Poll: How often do you masturbate?!

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Drathnoxis

I love the smell of card games in the morning
Legacy
Sep 23, 2010
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Just off-screen
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Canada
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Male
If anybody is curious to compare The Escapists wanking habits over time, here is a poll from a couple years ago.
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.399967-Poll-Masturbation-and-you?view_results=1
It looks like the daily+ masturbaters are up from 40% to 55%.
 

Risingblade

New member
Mar 15, 2010
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marioandsonic said:
I'm a 25-year old virgin posting on a message board about video games.

Take a guess.

...what am I doing with my life...
*notices pony avatar* ...mother of god
 

marioandsonic

New member
Nov 28, 2009
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Risingblade said:
marioandsonic said:
I'm a 25-year old virgin posting on a message board about video games.

Take a guess.

...what am I doing with my life...
*notices pony avatar* ...mother of god
Yes, yes, I'm the personal embodiment of every stereotype everyone has about that show's fandom.

And yes, I hate myself for it.
 

Risingblade

New member
Mar 15, 2010
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marioandsonic said:
Risingblade said:
marioandsonic said:
I'm a 25-year old virgin posting on a message board about video games.

Take a guess.

...what am I doing with my life...
*notices pony avatar* ...mother of god
Yes, yes, I'm the personal embodiment of every stereotype everyone has about that show's fandom.

And yes, I hate myself for it.
Actually I noticed that the pony was playing with a joystick...awkward~
 

JagermanXcell

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Oct 1, 2012
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I did FREQUENTLY in my jr year. Then stopped in my senior year. Got a girlfriend after graduating, who uhhh...
Ok, when two people love each other VERY MUCH, you get very comfortable about spilling (zing!) some deets about your alone time...
she does the same with yaoi.... so yeah, seeing as I know someone who more or less is fine with it, my stimuli just kinda decided to make up for lost time.

Now I do it every blue moon... once or twice or thrice a week.
And since my imagination is quite VAST, oh boy does it feel great. No I don't do it anywhere inappropriate, i'm a responsible wanker! And what do I think? Not sure how to answer that, I just drink Arnold Palmer and play vidja gamz afterwards.

... what a lovely thread.
 

FPLOON

Your #1 Source for the Dino Porn
Jul 10, 2013
12,530
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geK0 said:
FUCK YOUR LINE
How dare you get all fresh up in my line, yo! [My line] was saving itself for EXTREME intimate bonding between itself and I right after we take a trip to both Goodwill and the Salvation Army...

OT:
How frequently do fine ladies and gentlemen of the Escapist shuck your oysters, butter your corn, stir your honey pots, or hold the sausage hostage?
Let me put this into perspective first:
Over 10 years ago, it was only once in a blue moon and it may or may not involve my mother's bra and panties... (It's not what you think, but it's definitely what I think I mean when I say that with a "straight" face...)
About 5 years ago, it was only during the weekend when the [natural] air was cool enough to be turned on by it...
A little over a year ago, it was once a night as a means to fall asleep due to insomnia...
And not too long ago, it has been whenever I got an erection at home and I have some time to kill, basically...
Now, I technically only do it when I'm at home because it's feels super weird as fuck if I do it anywhere else nowadays...
FPLOON said:
Overall, only in my own room, thank you very much...
Do you require visual aid to really whip your cream? Or do you only need your imagination to frost your pastries?
I could go either way, basically... No matter what, if I remember and appropriate the "3 D's" (which could include some "B's" if "twerking"'s involved), then it won't feel like I'm forcing something to happen that I don't want to happen in the first place...

At what time of the day do you baste your ham?
I'm a night crawler, in terms of masturbation...
Fuck you, daytime masturbations! Quit throwing off my groove with these daytime pre-erections, for fuck's sake!!

Have you ever liquidated your inventory in an inappropriate setting?
Long story short, my family reunion during the big sleepover portion of said reunion... (Honorable mention to, [another] long story short, when I was naked at my friend's sister's place...)

What do you think about while playing some 5v1?
Uh... "Where's the beef?"
 

marioandsonic

New member
Nov 28, 2009
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Risingblade said:
marioandsonic said:
Risingblade said:
marioandsonic said:
I'm a 25-year old virgin posting on a message board about video games.

Take a guess.

...what am I doing with my life...
*notices pony avatar* ...mother of god
Yes, yes, I'm the personal embodiment of every stereotype everyone has about that show's fandom.

And yes, I hate myself for it.
Actually I noticed that the pony was playing with a joystick...awkward~
...

I'm just going to back away now, drink some liquor, and try to forget this.
 

geK0

New member
Jun 24, 2011
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marioandsonic said:
Risingblade said:
marioandsonic said:
Risingblade said:
marioandsonic said:
I'm a 25-year old virgin posting on a message board about video games.

Take a guess.

...what am I doing with my life...
*notices pony avatar* ...mother of god
Yes, yes, I'm the personal embodiment of every stereotype everyone has about that show's fandom.

And yes, I hate myself for it.
Actually I noticed that the pony was playing with a joystick...awkward~
...

I'm just going to back away now, drink some liquor, and try to forget this.
It's on a hard drive in some server somewhere

...

forever

0____0
 

Dizchu

...brutal
Sep 23, 2014
1,277
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The best thing about this thread is all the euphemisms for jacking off.

