Your dark secrets

[GTwander]

I have such severe trust issues that I'll never put myself in a position to owe anyone, or be owed anything (of serious value), and I can't have healthy relationships with women because I assume the worst from them, and never let it progress to the point of becoming serious. I've broke up with my first GF, and then in every subsequent one chose to sabotage it by being a total dick so that *they* would come to the conclusion.

Granted, I haven't had a GF since I was 16, though... but the same issues exist, and I don't see myself ever having a relationship last over a month.

 

[lord Claincy Ffnord]

ok, here goes.
Apart from the times when I become an extremely confident arrogant asshole, I am generally very afraid of interaction with other people. There are 2 reasons for this, I am terrified of hurting others, in any way, however minor, or even just make slightly less happy, the other thing is that I am also terrified of hurting people's good image of me. Most people I know seem to think of me as a very nice guy because I really try very hard to be one.

The problem here is that I am afraid about how much of this comes back to the second part about self image, I honestly can't tell if most of the reason I act the way I do is about my self image, and a major reason I don't want to hurt anyway is because I don't want to damage their view of me. So basically I'm not sure if I am a heavily self-centred asshole who is nice to others to preserve self image.

....it sounds silly when I say it.

 

[White_Lama]

I like fire. Not in the "getting-an-orgasm" from it kind of way, just the "look at this awesome burning forest" kind of way.

And yes, I've created forest fires, but I would never do it anywhere were anyone could get hurt.

 

[Ljs1121]

I've only ever kissed one person in my life (besides my family) and it was in second grade.

I don't really do secrets, so that's about all I can think of.

 

[Rawne1980]

After 12 years in some of the shittiest warzones on earth I know for certain some people here wouldn't be able to handle my darkest secrets.

They go up in arms when a cop tazers a blind man and i've done much, much worse.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

I genuinely liked the Schumaker Batman films to the point that I would sooner watch Batman Forever before sitting through Dark Knight Rises again.

I secretly hope my step-dad is my biological Dad. The guy who was with mom and has claims to be my bio-Dad is just a manipulative bastard who I want nothing to do with.

I enjoyed the first Twilight movie.

I'm a guy.

I enjoyed the first Twilight book and read the other three as well...also a guy. The horrible, dark secret part though...I hated Two Towers and did not enjoy The Lord of the Rings. I loved The Hobbit but I did not like The Rings trilogy.

 

[Beffudled Sheep_v1legacy]

I had my first sexual experience when I was 8 and I had my first real orgasm when I was 10.
Me and my friend Yasmin were weird lol.

I have tons of other "dark secrets" but they're only secret because nobody asks about them. I'm generally an open person.

I know that feel.

I lost my virginity in a field when I was twelve.

Due to the sensitive nature of this post, I shall highlight that I AM NOT DAYSTAR. READ MY USERNAME!

An odd introduction to sex right? I wasn't impressed at all (or comfortable). Also, do tell your story if you're comfortable.

Mine wasn't interesting. Just a couple of bored friends that were curious.

 

[thesilentman]

snip

I suddenly have a newfound respect for you... "Adds as a friend"

 

[StormShaun]

This was my favorite online game until I graduated from High School a few months ago. [http://www.roblox.com]

I'm right with this guy. Fortunately I quit when I got onto the Escapist.

My other secrets.

Well I have an amazing amount of hentai manga or doujin on my computer...how much...well my best friend told me I should delete some of it. That much...

Other then that, I have a hidden dark side within me (Caged up of course) that has the "I want to set the world on fire" type of deal. Other then that I don't have any.

Unless you count that I want to fall in love with a girl like this.

Spoiler

Don't blame me...or kill me. It's just that I'm lonely and I can't find any girls like her...she's my dream girl damn it. I will let out that dark side if anyone insults her! D:<

 

[FrozenCones]

I'm extremely sexually paranoid.

I'm terrified that I will ejaculate too soon, lose an erection or the woman won't be satisfied with the size of my junk.

Over the years this has turned into a massive psychological complex that I cant seem to break.

I'm nearly 30 and have spent a vast majority of it single.


fucking sucks.

 

[McMullen]

I let elves leave my dwarven fortress alive.

...

.....

...and I trade with them occasionally.

