How to fight.

[gallaetha_matt]

Obviously, if you can find a way - don't fight. Real men (like Alan Shore and gallaetha_matt) use their awesome, sexy words.

Alan also used wads of cash. Though that didn't work out as well.

I've been following you in threads since you argued with me a while back. Why we're not solving crimes together is a mystery.

You've also presented the argument why rich people don't win fights. This is something I support.

But you have to admit Alan Shore is all kinds of awesome. I wanted to make a demotivational poster entitled 'Bros Before Hos,' with a picture of him and Denny Crane smoking cigars and drinking scotch on the balcony, because that pretty much personifies the expression.

Boston Legal is awesome.

 

[lightningmagurn]

I have been in very few fights, but what has worked for me is either scare the person of with very real death threats (knives in school, guns out)break fingers, it hurts and it's easy. Break their nose, grapple, and keep your hands up to protect your head. Hit as hard as you can, and realize that this isn't a movie. What I mean is that if he knocks you over and kicks you in the head as hard as he can you might forget your name. Try to fight on your ground, be it your yard on simply an area you know better. Always make sure that you can cheat if you start getting beaten badly. Cheating looks bad but you won't spend a month in the hospital re-learning how to walk.

IMPORTANT: You will get hurt. Shit happens
Avoid hitting first, or threatening him.
If it looks like somebody will intervene run.
Have a friend bring a car and a first aid kit. Don't get trapped.

At the end, call your local emergency services. Regardless of who is more hurt.

 

[Extra-Ordinary]

bring a hidden blade.

Or kick him in the crotch and run.

Murder with a concealed weapon. It's okay, I know your joking. But I do like his strategy of: kick to crotch. And all of those comments telling you to go for the throat, do so at your own risk. The power behind the strike needs to be under control or you could kill him. It's meant to hinder his ability to breath, not get rid of it entirely. And do bring some friends, but only have them fight if he brings friends too. It's one-on-one, baby!

 

[plumsmuggler]

Reading about how to fight makes just about as much sense as reading about how to perform open-heart surgery, and anyone offering you advice any more complex than "knee him in the balls and hope it gets broken up before anything worse happens" is more than likely a Google-kwan-do practitioner.

You've never been in a fight before. You don't know how to throw a punch. You don't know how to defend yourself. You don't know what to look for to spot an opening. Text on a screen isn't going to teach you these things, and while you're trying to remember some ridiculously complicated advice like "step across his body with your left foot, then bring your right elbow across your body directly into his throat," the guy you're fighting will probably throw a technically unsound punch that makes you tear up and forget all that absurd bullshit everyone has been telling you.

So please keep us updated on how helpful this patchwork 15-minute UFC correspondence course was for you.

 

[Sinclair Solutions]

Don't. Mankind has to learn to be civil to each other. This guy may be a douche, but you would be a better man for turning him down. If someone calls you a coward, you say you are not gutless, and you are not brainless. You should be above fighting some douchebag.

 

[Skorpyo]

Taser him.

Legal, cheap, safe, and freakin' hilarious.

 

[emeraldrafael]

I'll post my opinions here that i posted in the other thread, but why are you saying with any luck? I mean... fightings usually you want to avoid.

Anyway, opinions:

Fight to kill. If someone calls the ambulance and you have to be held back, you're doing it right.

Hit in jabs, keep your pace and breath, and keep out of your opponent's reach. you dont need to give a haymaker everytime.

Break every joint you can. Break the arms at the elbows, break his legs at the knees. Ensure he cant get back up to throw another punch.

Aim for the throat. A gasping enemy is a vulnerable enemy. Hold him to the ground and threaten to crush it, to make sure he cant take in air. Dont be on his level, hold him with your foot and ensure he knows you're not joking.

Hit the sides of the eyes, they cause temporary to permanent blindness. I'm guessing he's not a blind samurai so without sight he'll fall fast.

Dont be afraid to bite. Just dont swallow the blood. The human mouth is a dirty place and infection can bloom. Make sure you bite for something vital. It desont have to be the neck, thats a bit rough to do. Instead, bite the wrist and pull, make the hand lose blood flow. Another good place the achilles tendon. If it keeps hockey players down for 4-6 weeks if not more, it will bring this guy down.

