Why bother making 'friends'?

[NoNameMcgee]

Also, I'm about 90% sure you're about 15 or 16 right? Yeah you'll grow up eventually.

Those were the days. You know, sometimes you just have to look back at your teenage angst and think, 'Wow... I was a dickhead.'

Yup, I think back now on how I was in high school and a bit after, I wasn't so different from the OP. These days I realise firstly what a complete and utter moron I was, even though of course I thought I was one of the most intelligent people around, including thinking I knew everything and had all the world knowledge possible. Secondly I realise how immature and unlikeable I was.

Of course its not too unacceptable to have issues like this when you're too young to know better, but I never really had adults telling me what a twat I was being. The OP is having the luxury of that in this very thread, so lets hope s/he listens and processes that information..

If we are wrong and the OP is actually an adult, well, apologies for the assumption OP, but thats even worse and you've got a pretty lonely life ahead of you.

 

[DonMartin]

Of anything I've learned in my short stay on this planet its that entertainment is temporary, disposable, and possibly garbage. Knowing this makes it hard for me to want to play video games or watch movies knowing that given a few months to a couple of years the fun will be over, and i will be playing new games to entertain myself. I wish it wasn't this way, but I've learned though pattern recognition that entertaining yourself is pointless, to the point where entertainment becomes a time waste.

I'm wondering what others think about this

Fixed.

As for what i think about this, if the above sarcasm wasn't clear, I'm going to tell you a startling realization:
You are soon going to learn that all good things in this world exists in a temporary state at best.

- Friends are a temporary luxury.
- Sex or masturbation is temporary pleasure.
- Videogames, movies, stand-up comedy etc. is temporary entertainment.
- Food with great taste is temporary pleasure until swallowed.
- Fun is a temporary state until you get bored.
- Feeling energized is a temporary state until you get tired.
- Vacation is temporary relaxation until you go back to work
- Life is a temporary period that is going to end sooner or later at any rate.

That doesn't mean you can't enjoy these things while they last. So i suggest you do.

Well said. Quite similarly, most bad things in this world exist in a temporary state as best. Actually, pretty much everything is temporary and constantly changing.

So writing something off as just bad or just good is quite silly, OP. I order this thread not to become silly again.

 

[Scarim Coral]

For your information you had made this thread three times! You could of inform the mods to locked the other two and before you ask, I already posted my opinion in one of them (I didn't see this one) so I'm not going to repeat myself.

 

[Timmons]

try having no friends. i assure you its a lot worse than having friends

 

[Slowpool]

My experience with miserable teenage years- stop being sad, and be awesome instead. True story.

No, I'm not being a smart ass- this actually works. The girl I loved told me one day when I was particularly down in the dumps to forget that I and the world around me WOULD die, and only consider that we COULD die. Live life without regrets, right? Well I said, "Fuck it, good idea" and kissed her on the spot. We've been together three years.

These days it's hard to look on life and feel miserable, because I know that no matter what the end, it's worth living.

 

[surg3n]

Some people just simply don't need other people in their lives very much. I am probably one of those people, I don't really need other people for support - however we are probably the sort of people that other people need, maybe we have IT skills that people often need, that sort of thing.

If you trully don't see the need for friends, then I think maybe you need to find some decent friends. It's your barrier - not as if anyone else is putting that up, I think you need to appreciate that friends can make all the difference in the right situation. If you ever go out drinking or clubbing, you can't really do that alone without looking like a creep or an alcoholic, or something socially miserible like that - going out with friends is a lot of fun, but if you don't like going out you've missed a massive chunk of why friends are important.

Facebook has made us all a bit jaded - it dilutes friendships into tick boxes and occasional comments. Before we would have to actually spend time with people to find out what they are up to, nowadays we check their status and show how much we care by pressing the 'Like' button on anything moderately funny they say.

Does anyone miss the days when you had to go looking for your friends, and when you find them it's such a great feeling. Or your bored and friends will just visit out of the blue.

 

[Dfskelleton]

Even if they are temporary, I'd rather spend 4 years with friends who I'll never see again than spend 4 years bitching about how making friends is worthless.
Just my point of view.

 

[Jonluw]

Oh yeah.
That phase. I remember that.

