Poll: How often do you masturbate?!

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Timmaaaah

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Aug 8, 2009
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Sometimes once a week, sometimes several... Depends on the situation. Went 2 weeks without a wank recently. Eventually your subconscious does it for you in your sleep and if not when you back to it - porn and 6 pumps and done
 

lacktheknack

Je suis joined jewels.
Jan 19, 2009
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T0ad 0f Truth said:
lacktheknack said:
I do not.

...

...One day, I'm going to be crowned King Prude of this website, despite the fact that I keep posting in these threads to comment on how much of a prude I am. xD
The more you protest the more and more I start picturing you as the kinkiest most vile person here. You can fool the others but not me!
Me? Kinky? Perish the thought!

...But seriously, I find these threads fascinating because I'm not very sexual, which I'm told is very weird, so I'm assuming the weirdness I read in here is actually normal. Is this a bad sample? :p
 

Barbas

ExQQxv1D1ns
Oct 28, 2013
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Caiphus said:
http://vocaroo.com/i/s06IBAB1TnQt

Statistical theory? I'm getting slippy floors at the mere thought!

lacktheknack said:
...But seriously, I find these threads fascinating because I'm not very sexual, which I'm told is very weird, so I'm assuming the weirdness I read in here is actually normal. Is this a bad sample? :p
Well, it's pretty close to the equator for here. Does that reassure you? :p

OT: Not much recently, with other stuff on my mind and occupying my time. I've been going for walks instead. It's not really something you should do in the woods, I've always thought.
 

Someone Depressing

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Jan 16, 2011
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Not actually that often. Only ever in times of sexual frustration or in the deep, forsaken tunnels of total misery.

I now have something to be proud of: "I don't masturbate that much". The quote of my life.
 

Caiphus

Social Office Corridor
Mar 31, 2010
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Barbas said:
http://vocaroo.com/i/s06IBAB1TnQt

Statistical theory? I'm getting slippy floors at the mere thought!
Hit me up, my good man, I can turn those slippery floors into sticky ceilings.
 

Alex Baas

New member
Dec 2, 2011
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I do it every morning. I am not a morning person so 'cranking the shaft' is the only thing that wakes me up. As for inappropriate places, I once needed to do the deed during school to keep myself awake to write a test.
 

Fappy

\[T]/
Jan 4, 2010
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Casual Shinji said:
I love how everyone here is pretending to be uncomfortable with posting their wank schedules for the sake of... not coming across as a sad wanker, but then gleefully does it anyway. It's good to see we've reached a level where we're totally okay with eachothers ickiness.

Anyway, almost daily. To a point where it's nearly become routine. Instead of just being in the mood, I'll be like 'Eh, haven't jerked off yet, why not?' Sometimes it'll be a bit more of an "event", but usually it's just a natural progression of me already being infront of my computer anyway.

"Now choke me with that dead cat."
I usually would be all over this kind of topic, but I have to be careful about these threads... my sister lurks this site from time to time >.>

Whatever, fuck it. I see her goddamn condom wrappers at the top of her trashcan every goddamn time I walk into her room. She can eat a dick (figuratively)!

OT: Roughly (lel) 3-4 times a week maybe? Depends, really. When was the last time I got laid? When will be the next time? Does the dwarf need a week-long nap (you can take that any way you want)? So many factors to consider.

As for methodology? The internet is for porn!
 

Tsun Tzu

Feuer! Sperrfeuer! Los!
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Jul 19, 2010
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Free-Dom
Ehhhhhhhhhhh.

I've gone way, way, way down in the last couple years. Used to be an erryday sort of thing, but now it's, maybe, once a week, if that. Longest I've gone is a few weeks without really thinking about it...and I'm a dude, which apparently makes that weird?

My sex drive has kinda spiraled down into oblivion, I guess. Need to get me some human interaction.

As for odd places?

Er.

Surprisingly, I'm vanilla as hell in that respect. I only ever do that sorta thing at home. Sex? Lotsa places, public or otherwise. Self love? Don't feel comfortable doing it anywhere strange.

...Why in fuck's name am I replying to this!?

As for methods?

Porn! All of the porn! Since my imagination is horrible.
 

geK0

New member
Jun 24, 2011
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Fappy said:
Casual Shinji said:
I love how everyone here is pretending to be uncomfortable with posting their wank schedules for the sake of... not coming across as a sad wanker, but then gleefully does it anyway. It's good to see we've reached a level where we're totally okay with eachothers ickiness.

Anyway, almost daily. To a point where it's nearly become routine. Instead of just being in the mood, I'll be like 'Eh, haven't jerked off yet, why not?' Sometimes it'll be a bit more of an "event", but usually it's just a natural progression of me already being infront of my computer anyway.

"Now choke me with that dead cat."
I usually would be all over this kind of topic, but I have to be careful about these threads... my sister lurks this site from time to time >.>

Whatever, fuck it. I see her goddamn condom wrappers at the top of her trashcan every goddamn time I walk into her room. She can eat a dick (figuratively)!

OT: Roughly (lel) 3-4 times a week maybe? Depends, really. When was the last time I got laid? When will be the next time? Does the dwarf need a week-long nap (you can take that any way you want)? So many factors to consider.

As for methodology? The internet is for porn!
I'd have figured that with a name like "Fappy" you'd have picked the last option.
 

Fappy

\[T]/
Jan 4, 2010
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geK0 said:
Fappy said:
Casual Shinji said:
I love how everyone here is pretending to be uncomfortable with posting their wank schedules for the sake of... not coming across as a sad wanker, but then gleefully does it anyway. It's good to see we've reached a level where we're totally okay with eachothers ickiness.