Never assume the fight will be fair. Anything can be turned into a weapon. Keys are great, especially mailbox keys (small ones). Aim for the temporal lobe (where the ears are), its the softest and weakest part of the brain, but holds some of the most important zones of the brain.

Gauge out the eyes. If possible, dont cut your fingernails. Yeah, it looks girly, but so what. Deep scratches will be bothersome, and a missing eye is crippling.

Use the opponents momentum against them. Stay on your toes and let your opponent's fists slide off yours. This leaves you still pointed directly at them, and your opponent open and falling towards you.

finally, never let them get behind you. If they are ever out of your view at all, immediately swin, back of the hand out, knuckles out, and hit the person. it may hurt your hand, but it will hopefully knock the opponent back and into your site.

Always remember, this is for the kill. Dont stop, make the crowd stop you. You want to ensure the person is scared of you, that they wont want to try again. make them fear for thier lives, if you can, bring them within inches of death. This also scares other people out of fighting you, and lets everyone know shit will go down if you are fucked with.

As a side note, IMO nut shots and guns are low class. dont bother with either. a nut shot stops to hurt if a person is hit there enough, and it only makes it so the person is ready next time. They're also very easy to block and at least redirect and lessen the power of. A simple turn and a leg up will knock the leg away. If your opponent is that close to you where they can kick you, you are doing it wrong, or you deserve it. If you're that close, there's no reason to not go for something more vital.

And dont bring friends unless tehy're there to carry you beaten body home. Ganging up on somoene is just you being a pussy.

 

[lightningmagurn]

Am I the only person scared by the fact that half the people suggest grouping up on the guy and/or crippling him with a heavy tool?

WHERE IS YOUR HONOR!

It doesn't matter how big the fucker is, they've all got a neck and a groin!

I've made a notable amount of friends through fights. Being the little masochist that I am I wouldn't be able to stop giggling when they were trying to hurt me. Usually we'd all end up laughing then my "bullies" would always want to hang out during non aggressive pass times.

Yeah fighting (for serious) has a funny way of making people that fight each other some kind of friends. After all you have already broke the last barrier, you know each other well, why not like each other? Plus in case of grown up man it seems to be a good way of settling the differences between them (doesn't work in case of women, they'll hate eachother all the way till the end of days).
It's kinda funny this way... I'm not really sure why does it work that way but it just does.

Oh and it only works in case of "honest" fights, mano a mano without friends or cheap tricks just you and your gut...

DAMN I NEED TO FIGHT SOMEONE!

I have never found the part about making friends to be true, as all the people I fought have tried to get back at me since then. But I also take everything too seriously and too far.

 

[plumsmuggler]

I'll post my opinions here that i posted in the other thread, but why are you saying with any luck? I mean... fightings usually you want to avoid.

Anyway, opinions:

Fight to kill. If someone calls the ambulance and you have to be held back, you're doing it right.

Hit in jabs, keep your pace and breath, and keep out of your opponent's reach. you dont need to give a haymaker everytime.

Break every joint you can. Break the arms at the elbows, break his legs at the knees. Ensure he cant get back up to throw another punch.

Aim for the throat. A gasping enemy is a vulnerable enemy. Hold him to the ground and threaten to crush it, to make sure he cant take in air. Dont be on his level, hold him with your foot and ensure he knows you're not joking.

Hit the sides of the eyes, they cause temporary to permanent blindness. I'm guessing he's not a blind samurai so without sight he'll fall fast.

Dont be afraid to bite. Just dont swallow the blood. The human mouth is a dirty place and infection can bloom. Make sure you bite for something vital. It desont have to be the neck, thats a bit rough to do. Instead, bite the wrist and pull, make the hand lose blood flow. Another good place the achilles tendon. If it keeps hockey players down for 4-6 weeks if not more, it will bring this guy down.

Never assume the fight will be fair. Anything can be turned into a weapon. Keys are great, especially mailbox keys (small ones). Aim for the temporal lobe (where the ears are), its the softest and weakest part of the brain, but holds some of the most important zones of the brain.

Gauge out the eyes. If possible, dont cut your fingernails. Yeah, it looks girly, but so what. Deep scratches will be bothersome, and a missing eye is crippling.

