Why bother making 'friends'?

[Zack Alklazaris]

When your young your peers are too busy trying to figure themselves out whether through their own pursuits or copying others. Its all very chaotic and I can understand why you would want to avoid it. Have you considered online friends? While some may find it uncomfortable I had a few online friends when I was a kid, ranging in age from 15 to 48. (I was a big science nerd and unfortunately only people twice my age seemed to comprehend what I was saying) And they wont leave you just because they move.

Denying yourself friendships can be an awful path to follow. I didn't have any real life friends all throughout grade school and most of high school. I found most of the students there were immature idiots with no possible connection to myself that a friendship could stem from. I had a very painful, lonely childhood and my top advice would be to avoid that at all cost. I'm now 25 and socially awkward. I never learned "what to do when" and am terrible at reading people. I know you don't want to hear it and my 14 year old self would probably punch me in the balls for saying this, but I would say force yourself into friendships. If anything else, but to learn.

College gets a little better, eventually you'll find people who have their shit straightened out enough where they make worthy friends. Plus you'll meet far more people who have your interest. Hell I went college where people got into arguments over video games and movies and we could still talk about the possibility of the universe ending through black hole expansion. And if connection isn't what your looking for it never hurts just to have someone who you can call at anytime day or night that is willing to help you out.

 

[Sectan]

Ehhh...Can't really give any friend advice. I have 1 totally awesome friend and that was by accident. If people talk at you then talk back. Might be interested in what they have to say.

 

[Gazzoid]

Regardless of how old, or where the OP is in his/her life, I agree with them. Back when I was at school I had loads of so-called 'friends' and we had a laugh; the same goes for college too. As I got older, I realized and learnt that they weren't 'true' friends, they didn't/don't give a damn about me, they don't get in touch even when they have the means to (facebook, email, phone number etc.), and/or I never see them again.

As much as I WANT/NEED friends and a social life, I just can't seem to get them/have it. I find it much harder now than I used to to make friends. I'm also afraid of getting too close to people and being hurt or disappointed.

On the other hand, I can survive without people; I enjoy my own company.

 

[Chased]

If you're having trouble making friends here's a helpful gaming comparison:

The first time I installed Steam I was reluctant to buy anything, I was afraid that I might loose my credit card info or that my account would be compromised. When I finally did purchase something, all that fear washed away and I started buying stuff on a regular basis.

You might be afraid to move out of your comfort zone to make a friend. It can be a daunting task since you have no idea how the person may respond. Despite this, the first time you do take that step forward you'll feel a lot more confident about doing it again.

 

[Brutal Peanut]

I think the problem with forming friendships for some, is that people tend to have extremely high expectations for friends that aren't based in reality or they never look ahead to the future. Your life doesn't or hasn't changed yet - so why should you expect theirs to?

Some expect that friend to only think of them, to hang out with them at every single opportunity, and they feel betrayed at times when they weren't actually betrayed. Life changes. People move and/or they receive opportunities that force them to focus their attention elsewhere for a short to extended period of time. Because you haven't seen someone in awhile, or occasionally send e-mails back and forth, doesn't mean they aren't your friend anymore. Or because you aren't on their mind constantly and they aren't texting you or sending you social networking messages everyday, doesn't mean they've specifically gone out of their way to betray you.


If you do happen to never see that person again, and you had a great friendship, just be happy that the time you had together was pleasant and you had a great experience and connection with another human being.

 

[NathLines]

It's pretty damn easy if you're a PC gamer; just use Skype and you'll probably never lose contact. I'm on my PC often and so are my friends, so we might as well talk/play together.

 

[MammothBlade]

Of anything I've learned in my short stay on this planet its that people are temporary, disposable, and possibly garbage. Knowing this makes it hard for me to want to bond with people knowing that given a few months to a couple of years I will never see or hear from them again. I wish it wasn't this way, but I've learned though pattern recognition that making friends is pointless, to the point where 'friend' becomes a misnomer.

