Violent women.

[RhombusHatesYou]

Sheesh... end of the day, if both people are having fun and aren't actually damaging each other, who really gives a fuck?

I've had girlfriends who liked a bit of playfighting... and, hell, as long as they accepted some basic rules, I was fine with it... the rules being (1) family jewels are off limits, (2) if I'm not in the mood it doesn't happen and (3) if they get too serious it stops immediately.

 

[Treblaine]

I've been using these forums for a while, but have changed my SN to break away from the people who don't share the same values. Start afresh, if you will.

I'm going to be straight with you guys. I'm not a calm, well-behaved lady. I can be quite fiery, quite aggressive, and you know what? I'm happy with that and who I am.

What I've found is, though, that people are not happy when women show even one ounce of strength or conviction in who they are. Even less so when they're aggressive rather than a pacifist. It's like men, in particular (if we're talking romantically) are looking for a relationship in which they are mothered. I'm not that sort of person, and don't want to be with someone who needs mothering. I've tried it once, it ended in disaster and I deviated so far from who I was, I just wasnt happy and neither was he. The relationship became monotone because I was so stifled by having to portray the 'expected' version of me.

So I come to you. What do YOU think about women with a more violent and hot-headed nature than the norm? Do you prefer women to be subtle? Mother you? Why do you prefer this? I'm supposing a lot of you play video games with particually 'strong' minded (and bodied) women, so when it comes to real life.. why do you want me down on my knees? (Hey, careful, I dont mean in that sense).

I'm not saying that I would go shank someone in the street or be completely irrational. I have a head on my shoulders. But I like violence (as play in a relationship, or as a happy relationship dynamic). I get a rise from it. And I'm fine with who I am.

Is it really so scary to men? I'm not looking for advice here, even though I do despair at the lack of relationship prospects for me. I can handle myself. I want insight into why so many men seem to need and expect passive women.

I have enough trouble with violent males to worry about violent females.

I don't suppose it is a problem to me as - get ready to be utterly shocked - I am a straight man who DOES NOT THINK OF EVERY WOMAN AS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR SEX!

I have great love for women, all women, without the next for the context of men or relationships with them. I am impressed by women being strong and independent, and frankly I get mad when they aren't. I definitely don't want to be mothered or be waited on.

Feminine violence is manageable and logical. But violent males, fucking hell, they are too much bullshit, they will fight, hurt and kill for no reason other than for the resulting suffering. They're god damn selfish in the extreme and seem to have a phobia of weakness, even in others; they'll beat up a little ginger kid just because "he's a little *****". Bullies like that can rot in prison for the rest of their life for all I care, and I have never ever seen any woman violent enough to victimise those they know are weaker than them.

Sometimes I wonder if this planet would be better off if all the males went extinct. Not through mass dying, that would be a tragedy, but just that male babies weren't born any more. Or like only one-in-5 babies born were male.

 

[IrisEver]

...right, you might have a skewed idea of what 'aggressive' is versus 'assertive.' The latter is a good thing. The former, usually not so much.

No, I don't think I have a skewed idea at all. I know what assertive is, I know what aggressive is.

My concern is that you're not talking about "strength [and] conviction." If the thread title is any indicator, you're confusing "outspoken" with "physically violent."

No, I'm saying both outspoken and physically violent. I'm not confusing anything.

Ugh. Again with the telling word choice. "Pacifist" does not mean "passive." It means "not-violent." What are you trying to describe yourself as? Violent, or assertive?

Violent and aggressive. I never once described myself as assertive. You're the one who threw that word on me just now.

You're still jumping around a lot when it comes to what exactly you're referring to. We can't make any statements without knowing what you're talking about.

I said it fine. I'm not jumping around. You're the one who made it seem so when you took my word 'aggressive' and replaced with with 'assertive'. If I meant 'assertive', I would have said 'assertive'.

I can be assertive also, however, but that's not what this thread is about.

...wonderful. If I'm working off this sentence alone, apparently you're a sadist. And that's not a positive character trait regardless of how "fine with who [you] are" you might be.

There are many more sentences in this thread.

From what you've described, you seem to think that being an impulsive sadist is somehow the same thing as being, say, outspoken.