It's beautiful, all we need now is for George Takei to read all of these out.

Absolutely glorious.
 

Aesir23

New member
Jul 2, 2009
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marioandsonic said:
Risingblade said:
marioandsonic said:
I'm a 25-year old virgin posting on a message board about video games.

Take a guess.

...what am I doing with my life...
*notices pony avatar* ...mother of god
Yes, yes, I'm the personal embodiment of every stereotype everyone has about that show's fandom.

And yes, I hate myself for it.
If it's any consolation, I'm also a 25 year old virgin posting on a message board about video games. Just without the pony avatar.

We should start a club.
 

lacktheknack

Je suis joined jewels.
Jan 19, 2009
19,305
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I do not.

...

...One day, I'm going to be crowned King Prude of this website, despite the fact that I keep posting in these threads to comment on how much of a prude I am. xD
 

Vendor-Lazarus

Censored by Mods. PM for Taboos
Mar 1, 2009
1,201
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Aesir23 said:
marioandsonic said:
Risingblade said:
marioandsonic said:
I'm a 25-year old virgin posting on a message board about video games.

Take a guess.

...what am I doing with my life...
*notices pony avatar* ...mother of god
Yes, yes, I'm the personal embodiment of every stereotype everyone has about that show's fandom.

And yes, I hate myself for it.
If it's any consolation, I'm also a 25 year old virgin posting on a message board about video games. Just without the pony avatar.

We should start a club.
Can I join? I'm nearing 30 though, is that a problem?
 

King of Asgaard

Vae Victis, Woe to the Conquered
Oct 31, 2011
1,925
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Umm... Never?
Strange, I know, but I don't get the urge to, and yes I have many attractive female friends.
19 year old straight, single (never been in a relationship) male, just for context's sake.
 

Casual Shinji

Should've gone before we left.
Legacy
Jul 18, 2009
21,017
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I love how everyone here is pretending to be uncomfortable with posting their wank schedules for the sake of... not coming across as a sad wanker, but then gleefully does it anyway. It's good to see we've reached a level where we're totally okay with eachothers ickiness.

Anyway, almost daily. To a point where it's nearly become routine. Instead of just being in the mood, I'll be like 'Eh, haven't jerked off yet, why not?' Sometimes it'll be a bit more of an "event", but usually it's just a natural progression of me already being infront of my computer anyway.

"Now choke me with that dead cat."
 

Teoes

Poof, poof, sparkles!
Jun 1, 2010
5,173
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Quote said:
Perhaps you're a naturally slothful person, sluggish and indolent. A dawdling flaneur, content to waste his life spread-eagled on a pillow, forever indulging himself in the pleasures of the palm.
Quote said:
Think of the difficulties a son would provide! The nightmare of puberty, endless sojourns in the bathroom as junior shakes hot white coconuts from the veiny love-tree..
:>

Myself, couple of times a week. As the mood takes me. Generally with something on to watch or the Escapist forums to browse through unf unf unf and generally at night. I have never bounced solo in an inappropriate setting. I have bounced duo in an inappropriate setting, but that's for another thread and details might be warning-worthy. I don't know.
 

Fieldy409_v1legacy

New member
Oct 9, 2008
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Constantly while debating people on the escapist.

UnfGamergateunghhhh....

used to be everyday unless something happened to stop me but I guess my libido is slowing down because I might only do it once a week. Usually I go twice when I decide to do it, the second time is always best IMO, perfect balance of time to enjoy it before it just gets awkward and boring.
 

Euryalus

New member
Jun 30, 2012
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lacktheknack said:
I do not.

...

...One day, I'm going to be crowned King Prude of this website, despite the fact that I keep posting in these threads to comment on how much of a prude I am. xD
The more you protest the more and more I start picturing you as the kinkiest most vile person here. You can fool the others but not me!

OT: Be honest, was I the one who gave you the idea for this thread? Because that's what I expected to happen when I made that comment xD

Also I don't know... 5 times a week? Less? More? I certainly don't abuse the muse as often as some of you guys.
 

EeveeElectro

Cats.
Aug 3, 2008
7,052
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The female orgasm is so awesome I'm surprised we don't go around masturbating constantly.


OT: it varies. One thing I have realized is a few days before my period I got MONSTER LEVELS OF HORNY. Damn troll body. I assume it's to do with the hormones. When that, it can be everyday, like 3 times a day. If I'm with my boyfriend around that time, he thinks Christmas has come early xD

Non hormonal times, every other day? Sometimes I go on a date with Rosie and her 5 friends every day. I don't always need visual aid but sometimes I do. Sexting always helps me too. I see my boyfriend at weekends so not then unless I incorporate it into our sexy time.
I typically think about him, sometimes a famous person.

I've not done it anywhere interesting because I'm boring. I've done it to others in non conventional places if that counts...
 

Caiphus

Social Office Corridor
Mar 31, 2010
1,181
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http://vocaroo.com/i/s1j1cPG3fNtJ

Uh, I dunno. Not quite everyday?

Let's make it 5 per week, give or take. Not so much recently. Exams are coming up, and there is absolutely nothing sexy about statistical theory.

Edit: Don't click that link if you're at work/around kids/at a funeral