I'm a guy and I've always had a thing for being the subdominant one, or at least equal. I've also always liked girls/women older than me. Maybe I'm unusual in the grand scheme of things but that's me.
Violent women.
- Thread starter IrisEver
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Its probably not really men having a problem with women demonstrating more than "one ounce of strength or conviction in who they are"
Its people dealing with people they feel are arrogant.
If your confident, it's GOING to rub some people the wrong way. It happens, it's really easy to walk the line between arrogance and confidence tho, and alot of people have trouble telling the difference. Some get defensive towards people they feel are arrogant, its a matter of trust/respect I guess.
Be you, but know that being you will step on some people's toes, you don't need to care of course, but you could.
Its people dealing with people they feel are arrogant.
If your confident, it's GOING to rub some people the wrong way. It happens, it's really easy to walk the line between arrogance and confidence tho, and alot of people have trouble telling the difference. Some get defensive towards people they feel are arrogant, its a matter of trust/respect I guess.
Be you, but know that being you will step on some people's toes, you don't need to care of course, but you could.
As long as it doesn't cross into physical abuse (that's what you've got to be really careful of when you self-identify as aggressive, no matter your gender) you should be fine, and there probably is someone out there for you. I also find that a lot of people confuse being strong-headed or strong-willed with being disrespectful or unaware of someone else's comfort zone. No matter how you self identify, you're not going to build a lasting relationship with someone you feel is inferior to you, or, really, with someone to whom you come off as thinking little of.
Otherwise I can't really give any advice, I'm pretty submissive in my relationship.
Otherwise I can't really give any advice, I'm pretty submissive in my relationship.
IrisEver said:
I don't think anything about this. I would gladly accept a woman who was aggressive, argumentative or outgoing. Fiery, sure, hot-headed, sure. So long that she wasn't batshit insane, which some of those who market themselves as "aggressive" genuinely are (know that I am merely noting my experience, not accusing you in particular). Some things in life require a thoughtful and reasonable approach. I have no time to waste on people who have no self-restraint.IrisEver said:
Another thing to say is that I enjoy women who are as submissive as it gets, and then some. That is simply a personal preference. I don't relate it to masculinity, or to natural drives, or to "free spirit", or to other gender-based notions that some indulge in with pleasure. I am not to claim that it is wrong to be dominant woman; I just cannot have a romantic relationship with one. I treat my romantic interests as children, or as property. (Before this sets somebody off, let me note that I ensure that this is consensual. I would leave the relationship if it wasn't.) For me it is about a personal role, not gender roles.IrisEver said:
That is not to say that I want my women to lack personality. I can appreciate an aggressive, passionate, fiery character. But I am the one to have control.
I don't need, that is the thing. With need there is dependency. I think that a woman makes a nice addition to my life, like a painting to the wall.IrisEver said:
To some men, maybe. In childhood I never associated myself with boys. When I entered school, while the rest of the male part of my class was competing for female attention, I was sitting down quietly and doing something else. I can imagine how growing up in a group of guys can inspire fear of becoming a submissive male, especially now that in society, males who are submissive of their own volition are being put in the same group as males who are submissive because they dropped the ball.IrisEver said:
I'm never really going to be the more assertive person in any relationship I'm in, as I'm rather timid in nature so I think this sort of thing would keep a balanced dynamic in the relationship. In fact, I do find intimidating/aggressive women to be a turn on for me, so I'd be right one board for a relationship with one. To be honest, it would be good for me, I kind of need somebody to really give me a kick up the ass every now and then to motivate me a bit more. I'm reasonably accomadating and don't complain to much but that's not to say I'd be totally obsequious. If we're having a discussion about something and she's talking absolute bollocks, then I'll call her out on it, as we should be able to respectfully disagree on certain issues without making a big thing of it. I'm not really much of a violent person myself, but I don't mind if she gets rough with me, I guess is what I'm saying. As for your situation, maybe the guys you encounter think that aggressive women are more uptight and they're looking for someone they percieve to be more laidback and playful. There's a difference between being fiery and being a *****, perhaps there are times where you mean to be facetious but it just comes off as insulting. I don't know what your conduct around guy's is like though, so this is just guesswork.
I don't especially have a problem with violent women any more than I have a problem with violent men.
I dated a girl who was pretty violent, like, she left marks that were there for a month or more, and after that, it's very simple for me, no more. But that's my personal taste, and I do like women who are more aggressive than passive (partially because it lets me be passive.)
I think a lot of it has to do with personal taste, and people growing up expecting women to be more passive and such in the relationship, but also, some people like myself have no problem with aggression, even a little fun play violence, but when it gets serious and leaves really bad marks, from either one in a relationship, I think it's time to think about it. Unless you're both good with it. In which case, good on ya.
I dated a girl who was pretty violent, like, she left marks that were there for a month or more, and after that, it's very simple for me, no more. But that's my personal taste, and I do like women who are more aggressive than passive (partially because it lets me be passive.)
