How to fight.
- Thread starter CANofKAM
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Obviously, if you can find a way - don't fight. Real men (like Alan Shore and gallaetha_matt) use their awesome, sexy words.
You know the guy you're fighting. If you can find a way to avoid fighting him and still save face, do so. Otherwise - here is what I can offer. I'm no expert, by any means, and I'm something of a coward. But I used to box and I have a belt in Judo (Orange! Because I helped to train the kids) and a belt in Jiu Jitsu (White! Because after two years I never got a single fucking grading. Stupid lack of funding... but we don't have time for that!). I have some tips that might help, don't take me as gospel. Because like I said. Coward.
Hold your guard up. Try to get your forearms in front of your face, tuck your chin into your chest as much as you can while still being able to see the fight (since you're in it, this is imperative). Try to get your left hand, or right (depending on if you're a left or right hander) a few inches in front of the other. Whichever hand is nearest to your face, pull the corresponding leg a few inches back and turn the foot 90 degrees. It should do this naturally anyway. Try to put most of your weight on the balls of your feet (the bits just below the toes). This should let you move a bit quicker in case your opponent decides to throw a punch. Word to the wise: He might!
Keep your eyes on the centre of your opponents chest. If he was wearing a polo shirt this would be the bottom of the line of buttons on the neck. That way you can see all his/her extremities without moving your head.
From there you're not 100% safe. But you have most of you covered in case of crippling injury. He can only hit around your guard anyway - when you see an opening, be it a straight line to his chin, a drop of his guard or a weak leg, hit it how you see fit.
Best of luck, dude. I hope it doesn't come to blows.
You know the guy you're fighting. If you can find a way to avoid fighting him and still save face, do so. Otherwise - here is what I can offer. I'm no expert, by any means, and I'm something of a coward. But I used to box and I have a belt in Judo (Orange! Because I helped to train the kids) and a belt in Jiu Jitsu (White! Because after two years I never got a single fucking grading. Stupid lack of funding... but we don't have time for that!). I have some tips that might help, don't take me as gospel. Because like I said. Coward.
Hold your guard up. Try to get your forearms in front of your face, tuck your chin into your chest as much as you can while still being able to see the fight (since you're in it, this is imperative). Try to get your left hand, or right (depending on if you're a left or right hander) a few inches in front of the other. Whichever hand is nearest to your face, pull the corresponding leg a few inches back and turn the foot 90 degrees. It should do this naturally anyway. Try to put most of your weight on the balls of your feet (the bits just below the toes). This should let you move a bit quicker in case your opponent decides to throw a punch. Word to the wise: He might!
Keep your eyes on the centre of your opponents chest. If he was wearing a polo shirt this would be the bottom of the line of buttons on the neck. That way you can see all his/her extremities without moving your head.
From there you're not 100% safe. But you have most of you covered in case of crippling injury. He can only hit around your guard anyway - when you see an opening, be it a straight line to his chin, a drop of his guard or a weak leg, hit it how you see fit.
Best of luck, dude. I hope it doesn't come to blows.
Keep in mind if you do something that's extreme, you're far more likely to get into shit or even get charged. This "eye gouge" stuff is a particularly bad idea, as are weapons, throat strikes, etc.
It's not gonna work. Period.CANofKAM said:
Go for psychological terror instead. Summon Cthulhu, put on so much makeup that your mouth disappears, constantly look like you're looking through him, tell him that he has delicious looking feet (seriously). Sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" two octaves too high, and slowly. Orgasm each time he speaks. The more times he says "What's wrong with you, fuckhead?" The better it's working. He'll get more threatening as time goes on, get creepier.
If you can, sing this. <youtube=liJfyxmzkMQ>
Bullies stopped interacting with me, and fast. I'm being dead serious here.
If you're REALLY feeling malevolent, and you're really fast, cut your finger and bleed on him when he isn't looking. This has caused all kinds of chaos in the past.
stay defensive. school fights always go down the same way: both kids bum rush eachother and throw silly things like precision and tactics out the window.
dodge his blows and wait for an opening, then take your shot. if its during school, youll only have time to land in a couple good ones.
dodge his blows and wait for an opening, then take your shot. if its during school, youll only have time to land in a couple good ones.
Hmm, after spending my childhood watching Dragon Ball Z...Ham_authority95 said:
I'd say I'd be pretty pent up.