You seem to think that being aggressive and having a like for violent playfights is the same as being a sadist. I can understand where your confusion comes from, but it's not my problem.

Look at it this way: would you enjoy dating someone who routinely assaults you? And then says that "I get a rise from it"?

As long as "assaults" were something mutual, something expected, something wanted and with someone I trusted.. then why the heck wouldn't I? If I had a relationship dynamic like that with someone and I enjoyed it, then yes.

If you mean "Would you enjoy being with someone who abuses you in ways you are not comfortable with in the least?" then no, I wouldnt like it. But that's also not what I'm talking about at all. To imply that this is what I'm talking about is to imply that I want someone to be terrified of me, that I want them to cower. If I wanted that, I wouldn't be bothered about finding a relationship with someone who had the same desires. I'd just go out and abuse some poor sap, and we wouldn't be discussing it on this thread.

 

[SonOfVoorhees]

snip

I'm happy with who I am, whoever that me is. If there's something I see wrong about me, I'll change it. I wont change just because someone else sees something wrong with me, though, if I don't agree with their judgement.

Am I proud of being a opinionated and hot headed person? Yes I am.

You say a strong man wouldnt accept my hot headedness. Why? Because being hot headed is the only sort of strength, so it means he must be hot headed too? I think not, sir. If he is, then we'll see how it goes. If he's not, then it doesnt mean he's not strong. That's like saying only tempermental women are strong, and not any other.

Im glad you are your own person, and strong enough to be yourself. Thats confidence, and men love that. Dont change. I guess this could be just a disagreement on how we see words, and how we use them. If you are a strong woman, and wont back down and will voice your opinion and argue it to the end if thats something your believe and feel strongly about. Then i applaud you. And all men should want a woman that isnt afraid to stand up for what she believes in. I think its just i see 'hot tempered' as in someone that will go crazy angry and over react over little things.

I say be yourself. Like the saying goes, its better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who your not. Or something like that.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

I have never ever seen any woman violent enough to victimise those they know are weaker than them.

I have and when it does happen it tends to leave all but the most brutal and vicious men behind in the dust for shear sadism.

 

[gallaetha_matt]

Didn't read the whole thread, sorry. Normally I'll read every post to make sure I'm not stepping on anybody's toes. But I wanted to get my opinion in here as quick as possible.

I think I see what you're saying. There's nothing wrong with who you are. In fact, I'd say it's pretty attractive. Most men would love a tough, strong willed woman. I know I would.

You remind me a lot of an ex-girlfriend of mine. She was really affectionate, kind and loving - but the first thing she did on our first date was punch me as hard as she could in the face. She wanted to see if I could take a punch. We used to take the piss out of each other a lot, like gentle mockery and that. If this ever got out of hand, or if one of us pretended that it got out of hand - we'd end up wrestling and mock fighting with each other. Laughing all the way through.

I wish I could tell you that I won most of them. I wish I could tell you that.

I tell ya if this girl was monogomous I'd still be with her now. She's one of my closest friends now though, so it all ended well.

So yeah, I don't think you're wrong at all. Most mature, sensible men don't want a mother figure anyway.

But I will say that no matter what your personality is, there's always going to be a lot of people that hate it. That's just par for the course when you assert yourself. It doesn't matter what gender you are. My ex-girlfriend from above for example didn't have a lot of friends and very few men could see past her 'punch in the face' test on the first date. But those friends she did have, and those men that stayed with her, were more loyal and trustworthy than a legion of casual acquaintances.

Your assertiveness and aggressive nature is very attractive (and I imagine most people have said the same thing already, so sorry if I'm repeating a point) and somebody is really gonna love you someday. Not like the fake love that a lot of relationships end up drowning in. You know what you want in a partner which is more than many of us can say. Go for it! Best of luck!

 

[Raesvelg]

My only real problem with play-fighting is that, well, the average woman (no offense) is so feeble, physically speaking, that even most of the ones who say "I like to play-fight!" really mean "I want you to defend yourself as gently as possible and make me feel like I'm accomplishing something!"

Being assertive, aggressive with your opinions, I've no problem with any of that. But someone who occasionally instigates physical conflict for fun had best be aware that, for me, it's very much an exercise in extreme control. If I respond, I have to be very careful, because I'll probably have around 100 lb (or ~46 kilos, if you prefer) of bone and muscle on you. I'm a big guy.