Anyway, almost daily. To a point where it's nearly become routine. Instead of just being in the mood, I'll be like 'Eh, haven't jerked off yet, why not?' Sometimes it'll be a bit more of an "event", but usually it's just a natural progression of me already being infront of my computer anyway.

"Now choke me with that dead cat."
I usually would be all over this kind of topic, but I have to be careful about these threads... my sister lurks this site from time to time >.>

Whatever, fuck it. I see her goddamn condom wrappers at the top of her trashcan every goddamn time I walk into her room. She can eat a dick (figuratively)!

OT: Roughly (lel) 3-4 times a week maybe? Depends, really. When was the last time I got laid? When will be the next time? Does the dwarf need a week-long nap (you can take that any way you want)? So many factors to consider.

As for methodology? The internet is for porn!
I'd have figured that with a name like "Fappy" you'd have picked the last option.
Despite what some may assume, the name actually wasn't inspired by spankin' it but something a lot more convoluted. Still, I knew how people would interpret it when I used the name for the first time in WoW XD
 

geK0

New member
Jun 24, 2011
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Caiphus said:
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1j1cPG3fNtJ

Uh, I dunno. Not quite everyday?

Let's make it 5 per week, give or take. Not so much recently. Exams are coming up, and there is absolutely nothing sexy about statistical theory.

Edit: Don't click that link if you're at work/around kids/at a funeral
My room mates found it very amusing
 

geK0

New member
Jun 24, 2011
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lacktheknack said:
Is this a bad sample? :p
It's a male dominated gaming forum, so I'd say the results are extremely skewed in favor of daily masturbation.

I'm a little surprised by the girls answers here though, I always figured you guys masturbated less often than us.
 

Xan Krieger

Completely insane
Feb 11, 2009
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Vendor-Lazarus said:
Aesir23 said:
marioandsonic said:
Risingblade said:
marioandsonic said:
I'm a 25-year old virgin posting on a message board about video games.

Take a guess.

...what am I doing with my life...
*notices pony avatar* ...mother of god
Yes, yes, I'm the personal embodiment of every stereotype everyone has about that show's fandom.

And yes, I hate myself for it.
If it's any consolation, I'm also a 25 year old virgin posting on a message board about video games. Just without the pony avatar.

We should start a club.
Can I join? I'm nearing 30 though, is that a problem?
24 here and also a MLP fan, let me join.

At least once a day, if I don't do that I get angry so I guess I just need to get it out.
 

Alcamonic

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Jan 6, 2010
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I sharpen my sword at least once a week. Usually keeps my body from having wet dreams, screw you biological meatsack!

What I think About?
Well, if you must know... *que erotic novel*
 
Oct 10, 2011
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I wank multiple times a day, usually. Since I got a boyfriend, I've actually been masturbating far more often, because it is very rare that we have the privacy to do the sexy times together. I have to let out that sexual frustration somehow!

I can easily get by with just my imagination, but why would I when the internet exists?

I do it every night in bed, but the other 1-4 times in a day can be at any time, really.

I only do it at home. I once did broadcast it online to a bunch of people on a site dedicated to that kind of thing, though.

I could think of some kind of euphemism, but I'll just be straightforward and say that I think of gay sex.

I could lie and say that I'm shy or have no idea why I'm posting this, but honestly I just feel some strange sense of satisfaction from threads like this. No shame!
 

geK0

New member
Jun 24, 2011
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username sucks said:
I once did broadcast it online to a bunch of people on a site dedicated to that kind of thing, though.
Was it Omegle?
 
Oct 10, 2011
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geK0 said:
username sucks said:
I once did broadcast it online to a bunch of people on a site dedicated to that kind of thing, though.
Was it Omegle?
Believe it or not, that was not the intended purpose of Omegle. So wrong answer, try again. I would say it, but I know if I'm allowed to talk about porn sites.
 

COMaestro

Vae Victis!
May 24, 2010
739
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There was a time in my life where I would go at it at least once a day, sometimes more. And it would take very little mental stimulation to get me in the mood. A section of a book, a sex scene in a movie, some porn or erotica online, BOOM ready to go. For a while I was even participating in cyber sex, which was fantastic when you had the right person.

The frequency has gone down a lot over the years, I probably average about once a week at this point, with just my imagination, either remembering past events or just fantasizing about things. Partially because I have a wife now and can actually have sex with someone when aroused, but also because I have very young kids and am just constantly tired. I think Jeff Foxworthy put it best with his bit about the difference between single people and married people with kids. "When you're single and you are given the choice between sleep and sex, you'll take sex every time. When you're married and have kids, you take the sleep and just hope you have a dream about sex." It's so very true...

EDIT: Oh, and I have done my business in a few unorthodox places, including the car (both driving and parked), some rest rooms while out and about, and others that I'm not willing to disclose.
 

Reasonable Atheist

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Mar 6, 2012
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EeveeElectro said:
The female orgasm is so awesome I'm surprised we don't go around masturbating constantly.
I find myself in a permanent state of being jealous of my significant other's earth shattering and obviously superior orgasms. Equality for the genders will never happen, we men cannot catch up to that kind of quality of life!
 

Elvis Starburst

Unprofessional Rant Artist
Legacy
Aug 9, 2011
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Once a day normally, but it can go up to twice. I'm not ashamed. It's damn near a routine part of my day (But the time can vary). Though, finding good porn is hard these days >3> Not any of that fake stuff, some actual believable stuff. Oh well~