Use the opponents momentum against them. Stay on your toes and let your opponent's fists slide off yours. This leaves you still pointed directly at them, and your opponent open and falling towards you.

finally, never let them get behind you. If they are ever out of your view at all, immediately swin, back of the hand out, knuckles out, and hit the person. it may hurt your hand, but it will hopefully knock the opponent back and into your site.

Always remember, this is for the kill. Dont stop, make the crowd stop you. You want to ensure the person is scared of you, that they wont want to try again. make them fear for thier lives, if you can, bring them within inches of death. This also scares other people out of fighting you, and lets everyone know shit will go down if you are fucked with.

As a side note, IMO nut shots and guns are low class. dont bother with either. a nut shot stops to hurt if a person is hit there enough, and it only makes it so the person is ready next time. They're also very easy to block and at least redirect and lessen the power of. A simple turn and a leg up will knock the leg away. If your opponent is that close to you where they can kick you, you are doing it wrong, or you deserve it. If you're that close, there's no reason to not go for something more vital.

And dont bring friends unless tehy're there to carry you beaten body home. Ganging up on somoene is just you being a pussy.

So, how many people have you killed?

 

[emeraldrafael]

Snip

So, how many people have you killed?

XD None that i know of. I've crippled a few people (gave them a limp), i've bloodied a few more people then that. I've given a the majority of kids that i've fought (and this will sound surprising, but seriously, i've never instigated a fight) a scar or two to go home and show everyone. And yes, at one point a laid a kid in a hospital, though to be fair i was in it with him by the time the fight was done (we called it a draw, and actually we're really good friends now).

But have I killed anyone? No, i try to reserve myself from that. Murder is something that gets bothersome to deal with it. So much time wasted and paper consumed all to tell everyone something they could see themselves. besides, its more intimidating for the person to spread the story of who beat their asses instead of giving people a dead body to look at.

... yea, you could say i grew up in a bad neighborhood, but really i grew up close to one and hung out with more kids from that neighborhood then my own.

 

[zfactor]

I'll post my opinions here that i posted in the other thread, but why are you saying with any luck? I mean... fightings usually you want to avoid.

Anyway, opinions:

Fight to kill. If someone calls the ambulance and you have to be held back, you're doing it right.

Hit in jabs, keep your pace and breath, and keep out of your opponent's reach. you dont need to give a haymaker everytime.

Break every joint you can. Break the arms at the elbows, break his legs at the knees. Ensure he cant get back up to throw another punch.

Aim for the throat. A gasping enemy is a vulnerable enemy. Hold him to the ground and threaten to crush it, to make sure he cant take in air. Dont be on his level, hold him with your foot and ensure he knows you're not joking.

Hit the sides of the eyes, they cause temporary to permanent blindness. I'm guessing he's not a blind samurai so without sight he'll fall fast.

Dont be afraid to bite. Just dont swallow the blood. The human mouth is a dirty place and infection can bloom. Make sure you bite for something vital. It desont have to be the neck, thats a bit rough to do. Instead, bite the wrist and pull, make the hand lose blood flow. Another good place the achilles tendon. If it keeps hockey players down for 4-6 weeks if not more, it will bring this guy down.

Never assume the fight will be fair. Anything can be turned into a weapon. Keys are great, especially mailbox keys (small ones). Aim for the temporal lobe (where the ears are), its the softest and weakest part of the brain, but holds some of the most important zones of the brain.

Gauge out the eyes. If possible, dont cut your fingernails. Yeah, it looks girly, but so what. Deep scratches will be bothersome, and a missing eye is crippling.

Use the opponents momentum against them. Stay on your toes and let your opponent's fists slide off yours. This leaves you still pointed directly at them, and your opponent open and falling towards you.

finally, never let them get behind you. If they are ever out of your view at all, immediately swin, back of the hand out, knuckles out, and hit the person. it may hurt your hand, but it will hopefully knock the opponent back and into your site.

Always remember, this is for the kill. Dont stop, make the crowd stop you. You want to ensure the person is scared of you, that they wont want to try again. make them fear for thier lives, if you can, bring them within inches of death. This also scares other people out of fighting you, and lets everyone know shit will go down if you are fucked with.