I'm wondering what others think about this (and I know I'm going to get a shit-storm of people who are going to be all 'you socially-misaligned misanthrope' on this.) I admit that I sometimes feel lonely and I do have a few people I hang around with, but I'm not friends with them: I just hang around them. There is no sense of comradely or connection, and I don't think I fit in with them anyways. There will be no hard feelings when it comes that I never see them again. I have formed emotional bonds with people before, and at best I had to feel the heartache of never seeing someone I was close to again, and a worst had this relationship betrayed, so why bother anymore if its just going to end in pain?

I, too, think making friends will just end badly. Well, I have Severe Social Anxiety Disorder and other lovely afflictions of the mind so, add that to poor social skills in general, I find it extremely hard to make friends. Every failure connecting with people is just negative reinforcement. I have one or two "friends" IRL who I've known for a while, but I just don't have any sort of rapport with them. I just nod along and pretend to be amused. We've mostly drifted apart. Maybe I need better friends, but I... don't know how. So as a result, I just expect to be betrayed at every turn, and expect friendships to be shallow and temporary. =/

 

[Urgh76]

Dexter called. He wants to be your friend.

I lol'd. Well done.

OT: As has been said before..... they make life well worthwhile.

You just have to meet the right ones and essentially everything will change.

That may sound corny and Dinsey-esque, but believe me, I know what I'm talking about.

Friends will appear who'll protect you, and make you smile every day. Friends whom you should be calling family! You just have to keep looking.

 

[scw55]

Life is full of people who are cunts and remain cunts. Cunts who become friends. Friend who become cunts. And friends who stays friends.
Don't let your experience of misfortune enbitter you. Use it as experience to choose your friends more wisely in the future.

I've had many good friends lost due to circumstances out of my control, such as moving away when young (pre skype and MSN and facebook) or simply disagreement with life philosophy and priorities (he believes everyone is good natured and priorities his girl friend over everything else, to the extent he alienates his friends and family). I've also maintained a handful of good friends. There is no such thing as a 'best friend'. I've had 'best friends' but we've drifted apart due to life. There is only 'good friend'.

 

[deus-ex-machina]

People like you make me worry about high schools. Please don't purchase a gun. You're either of that particular age where stubbing your toe can make you suicidal or I'm just very sad for you. Life doesn't last, neither does friendship. People leave, people die, people drift apart for no good reason. But perhaps you just haven't met very good people. I always thought that there would be someone else for everyone on the planet. Someone, somewhere is just as messed up as you and together you can fix each other.

 

[garjian]

Of anything I've learned in my short stay on this planet its that entertainment is temporary, disposable, and possibly garbage. Knowing this makes it hard for me to want to play video games or watch movies knowing that given a few months to a couple of years the fun will be over, and i will be playing new games to entertain myself. I wish it wasn't this way, but I've learned though pattern recognition that entertaining yourself is pointless, to the point where entertainment becomes a time waste.

I'm wondering what others think about this

Fixed.

As for what i think about this, if the above sarcasm wasn't clear, I'm going to tell you a startling realization:
You are soon going to learn that all good things in this world exists in a temporary state at best.

- Friends are a temporary luxury.
- Sex or masturbation is temporary pleasure.
- Videogames, movies, stand-up comedy etc. is temporary entertainment.
- Food with great taste is temporary pleasure until swallowed.
- Fun is a temporary state until you get bored.
- Feeling energized is a temporary state until you get tired.
- Vacation is temporary relaxation until you go back to work
- Life is a temporary period that is going to end sooner or later at any rate.

That doesn't mean you can't enjoy these things while they last. So i suggest you do.

While i agree with the OP, i agree with this too...
its a constantly depressing thought that casts a shadow over everything at the time when i start thinking like this... and i was pretty seriously depressed for about 4 years thinking like this.