 

[bigfatcarp93]

I've never felt romantic attraction. Sexual, yes, but never romantic. Not even a slight crush. I've pretended to to keep relationships going, but never really.

 

[LiberalSquirrel]

I don't really have a dark secret. I mean... I suppose gaming is my deep dark secret, as my mother really didn't approve of gaming past a certain age (read: high school. I have now graduated from university. Still gaming.)

Oh, oh, I know!

Despite MMO-character-evidence to the contrary, I'm a lady, not a dude. I just don't like to have people creeping on me when I'm trying to play games.

And does it count as a dark secret that I want to date a guy that is at least somewhat willing to tolerate my fondness for games? (This has been a sticking point in past relationships.) Y'know, I'll just decide that it is.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

I have few dark secrets, I tend to live as transparently as possible, lemme just say, if I haven't said it in public, told all of you of it before, or had it revealed a long while ago, then it's something that I cannot afford the luxury of revealing to anyone for any reason, and leave it at that, shall we?

 

[Ieyke]

I'll add that I'm not likely entirely anonymous on The Escapist. I'm Internet famous, and my associates and indeed my followers (which I apparently have for some reason) could potentially work out that I am who I am with relative ease. My name being an IRL nickname of mine, and my avatar being inextricably linked to me where I am best known.
It is, therefore, wise for me to assume that I'm not the only one of my associates who visits The Escapist, and logically there might then be agents capable of linking my "dark secrets" to vastly less anonymous Internet versions of me.
This is to be avoided, thus, I will only give you all that aforementioned "general equivalency" of my..."darkness".

As I say in my Escapist profile, I already speak very VERY uncensoredly about things on these forums.
Stuff like my convoluted series of near-relationships with women that are all friends with each other, my true opinions on political topics and religion where I don't have to worry about putting off anyone I hold dear, my general hatred for people I rather pubically keep peace with because declaration of animosity would throw my social life into chaos, etc etc etc.
Hell, I'll even bring up various "dark secrets" when they specifically apply to the conversation at hand, or if someone specifically asks me, but I'm not going to list them all in one spot.
That would be crazy.

 

[Ieyke]

I've never felt romantic attraction. Sexual, yes, but never romantic. Not even a slight crush. I've pretended to to keep relationships going, but never really.

How old are you? 19?

Meh. That's not bad IMO.
I was 18.

I'll say that I assume it will happen to you eventually.
I've told several of my younger friends this, and they sort of thought I was crazy and not making sense...and then it happened to them too - one day you'll just suddenly come to realize that someone else actually matters. Depending on how intense the romantic attraction is, it could make all the difference in the world.

Spoiler

Love - The realization that there is someone more important to you than yourself. All the mushy crap in the world suddenly stops sounding nonsensical, all the songs suddenly make sense and take on a much more personal meaning, etc etc etc.
Depending on who you are and how it's handled, it could make or break you.
It's my sincere belief that that is the nexus from which the mightiest goods and most diabolical of evils can be forged.

I was a being of cold uncaring scientific reason and sarcastic schadenfreude. Humans, to me, were merely the bizarre creatures around that I studied and psychologically toyed with o figure out what made them tick.
The girl I first fell in love with is the absolute reason I am the completely different person that I am today.
She rejected me(my fault) but managed to handle me with absolute grace and care. In being lovesick over her and her dealing with me so perfectly she managed to rewrite my values from the ground up. Instead of giving me reason to be mad that she said no and resenting her for it if she had ignored me, or just feeling sorry for myself or whatever, I appreciated the effort she put in to dealing with me, and I admired the hell out of her wisdom and tact in being capable of doing so, for it was certainly well outside the scope of my abilities. I did nothing less than make it my absolute goal of learning from her, finding the zen, wisdom, and benevolence that she had mastered, and learning what it took to be worthy of her, or someone like her.
To one day be able to think myself her equal.

I now consider her my equal. Our friends have remarked that I have come close to challenging her as the "new Jesus". We are now both juggernauts of mental fortitude, albeit of different varieties. She continues to be more automatically charitable and volunteers for stuff more, but stress from work/school and dealing with the chaos that is people has taken a toll on her sunny optimism. I, on the other hand, am mostly armored against life and general people taking a toll on me, and, it must be said, I'm more naturally...uh...gifted, mentally. I'm a bit smarter, she's a bit wiser, but we're not far apart in either respect.
I eventually, mostly, got over her and moved on.