Keep your weight on both feet with 50 percent on each. arms up, one at your chest, the other in front of it, ready to block any strikes to the head. avoid the need to make some mortal kombat-esque uppercut or high kicks, it'll only leave you open and look like a complete idiot. If you must kick, make sure it's low so should you miss you can regain any lost balance. open hand redirection of punches has served me well in the past, along with grabbing wrists to get in close for a grapple. in the case of multiple opponents, keep both in your peripheral vision and prepare for any attacks on both fronts. Whenever I found myself with more than two opponents, I always assumed someone was behind me so I could expect an attack from behind. should any blunt weapons enter the fray, you could either find one of your own, or just tackle them down and beat their head into the floor. The best places to strike I found in the past to be the adam's apple and the solar plexus (the spot just above your stomach).
I've been following you in threads since you argued with me a while back. Why we're not solving crimes together is a mystery.Zachary Amaranth said:
You've also presented the argument why rich people don't win fights. This is something I support.
But you have to admit Alan Shore is all kinds of awesome. I wanted to make a demotivational poster entitled 'Bros Before Hos,' with a picture of him and Denny Crane smoking cigars and drinking scotch on the balcony, because that pretty much personifies the expression.
Boston Legal is awesome.
I have been in very few fights, but what has worked for me is either scare the person of with very real death threats (knives in school, guns out)break fingers, it hurts and it's easy. Break their nose, grapple, and keep your hands up to protect your head. Hit as hard as you can, and realize that this isn't a movie. What I mean is that if he knocks you over and kicks you in the head as hard as he can you might forget your name. Try to fight on your ground, be it your yard on simply an area you know better. Always make sure that you can cheat if you start getting beaten badly. Cheating looks bad but you won't spend a month in the hospital re-learning how to walk.
IMPORTANT: You will get hurt. Shit happens
Avoid hitting first, or threatening him.
If it looks like somebody will intervene run.
Have a friend bring a car and a first aid kit. Don't get trapped.
At the end, call your local emergency services. Regardless of who is more hurt.
IMPORTANT: You will get hurt. Shit happens
Avoid hitting first, or threatening him.
If it looks like somebody will intervene run.
Have a friend bring a car and a first aid kit. Don't get trapped.
At the end, call your local emergency services. Regardless of who is more hurt.
Murder with a concealed weapon. It's okay, I know your joking. But I do like his strategy of: kick to crotch. And all of those comments telling you to go for the throat, do so at your own risk. The power behind the strike needs to be under control or you could kill him. It's meant to hinder his ability to breath, not get rid of it entirely. And do bring some friends, but only have them fight if he brings friends too. It's one-on-one, baby!lee1287 said:
Reading about how to fight makes just about as much sense as reading about how to perform open-heart surgery, and anyone offering you advice any more complex than "knee him in the balls and hope it gets broken up before anything worse happens" is more than likely a Google-kwan-do practitioner.
You've never been in a fight before. You don't know how to throw a punch. You don't know how to defend yourself. You don't know what to look for to spot an opening. Text on a screen isn't going to teach you these things, and while you're trying to remember some ridiculously complicated advice like "step across his body with your left foot, then bring your right elbow across your body directly into his throat," the guy you're fighting will probably throw a technically unsound punch that makes you tear up and forget all that absurd bullshit everyone has been telling you.
So please keep us updated on how helpful this patchwork 15-minute UFC correspondence course was for you.
You've never been in a fight before. You don't know how to throw a punch. You don't know how to defend yourself. You don't know what to look for to spot an opening. Text on a screen isn't going to teach you these things, and while you're trying to remember some ridiculously complicated advice like "step across his body with your left foot, then bring your right elbow across your body directly into his throat," the guy you're fighting will probably throw a technically unsound punch that makes you tear up and forget all that absurd bullshit everyone has been telling you.
So please keep us updated on how helpful this patchwork 15-minute UFC correspondence course was for you.
Don't. Mankind has to learn to be civil to each other. This guy may be a douche, but you would be a better man for turning him down. If someone calls you a coward, you say you are not gutless, and you are not brainless. You should be above fighting some douchebag.
I'll post my opinions here that i posted in the other thread, but why are you saying with any luck? I mean... fightings usually you want to avoid.
Anyway, opinions:
Fight to kill. If someone calls the ambulance and you have to be held back, you're doing it right.
Hit in jabs, keep your pace and breath, and keep out of your opponent's reach. you dont need to give a haymaker everytime.
Break every joint you can. Break the arms at the elbows, break his legs at the knees. Ensure he cant get back up to throw another punch.
Aim for the throat. A gasping enemy is a vulnerable enemy. Hold him to the ground and threaten to crush it, to make sure he cant take in air. Dont be on his level, hold him with your foot and ensure he knows you're not joking.
Hit the sides of the eyes, they cause temporary to permanent blindness. I'm guessing he's not a blind samurai so without sight he'll fall fast.
