What's the point of having a girlfriend/boyfriend?

[Ledbetter]

Dude, really? You shouldn't have asked that, I mean, its a relationship with someone of the opposite gender, what can you do with that? oh yeah SCREW!

 

[Lilani]

-snip-

Every person is different. It is common to seek companionship, but I know plenty of people well into their 20s who want to stay single. And I am certain many before you have felt the same way. You aren't the first to not want companionship, and you won't be the last.

Personally I have a boyfriend and I love it, but I'm just sort of a warm and fuzzy kind of person. I like giving affection to others, and I love to receive affection as well. But that's just not for everyone. So just do what makes you happy You're already off to a great start in that you are alright with what makes you happy. Just don't get to be like that guy in Welcome to the NHK. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Welcome_to_the_N.H.K.]

Anyway, to answer your question, the point of a girlfriend and boyfriend is to be in a relationship. To exchange companionship and affection, and perhaps even one day get married.

I have posted this video on these forums way too many times, but I feel it's appropriate here. Maybe this will illuminate the idea behind being in a relationship for you a bit.

 

[Lilani]

A lot of people think instantly about the sex. But the truth is because it's nice to have someone you can go to no matter what. Someone who will help you burden the weight of your world. At least that's how I see it.

Thank you! It sort of disgusts me how many of the posts here just say sex and leave it like that. Sure that's how SOME boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are, but those aren't relationships that actually last. Being in a long-term relationship is a lot more than being fuck-buddies. It has to be, or else it won't be long-term.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

First off, I don't want to make this thread about me, but I feel I should give context to my viewpoint by explaining two things about me...

If I fall for someone it tends to be that I just feel happy when they are around and sad when they aren't. I'm a lot like you OP and I really love time to myself. Men often take this as I'm not interested. Not to mention I play computer games alot in my spare time which isn't exactly sociable.

I haven't been very lucky the people I fall for never like me back and the one guy who I didn't really like, but I gave a chance to, ended up hitting me all the time. He didn't like that I was depressed about my dad dying of cancer.

I like being alone but at the same time I get lonely and people think I'm wierd for not having a boyfriend or kids. My sister being the most popular woman I know doesn't really help people's expectations of me.

tl;dr: I know how you feel

 

[Blow_Pop]

Much as I'd love to be able to be reclusive as hell and not have to be around others I unfortunately need touch. Even as simple as today. Hung out with a guy friend of mine and sat next to him and both of us played games on our separate laptops and our knees were touching. Weren't really talking to each other just focused on our own games. That's about the most companionship I really need/want. Oh and sex. Though for me its not about looks. It is more on intelligence, creativity, and being a gamer/nerd/geek. I like my own company. As long as I have books/games/something I can be doing/working on(including cleaning) I'm fine with myself. Unfortunately without touch I start going crazy and ....yeah......not a fun state of mind to be in.

 

[TechPulse]

Actually having someone to trust when you need them there. Sure, not all relationships work that way, but if you can't trust the person your "fucking", then how do you know if they don't have STDs for instance? I mean...a relationship requires more time and effort, but that's the joy of it, right? Being able to say you made it work, and that you love someone dearly, and trust them with everything you have. <3

 

[Nieroshai]

Aside from the sex and all, my biggest reason is that I feel loved, by someone who will always be there for me.

 

[SirDoom]

What's the point? An emotional connection, combined with intimate moments and just generally being around another awesome person all the time. What more could you ask for?

But you can't really judge relationships without having one. If all you've had are bad ones, you won't have a very good opinion of them. If all you've had are good ones, then... well, I need to learn your secret =)

My real answer- Um... well, when it works, you end up with a person you can talk to all night long, and want to. You can have long deep conversations, and also joke around. They're a person you can find comfort in on bad days, and a person you love comforting on their bad days. A person to share both silly and intimate moments with.

