Are you a "nice guy"?

[Captain_Fantastic]

i actually used to be one of those guys i was only nice to people that i wanted to get with. and this got me wound up in a bunch of drama but i did realize i liked being nice to people. and so ive been a genuine nice person not just for getting some, but for the fact that it gives me a good image to be proud of and its enjoyable. my only rules are that if somebody pisses me off im not going to be nice about it.and if you dont return kindness i wont continue.and after a horrid plane crash failure of a relationship(if it could be called a relationship) and not being interested in any other people(and nobody being interested in me that i know of)ive decided that im going to continue on and not look for that such thing let them come to me because im tired of trying only for people to turn on me when i do(im no pick up artist im far from it). i do hate the "player" types that would drop a good relationship for a better looking girl at the drop of a hat. and i blame my being single on the place i live though that sounds shallow of me the town is known for the lack of "selection" and im not too awkward myself. so i doubt im woman repellant

 

[Dogstile]

I'm not a nice guy. Tried it, figured out that nice guys are just manipulative dicks who aren't honest about it because I made friends with other nice guys.

At least assholes are easy to read

The idea of trying out personalities like off the rack clothing or unattended bowls of porridge seems pretty manipulative to me.

Well, mr brilliant username (i've wanted to congratulate you on that for a while without doing it out of the blue) its quite simple. It was less a "I tried this" but more of a "I was this, but then I found out what most people were like and became bitter and hateful because of it".

Now I have more in common with assholes than nice guys, so that's how it worked out. Wasn't really me going "hey, i'll be steve the bi-curious tonight, that'll show the ladies!".

So presumably you're judging yourself by the standards of others right now?

I feel like my behaviour is dictated by what my conscience is comfortable with. If something is conflicting, I won't do it...and I sleep like a feckin' baby for it. But, I do have a habit of refusing to mince my words or dilute my thoughts, and I do end up pissing people off. But to my mind they're the assholes for showing such little appreciation for honesty. If I felt like I was the asshole, I assume I'd auto-adjust...and I thought this was basically true for everyone.

In short, I guess I figured that assholes were assholes because they don't see themselves as assholes. Making sense? The idea of "I'm an asshole, but that's fine" seems a little off to me.

Yeah it makes sense. I've just figured that being an asshole has worked out quite well for me. Being nice to the people I know, that's fair enough, but everyone else gets a big fuck you and a hearty farewell. I sleep like a baby because my conscience is comfortable with that because when it comes down to it, everyone puts themselves first. I just don't do it in the nicest way, i'm direct about it and it gets me where I want to be.

And yes, I judge myself by other peoples standards (like how odd it is that I keep answering peoples first sentences last. Gotta stop that, its annoying me too)

 

[artanis_neravar]

Just curious, how old are you? Oh and if you find out they only invited you over to fix their computer tell them no, you won't fix it right now, if they want you to fix it then they can pick a time for you to come over and and do specifically that

I'm 18, almost 19, and the job is my very first job haha
and yeaaaaaah... I just end up fixing it because it takes like 5 minutes
and we do end up hanging out the rest of the time

OK that helps explain it, I would like to say that sooner or later you'll find the right person as long as you keep looking and are confident. If you have issues with confidence, just take a deep breathe, smile and stand up straight (or lean forward if you are sitting, elbows on the table with your hands knit together in some form) and make eye contact. And just talk, if you find yourself stuttering just take another deep breathe, and maybe laugh at yourself a bit (just a light chuckle). Just remember it's all about appearance as long as you look confident then it doesn't matter if you are nervous inside.


Don't know if this actually applies to you if it does, then good I'm not completely out of it, if not then oh well maybe it will help someone else.

 

[brinvixen]

Buddy, you weren't rejected because you were are a nice guy. You were rejected because you aren't her type, so she tried to reject you, in a light manner (ladies...don't do this shit it).

Don't get rid of the "niceguy" persona. You stick with it. Ladies love the dorky nice guy.

Quoted for truth. Whenever I break up with a guy, or reject a guy, I don't say that "you're a nice guy but" spiel, because that isn't the truth. The truth is: I just don't like him. There is no sensible young lady out there who really wants to date a jerk. She may want someone who can challenge her, someone with confidence or a bit of backbone. She may even like a guy with a bit of attitude. But a full out asshole? Not unless she suffers from the need to be abused or dominated.

You just weren't your type. She should have told you that to your face.

 

[Fire Daemon]

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/nice-guy-dilemma.shtml

I pretty much agree with this article. The majority of self described nice guys aren't.

 

[Azarhac]

If by "nice guy" you mean the guy who is just awkwardly silent but still polite when spoken to, but secretly wants to murder everyone then yeah sure...

 

[jopomeister]

Definitely, bar the no-girlfriend part of the deal. I got lucky and met someone, and we became partners before actually making the friend step before anything else...

 

[crop52]

In this thread: People thinking that they're not "nice guys" when they really are.
Also in this thread: People not understanding what it means to be a "nice guy" because they are "nice guys."

I'm not, shit, I've gone out of my way to make sure that I'm not.

