Don't Laugh Please, This Is Kinda Serious

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MorphingDragon

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Apr 17, 2009
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Don't Laugh Please, This Is Kinda Serious - I found a breast lump.

OT Though: Catholics look down making knuckle children. No parts of the bible specifically condemns it unless it leads to acts of lust. (You are free to LOL)
 

Carnagath

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Apr 18, 2009
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9-liner said:
Tomo Stryker said:
This is a gaming website, not yahoo answers. Please take this somewhere else.
Either way, we are talking joysticks here. Or possibly a Wii...
Sonofabitch, you made me choke on my coffee and spit it on the screen. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
 

Phototoxin

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Mar 11, 2009
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From bluebible;

A commonly referenced proverb to highlight the evils of masturbation frequently mistaken as a biblical admonition is typically phrased as, "It is better to cast your seed in the belly of a whore than to spill it on the ground." The fact is, though, this is not anything to be found in the pages of Scripture. We get this question fairly often and have been trying to track down the origin of the saying, but alas, with no luck. While not certain of the phrase's exact origin, it does seem to be a false extrapolation of Genesis 38 and the story of Onan, Tamar, and Judah.

According to Ancient Near Eastern culture, it would have been the responsibility of Onan to impregnate his dead brother's wife that his brother's line might continue. Selfishly, Onan did not wish any of his offspring to bear any name other than his own; and so while he did, in fact, take up the responsibility of sexual relations with his brother's wife, he would not ejaculate inside her but instead practiced the withdrawal method of birth control. God punished Onan for his wickedness and greed by putting him to death (and not, as is popularly believed, for masturbating). The rest of the narrative features the wife, Tamar, posing as a prostitute and seducing Onan's father, Judah. By him, she conceives and bears a son from whom Christ would descend. And God does not strike Judah or punish him in any way in the narrative.

So it appears that some cynic had taken the veneer of the tale and crafted a wry commentary that has come to be known as actual Scripture (unfortunately). In the end, the admonition is far from biblical and has nothing to do with masturbation.


Scripture also says that eating shellfish is wrong.
 

Nouw

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Mar 18, 2009
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If he did tell people it'd be like saying "My bro farts LOLOLOLOL," at first it may seem unpleasant but it hits you that everyone does it or has done it some time in their life.
[sub]With rare exceptions.[/sub]
 

mr_pants66

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Oct 7, 2009
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well i would go with the blackmail card but that is a bit of a dick thing to do so maybe you could just ask your bro not to tall them BUT on the other hand just because you are not going to be a dick and blackmail does not mean your bro wont, now there is a chance that he has no idea that your parents would care and you should not let him find that out or he will probable be a tool and try to get something off out of you, so basically he would blackmail you with it

enough of that now what i would do, nothing i would do nothing and there is a good 85% chance that it will just blow over and lead to nothing. that is just what i would do
 

Megacherv

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Sep 24, 2008
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MazeMinion said:
Heh, now that I think about it, there are times when I've seen him with his door shut...
Let me tell you a story.

When Dr. Alfred Kinsey published the Kinsey Report Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, he shocked America with his research that said that 90% of men masturbated regularly. When he spoke to a journalist, he was asked "What does say about America, that 90% of men admitted that they masturbate regularly". He replied with "It shows that 10% of men are liars".

You see my point?

Now, fap away, my friend.
 

NotSoNimble

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Aug 10, 2010
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Yeah, cause the majority of humans have never done that, I see why you are concerned.

Err wait, no... I don't get the big deal here.

Megacherv said:
MazeMinion said:
Heh, now that I think about it, there are times when I've seen him with his door shut...
When Dr. Alfred Kinsey published the Kinsey Report Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, he shocked America with his research that said that 90% of men masturbated regularly. When he spoke to a journalist, he was asked "What does say about America, that 90% of men admitted that they masturbate regularly". He replied with "It shows that 10% of men are liars".

You see my point?
He didn't shock people with the numbers, he shocked people because he was talking about it publicly. It was taboo.

I thought people were past this being a 'big deal' in modern societies.
 

Naheal

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John Marcone said:
Or! Option #3. Otherwise known as the magnificent bastard option. Start fapping in your room, wait till they come in for something, stare them right in the eye and finish like a boss all over a bible. Bonus points for ripping a few pages out of it to clean yourself off with. (Only take this option if they really annoy you using their religious beliefs.
That's not even remotely close to right to be Magnificent Bastard-ish.