Dont be afraid to bite. Just dont swallow the blood. The human mouth is a dirty place and infection can bloom. Make sure you bite for something vital. It desont have to be the neck, thats a bit rough to do. Instead, bite the wrist and pull, make the hand lose blood flow. Another good place the achilles tendon. If it keeps hockey players down for 4-6 weeks if not more, it will bring this guy down.
Never assume the fight will be fair. Anything can be turned into a weapon. Keys are great, especially mailbox keys (small ones). Aim for the temporal lobe (where the ears are), its the softest and weakest part of the brain, but holds some of the most important zones of the brain.
Gauge out the eyes. If possible, dont cut your fingernails. Yeah, it looks girly, but so what. Deep scratches will be bothersome, and a missing eye is crippling.
Use the opponents momentum against them. Stay on your toes and let your opponent's fists slide off yours. This leaves you still pointed directly at them, and your opponent open and falling towards you.
finally, never let them get behind you. If they are ever out of your view at all, immediately swin, back of the hand out, knuckles out, and hit the person. it may hurt your hand, but it will hopefully knock the opponent back and into your site.
Always remember, this is for the kill. Dont stop, make the crowd stop you. You want to ensure the person is scared of you, that they wont want to try again. make them fear for thier lives, if you can, bring them within inches of death. This also scares other people out of fighting you, and lets everyone know shit will go down if you are fucked with.
As a side note, IMO nut shots and guns are low class. dont bother with either. a nut shot stops to hurt if a person is hit there enough, and it only makes it so the person is ready next time. They're also very easy to block and at least redirect and lessen the power of. A simple turn and a leg up will knock the leg away. If your opponent is that close to you where they can kick you, you are doing it wrong, or you deserve it. If you're that close, there's no reason to not go for something more vital.
And dont bring friends unless tehy're there to carry you beaten body home. Ganging up on somoene is just you being a pussy.
Anyway, opinions:
Fight to kill. If someone calls the ambulance and you have to be held back, you're doing it right.
Hit in jabs, keep your pace and breath, and keep out of your opponent's reach. you dont need to give a haymaker everytime.
Break every joint you can. Break the arms at the elbows, break his legs at the knees. Ensure he cant get back up to throw another punch.
Aim for the throat. A gasping enemy is a vulnerable enemy. Hold him to the ground and threaten to crush it, to make sure he cant take in air. Dont be on his level, hold him with your foot and ensure he knows you're not joking.
Hit the sides of the eyes, they cause temporary to permanent blindness. I'm guessing he's not a blind samurai so without sight he'll fall fast.
Dont be afraid to bite. Just dont swallow the blood. The human mouth is a dirty place and infection can bloom. Make sure you bite for something vital. It desont have to be the neck, thats a bit rough to do. Instead, bite the wrist and pull, make the hand lose blood flow. Another good place the achilles tendon. If it keeps hockey players down for 4-6 weeks if not more, it will bring this guy down.
Never assume the fight will be fair. Anything can be turned into a weapon. Keys are great, especially mailbox keys (small ones). Aim for the temporal lobe (where the ears are), its the softest and weakest part of the brain, but holds some of the most important zones of the brain.
Gauge out the eyes. If possible, dont cut your fingernails. Yeah, it looks girly, but so what. Deep scratches will be bothersome, and a missing eye is crippling.
Use the opponents momentum against them. Stay on your toes and let your opponent's fists slide off yours. This leaves you still pointed directly at them, and your opponent open and falling towards you.
finally, never let them get behind you. If they are ever out of your view at all, immediately swin, back of the hand out, knuckles out, and hit the person. it may hurt your hand, but it will hopefully knock the opponent back and into your site.
Always remember, this is for the kill. Dont stop, make the crowd stop you. You want to ensure the person is scared of you, that they wont want to try again. make them fear for thier lives, if you can, bring them within inches of death. This also scares other people out of fighting you, and lets everyone know shit will go down if you are fucked with.
As a side note, IMO nut shots and guns are low class. dont bother with either. a nut shot stops to hurt if a person is hit there enough, and it only makes it so the person is ready next time. They're also very easy to block and at least redirect and lessen the power of. A simple turn and a leg up will knock the leg away. If your opponent is that close to you where they can kick you, you are doing it wrong, or you deserve it. If you're that close, there's no reason to not go for something more vital.
And dont bring friends unless tehy're there to carry you beaten body home. Ganging up on somoene is just you being a pussy.
I have never found the part about making friends to be true, as all the people I fought have tried to get back at me since then. But I also take everything too seriously and too far.MadeinHell said: