Why bother making 'friends'?
- Thread starter Mikodite
- Start date
Recommended Videos
I usually stick to small groups of friends that I get to know very well, and therefore end up having for long periods of time. Sure I make plenty of other friends too, but they usually fade out and only serve as connections to more people. I usually don't get the chance to know them very well outside of however we may meet regularly. But in my main circle of friends, I've known some since around 8th grade one since 4th grade, and another since way back in 1st, and I'm in college now. By getting to know people well, you can learn if they're the type of person you'd hang out with and be able to depend on if needed. You may also learn that they're not the type of person you'd like, so it might be best to back off then. it can be hard at times to make friends based soley on first impressions of people, especially in a mindset like that. I recommend participating in some sort of social activity that involves getting to know other people very well over time. I highly recommend something like D&D. It's a fun game and by it's nature you tend to get to know you're other party members very well with time. That's how I recently formed another close circle of friends.
My hypothesis: TC is probably in their teens and recently had a seemingly good friendship go bad, or was otherwise separated from his/her friends which resulted in the current mindset. Even if they don't realize it. Also, just hanging out with people doesn't make them your friends, those are called acquaintances, i.e. people you know. Try actually engaging them in something. Invite them over to play CoD or something. See what kind of people they're like. I can tell by the post and your strict judgement on humanity that you're probably into psychoanalysis, so try to judge what kind of people they are based on what they do when playing a game like CoD with you, versus say playing New Super Mario Bros Wii.
If only there was some sort of television shoW thAT Could more properly demonstrate the value of friendsHiP and even perhaps prOvide lessons on how to achieve and eveN maintain It over timE, while Still managing to be an entertaining program for people of all ages. But that's obviously pure fantasy.
My hypothesis: TC is probably in their teens and recently had a seemingly good friendship go bad, or was otherwise separated from his/her friends which resulted in the current mindset. Even if they don't realize it. Also, just hanging out with people doesn't make them your friends, those are called acquaintances, i.e. people you know. Try actually engaging them in something. Invite them over to play CoD or something. See what kind of people they're like. I can tell by the post and your strict judgement on humanity that you're probably into psychoanalysis, so try to judge what kind of people they are based on what they do when playing a game like CoD with you, versus say playing New Super Mario Bros Wii.
If only there was some sort of television shoW thAT Could more properly demonstrate the value of friendsHiP and even perhaps prOvide lessons on how to achieve and eveN maintain It over timE, while Still managing to be an entertaining program for people of all ages. But that's obviously pure fantasy.
Well done.2xDouble said:
I don't have much to add, but you are far from the first person to suggest this. And you won't be the last. And all of the people with friends will all still (rightfully) insist that you're wrong. As you yourself stated, this belief is based on the patterns you yourself have experienced. Clearly, you have a biased sample since most others are similarly basing it on their patterns of experience and coming to vastly different conclusions.
Everything you'll ever find enjoyable or worthwhile will either end in your lifetime, or you will die.
Facts of life right there.
The thing is, you've focused on the first part... the temporal nature of your experiences. However, what you have not done is realized the second part... the temporal nature of your existance itself.
See, you're only going to be around for a relatively short amount of time. It feels like forever is ahead of you, but the fact is... it ain't. You are going to die. Accept that, and then you realize at some point, this means you're going to be dying.
You're going to be laying there, and you're going to know what it's like to feel your life burn away inch by inch. And when you do, you're going to look back on your existance. You're going to look at your life and ask yourself the fundamental question; was it worth it?
Now, you're coming to a decision fueled by a fear of loss; you're afraid of losing people so you keep them away. I can relate to that. However, it's a bad idea. Not because of the loneliness you'll feel now, but because later, when you feel death coming for you, you'll realize you've wasted your life. You'll realize that spending time with the temporary experiences makes them more valuable and worthwhile. There's a reason why people jump at once-in-a-lifetime experiences... you'll never get another chance.
Things end so we can move on; and we move on so we can experience new things. That's the lesson we learn from endings; they are opportunities, each and every one. This isn't optimism, it's survival.
Facts of life right there.
The thing is, you've focused on the first part... the temporal nature of your experiences. However, what you have not done is realized the second part... the temporal nature of your existance itself.
See, you're only going to be around for a relatively short amount of time. It feels like forever is ahead of you, but the fact is... it ain't. You are going to die. Accept that, and then you realize at some point, this means you're going to be dying.
You're going to be laying there, and you're going to know what it's like to feel your life burn away inch by inch. And when you do, you're going to look back on your existance. You're going to look at your life and ask yourself the fundamental question; was it worth it?