Step 1: Switch your brother's and your bible.

Step 2: Fap, soiling your brother's bible. Make sure to get enough there for it to stick around for a while.

Step 3: Wait for it to stain. Multiple applications may be necessary.

Step 4: Find some substance with the proper consistency, but will remain "wet" for a longer period of time. Trade your bible with your brother's, now soiled, bible. Make sure to hide these properly.

Step 5: If you're ever caught, you can claim innocence and say you don't know how that actually happened, mentioning that you've heard some odd noises coming from your brother's room.

Step 6: ???

Step 7: PROFIT!
 

sb666

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if they find out tell them its better then what there local priest likely does to substitute wanking and doing it
 

Vuljatar

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MazeMinion said:
My parents are pretty big Christians. If they found out because of my bro telling them, I'd be in deep crap.
Wait, seriously?

If they're that Christian, then you're in for much bigger problems in regards to them.
 

MercurySteam

Tastes Like Chicken!
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Apr 11, 2008
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MazeMinion said:
So, my bro caught me fapping. Yeah. He walked right in my room and caught me.
*laughs uncontrollably loud for several minutes*

If you got caught then you're obviously not being discreet enough, man.
 

noodles loves you

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Nov 20, 2008
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MazeMinion said:
So, my bro caught me fapping. Yeah. He walked right in my room and caught me.

He was discreet and cool about it, so I didn't think it was a big deal.

Then I remembered my parents. My parents are pretty big Christians. If they found out because of my bro telling them, I'd be in deep crap.

What should I do if that happens?
don't be a wanker, it'd probably help.

/thread
 

Russian_Assassin

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Apr 24, 2008
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Tell them you are an atheist. Besides, it is unhealthy to bottle up your sexual desires inside you. If I were you I'd say to my parents: "I might not go to heaven, but at least I won't get prostate cancer!"

Seriously, if a parent has something against their child pleasing himself, then they are not raising their children correctly (they're not bad, but not good either). Health in body and mind precedes religious beliefs in my book.
 

Queen Michael

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Jun 9, 2009
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Tell them "Look, it's really my choice and nobody else's, okay? That's what Christianity is about; you choose whether to sin or not for yourself. Yeah, it might seem filthy, but so does sex between a married couple that loves each other."
 

MonadProxy

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Aug 8, 2009
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John Marcone said:
What can you do? Ignore them. If they try to take the religion angle then either demand they find the exact passage saying it is wrong then follow it up by spending the next few months pointing out every single thing they do that is against the bible or just tell them you do not care what the bible has to say.

Or! Option #3. Otherwise known as the magnificent bastard option. Start fapping in your room, wait till they come in for something, stare them right in the eye and finish like a boss all over a bible. Bonus points for ripping a few pages out of it to clean yourself off with. (Only take this option if they really annoy you using their religious beliefs.
WIN!
 

supermariner

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Aug 27, 2010
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confuse them with basic science then make your escape

seriously though the worst thing that can happen is that they forgive you
it's God that's supposed to dish out all the ludicrously harsh punishments
and even then that's in the afterlife
which may not exist anyway

plus just point out you're not christian so you can do that sort of thing if you want
them forbidding wanking would be like a vegitarian who has to be catered for especially when they come round your house, but when you go to there's they still refuse to cater for YOU especially and cook you meat.
damn fuckheads having it both ways *mumble mumble*
but anyway that's me taking out my own specific anger with vegitarians

point is, i'm sure they'll be understanding that you simply don't share their views that wanking is wrong
 

mechanixis

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Oct 16, 2009
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John Marcone said:
If they try to take the religion angle then either demand they find the exact passage saying it is wrong
As a bit of trivia, Genesis 38:8-10 is literally God straight-up killing a dude for masturbating. And the guy does it because the alternative is sleeping with the widow of his brother (who was also killed by God...).

Is it any wonder why modern Christians generally stick to the New Testament?
 

SweEscaspist

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Oct 13, 2010
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Haha, I have been in the same situation. But I was fapping in my brothers room (for some stupid, stupid reason ^^). He caought me and yelled: "Oh! GROSS!"
My parents heard it and shouted back: "What is it?"
And me and my brother screamed back: "NOTHING!"
Then he gave a look that said: GTFO.

So, yeah... I don't think he will tell your parents. He has probably done the same thing and knows it is better to keep to him self. Thats what I think anyway. So I wouldn't worry to much about it.