 

[Sinclair Solutions]

I try to be. I like to be civil and polite, because I think they are traits lacking in society. I like to make people laugh and make them happy. I like to do things for people when they need help.

It's up to others to say whether I am or am not.

 

[Azurian]

I am a nice guy I address people with sir or ma'am. I do my best to be nice to everyone I come across. Which had bite me in the ass in middle school but my friends love me because of it. So I won't change I never will I tried once and it didn't work so I'm going to be who I am.

 

[artanis_neravar]

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/nice-guy-dilemma.shtml

I pretty much agree with this article. The majority of self described nice guys aren't.

I enjoyed that, I did however have some issues with the girls? responses. Mostly she failed to point out that maturing isn't a female exclusive, most of the jocky/frat guys in high school and college actually grow up and mature as well. I also had an issue with the beauty part. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder (sorry for the cliche) There are people that I consider Beautiful that I know others don't and vice versa, and I almost never comment on my own attractiveness (unless directly asked and even then I don't guarantee that I will be truthful) because I know that I am not capable of objectively judging myself

 

[New Vegas Samurai]

Heya!
Nice to know that I'm not the only one...
And nice to see some people affirming it's not just being "nice" that gets a nice girl, it's also being confident...
Anyway, same probe here guys!

 

[RatRace123]

I am, I can't be a dick for some reason, I try to be as nice as I can.

I don't really have a lot of girls as friends though, only a few, the majority of girls in school ignored me or at least didn't despise me.

It's not really about being a nice guy though, I just lacked the cajones to put myself out there, something I learned to get over.

 

[Dr Snakeman]

I don't think I'm that kind of "nice guy". That is, I'm not a total wuss. I used to be a bit of a loser, but I've been working on that.

That said, I do try to be nice to people. Well, people who deserve it. People who take themselves too seriously, or are just complete tools, I'm less than nice to. I tend to mock those kinds of people for maximum lulz.

But yeah, my default setting is niceness. It only changes to scorn when you do something to make me want to be... not nice.

 

[Ionait]

As a girl, I wish I could offer some wisdom, but this is something I don't understand either. I know some girls who LOVE jerks, and I know some jerks (both male and female by the way) that are never without a girlfriend/boyfriend.

It might just be old stereotypes. Girls are jerks too. Some of my own female family members are known to trample all over guys, manipulate them, and dump them once they've gotten what they wanted out of it. Heck, my own sister once dumped a guy because he wouldn't fight with her. People are weird.

So just as there are jerky girls as well as guys, there are nice guys just as there are nice girls. Some guys see a reserved or over polite girl and think "she's adorable, I want to help her get out of that shell and experience the world!"

But I guess when society sees a nice guy, they don't get all excited about opening up that shell. But, I don't know why.

 

[Xeraxis]

As a girl, I wish I could offer some wisdom, but this is something I don't understand either. I know some girls who LOVE jerks, and I know some jerks (both male and female by the way) that are never without a girlfriend/boyfriend.

It might just be old stereotypes. Girls are jerks too. Some of my own female family members are known to trample all over guys, manipulate them, and dump them once they've gotten what they wanted out of it. Heck, my own sister once dumped a guy because he wouldn't fight with her. People are weird.

So just as there are jerky girls as well as guys, there are nice guys just as there are nice girls. Some guys see a reserved or over polite girl and think "she's adorable, I want to help her get out of that shell and experience the world!"

But I guess when society sees a nice guy, they don't get all excited about opening up that shell. But, I don't know why.

The thing is though, parts of society doesn't want people to believe that. They want you to always think that the female is sweet and innocent, a fragile delicate person, and the male is always a lying, cheating, only-cares-for-sex bastard.

Oh, the wonders of double standards.

 

[johnboy424]

When I'm around people who I don't really know that well or authority figures, I'm definitely a really "nice guy" (although somewhat of a know-it-all too). However, when I'm around my closest friends I'm able to let loose and be kind of an ass. However, I don't ever act too obnoxious or rude to people who are sensitive, be they close to me or not. I only act like an ass to people who won't be bothered by it.

Anyway, I think that there are very few people who are a "nice guy" all the time, and also very few people who act like a complete jerk all the time. Everyone's a jerk to someone, but nobody's a jerk to everyone.

 

[xXAsherahXx]

I'm not a nice guy, bottom line. I'm mean and emotionless...at least that's what I've been told by friends and family.

 

[ultrachicken]

I'm respectful to people and timid, but that's where my "niceness" ends. I don't walk around with a stupid grin on my face, acting like a doormat. A previous teacher of mine described me as, "quiet, wry, and cynical."

 

[Dr Snakeman]

Basically what these two chaps are saying, it's better to be a good man rather than a nice guy.

Ooh, nice quote. I'll have to remember that the next time one of those "Why do girls only date assholes, and not 'nice guys' (read: everyone who's not me)?" threads rolls around.

Of course, this thread isn't one of those. The OP clearly understands that the "nice guy" isn't really nice at all, and is just clueless at best, and a spineless manipulator at worst.