Now, you're coming to a decision fueled by a fear of loss; you're afraid of losing people so you keep them away. I can relate to that. However, it's a bad idea. Not because of the loneliness you'll feel now, but because later, when you feel death coming for you, you'll realize you've wasted your life. You'll realize that spending time with the temporary experiences makes them more valuable and worthwhile. There's a reason why people jump at once-in-a-lifetime experiences... you'll never get another chance.
Things end so we can move on; and we move on so we can experience new things. That's the lesson we learn from endings; they are opportunities, each and every one. This isn't optimism, it's survival.
Meh, I see friends as overrated, I'm 25 and I haven't had a single friend in about 3-4 years. I wonder sometimes if friends would be "fun" but at the end of the day I manage things on my own and I keep myself entertained. The primary reason I don't bother with people or try to become friends with anyone is because I have a really hard time trusting people, everyone always has some kind of motive or agenda or something they want out of you. That and people are fickle and can hate you at the drop of a hat. Not something I want to deal with. Better to be bored on a Saturday night than getting stabbed in the back, at least in my opinion.
Sometimes it ends bad. My best friend through middle school, and high school and me had a falling out 4 years after high school. (I left him sitting in jail when he used his one phone call on me after he was arrested for hitting another friend of mine). But good friends are worth having, and even that friendship had far more good times than bad.Mikodite said:
Fair enough, each to their own, and all that kind of jazz.Mikodite said:
That said, speaking as a guy who was raised in an army household and so moved a lot more often than most people (to different countries, no less) I'd say temporary friends are actually a lot more worthwhile that long-term friends. Why, you may ask? You're constantly able to reinvent yourself, give across a whole new personality trait, start off on a different foot, anything you want.
If you're so scared of eventual loss that you won't accept friends then there's nothing really to even bother with. Why buy a game when, in years to come, it'll be scratched and die, or replaced? Why eat, when you'll just be hungry again in about three hours or so? Why go on holiday when it'll end?
Friends and a social-life are pretty necessary for humans. I'm going to go ahead and guess - from your ideas on such a subject - that you are quite young: if this is the case, you probably have friends but refuse the terminology.
Yes that's the case, everyone always has some sort of motive and is waiting for the chance to smack you over the head with a hammer and rob you blind after you foolishly invited them into your house because you were stupid enough to befriend someone.Rednog said:
Get over yourself man, even dicks have people they're friends with. To you and the OP, if you ACTUALLY have this outlook on life (despite the fact you're both being massive drama queens and drawing attention to the fact that you hate everyone because you're so angsty, being the complete opposite of someone who doesn't like people around him, if you really were like that you wouldn't announce it on a fucking public message board), I can only assume its because you're well... not great to be around as people. That's the impression I get from your posts, faux angsty man-teens trying to be bitter and misanthropic about the world because they fail to realise that they're a complete chore to be around because they're trying to be angsty and aloof all the time.
Seriously I reiterate my point that even twats have friends, you're either Sheldon from Big Bang Theory, soul crushingly boring to be around or incredibly naive to the point where you consistently get sucked in and screwed over by jerks, in which case you should take a look in the mirror, down a bottle of vodka and go get laid.
im 18Anoni Mus said:
Troll.jpeg
but i can't help but feel this a Troll or someone silly.
on any case if your being serious
I have only had a small amount of friends at a time bout 3 at the most. but Humans are Social Creatures they need them as much as people need you. if that makes any sense
You know what's really troublesome?, life. It's long, painful, monotonous, pointless... Wouldn't it just be easier to open your veins, not have to deal with all that scary uncertainty anymore.
You'll never be hurt again.
Why bother dragging it all out when it might hurt you, nothing is worth work, nothing is worth pain.
This point of view is reused constantly.
People act like pain is the be-all end-all, like all the other things life, people or love ever did are meaningless because they hurt in the end.
Pain is inevitable. It's part of life and there's nothing unnatural about it.
But despite this, we all know that life is worth the pain.
You'll never be hurt again.
Why bother dragging it all out when it might hurt you, nothing is worth work, nothing is worth pain.
This point of view is reused constantly.
People act like pain is the be-all end-all, like all the other things life, people or love ever did are meaningless because they hurt in the end.
Pain is inevitable. It's part of life and there's nothing unnatural about it.
But despite this, we all know that life is worth the pain.
'You socially aligned misanthrope.'
You've already said it, so let's expand on it.
How old are you first of all. Because when I was 14-18 I was a lot like you, then I grew up, got my head out of my arse and realised that I was part of the problem. It may sound like a stereotype but when you are a teenager you do not think clearly. Unfortunately, you won't realise this until after you get out of it.
