden infrastructure and technology that was sitting in mothball. He came out and slowly recruited his people starting as a snake cult and expanding from there. The world was caught by surprise by his armies and such because Cobra pretty much went from being a wierd arse international cult, to an army with super-science weaponry capable of decimating the regular military more or less overnight.
I still think that 007 is diferent from GIJoe; I have all the 007 movies, and if we go back to Dr.No, he had the armies and all, but that 007 was very VERY investigative (most of Sean Connery movies were), which is why I like the new movies so much, in my opinion they're back to the roots... Actualy the only 007 I don't like is Pierce Brosnan's...
Yep, that's Cobra's origin according to the cartoon series; however, the latest comic books (by Devil's Due I think) had his story linked to the breakdown of Snake Eyes, Snake comes from Vietnam to find out that his family died on an accident on the way to see him, their car got hit by a drunken driver (Cobra's brother), this is an eventuality that'll lead to Snake Eyes becomming a ninja, Cobra a terrorist, and it even had a little to do with Zartan's origin; you should look it up, it's very good but very loooong to explain here (it's the Snake Eyes mini-series, I'm not sure of the exact title).
 

SandroTheMaster

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I was going to make a review, but I accidentally deleted it... sigh.

I'll just get to the main point then: What's the gripe with the technology? Both sides used the most ludicrous gadgets in the 80ies, just because most of it is common-place NOW doesn't mean that either the COBRAS nor the GI Joes didn't use very advanced and futuristic techs at the time. And what are the most apparent future techs that make the modern general wet his panties? Soldier enhancements. Either in the form of nanotechnological bioenhancements and psychological conditioning (COBRAS) or the form of computerized gizmos and power armor (GI Joes). I actually found it nice the duality of the different forms of technology both sides went with (as Nanotech and Psychological warfare are pretty grim, fitting the Cobras perfectly).

It's a good film. Lots of stuff really surprised me in a good ways. Some stuff could be better, but also had potential to be much, much worse (Baroness and CGI), a few were underwhelming (the main character blandness, but that's sort of expected from holywood these days... and the random flashbacks, that was largely unneeded), but most were well over any expectations (a plot that makes some semblance of sense in an action movie? With a backup plan that actually worked? A chekhov's gun that's used by the VILLAIN? Heroes who actually get accountable for their faux Team America actions? Having the good sense to make the American anti-anything-that-looks-funny-at-america (mercenary) sect become an international anti-terrorist (mercenary) sect? Not being afraid of being cheesy when it was needed? Damn, there's too much stuff here that caught me off-guard.)

Also, on a completely different vein, @Therunmance: What kind of mentality is that? Most of the problems with the world is that everyone think of themselves as American, or Iraq, or Christian, or Muslin, or Capitalist, or Communist, or Nazi, etc... first and foremost, instead of thinking of themselves as, I don't know, PEOPLE. Even worse, this kind of mentality that you so ironically says not to be "enlightened" by modern standards (while being kind of the rule for most people, really) is the kind of thought that motivates terrorists in the first place. This condescending, superior mentality that "I'm better, so lick my boots or else"? Well, guess what, it pisses off just about EVERYONE that's not you. That's why it was so easy to hate the great US of A during the Bush terms and it is so hard now at Barack's terms (really, the American republicans are about the only ones who actually, sincerely hates the guy. What gives?), because of their views of global relations. Bush saw everything and everyone as enemies of the "American way", while Barack is not blind to what is completely fucked up about their own american policies (the world always considered the American "healthcare" system to be some sort of sick joke a Nazi would come up with... and the legal system too, but in this case it is the sick joke... well, an american would come with). People (and nations) like people (and nations) who admits their own mistakes, and completely abhors anyone who can only see wrong on others. Weird thing, huh? That's why in any high school story you're not supposed to root for the bully, but the bullied.
 

BeAuMaN

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...

@SandroTheMaster

Really? You just had to just shove your political BS into this, which only relates to the aforementioned topic of discussion by a few strands? How does the healthcare system relate to G.I. Joe?

Also...
SandroTheMaster said:
Bush saw everything and everyone as enemies of the "American way", while Barack is not blind to what is completely fucked up about their own american policies (the world always considered the American "healthcare" system to be some sort of sick joke a Nazi would come up with... and the legal system too, but in this case it is the sick joke... well, an american would come with).
I invoke Godwin's Law [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law]. For the Lulz.
 

wilted_orchid

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Being a Marvel child, I was pessimistic going in to see this, but they succeeded in taking my preconceptions and tossing them out a very high window. True, the action was somewhat to rapid at times (much like Quantum of Solace >>twitch<<) but they made up for it with snappy one-liners and the partial destruction of France, which is enough to cheer anyone up...except the French.
 

Vuljatar

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I agree with this review--mostly. Saying that this movie is better than Casino Royale is blasphemy of the highest order, but it's still very fun to watch.

What makes this movie actually good is the fact that unlike Transformers, it's bad scenes are so overflowing with Narm that they complete the circle and become good somehow. The bad scenes are so bad that they're good, and I found myself giggling out loud at points--unlike the bad scenes in Transformers 2, where I found myself fighting the urge to leave the theater.