It's important to have social contacts if you want to get anywhere in life. Want a job? Then you need to know people.
Also, friends are good fun to be around in the time you have them, even if you're not going to be seeing them ever again in a couple of years.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

When your young your peers are too busy trying to figure themselves out whether through their own pursuits or copying others. Its all very chaotic and I can understand why you would want to avoid it. Have you considered online friends? While some may find it uncomfortable I had a few online friends when I was a kid, ranging in age from 15 to 48. (I was a big science nerd and unfortunately only people twice my age seemed to comprehend what I was saying) And they wont leave you just because they move.

Denying yourself friendships can be an awful path to follow. I didn't have any real life friends all throughout grade school and most of high school. I found most of the students there were immature idiots with no possible connection to myself that a friendship could stem from. I had a very painful, lonely childhood and my top advice would be to avoid that at all cost. I'm now 25 and socially awkward. I never learned "what to do when" and am terrible at reading people. I know you don't want to hear it and my 14 year old self would probably punch me in the balls for saying this, but I would say force yourself into friendships. If anything else, but to learn.

College gets a little better, eventually you'll find people who have their shit straightened out enough where they make worthy friends. Plus you'll meet far more people who have your interest. Hell I went college where people got into arguments over video games and movies and we could still talk about the possibility of the universe ending through black hole expansion. And if connection isn't what your looking for it never hurts just to have someone who you can call at anytime day or night that is willing to help you out.

 

[Sectan]

Ehhh...Can't really give any friend advice. I have 1 totally awesome friend and that was by accident. If people talk at you then talk back. Might be interested in what they have to say.

 

[Gazzoid]

Regardless of how old, or where the OP is in his/her life, I agree with them. Back when I was at school I had loads of so-called 'friends' and we had a laugh; the same goes for college too. As I got older, I realized and learnt that they weren't 'true' friends, they didn't/don't give a damn about me, they don't get in touch even when they have the means to (facebook, email, phone number etc.), and/or I never see them again.

As much as I WANT/NEED friends and a social life, I just can't seem to get them/have it. I find it much harder now than I used to to make friends. I'm also afraid of getting too close to people and being hurt or disappointed.

On the other hand, I can survive without people; I enjoy my own company.

 

[Chased]

If you're having trouble making friends here's a helpful gaming comparison:

The first time I installed Steam I was reluctant to buy anything, I was afraid that I might loose my credit card info or that my account would be compromised. When I finally did purchase something, all that fear washed away and I started buying stuff on a regular basis.

You might be afraid to move out of your comfort zone to make a friend. It can be a daunting task since you have no idea how the person may respond. Despite this, the first time you do take that step forward you'll feel a lot more confident about doing it again.

 

[Brutal Peanut]

I think the problem with forming friendships for some, is that people tend to have extremely high expectations for friends that aren't based in reality or they never look ahead to the future. Your life doesn't or hasn't changed yet - so why should you expect theirs to?

Some expect that friend to only think of them, to hang out with them at every single opportunity, and they feel betrayed at times when they weren't actually betrayed. Life changes. People move and/or they receive opportunities that force them to focus their attention elsewhere for a short to extended period of time. Because you haven't seen someone in awhile, or occasionally send e-mails back and forth, doesn't mean they aren't your friend anymore. Or because you aren't on their mind constantly and they aren't texting you or sending you social networking messages everyday, doesn't mean they've specifically gone out of their way to betray you.


If you do happen to never see that person again, and you had a great friendship, just be happy that the time you had together was pleasant and you had a great experience and connection with another human being.

 

[NathLines]

It's pretty damn easy if you're a PC gamer; just use Skype and you'll probably never lose contact. I'm on my PC often and so are my friends, so we might as well talk/play together.

 

[MammothBlade]

Of anything I've learned in my short stay on this planet its that people are temporary, disposable, and possibly garbage. Knowing this makes it hard for me to want to bond with people knowing that given a few months to a couple of years I will never see or hear from them again. I wish it wasn't this way, but I've learned though pattern recognition that making friends is pointless, to the point where 'friend' becomes a misnomer.

I'm wondering what others think about this (and I know I'm going to get a shit-storm of people who are going to be all 'you socially-misaligned misanthrope' on this.) I admit that I sometimes feel lonely and I do have a few people I hang around with, but I'm not friends with them: I just hang around them. There is no sense of comradely or connection, and I don't think I fit in with them anyways. There will be no hard feelings when it comes that I never see them again. I have formed emotional bonds with people before, and at best I had to feel the heartache of never seeing someone I was close to again, and a worst had this relationship betrayed, so why bother anymore if its just going to end in pain?