When it *doesn't* work though... well, it's easy to see why some people don't have high opinions of relationships. If, for example, you get in a relationship with an awesome person who has one little flaw- not being very communicative, for example, that entire list of positives just kind of collapses. There are no deep conversations if she won't pick up the phone. Talking all night is out, and "talking once a week, if you're lucky" is in. You can't really comfort her or be comforted by her on bad days because you never know what's going on, and you're really going to miss out on the good moments of being together, since they're all crammed into a few hours every other weekend. Overall, not a positive experience. This isn't a bad person either- It's an awesome person with one semi-major flaw. Yeah, you can see how easy it is for this type of thing to not work.

 

[Lilani]

That's what I tell my friends who are in relationships based around sex. I say it won't last but they don't believe me. Then after 3-5 years of ups and downs they have a hard break up for both of them and then they start bad mouthing and cursing each endlessly. Maybe i'm just more understanding of emotion and love then they are.

I think that is one of the main downsides of this more "sexually liberated" age we're going into. More people are open about sex, both in action and communication, which aren't inherently bad things. However, it has caused many to get it in their heads that sex is the linchpin of a relationship. Since sex has been put in the forefront of a relationship in popular media these days, many actually believe that sex IS the most important thing. They've forgotten all about compatibility and compromise.

Plus, I think the whole sex-first thing has caused them to think about relationships in a very short-term manner. It's all about that instant gratification sex gives, and how it can quickly end an argument without actually having to get into the nitty-gritty emotional stuff that caused it in the first place. They basically use the sex as scotch-tape to hold the whole thing together. Whenever things get bad, they just put on a little more scotch-tape. Whether or not they want to spend their life with this person and grow old together is the last thing on their mind.

So yes, it's nice that we can talk about sex more openly now, but now we need to get our shit together and re-learn what it means to love someone with your heart, not with your genitals.

 

[geK0]

Biological impulses tell me that I'm supposed to put something into them.....Also, being alone gets boring = \

 

[hink86]

All I can say I love my future wife to be for many reasons, but mostly because we have alot in common which makes things feel so much better.Just picturing her face can make a hell on earth day seem better and that is why a girlfriend/wife is important I think. Don't get me wrong I wasn't always like this. Past relationships seemed pointless to me but things change appartenly. Give it time is all I can think of. BTW we both are a bit reclusive togeather...if that makes sense.

 

[Ninjat_126]

~extensive snip~

I'm not particularly interested in sex or relationships. Not to the same extent as you, but sometimes I wonder what all the obsession is.

That said, one of the main reasons people start dating other people is for sex. If you're not interested in that, you probably won't be too interested in a relationship.

 

[TheLoneBeet]

My friends think I'm fucked up when I say it's not about the sex. I like sex. It's just not what I'm there for it's like a bonus (which is the way I think it should be).

Honestly though, I like the feeling that somebody cares for me. I like it when somebody is happy just because I'm around or the thought that somebody finds me attractive. Don't get me wrong. I don't need the approval. I'm content enough with myself to basically live without shame and I often say really douchey things like "Damn I'm pretty" etc. I just like the thought of somebody enjoying me as much as I do.

However, I suck at taking compliments. I'm modest as hell if somebody says I look good or that I'm doing something well etc. Weird. This makes it hard for people to actually express interest in me. I often take longer than I should to notice somebody is interested and if I'm lucky it's before we've settled into being friends.

 

[The King of Rock and Roll]

To not be a lonely, angsty teenagers.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

I have a girlfriend because she makes me happy. She is a genuinely fun person to be with, and hanging out with her is pretty much always better than being alone.

My response entirely. My GF makes me feel very special and I enjoy spending time with her. We aren't letting the relationship consume our own lives, we're merging parts together and enjoying every moment we have together and apart.

Oh and sex. Sex is goooooooooooood.

[sub]So I hear...[/sub]

 

[Delsana]

Generally it's intended to develop into a marriage and thus extreme inseparability due to love.

That usually leads to sex after marriage, as well.

 

[Delsana]

Generally it's intended to develop into a marriage and thus extreme inseparability due to love.

That usually leads to sex after marriage, as well.

First off, I don't want to make this thread about me, but I feel I should give context to my viewpoint by explaining two things about me...