If I choose to move as fast as you do, you could get hurt quite easily.

 

[CManator]

Well tbh I like women who can think for themselves, are opinionated, and don't take crap from people. If i talk some good smack and her response is a witty retort or a mild slap on the arm or chest, it's a good thing. (I assume that's the kind of playfighting you're talking about?) Problem is, those type of women aren't really interested in me bc i'm rather timid and can't provide the excitement they tend to crave.

There's also the question of how far she would take it. You never know if that aggressiveness is part of being well rounded, or a sign of instability. If she's willing to hit for fun, how far would she go when angry? Would she punch me in an argument when I was showing no signs of physical violence myself? I've seen a couple women do this w my friends and frankly it scares me. I honestly don't know how I'd react if my gf hit me and i never want to find out.

Also, on a subconscious level, men tend to go after women like their mothers just like women tend to go after men like their fathers. In both cases it's because parents mold their expectations of what the opposite sex should be. That's also why people with bad parents are more likely to end up in bad relationships. I always wondered why some of the coolest women I know are with some of the biggest douchebags i've met and don't dump their sorry asses until shit gets way too real. Well, that is my answer as well as yours, OP.

It also doesn't help that i spent my teens living with my mother and was subjected to many romcoms, so even hollywood has skewed my perception of what women are/should be, as well as what they expect from me -_-

 

[UnderCoverGuest]

Men who don't realize women are equal to them in terms of willpower (but often times don't exert that willpower unless situation or circumstance calls for it) are egotistical pricks.

Men who cower upon the realization that a woman possesses equal willpower aren't men, they're pussies. Anywho, I need to eat lunch now.


...and on a side note, I know two lesbians at work and the gym, and they're the most independent and self-assertive women I've met. They're dedicated, they're tough, they're reliable, and on the whole two of the most distinguished women I know. Why do I bring it up? Dunno, but they're strong, just like many women are, but instead of containing that strength, they openly display it.

It's all about personality. Some people have personalities other people like, and some have personalities other people hate. Some peoples personalities are what cause them to like or dislike others with certain personalities, and sometimes people with a certain personality are considered pussies by others. Kids that go into my gym and walk around with their heads hunched and shoulders sloped don't get any respect by me unless they show the strength to straighten up and have a little dignity and courage--my god I'm going way off topic here, I need food.

...in short, showing your personality is a good thing. Self-assertion is a good thing. The fact that you're strong and show it doesn't make you egotistical, it's just you advertising your talents. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[Stephanos132]

though I do despair at the lack of relationship prospects for me. I can handle myself.

I'm sure you can... >.>

Terribly sorry, I couldn't resist.

Honestly, I think I would prefer raw upfront 'aggression' (placeholder while I think of a better word) to the sneaky, back stabbing ways of other females. Certainly the energy expended would be good for the figure of both parties. But, can't very well say, never really experienced it.

 

[Abedeus]

I spent half my young life dealing with tougher-than-average women. Probably because I don't feel comfortable around people weaker physically than me - usually I was afraid I'd hurt them by accident.

Except when a girl thinks swearing + smoking = aggressive. Sorry, nope. It's called weak-minded.

That's interesting. I actually agree that simply 'swearing and smoking' doesn't mean aggressive. But I'll have to disagree that they're necessarily weak minded. Well, smoking is if you're addicted and complain about being addicted. But smoking also has zero to do with aggression.

Swear words are just sounds that we've applied intense and passionate meaning to as a culture. They're not inherently wrong or the sign of a weak person. If it's all their vocabulary consists of, then I see where you're coming from. But the odd word of anger or passion? Nope. Not the sign of an aggressive or assertive person, but I don't think swear words necessarily take anything away from a personality as long as it's not "Jeremy Kyle guest" level.

I referred to smoking AND swearing, like TRYING to look badass and whatnot.