I think a lot of it has to do with personal taste, and people growing up expecting women to be more passive and such in the relationship, but also, some people like myself have no problem with aggression, even a little fun play violence, but when it gets serious and leaves really bad marks, from either one in a relationship, I think it's time to think about it. Unless you're both good with it. In which case, good on ya.
I love hanging around with girls like this. I tend to give my fair share of cutting remarks (jokingly), and the ones that can take it and dish it out are fun to hang around with.
I'd never date them though.
In my case, being bolshey and a bit rough around the edges gets you friendzoned. Not sure why.
I'd never date them though.
In my case, being bolshey and a bit rough around the edges gets you friendzoned. Not sure why.
I think you should steer away from from "violent" and stick with "aggressive". Guy or girl . . . violent generally means hitting or hurting people and I don't think that's what you really mean anyway.
If you're telling us you're not happy as a nurturing person and would rather be aggressive . . well you've answered your own question. It may take years, but you'll find someone who appreciates that in you.
If you're telling us you're not happy as a nurturing person and would rather be aggressive . . well you've answered your own question. It may take years, but you'll find someone who appreciates that in you.
I generally don't like aggressive people. No, wait, even "like" is too strong a word. Im not too fond of aggressive people, I suppose. I do my best in every situation I feel is getting tenser to calm everyone down with a joke or something the like. Man or woman makes no difference.
When it comes to aggressiveness in a partner, (which would be a woman, since I am straight) I am generally more attracted by the more laid-back. Sure, short arguments and stuff like that cant always be avoided with anyone, but I like it when people dont blow it out of proportion. I think Im really just describing an average-tempered person, come to think of it.
When it comes to aggressiveness in a partner, (which would be a woman, since I am straight) I am generally more attracted by the more laid-back. Sure, short arguments and stuff like that cant always be avoided with anyone, but I like it when people dont blow it out of proportion. I think Im really just describing an average-tempered person, come to think of it.
Isn't that what the "play" part is?Raesvelg said:
Don't be so surprised that play-fighting is so different from real fighting. The problem I see with guys over playfighting is their ego gets in the way, they can't just let the girl have some fun they take it like a serious challenge to their strength.
I obviously don't know much about you, but I did go out with a girl who was kind of wild and often tried to engage me in aggressive playfights. And I did get sick of her after a while. The problem was that, although she seemed to think of herself as aggressive and self-assured and confident and assertive (which is what attracted me to her in the first place), she was actually really insecure and clingy beneath it all. But I'm not sure if that had anything to do with being aggressive.IrisEver said:
I do know that there was one time we had a spontaneous, epic wrestling match in a park, and we ended up tearing up each other's clothes and having sex in the bushes. And it was great.
And I'm a fairly mild-mannered guy, so if I can end up being convinced to do that by a girl, any guy could.
But, like I said, she had some other problems.
A strong personality is fine, nothing wrong with that, and there are plenty of men out there that want an opinionated, strong woman. If you like violence, awesome, lots of guys will enjoy it with you. If you want to say "haha, shut up, asshole" and not think you're a *****, you're in luck! Lots of guys want their girlfriend to be a friend.
Physically, it's a completely different story. If you do get physical, there's a very likely chance HE has to stifle himself to make sure you don't get hurt. In general, woman are much smaller and weaker than men, and it's really annoying having someone punch you when you can't hit back, like a yappy dog. Now you may very well be pretty buff and can take a hit. If so, that's fine, although most men find muscular women unattractive because, well, muscle is a more masculine thing. Some men like it though, so shouldn't be a problem finding a partner if that's the case.
There's one girl I know that really annoys me. She always talks about how she can kick my ass because she took martial arts lessons. What she doesn't seem to factor in though is that I have actual fighting experience, at least 60 more pounds of muscle, and nearly a foot taller than her. It wouldn't be close, but I have to just stand there when she does her play-punches to make sure I don't hurt her. Don't be that person and everything should be fine.
Physically, it's a completely different story. If you do get physical, there's a very likely chance HE has to stifle himself to make sure you don't get hurt. In general, woman are much smaller and weaker than men, and it's really annoying having someone punch you when you can't hit back, like a yappy dog. Now you may very well be pretty buff and can take a hit. If so, that's fine, although most men find muscular women unattractive because, well, muscle is a more masculine thing. Some men like it though, so shouldn't be a problem finding a partner if that's the case.
There's one girl I know that really annoys me. She always talks about how she can kick my ass because she took martial arts lessons. What she doesn't seem to factor in though is that I have actual fighting experience, at least 60 more pounds of muscle, and nearly a foot taller than her. It wouldn't be close, but I have to just stand there when she does her play-punches to make sure I don't hurt her. Don't be that person and everything should be fine.
IrisEver:
My wife and I play-fight all the time, to the point of sparring. I think a big part of it is that men of this generation have been raised to believe that women are either a plaything (douchebags) or too far on the other side of the spectrum and are afraid to even raise their voice let alone a hand in self-defense for fear of being labeled abusive.