Spoiler: Spoiler-tagged, so you're not hit with a wall of text

Firstly, I'm quite reclusive. It's previously been the source of much embarrassment and self-loathing because almost everyone puts pressure on me to "come out of my shell" (especially in Ireland, where being reclusive is so unheard-of people treat it like being a heroin addict or something), but in the last few years I've come to the realisation (after trying to force myself to be more sociable and failing on many occasions), that being reclusive is an integral part of who I am. In fact, I've decided to be proud of the fact that I'm secure in myself enough to enjoy my own company, and I think it's kind of pitiable when people need to spend every waking moment with another person because they're too dull or afraid to be alone with themselves.

Secondly, contrary to what you might be thinking, girls often come on to me. I went through a bit of an ugly phase in secondary school, so I know what it's like to be invisible to women. But it built character, and now the compensatory charm and humility that came with being unattractive works to magnify my current handsomeness. Plus there's about a dozen other ways in which I'm awesome (my sense of modesty still needs work though). It's funny how much nicer women are to me now that I'm one of the hot guys, though. They're just as bad as men when it comes to thinking with their reproductive organs, really.

Anyway, I don't really understand what the point of being in a relationship is, at least at my stage in life (21-year-old college student). I love that feeling, when everything you're supposed to do is done, and you have a whole day to spend on yourself, doing whatever you want. I tend to begrudge anything or anyone that tries to take it away from me. And I especially resent it when people feel entitled to my free time. Of the few relationships I've started, they inevitably end because the girl wants to waste an entire day "just hanging out", and either I refuse and she gets pissed off, or I relent and end up thinking of her as a chore. Are all relationships like that? Am I just being uncompromising?

A lot of my friends are starting to get girlfriends/boyfriends, and when I ask them why, they say things such as "for the sex" or "it's like having a friend you can screw" or "it's so nice to have someone to cuddle and get affection from" or "someone to pick you up when you're feeling down" (here's a fun game: guess the genders of the speakers!). But I don't really feel the need for any of that. And I have a suspicion that's the key word: need. I have a theory that all relationships (romantic or otherwise) are formed on the basis of mutual need. And, being content on my own, I don't really feel the need for a girlfriend. But maybe that's just me rationalising my own failure to commit (as a pop psych women's mag dating columnist might say).

What do you think? What's the point of being in a relationship? What do you gain out of it (or hope to gain out of it, if you're not in one)? And what do you lose out of it? Is it worth it?

Also, it's entirely possible you're just not mature enough to be able to devote time to something without feeling it's a bother to you.

The best question would be to ask what you would do with your time other than "hang out with her for the day".

Because if it's just game, or goof off, or masturbate... you really have no point, and if it's cure the common cold, then you shouldn't be on here.

Propagation eventually comes into play as well.

 

[henchman4life]

I have never seen a point in having one. My friends who are girls are just fine, and I'm pretty much over sex. (after the dozenth time it lost it's charm) Waste of time I say.

 

[GigaHz]

It's not overrated.

Anyone who thinks that is just bitter or in denial (or they are possible asexual, which sort of removes them from the equation anyway).

But, it is definitely not essential. Some people are of the mentality that if you're not in a relationship or single for far too long, you are some kind of loser. These people are sad and should be ignored. There is nothing wrong with being single and it is something that should be publicly acknowledged as positive. To me, there is nothing more pathetic than a person who jumps from failed relationship to failed relationship out of fear of being labelled a loser.

About your question, I can't say "you hook up for X reason" because everyone hooks up for different reasons. Some people have relationships that are just about sex and vanity, others prefer communication, and others can enjoy the best of both worlds.

It is rooted in how we are designed biologically. Our sexual equipment is designed to be complimentary. Therefore, nature intended us to have sex with each other (obviously). But, we are no longer cavemen. We have evolved beyond primal instincts of just doing the nasty and going on our merry way. Relationships have become more than just a physical connection, it is emotional and psychological as well. It also allows us the opportunity to share our lives and experiences with someone who is similar but different. It sounds cliche, but your "other half". Dating is the pursuit of the other half and it's not someone you're likely to find on the first try. So, people continue to date and hook up.

Let's face it. Every single one of us wants to be understood to some degree. No one wants to live their lives completely alone.

That's pretty much all there is to it.

 

[chuckman1]

So you won't be lonely