What's this? A wall of text. Well fuck me, I've never done that before.
I usually try to keep my personal life away from forums and the Internet in general. But hey, may as well share this one time.
Well, my upbringing wasn't the best. It all kind of started off at birth. I was an unwanted child, the condom broke and my mother refused to have an abortion (the same happened to my brother). Then for the first 6 years of my life I suffered neglect from both parents, as they were constantly arguing and shouting.
When I was 6 they divorced and I was asked which parent I wanted to live with. At the time I was shit scared of my intimidating and aggressive father who would have a go at me because I couldn't do my alphabet backwards, I was 6. So, My brother being the oldest picked my father as he thought he would get more freedom in his life, and I picked my Mother. I said I picked her because I wanted each parent to have a child and it wasn't a lie; that was what I wanted to happen. If my brother had picked my mum, I would have chosen my father. That's what I saw as fair.
The weeks were split between parents, who had by now each found new partners. So I had to continuously change between houses; and each house I lived in was a completely new life style. My Mother?s was a strict and closed environment where the outside was completely off limits. But that was because a paedophile lived just down the road. (This is understandable now, but not when I was a child). Everything had to be monitored to ensure my safety, I wasn?t allowed to do certain things, I had to spend time with the family that I hate. On the other hand my father?s was an open free environment. I was literally able to travel miles from home with friends as long as I was back by 9. Christ, I even got to watch 18 rated films. Bruce Lee films where people?s hearts were ripped from their chest. This was awesome, but still 7-year-old children shouldn?t be able to watch that. (Oh yeah, and on a side note, this is where gaming came into my life. The Sega Mega drive was only way I could get away from the reality of living at either parent?s house).
Skipping forwards a little bit, because every minor thing that made me hate life just a little bit more in that period of time is not worth mentioning. Let?s just assume that it was an all round a pretty horrific time. Eventually my mother decided to move to another city. Of course this basically ensured that I would never see any of my friends ever again. However it did tare me away from my shitty, bully infested school life and dropped me into a completely new one. Suddenly school wasn't shit anymore. It was still pretty bad, but I enjoyed going there and didn?t cling to doorframes when being pulled into the car. It took me about 2 weeks to make any friends and the friends that I did make were not the right ones. No offence to them, they were great guys. But being associated with them made the teachers suddenly assume that I was a complete dick. So, here we go again. School isn't shit because of the bullies any more; it's shit because of the teachers.
Then when I got home, I was greeted by a relationship that had grown stale between both my Mother and Step-Father. It was like my Mum had never really left my Dad. Just gone and found a lesser version of him and to this day, they ask allowed "Why did I ever see it necessary to Marry you?"
So, to quickly summarise, my primary school life (in both schools) was shit, and eventually I moved on to Secondary school. That was a dream come true. I loved it and it was always good. I wasn't bullied by either the students or the Teachers. No, I was put through emotional torture by the ones I called my friends, but after a while I left them and moved on to others who actually treated me like a person. Skipping that, this was coming close to the part where I caught Meningitis. I stayed in a hospital for 2 weeks scared that I was going to die with weeping parents all around me. On the up side, I got to watch Dragon Ball Z for hours on end each day. So that was awesome.
I was around 13 when things started to actually look a bit brighter. I had an assortment of a few close friends, who I still have to this day. School life was good. However, home life was still pretty bad. I had stressed out parents on either side of the family, which made weekends the things I dreaded the most. I was a stressed teen as well, as a result I ended up spending my nights in my room, playing the Ps1 and enjoying myself. My parents saw this enjoyment and disapproved, making me spend more time downstairs with the very reason I went upstairs. Fun fun fun.
Again, skipping a load of shit I either won?t or can?t be arsed to talk about? I am 16 at this point. I find a lump, I go to a Doctor, and he thinks its cancer. Oh wonderful. A month passes, I get a scan. Thank Christ, it?s not Cancer. 2 Weeks later I am told I have an auto immune Disorder. That basically means that my immune system had gone haywire and was trying to attack my kidneys. WHAT THE FUCK?! Fortunately, I managed to get through it, with many illnesses all the way through, because my immune system refused to fucking work.
This basically brings me up to date. There is some stuff I refuse to put in because I don?t want to share it. Some of It?s pretty sensitive. My younger year?s haven?t exactly crippled me, but it?s been a pretty shit childhood. I would like to think of it as character building, but years of my father calling me fat, and my step father calling me a messy lazy **** hasn?t really allow me to gain and self respect or confidence. Instead I just hate who I am. Although, In some ways it has made me appreciate all the good stuff that has happened. I thanks who ever the fuck made those good things happen, or else I would hav topped myself. (Jut as another side note; I no longer feel the same way I did about my dad. In fact, I really get on with my dad now, that has genuinely helped.)
And people still ask me why I am a pessimist. I just want to point at my family when that happens.
Also, I haven't proof read this, because it's not really important enough to me. So if there is something you can't read, or a fuck-off load of spelling mistakes. Sorry.