Coincidentally:
Recently, she has seemingly been showing interest in me all of a sudden (this is now....*calculates*....8 years later), and if all goes according to plan tomorrow, I will actually get to see her (we're both super busy people nowadays, so just actually getting to hang out with her is iffy) and ask her out. Hopefully, successfully this time.

Point being, I hope it happens to you eventually, and I hope it all goes as well as it possibly can for you.

 

[LordLucan375]

I came to the realization a few years ago that I, as a person, am simply evil. When I here about some pane crash or natural disaster or something killing several hundred I just burst out laughing. So yeah.... Oh and also I am a huge pyromanic who was once expelled from primary school for lighting the the classroom curtains up.

 

[SuperSuperSuperGuy]

Well I have an amazing amount of hentai manga or doujin on my computer...how much...well my best friend told me I should delete some of it. That much...

Other then that, I have a hidden dark side within me (Caged up of course) that has the "I want to set the world on fire" type of deal. Other then that I don't have any.

Unless you count that I want to fall in love with a girl like this.

Spoiler

Don't blame me...or kill me. It's just that I'm lonely and I can't find any girls like her...she's my dream girl damn it. I will let out that dark side if anyone insults her! D:<

My god, she is adorable. What is her name, where can I find her, and is that a goddamn cape incorporated into a school uniform?

OT: I've said it before, and I'll say it again: 2D > 3D. My physical attraction to real-life women is far, FAR lower than my attraction to a well-drawn anime character. That's not to say the two should intermingle; I've seen the results of a girl trying to be an anime character through cosmetic surgery. It's... not pleasant. However, I have an... embarrassingly large hentai folder with some... questionable content hidden inside. I can't help it. I'm just a bit different like that.

Edit: Also, I fantasize about being a magical masked warrior. Kind of like a crime-fighting vigilante, but not exactly. Instead of just fighting crime, I'd also toy with people, particularly people who want to stop my own brand of vigilante justice. Honestly, I just want to act out my ideas of "right" and "wrong" without consequence and get a sort of power rush. I like feeling superior or in control, but I don't really get that feeling in my life.

 

[Ieyke]

I came to the realization a few years ago that I, as a person, am simply evil. When I here about some pane crash or natural disaster or something killing several hundred I just burst out laughing. So yeah.... Oh and also I am a huge pyromanic who was once expelled from primary school for lighting the the classroom curtains up.

See, I wonder what that actually proves.

In just THIS thread, you will see me equate myself to Doctor Doom, and note that my friends have equated me to "the new Jesus".

I am inclined towards shining justice/good/etc, but I am utterly undisturbed by truly horrendous atrocities, and I find myself undisturbed by the idea of causing said atrocities.

Taking The Walking Dead TV show as an example, Rick Grimes has JUST NOW reached the level of brutality and comfort with doing horrible things that I find to be absolutely neccessary in a life or death situation like that. I would have infinite patience for the scared and panicked survivors who are with him and acting out of terror, but I wouldn't have hesitated to kill a troublemaker like Shane who was threatening the very stability and order within the group. I'd have no qualms eliminating any calculated threat to the ability of the people under my protection to work together to survive, even if he was my best friend and partner. Shane would've been dead in mid-season 2 if I were Rick.

I'm also very inclined towards destruction. Few things entertain me more than being unleashed on structures that I can demolish with my fists, feet, axe and sledgehammer. It's common that I get a "okay, this is going to take us a little while. Let me go get an electric screwdriver and a crowbar to speed this up" and by the time they return I've obliterated everything through sheer force and berserker enthusiasm. (I guess I can maybe attribute this to my Viking heritage?)

Terrible things can happen to thousands and thousands of people, and, as long as none of them are personally important to me, my response is usually just "That sucks. Too bad for them."

And then, on the flip side, there are several people I'd not hesitate to sacrifice everything to protect, and people who I'd fight to the death alongside, and people I'd fight to the death in their stead.
.
.
.
*shrug*
I can't really make sense of myself, but then I stopped expecting myself to make sense looong loong ago.
I am a massive contradiction in most respects.