I dont make friends either... not because they are temporary, but because i dont really enjoy having friends... I dont like having to compromise when im around them, i dont like dealing with their petty problems and stories, i dont like having to make the effort in order to get the benefits of friendship out. I do like studying people though, and its never nice to be totally alone...
I tend to make pretend bonds with people... i simply act like i really like them... of course, i rarely do anything they ask and if theyre not doing something that i happen to want to do or vice-versa then wed separate until that isnt the case... When the cause is gone (College, School, Internets, whatever...) i forget they exist.

This stems from the fact that my first friends were incredibly close to me, and they just disappeared. one went to another university and i never even heard from him again, another moved on to other friends right in front of me while i was at college with him. It didnt take me too long to realise you can act like a friend to somebody and get most of the benefits (particularly if theyre submissive and you can order them around easily), without having any emotional connection that will eventually go sour.

 

[Halceon]

Oh, look! All the others are callous, cruel assholes who reject all humanity. Clearly the best idea is to be more like them.

4. SO MANY SOUR GRAPES! Just look at them, their everywhere!

And this.

 

[Naeras]

The trick is to not make friends with people that are complete and utter shitheads. There are actually some of them lying around as well. ;3

 

[Dectomax]

Quote for attention

You remind me of me, when I was at school. For the most part, you're right. In a few years maybe you wont talk to any of them again, but maybe you'll spend the rest of your life knowing atleast one.

I wasn't much of a people person at school - I kept my head down, done my work and got bullied just like everyone else. Maybe it was my own fault that happened, I tried to break away from the social norm - but alas, sidetracked. You're time at school is, in my opinion, one of the most crucial times in your life. You learn many things and you learn much about yourself. You may not want or need many friends, but I can guarantee you at some point you will.

I view school friends as just that, school friends - Y'know, they're not "that" important. If you have to make a life-changing choice or do something with them, you make the life-changing choice. THOUGH, you may also meet one of the single most awesome people ever also. In primary school (7-11) I met one of my best mates - for the 5 years of that school, we stood by each other, then we went to secondary (11-16) and again, we were both there. We were like brothers. We'd have taken a bullet for one another. Hell, I still know this guy now. We don't speak much anymore, such is life, but we haven't forgotten out school years. That's 12 years I've known him. That's more than some marriages last.

At the end of the day, not all people feel the need to interact and socialize with others. That's just who they are. There's nothing wrong with you at all, but don't just ignore people altogether, because you could meet one of the most awesome people ever and trust me, knowing you have someone who would gladly give his right arm for, is a good feeling.

 

[VeneratedWulfen93]

Watch MLP...it answers all.

 

[KAPTAINmORGANnWo4life]

Seems about right.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

Here's what I think.

I think you're a little attention hungering kid who says he doesn't want friends so he can look like the "lone wolf". Stop playing Final Fantasy, and don't post these kinds of threads on the Escapist.

If you feel so strongly about it you might aswell just buy a razor and be done with it.

Too far. You're reported.


@OP: The best part of your little pity party is that you've missed a vital ingredient for making friends.

You yourself have to be able to offer them something on some emotional level, it isn't a one-way street there you selfish child.

If you only view friends as givers then you need to rethink your worldview.

 

[Awsomeotaku]

Because now matter what happens, being lonely is usually worse than a bunch of drama llama's.

 

[Trull]

One does not make friends, one becomes friends. You do not try, it simply happens.

 

[Krm3lg4r73n]

I think you might have a nihilistic attitude towards friendship, though I'm not an expert on the topic.
But I thought I recognized a few things from my philosophy classes here.


"[Nihilism is] a condition of tension, as a disproportion between what we want to value (or need) and how the world appears to operate."
- Friederich Nietzsche

"Nihilism is the philosophical doctrine suggesting the negation of one or more putatively meaningful aspects of life."
- Wikipedia


Don't let yourself get talked down, there were many people thinking like this in history and they were nither emos nor in highschool.

Just read up on the topic, there are tons of literature on this, written by extremely intelligent people.

Watch MLP...it answers all.

and of course this.