As a side note, IMO nut shots and guns are low class. dont bother with either. a nut shot stops to hurt if a person is hit there enough, and it only makes it so the person is ready next time. They're also very easy to block and at least redirect and lessen the power of. A simple turn and a leg up will knock the leg away. If your opponent is that close to you where they can kick you, you are doing it wrong, or you deserve it. If you're that close, there's no reason to not go for something more vital.

And dont bring friends unless tehy're there to carry you beaten body home. Ganging up on somoene is just you being a pussy.

Holy shit.

You pretty much said "Kill him, here's how." Of course, that is the point of most fighting, but a school brawl? You are at school, if you pull just about anything above (very important - unless he attacks first) you will be in deep shit. So make sure there is a crowd around to say that he attacked you before you snap his knee or pop his eye (which is a bit extreme for school bully brawls, you want to go for disorientation or knockout moves because then you can say, "well I could have torn his arm out of its socket, but I decided to minor brain hemmorrages instead."

Anyway, my thoughts are above, with a comment on nutshots. They can be used effectivly. If you try to kick him there he will tend to do one of three things - block with his arms, block with a leg, or dodge it. If he blocks with his arms, now his face is open for a nice palm strike to the jaw (which, if done with enough force, hurts like a *****). If he blocks with a leg, you can try to sweep the other one or try to knock him off balance. If he just gets out of the way, keep attacking or be prepared to block his counter.

Not that any text on a screen saying "here's how to fight" will actually help you. If you have never been in a fight before or have not had years of martial arts training, most of this flys out the window when the adrenaline kicks in...

 

[ExaltedK9]

Bring friends. And a heavy tool of some sort.

That or don't get into a situation where you would need to fight in the first place...

EDIT: Or pull a Tyler Durden and scream/laugh like you're having the best time of your life.

Maybe if he was in a gladiator's duel. Unless you're OK with 25 to life, I wouldn't bring a weapon, or risk your buddies turning it into an all-out riot.

Eyes, throat, groan, top of foot are all good targets.

If you stomp on his foot and keep it there, then gauge him in the eyes, he will most likely fall. The fall plus your foot securing his to the floor will cause his ankle to snap. After that it's just cleanup.

Y'all do realize this is a school fight?

Go for the adam's apple, testicles, and the spot on his head just in front of his ear. Hit those hard enough and often enough, and it's in the bag. Other spots of opportunity include his hamstring, his armpit, his funnybone, and the joint behind his kneecap, which can be crippled with an extremely well-directed frontal blow.

Also, make sure you come across as the victim if there are any witnesses around. Then you can pass it off as self defense.

The temple? A solid move if you want to put your opponent into a coma. Not really thinking ahead, when you decide to use it on a school bully.

If you want to put the hurt on him without landing yourself behind bars, then all you need do is:

Conceal yor fear.

Go for the pressure points (not the fatal/comatose inducing ones) among which are the forearm, just below the elbow, for when he grabs you, the kidneys, if you find yourself in a headlock. The space between his ribs, and his jaw, for the knockout.

 

[zfactor]

But have I killed anyone? No, i try to reserve myself from that. Murder is something that gets bothersome to deal with it. So much time wasted and paper consumed all to tell everyone something they could see themselves. besides, its more intimidating for the person to spread the story of who beat their asses instead of giving people a dead body to look at.

Why give them a body to look at? If I ever killed somebody there wouldn't be a body (well, they would never find it)...

NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW OR ANYTHING.

 

[Something Amyss]

Obviously, if you can find a way - don't fight. Real men (like Alan Shore and gallaetha_matt) use their awesome, sexy words.

Alan also used wads of cash. Though that didn't work out as well.

I've been following you in threads since you argued with me a while back. Why we're not solving crimes together is a mystery.

You've also presented the argument why rich people don't win fights. This is something I support.

But you have to admit Alan Shore is all kinds of awesome. I wanted to make a demotivational poster entitled 'Bros Before Hos,' with a picture of him and Denny Crane smoking cigars and drinking scotch on the balcony, because that pretty much personifies the expression.

Boston Legal is awesome.

Crime fighting is a personal dream of mine. Do you prefer an office or a psychadellic van?

Alan Shore is definitely awesome. And Spader plays so well off Shatner. It's pretty incredible.

 

[HT_Black]

Go for the adam's apple, testicles, and the spot on his head just in front of his ear. Hit those hard enough and often enough, and it's in the bag. Other spots of opportunity include his hamstring, his armpit, his funnybone, and the joint behind his kneecap, which can be crippled with an extremely well-directed frontal blow.