Smoking is being weak, though.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

long story short, i'd rather deal with a pacifist than someone who is so opinionated to the point that i am fearful for my own thoughts in that they will stab me in my sleep because i said something wrong that day.

that's how my mom is, and that's how some people i know are, and i fucking HATE being around them for more than a few hours at a time, it drives me absolutely up the wall.


why do i prefer this? idk, i'm pretty passive myself, and i don't mind having a good argument/exchange of ideas often enough, but if you are anything like the few friends or my mom, then you probably take it too far and hold grudges like a ************.


now i'm not saying you are this way, it's just alot of "dominant" women come across this way, and it's quite scary to be honest, and i tend to completely shut out any possibility of thinking of you more than the scary perosn you are to even consider dating you (not saying you you, just saying if you are like the person i was describing)


basically, in the long run, it causes much less stress, much less bullshit to deal with, and i just prefer passiveness to assertiveness

 

[Exius Xavarus]

The way I see it, women are beautiful however they are(unless they have a nasty, ugly attitude, then they, in turn, because nasty and ugly, to me. Physical attractiveness is directly related to attitude, to me). The only thing I want from a woman is to be treated kindly and fairly. If I upset you, then I do and I deserve the ire. But I can't stand when I get treated poorly simply because she's angry. Will not tolerate that. However, play fighting or just having fun doing things like wrestling, for example, or just horsing around is always fun to me. And honestly I find it kinda sexy when a girl can kick my ass, so + for her. : I don't care if women are assertive or aggressive, I just don't like when they're downright mean.

 

[Treblaine]

I have never ever seen any woman violent enough to victimise those they know are weaker than them.

I have and when it does happen it tends to leave all but the most brutal and vicious men behind in the dust for shear sadism.

Examples?

I don't hold much truck with extreme outliers like insanity. They're outliers.

Well the college I got to almost everywhere I hear about is people beating little guys up for the most petty reasons. I've worked in a hospital treating so many cases of men being sadistically violent without reasons.

I have seen a continuous and unbroken trend of this kind of sadistic violence in males, appeased and supported by other males that makes me lose faith in all mankind. I wonder if humanity were able to sustain with just females would the better part of humanity be saved than if all females went extinct? If I had to chose to save all males or all females I know which one I'd chose and it has nothing to do with chivalry. It's sheer practicality.

 

[Crazycat690]

Well I for one like "violent" women, if they are subtle as you say it, I get extreamly annoyed.

...Hope that answers your question somewhat

 

[ThreeWords]

Is it really so scary to men?

Personally, I'm more interested in people who'll fight me, be it physically or mentally. I don't need the company of yes-men and kitchen bound maids. Violent depends, I suppose; are we talking aggressive and sadistic, or unafraid of your own physical power? If the second, welcome; I can't find enough people who are that comfortable with themselves.

As for my choice in partner, it's the psychological version that matters; I want to be challenged. You need to be not only willing but able to keep me on my guard the whole time.

 

[Vivace-Vivian]

Violence is bad no metter who you are. Will and strength? Those are things everyone should strive for.

 

[IrisEver]

So you're like, a Klingon woman? Maybe you should get away from gamer guys, since most of them can be out muscled by lemurs, and focus on meeting some guys who play rugby or Klinzha-kinta or something and like women who can keep up with them.

I dont find muscles that physically attractive. Sadface. But I suppose that's second to finding a man I can have a real connection with.

I also dislike those sorts of sports. I like video games. That's just a hobby I'd like to share with a partner, but obviously unrelated to this thread.

I am now also amused by the realistion that I "like" all the wrong things and "dislike" all the wrong things for what I want. And that made no sense. Oh well. Forever alone.

 

[ItsAChiaotzu]

Uh, I don't like to think of people as one dimensional like, pacifist and violent people, there are various facets to everyone's personality.

That being said, my general experience of people who say they're fiery and dominant is that they're arseholes who aren't respectful of others. Not saying that's what you are OP, I'm just saying that's my experience.

 

[Raika]

I'm going to be straight with you guys. I'm not a calm, well-behaved lady. I can be quite fiery, quite aggressive, and you know what? I'm happy with that and who I am.

Personally, I think this is probably the sexiest way I've ever seen a woman describe herself. Aggressive, angry women are extremely attractive to me(like, it's a serious fetish), and I support the concept philosophically because I think it's bizarre that binary gender roles still exist. These are modern times. This isn't 1955 when women were property. Even now, women are flying airplanes, and deciding when to execute people. It's pretty sweet.

I'm an angry lesbian, though, so I guess a niche opinion doesn't count for much.