I, too, think making friends will just end badly. Well, I have Severe Social Anxiety Disorder and other lovely afflictions of the mind so, add that to poor social skills in general, I find it extremely hard to make friends. Every failure connecting with people is just negative reinforcement. I have one or two "friends" IRL who I've known for a while, but I just don't have any sort of rapport with them. I just nod along and pretend to be amused. We've mostly drifted apart. Maybe I need better friends, but I... don't know how. So as a result, I just expect to be betrayed at every turn, and expect friendships to be shallow and temporary. =/

 

[Urgh76]

Dexter called. He wants to be your friend.

I lol'd. Well done.

OT: As has been said before..... they make life well worthwhile.

You just have to meet the right ones and essentially everything will change.

That may sound corny and Dinsey-esque, but believe me, I know what I'm talking about.

Friends will appear who'll protect you, and make you smile every day. Friends whom you should be calling family! You just have to keep looking.

 

[scw55]

Life is full of people who are cunts and remain cunts. Cunts who become friends. Friend who become cunts. And friends who stays friends.
Don't let your experience of misfortune enbitter you. Use it as experience to choose your friends more wisely in the future.

I've had many good friends lost due to circumstances out of my control, such as moving away when young (pre skype and MSN and facebook) or simply disagreement with life philosophy and priorities (he believes everyone is good natured and priorities his girl friend over everything else, to the extent he alienates his friends and family). I've also maintained a handful of good friends. There is no such thing as a 'best friend'. I've had 'best friends' but we've drifted apart due to life. There is only 'good friend'.

 

[deus-ex-machina]

People like you make me worry about high schools. Please don't purchase a gun. You're either of that particular age where stubbing your toe can make you suicidal or I'm just very sad for you. Life doesn't last, neither does friendship. People leave, people die, people drift apart for no good reason. But perhaps you just haven't met very good people. I always thought that there would be someone else for everyone on the planet. Someone, somewhere is just as messed up as you and together you can fix each other.

 

[garjian]

Of anything I've learned in my short stay on this planet its that entertainment is temporary, disposable, and possibly garbage. Knowing this makes it hard for me to want to play video games or watch movies knowing that given a few months to a couple of years the fun will be over, and i will be playing new games to entertain myself. I wish it wasn't this way, but I've learned though pattern recognition that entertaining yourself is pointless, to the point where entertainment becomes a time waste.

I'm wondering what others think about this

Fixed.

As for what i think about this, if the above sarcasm wasn't clear, I'm going to tell you a startling realization:
You are soon going to learn that all good things in this world exists in a temporary state at best.

- Friends are a temporary luxury.
- Sex or masturbation is temporary pleasure.
- Videogames, movies, stand-up comedy etc. is temporary entertainment.
- Food with great taste is temporary pleasure until swallowed.
- Fun is a temporary state until you get bored.
- Feeling energized is a temporary state until you get tired.
- Vacation is temporary relaxation until you go back to work
- Life is a temporary period that is going to end sooner or later at any rate.

That doesn't mean you can't enjoy these things while they last. So i suggest you do.

While i agree with the OP, i agree with this too...
its a constantly depressing thought that casts a shadow over everything at the time when i start thinking like this... and i was pretty seriously depressed for about 4 years thinking like this.

I dont make friends either... not because they are temporary, but because i dont really enjoy having friends... I dont like having to compromise when im around them, i dont like dealing with their petty problems and stories, i dont like having to make the effort in order to get the benefits of friendship out. I do like studying people though, and its never nice to be totally alone...
I tend to make pretend bonds with people... i simply act like i really like them... of course, i rarely do anything they ask and if theyre not doing something that i happen to want to do or vice-versa then wed separate until that isnt the case... When the cause is gone (College, School, Internets, whatever...) i forget they exist.

This stems from the fact that my first friends were incredibly close to me, and they just disappeared. one went to another university and i never even heard from him again, another moved on to other friends right in front of me while i was at college with him. It didnt take me too long to realise you can act like a friend to somebody and get most of the benefits (particularly if theyre submissive and you can order them around easily), without having any emotional connection that will eventually go sour.