Also, make sure you come across as the victim if there are any witnesses around. Then you can pass it off as self defense.

The temple? A solid move if you want to put your opponent into a coma. Not really thinking ahead, when you decide to use it on a school bully.

Oh, crap. I didn't realize that maiming/life-threatening injuries were out. Yeah, you should probably forget that and the bit about the adam's apple. Everything else should be keen, though, assuming you don't accidentally sever anything. Try pulling your punches a little bit, I guess.

My bad.

 

[plumsmuggler]

Snip

So, how many people have you killed?

XD None that i know of. I've crippled a few people (gave them a limp), i've bloodied a few more people then that. I've given a the majority of kids that i've fought (and this will sound surprising, but seriously, i've never instigated a fight) a scar or two to go home and show everyone. And yes, at one point a laid a kid in a hospital, though to be fair i was in it with him by the time the fight was done (we called it a draw, and actually we're really good friends now).

But have I killed anyone? No, i try to reserve myself from that. Murder is something that gets bothersome to deal with it. So much time wasted and paper consumed all to tell everyone something they could see themselves. besides, its more intimidating for the person to spread the story of who beat their asses instead of giving people a dead body to look at.

... yea, you could say i grew up in a bad neighborhood, but really i grew up close to one and hung out with more kids from that neighborhood then my own.

No, no you haven't. You're a big talker trying to sound tough by advocating lethal force while decrying a shot to the balls as "being a pussy."

 

[emeraldrafael]

Snip

Holy shit.

You pretty much said "Kill him, here's how." Of course, that is the point of most fighting, but a school brawl? You are at school, if you pull just about anything above (very important - unless he attacks first) you will be in deep shit. So make sure there is a crowd around to say that he attacked you before you snap his knee or pop his eye (which is a bit extreme for school bully brawls, you want to go for disorientation or knockout moves because then you can say, "well I could have torn his arm out of its socket, but I decided to minor brain hemmorrages instead."

And? i didnt say he should just go busting this out anytime he wants. he's going to get into trouble with the school regardless since most have a zero tolerance policy. he may as well do as much damage as possible so the guy learns a lesson about pissing with him. Besides, like i said in a different post in this thread, you dont kill the kid. Have him walk around and say what happened. and besides, this shouldnt be at school. Anyone in their right mind isnt going to fight in school, then a teacher will just run over and break it up.

I just told him how to end the fight as quickly as possible with as little damage to the person asking the question as possible.

EDIT:

Snip

A) You odnt know me. yes, thats... well, thats stereotypical line, but its true, you odnt know me.
B) I said bringing friends to gang up on him is being a pussy. I said a kick to the balls is ungentleman like and just going to make the kid madder.

 

[PureIrony]

Forget the crotch. Its the first place people expect to be hit, and they'll just close their legs.

Kick above the shins, in the front of the calve. Theres very little to protect the bone and blood vessels there, so at the very least he'll wince for a second.

Then, go straight for the neck. If it doesn't knock him down, it'l at least take the wind out of him, at which point you can go out of your mind.



And always watch for grapples, there a real *****.

 

[emeraldrafael]

But have I killed anyone? No, i try to reserve myself from that. Murder is something that gets bothersome to deal with it. So much time wasted and paper consumed all to tell everyone something they could see themselves. besides, its more intimidating for the person to spread the story of who beat their asses instead of giving people a dead body to look at.

Why give them a body to look at? If I ever killed somebody there wouldn't be a body (well, they would never find it)...

NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW OR ANYTHING.

Good point! XD But still, bodies turn up. and in the small.. well... eh, not really small. I went to a AAA sized highschool based on population in students (out of a max of AAAA) and grew up surrounded by a AA school and another AAA school, so its average enough.

But in a twon that size, bodies show up. besides, tehyre arent enough woods to hide the body. and again, like i siad, I dont kill people. Its too much work after for very little gain.

 

[Death on Trapezoids]

Brass Knuckles.

Buy them and soon, you too can enjoy the crunch of your enemy's face beneath your brass-coated fist.

Lacking those, smash his nose as hard as you can, THIS HURTS. Then keep swinging.