People are not like that, especially if you make the effort. I have some friends from high school that I hang on to, another bunch from university, and I'm in the process of making good friends at my job. I have friends from open mic nights which I stopped going to three years ago and we still stay in contact and meet up occasionally. It's about making the effort, and sometimes you are the one who has to make the effort.
Now obviously there's a limit. I know I have problems keeping friends, so I make the concerted effort to contact my friends at least once monthly, just to have a chat. If someone doesn't respond to anything I send for six months (it can be as big as a proper e-mail or as small as a 'how you doing?' text) then I stop contacting them. I keep their information, so if they contact me I'll try and be available, but if I'm making the effort and they aren't, then that's when you cut the contact.
I don't know how long you try and stay in contact with people, but it sounds like once people are out of your direct day to day physical space you stop talking to them. And if that's the case then the problem isn't them my friend, it's you.
You've already said it, so let's expand on it.
How old are you first of all. Because when I was 14-18 I was a lot like you, then I grew up, got my head out of my arse and realised that I was part of the problem. It may sound like a stereotype but when you are a teenager you do not think clearly. Unfortunately, you won't realise this until after you get out of it.
People are not like that, especially if you make the effort. I have some friends from high school that I hang on to, another bunch from university, and I'm in the process of making good friends at my job. I have friends from open mic nights which I stopped going to three years ago and we still stay in contact and meet up occasionally. It's about making the effort, and sometimes you are the one who has to make the effort.
Now obviously there's a limit. I know I have problems keeping friends, so I make the concerted effort to contact my friends at least once monthly, just to have a chat. If someone doesn't respond to anything I send for six months (it can be as big as a proper e-mail or as small as a 'how you doing?' text) then I stop contacting them. I keep their information, so if they contact me I'll try and be available, but if I'm making the effort and they aren't, then that's when you cut the contact.
I don't know how long you try and stay in contact with people, but it sounds like once people are out of your direct day to day physical space you stop talking to them. And if that's the case then the problem isn't them my friend, it's you.
You sounds like you're going through that awkward emo teenager phase. You'll grow out of it. Or you'll simply grow old, and become a bitter old frump.
Yes, a lot of people do suck, and some don't. Some friends are with you your whole life, and others won't be.
Just do your best and associate yourself with higher quality friends; people who will not judge you, and accept you for who you are. And try to avoid shallow people, and drama queens; people who will only bring you down.
Yes, a lot of people do suck, and some don't. Some friends are with you your whole life, and others won't be.
Just do your best and associate yourself with higher quality friends; people who will not judge you, and accept you for who you are. And try to avoid shallow people, and drama queens; people who will only bring you down.
Mikodite said:
Nooooo, don't lose hope like that. If this is really how you feel, and I don't blame you as I kind of understand what you're saying, it just means you haven't met people that you have really connected with yet. That doesn't matter, sure some people are lucky and meet those people in primary school or whatever but that is very rare. Most people take a while to meet people that they can become really close with.
When I moved from primary school to secondary I essentially stopped talking to pretty much everyone from my old school. I have talked to some since, as I live near some and others went to my secondary school etc. But I think it was one of my biggest mistakes in life. I built up such close friendships with a lot of people and then just let it go to waste. You have to make more of an effore to find people that you can really connect with and once you do you have to make sure you stay friends with them no matter what happens.
If you feel like you are drifting away from friends I strongly suggest you try to find something to do together. I know it sounds obvious but just having anything that you do every week or whatever with someone can make your friendship with them so much easier. Sorry for the rant but yehh that pretty much covers it.
Sounds like you just haven't met the right friends yet, OP.
I've got 5 friends that I've known for most of my life, and for the most part, we're like brothers. Hell, I've known one of the guys since kindergarten.
Not all friends will go away, and not all of them turn out to be douchebags. But those things CAN happen, and I recognize that. That's how the world works sometimes. But it's no reason to shun closer human contact.
I've got 5 friends that I've known for most of my life, and for the most part, we're like brothers. Hell, I've known one of the guys since kindergarten.
Not all friends will go away, and not all of them turn out to be douchebags. But those things CAN happen, and I recognize that. That's how the world works sometimes. But it's no reason to shun closer human contact.
Those were the days. You know, sometimes you just have to look back at your teenage angst and think, 'Wow... I was a dickhead.'AverageJoe said:
OP: As many people have said, it's probably because you claim to see people as garbage. If I thought someone saw me as disposable trash I probably wouldn't want to hang out with them for very long either.
Stop being such a Negative Nelly. Step away from the computer and go be a decent person. I know it'll hurt that you'll have to dumb yourself down to talk to the commoners but it might make you a little bit cheerier.