I've seen women who abused their submissive husbands to the point of stabbing or breaking bones, then telling the police that the man was the aggressor. Without fail, the man was put in jail (or prison in 2 of the cases I knew) and the woman was found without guilt.
Short version: It's a balancing act. Some men will beat the hell out of you if you challenge them, others will cower and snivel, but you sound like you need someone with a spine who you can butt heads with.
Keep looking, and be yourself. The right ones will come back because they like a challenge.
My wife and I play-fight all the time, to the point of sparring. I think a big part of it is that men of this generation have been raised to believe that women are either a plaything (douchebags) or too far on the other side of the spectrum and are afraid to even raise their voice let alone a hand in self-defense for fear of being labeled abusive.
I've seen women who abused their submissive husbands to the point of stabbing or breaking bones, then telling the police that the man was the aggressor. Without fail, the man was put in jail (or prison in 2 of the cases I knew) and the woman was found without guilt.
Short version: It's a balancing act. Some men will beat the hell out of you if you challenge them, others will cower and snivel, but you sound like you need someone with a spine who you can butt heads with.
Keep looking, and be yourself. The right ones will come back because they like a challenge.
That isn't violence, you might be hot tempered, aggressive, and enjoy play fighting, but that isn't violent. You might just about be able to scrape saying you had a violent temper but that's about it. I can understand what you're saying, you've explained it fine, just not with the word "violent".IrisEver said:
I'm aware of what it is, thanks. I'm also aware that it's really easy to hurt people when there's a significant disparity in size/strength, and while it can be fun in small doses, if it's a constant thing, eventually, it gets tiring and mistakes get made. And then people get hurt.Treblaine said:
I myself am a pacifist, I have trouble even being friends with other guys who are overly aggressive. I think this renders my opinion... invalid. Each to their own I guess. My gf is more vicious than I am, not in capability but in how how she uses it. She has no qualms about hitting someone, I on the other hand avoid violence wherever possible in real life. Animated / videogame / in my head, BRING ME MORE >
Violent people aren't necessarily bad people, but they can sometimes be difficult to be around. For someone to come across someone who has impulsive tendencies towards violent actions, they may do their best to steer clear of those types of people.
However, the only issue is that: alienation. Many people don't expect to come across some sort of conflict every time they are out on the town, and they will definitely stray away from those who may seem/are violent. This makes people who are not necessarily violent, but come with a short-fuse and a tendency to let their fists do the talking.
Unless you hang around a "tough crowd" or people who are willing to put up with your violent tendencies/demeanor, it will be difficult to interact with people in other social mediums (work, relationships, vacations, etc.).
Personally, you are who you are and no one should dictate who you should be or behave in society. Only know that your actions can get you in some undesirable situation and problems (like with any other lifestyle you chose to live your life). I have no problem with violent people, but once I feel like our relationship is being effected by violence, then I'm out, plain and simple.
However, the only issue is that: alienation. Many people don't expect to come across some sort of conflict every time they are out on the town, and they will definitely stray away from those who may seem/are violent. This makes people who are not necessarily violent, but come with a short-fuse and a tendency to let their fists do the talking.
Unless you hang around a "tough crowd" or people who are willing to put up with your violent tendencies/demeanor, it will be difficult to interact with people in other social mediums (work, relationships, vacations, etc.).
Personally, you are who you are and no one should dictate who you should be or behave in society. Only know that your actions can get you in some undesirable situation and problems (like with any other lifestyle you chose to live your life). I have no problem with violent people, but once I feel like our relationship is being effected by violence, then I'm out, plain and simple.
I like to be able to get into it and hurt, and I readily accept the possibility of being hurt myself in his retaliation. I am including pain infliction in my version of 'playfighting'. I wouldnt treat a man that way if he didnt want to allow for a certain amount of pain in the sparring, though. Not a pain fetish, just an allowance for the simple fact that aggressive sparring equals pain infliction a lot of the time. Again, I wouldn't even touch someone if they didn't want to be touched. If I had a relationship with someone, for instance, and it turns out that they didn't want to playfight at all.. I would never force them into it. I wouldn't even try and talk them into it if they were obviously against it.
But we probably couldnt be in a relationship either. It's in my nature to interact this way, along with the non-physical aspects.
I obviously wouldn't want to go all out and bust his face so he had to have a face transplant. I wouldn't flap my hands at his face or slap. I'm pretty sure that passes the point of him believing I respect him, and I couldnt destroy someone I loved. And again, that's not what Im talking about anyway.
But we probably couldnt be in a relationship either. It's in my nature to interact this way, along with the non-physical aspects.
I obviously wouldn't want to go all out and bust his face so he had to have a face transplant. I wouldn't flap my hands at his face or slap. I'm pretty sure that passes the point of him believing I respect him, and I couldnt destroy someone I loved. And again, that's not what Im talking about anyway.
